A month served shaken not stirred

The year started on an interesting note. Jyoti Basu threatened to die at the ripe old age of 96. The country got impatient and many started writing his obituaries, albeit a bit prematurely. But the tenacious fellow refused to let go. Finally on Jan 10th the man left for his heavenly abode leaving his organs behind for donation. He now rests in pieces. Jyoti Babu has many distinctions to his credit. But what was indeed unique was the media actually started dissecting his legacy and discovered to their horror that it was covered with blemishes. So instead of glowing tributes along expected lines we ended up reading his misdemeanors, how he single handedly managed to sabotage the future of what could have been a great state.

It became fashionable to go blue in the face and prance around in G strings. It helped if you were over 9 feet tall and spoke the Na’vi language. James Cameron managed to do it yet again. After making the greatest tear jerker of the century, Titanic, he comes along and makes yet another spectacular tear jerker “Avatar”. But this time around we all looked rather foolish sobbing our hearts out in anguish over the mindless destruction of Pandora with 3D glasses perched on our noses.

We realized nerdy scientists are star stuck too. In fact they went over the moon this time. The International Lunar Geographic Society named a crater on moon after Shahrukh. So when tourism on moon finally becomes possible and affordable we all know where to head to get our photos clicked.

January was declared the foggiest of foggy. On 26th January Delhi made fool proof security arrangements for Republic day. It enveloped itself in a fog so dense that it became impossible to fly in or fly out of the city. And if anybody dared to, they were dropped off at Jaipur to attend the Literary Fest. In the mean time we Delhites made the most of the extended weekend. We shopped till we dropped for our winter wardrobe. Now that we know for sure that the glaciers won’t be melting by 2035, we can now finally stock up on our woollies. And we have Pachauri and IPCC to un- thank for their Himalayan blunder.

There is a great controversy surrounding the Padma awards. Saif deserves Padma Lakshmi not a Padmashree, ranted a few critics. Do they think Kareena has a zero presence in his life? Sant Chatwal, best friend to the Clintons, is no sant. Yet he gets heavily recommended by the PMO. It seems the authorities have the highest regard for people who amass so much and still manage to stay away from prison. But it’s good to give away the country’s highest honor to a few undeserving ones. It stirs the likes of Mahesh Bhatt and Suhel Seth into writing scathing critiques and provides entertainment to the likes of us. The ministry for women and child development got a rap on its knuckle for committing the greatest faux pas of all. They splashed huge ads featuring the former Air Marshall of Pakistan to commemorate National Girl Child Day. Perhaps they took “Aman Ki Aasha” a Times group initiative rather too seriously. IPL did not. The Pakistani cricketers had no takers.

And dusting your house has grave repercussions. According to reports, women who thoroughly dust their houses have a high chance of becoming pregnant. I am gradually coming to terms with a future which shows nothing but dust. Maybe I will buy an iPad for consolation.

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