Friday, May 14, 2010

Love Manufactured

You met at the gym. He was pumping iron, you were on your 53 rd crunch, counting furiously, panting. Your eyes met and he smiled, your heart skipped a beat. You fell in love with beefcake. Ok, you first fell in love with his muscles, the soul followed later. By that time it was too late. You’ve been together for over 5 years now. His favourite position is umm... in front of the television. You always fight over the remote, why he can’t pitch in household chores, why he’s such a slob and how dare he forget your mum’s birthday. You can’t remember the last time he brought you flowers or even gave you a big warm hug. His idea of celebration is a raucous night out with boys, while you would rather have a quiet dinner with Bach playing in the background. Damn he can’t even spell Bach right. You are as different as chalk and cheese. Too bad there’s no such thing as an exchange policy.

But wait, there’s good news. Researchers have just answered your prayers and come up with a magical oxytocin spray. This nasal spray popularly known as the cuddle spray is capable of turning the most macho hunks into mushy, gooey creatures. What exactly is oxytocin in the first place? It is a mammalian hormone which evokes feeling of contentment and reduces anxiety - capable of transforming your low-on-EQ man into an empathetic soul, happy to be in touch with his feminine side. From pain in the ass to the highly coveted metrosexual man in 5 seconds flat. No more fighting for the remote, he will now be only too happy to watch “Gray’s anatomy” with you. The other day you spent nearly 3 hours at the Mango store, trying on their new summer collection - how can you decide, without trying all of them? He smiled through the ordeal and even made faces when he didn’t like the outfit. He looked so cute. And when you told that to him later over a cup of coffee, he hugged you so tight, you almost choked on your coffee.

Saturday evening was blissful; even though he burnt the dinner (at least he tried). You snuggled together on the couch and watched Love Story again for the 25th time. He sobbed and sniffled and wet your shirt’s sleeve. The only dampener was that eeky lizard that crept up your leg. You screamed, he screamed louder and jumped so hard that he toppled the beautiful vase you had picked up on your last trip to Bath. It broke, it’s ok, you managed to murmur. Then the lights went off, the fuse had blown. Don’t worry babykins, I’ll fix it in a jiffy he said, as he got off the couch. He tried and sweated and tried some more, but he just couldn’t. You had to make frantic calls to the electrician to get it fixed. Strange, earlier it took him just 5 minutes to fix it. What’s wrong with him!

It’s your Dad’s birthday and you want to pick up a giant sized card for him. You both walk hand in hand into the store - you get a little busy deciding which card to pick and then you spot those divine danglers. Your reverie is broken by sounds of loud sobbing. You turn around to find beefcake crying his heart out in front of a poster of a smiling cherubic baby. Isn’t she divine? – he manages to babble.

Damn.... It’s time to dump that spray.


85 comments:

  1. I think an innovative solution could be a 5 year contract marriage?

    keep changing or renewing - suit yourself. what say ?

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  2. LOL!! Truly...it was time to dump that spray!! :D

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  3. Good one .... Hope that spray doesnt become a reality :(

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  4. did he type this post for you :)

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  5. Marry a person with qualities you want and not what you think you can change after marriage - that ain't gonna happen (EVER)

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  6. @ Gyan...LOL variety is the spice of life? But seriously I'd rather take a shot at a long term commitment. Have read your post about 5 year contract marriage.

    @ Shilpa Imagine spraying your spouse with emotions?? What will people come up with next!

    The spray exists Jon, it's not a figment of my imagination.

    Aww magiceye, I just dumped beefcake :)

    @ Vineet Ah someone is getting emotional

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  7. :) :) it is safer to accept a person as he is, rather than trying out fancy sprays and jinxes. A safe fallback option would be - Dreams... A get away from reality without destructive side-effects.

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  8. Ah! Another example of this age of instant gratification. Also convergence, if one thinks about it...I mean, what with the metrosexual man who wears pink shirts and doesn't hesitate to shed a tear and the high flying woman who can curse like a man and ride a bike, the gap between the sexes keeps reducing...what a nightmare! :P

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  9. Damn! Should everything have downside?

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  10. I mean, should everything have a downside?..lol

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  11. Oi...were you trying to scare us guys???

    :D

    nice one...enjoyed it...

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  12. @ Iniyaal...And researchers will come up an induced day dreaming spray!

    @Supernova...a man in pink shorts quite a fetching sight. But bike riding women? Why not?

    @Ana-Treek...let's daydream about the upside :)

    @rahul...the scary part unintended, did you get nightmares?

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  13. ROFL :D
    I love that spray. I'm gonna buy it once I get married ;) :P

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  14. Hmmm..spray to increase EQ of men..a lady must hav invented it ;-) Any such spray for women so that they start loving sports, give up the soaps etc..;-) Btw nice post..hilarious !!

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  15. lol Its hilarious to imagine such a scenario :D

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  16. when love is manufactured like a product it wudn last. men and women r different and that makes it more interesting. opposites do attract... but to stay together it takes a lot of effort and commitment on both sides. if women want to change men,then men also wud like to have a spray to change women according to their wishes... both has its flaws.

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  17. Why marry such a man Nethra?

    Thanks Bullseye...you can put forward your proposal for such a spray for women :)

    Hey thanks Lakshmi :)

    @ The Realist :Absolutely agree with you, trying to change a person you fell in love with never works.

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  18. say... where does one get hold of the spray?

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  19. Thanks Sushant

    Rajani..Try Venus ;)

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  20. You can, of course, choose to remain single :P

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  21. That is just cold !! You start with beefcake and then serve this cold pudding.... :lol: !! Dont throw it yet. May need it for a future demise of a distant relative. And God for that I apologize.

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  22. hahahahaha! if only there would be a milder spray!
    it was a nice and quick read and the character transition was smooth and superb!

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  23. Kaushik...And give up on all the fun?

    LEB...Tha sabziwallas in our Bharat mahan are using it to plump their veggies. So much for healthy veggies!

    Divya...:))

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  24. ROFL..
    but i am for the idea of using the spray once a while .. just to add some variety in life and have some fun ... :)

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  25. Thanks Swathi

    Have fun at your expense? Not a bad idea at all.

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  26. Ok this one was insanely funny. You just made me want to write about this guy, who needs to carry a panic button on him. :) The only deal is that I want to hit it each time.

    New fan found in me Purba..

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  27. It would be gr8 if the spray were temporary as in lasting for a couple of hours.. one could bring it on for birthdays anniversaries.. other than that.. I like my guy the way he is.. low EQ and all.

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  28. @ mazing Wicked...wicked!!

    @OM ...It is temporary. Love does strange things to our head ;)

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  29. Hilarious! Loved it. Superbly written :D

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  30. nice magical post......love is all about living together with deep sense of respect, care, affection, commitment..it can't be manufactured as it will then loose its pure essence..

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  31. Thanks Sundari....

    Iti...Love is magical till it lasts.

    But couldn't agree with you more when you say that it's a combination of mutual respect, care, affection and commitment :))

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  32. No words for the post, its fantastic as usual...but the title...very creative...lol! Awesome read yet again!

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  33. magic. i read some post twice for first time [someone else's ofcourse haha]. loved it Purba.

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  34. Marriage ahs this way of getting you to see beyond the skin.. or should I say, muscles.. nice post.. but then u know that.. :)

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  35. Great blog, here for the first time. I mostly try to do fiction which stands out and try to be 'realistic' at the same time. I think you totally kick it with the idea. Its brilliant.

    much wishes
    Scribblers Inc.

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  36. Shalmalee...I had so much fun writing this one.

    Sushma...So glad you did :)

    onthedaofcolours...:D

    suchismita...Umm never get tired of hearing it :))

    Scribblers Inc...*takes a bow*

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  37. Loved it.

    You earned yourself a new follower by the way.
    Bookmarking the site.

    Toodles.
    Nia Charms.
    www.allfacesofneha.blogspot.com

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  38. nice post purva
    thanks for visiting u follow my blog and enjoy more recipes ane tell ur friends if u like:)

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  39. I'm afraid if 'beware of dogs' would change to 'beware of science & technology'

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  40. Hahaha! There could have been a milder spray!!

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  41. The information you provided is very impressive. This is what I was looking for. This would helps us in any manner.Oxytocin sprays have a wide range of advantages. Besides adding sweetness in your love life, they also help you to harmonize socially and achieving success in life.

    For further information visit :-
    Oxytocin Spray

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  42. Very interesting!It just struck me,what if my hubs tried a similar trick on me?I shudder to think that i should be transformed into someone not at all like me.Quirks & foibles- don't we all love ourselves as we are?And then it follows that our worse halves also preen at their own traits.OH!what a sobering thought.

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    Replies
    1. Absolutely, Indu. Perfection is boring. It's the quirks that add dimensions to a personality.

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  43. i think u shld most definitely dump that spray... or use it moderately. :)

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  44. A very crisp and humorous blog post. It really tickled my funny bone.

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  45. Good article :-) I wish we had that spray..God plz answer our prayers ..thoroughly enjoyed the good piece of hilarious article.

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  46. very well written:) i just added up to ur followers..it'd be great if u check out my blog too..
    http://harpreeyasworld.blogspot.in/

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  47. Good one...nicely written :))

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  48. Just goes to show, you can't have it all!

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  49. Haha, good humor :) ... in order to gain one side of a man, one needs to sometimes over-look the other side of him... wish we could have them both at the same time!!

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    Replies
    1. I love my man for his imperfections :-)

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  50. Hahaha :D That was really funny! Nicely written :)

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  51. Nice post ! Well written :)

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  52. Good one Enjoyed it to full....

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  53. Hahahaha, I really enjoyed reading this!
    x

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  54. Once in a while the spray would be nice... no?

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  55. beautifully written.. very enjoyable :)

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  56. It was enjoyable reading and trust me we are better the way we are in whatever form expect the spray form. :)

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  57. A doe needs a rugged bark to hone its horn not the ones found on banana trees. Its not just pleasurable enough..... ;)

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  58. Hahahaha really funny!!! This was a good one. I think we're all growing too robotic these days and maybe such sprays are needed so that people learn to appreciate each other

    Cheers

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    Replies
    1. Too bad, it takes a spray to bring out our sensitive side!

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  59. a well narrated post with humor well imbibed between the lines. nice one :)

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  60. I am going to stop pumping weights. It is not having any affect except that of scaring the other folks with my grunts and groans. Instead will start taking lessons on fixing electrical fixtures :)

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    Replies
    1. Seriously, what's with guys and grunts. Can't you lift your weights quietly?

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  61. The funniest part is, we're all still commenting.. :P

    Hello? Hello?

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  62. Hilarious!

    Just inject him with a dose of estrogen and you'll make all this come true!

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    Replies
    1. I tried and I'm not telling you the outcome.

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  63. I would rather have Vicks sinex decongestant nasal spray (oxymetazoline) than this. Thank you. And yes - Excellent blogpost.

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    Replies
    1. Had written it such a long time back! Thank you :-)

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  64. Read it when you first posted. Read it again, now! Can't stop laughing. :D

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  65. Interesting ! I wonder who is the story about :D

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  66. I jumped here from the spider man's post by seeing Sridevi's comment :P hahahaa...can you please send me a pinch of that spray here? plssss :)

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  67. I cannot roll on the floor laughing, as I am in my office, but I am certainly smiling.. Really nice read..

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  68. hope not a reality. it will kiss masculinity...

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  69. Loved it! Every bit of it and and I can't still stop laughing!

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