Zindagi kaisee yeh paheli haye....How well I sang this classic Manna Dey number, at our strategy session in Indore. Like a koel I crooned and managed to floor everybody with my gaana-bajana: from Rajnathji to Advaniji everyone was looking at the floor. Had Anu Mallik ji been there, he would certainly have conferred the title of Indian Idle on me. Maybe I’ll ask him to join BJP, we are on the look-out out for young at heart, idle people anyway.
Kabhi Ye hasayen...... That December day seems just like yesterday. My mouth was full with gulabjamuns when the phone rang. Tumahre mooh mein ghee shakkar aur kayee kayee gulab jamun, I told the bearer of the good news. There was stunned silence on the other end. I became mad with happiness, party president at the tender age of 52! But I have to let you in a secret; the news came as a surprise to many including me. But what to do, you do what your elderly elders want. They wanted to infuse the party with fresh blood, I said no problem ji, I will turn my blood to water for the party. Waise bhi my blood pressure is high. Agreed, it is a lot of weight to carry on my shoulders, but I am no stranger to weight problems. He he he.
Life has been fun opposing and deposing. We thought we’ll cut the government’s kite, with the cut motion. Par that brother-in-law (salaa), double faced Soren, runs his government on our support, but when the time came to show his loyalty, he goes and wags his tail for the Congress. Busss aur kya, we told him our honeymoon is over, no more sleepovers. You can pack your bedding and look for other sleeping partners. But it’s tough to find new partners at this old age and now he’s stuck with us. Our cat mewing at us only?
At the anti-price rally we staged in the capital last month, we had big-high plans of causing traffic jams and making life hell for people. I realized a little belatedly, rallies in scorching Delhi heat is not meant for the faint-hearted. I collapsed in a big fat heap, but it was an up-lifting experience for many who had to lift me.
Kabhi yeh rulaye..... I am so understanding, why are the Yadavs so misunderstanding? Haan, I called Lalu and Mulayam dogs who lick Sonia Gandhi’s feet, to bhai what’s wrong I ask? Sonia ji has nice pedicured feet, so why protest? But I am a humble man, I said sorry, galtee se mistake ho gaya. These people love making mountains of mustard (rai kaa pahar bana dete hain).
I used to think nobody listens to my speeches and sleeps through them, not anymore. I have made it to the national headlines but for all the wrong reasons. Everybody has washed their hands and are behind me (haath dhoke peeche paar gaye hain). Try to understand the spirit of my words, dogs are such loving faithful animals, please do not insult them.
Sushma ji is also avoiding me now. Last evening she didn’t even turn up at my house to watch “Sindoor bhari maang”, her favourite show. And now Laloo is insisting that I hold my ears and apologize.
I think it’s time to faint again.