Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Didigiri

Our great Nation has a father - Mahatma Gandhi, an uncle - Chacha Nehru and now they have a Didi -Didi of West Bengal-Mamata Banerjee. For over three decades Didi has nurtured this dream, of throwing the fascist, bodmash CPM out of her state. After years of seeing red, she has now become allergic to this colour and sick of the sickle. She takes her name Mamata Ban-erjee rather seriously. She wants to ban anything remotely related to development in her state. She thinks the day is not far when her Trinamool Congress will storm the Red Bastion. In the meantime she is busy cooling her heels as the Union Railways Minister. Presenting Didi in her own words……

I haab come a long way in my rubber-choppol and I smell bhictory. From student leader in Jogmaya Debi College to heading Trinamool Congress, voaat a jaarney it has been. Didi works phrom dil, but does anybody understand? So many times I change partner - Congress, BJP, NDA, UPA. Try different pojishuns, but no satisphaction. Ebheryone loves to think I am a drama queen. Let them think….no probhlem. I am a waarker not a thinker. I go on phasts, threaten to hang myself with a shawl, shout, cry, but in Politics you haab to do these things re baba. If you don’t protest and make loud noises nobody pays attention to you. Now I am being charged of shielding the Maoists. Maoists? voaat Maoists? Don’t you know they have all left Oaest Bengal. They just vacationed in Singur and then used some innocent Railway passengers for target practice. All Maoists have now said bye-bye to Bengal.



I have many times become Minister but eberytime it is the same story- I protest, sulk and then resign. Voaat to do? I am so emotional. I hold that rogue Amar Singh by his collar, throw my shawl at that paagol Paswan. This time bhen I haab become Railovay Minister again after so much hard work, people are suggesting 101 excuses for me to resign. They say Mamata is not spending enough time on her ministry. Saying I am olvays in Kolkata and hardly spend time in Delhi. Voaat can I do re baba? I have been bheree bheree busy with the Oaest Bengal civic polls. Delhi is not my home. Isko naam deta kormobhumi. Bhen there is no parliament session, why should I stay in Delhi? Kolkata is my homeland. First comes matri bhumi. Bengal needs Mamata Di, Delhi already has Sonia Didi.

If I am mostly sleeping and not doing my work then how can I present two Railovay budgets in just eight months? Voaat a long speech I gave bhen I present the Railbhay Budget in Parliament. From Tipu sultan and Bahadur Shah Zafar to Mother Teressa, Tagore and Bhagat Singh I quoted ebheryone. I gave free History lessons but voaas anyone interested? All of them sniggering, interrupting. So voaat if I pronounce all the state names incorrectly, at least I can pronounce Oaest Bengal properly. Dekho Bhai mereko pronunciation kharap hai, chellao naa re baba. If you don’t listen naa, I bheel cut!!! And why are you accusing me of giving trains only to Bengal? Jaab Mumbai mein 100 trains diya, to kuch kaahe nahin bola? Why, why Bengal ke liye chillataa hai.

And how dare that Laloo make phun of me on Tee Bhee. Chapra kaheen kaa. Does he know voaat a scholar I am and how many books I haab written? Bolo? Bolo? Jaane kee? Sebhenteen. Will somebody please tell that man he needs to trim his long-long nostril hair!

How I miss my Trinamool party in Delhi. Nobody dare interrupt me when I give speech. They are scared of Didi’s mood swings naa. Like a game of snakes and ladders, they are olvays in suspense- when they will go up and when they bheel come sliding down. But they all keep quiet knowing Didi bhill lead them to bhictory.

But let me tell you this, Oaest Bengal’s ruling party CPI(M) is no bhodrolok party, full badmash company. Pharst they make phun of my Doctorate degree claiming they can’t trace the East Georgia Unibhaarsiti that conferred the honour and now they are trying to blame the Railways station stampede on me? Voaat can I do if people running fast-fast and then tripping? Should I be standing at ebhery Railovay station asking passengers to move in a single line with fingers on their lips? And to make it worse Rail-Motormen decided to go on a strike in Mumbai. Eeesh!! Don’t they have anything better to do? I used to think going on a strike is a prerogative only we Bengalis enjoy!! Please, please leave me in peace in Kolkata.

But now I am having the last laugh. Such a good drubbing I gave CPI(M) at the civic elections. Saarbh them right. And look what happened in Singur. I brought in a rebholution with the Maoists and the Left had to scrap the Nandigram Project. Tata, Tata Daa, go make your small car in Gujarat. Ebher since Singur I have tasted nothing but bhictory. Bhether it was Assembly by- elections or school committee polls bhictory has olvays been mine.

The public bherdict is clear. There is no gobhernance in Bengal right now. Didi is the only hope for Bengal and I demand early elections. Korbo Lodbo Jitbo Re, Korbo Lodbo Re, Jeetbo Re, Jeetbo Re. But once I am Chief-Minister, voaat will I protest against, who will I protest against? No probhlem!! I can olvays do Didigiri in Delhi.
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39 comments:

  1. All I can say after reading this is, Bengal is in dire need of a change. In the Corporation vote, people initiated the change machinery. But only time will tell whether we actually made a change or is it that je jay Lonkay sei hoy Rabon.

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  2. laugh rriot alright but a couple of paras too long for my liking. but that is how politicans love to do it!! so keep on.....
    am laughing but attracting strange looks from people working diligently. i think i will forward this to them to lighten their souls and get a life!!!

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  3. Hilarious!! 'Oaest Bengal' was the best!!!!

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  4. Must say you have a lot of typos in there.Spelling mistakes spoil the flow of a read.
    Here are some glaring examples -

    Paableak is wrongly spelled as public.

    Cheap Minishtar is wrongly spelled as chief minister.

    Pish is wrongly spelled as peace.

    and some minor ones -

    bhot is wrongly spelled as voaat

    Momo- Ta is spelled as Mamata

    Bhardick is spelled as bherdict.


    sigh ! or should I say Ja Babba

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  5. "Isko naam deta kormobhumi" lol .... a perfect satire korma :D

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  6. Rajtilak..Mamata is the only alternative to CPM but is she really a better alternative?

    Deepak....Kee Koree, I suffer from verbal diarrhea, once I start there's no stopping me :)

    MMB...Finally the boy approves..

    GB...Uff, you almost sound like that eebhil CPM. I see all shades of red now!

    @ Lakshmi..:))

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  7. nice..nice momo di was worthy of your attention after all..

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  8. MOMO DI? You almost make her sound yummy, Madhusudhan :)

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  9. Bheeeeshon Bhaaalo......

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  10. Hilarious!!
    Didi should read this post of yours!! She will surely give you Free Lifetime Railway Passes! :D

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  11. hahahahahha...... awesome.... u had noticed new language... bengolish!!! :D!!!

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  12. Thank you Rahul

    Shilpa , Ofcourse not..As sweet retribution,she will make me sit through all her speeches.

    Parth...Yup, Mamata Di's trademark language.

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  13. Good job Purba! Yeah, I agree that Bengalis have to shake them up from the 30 years long stupor but are we waking up to a nightmare? Keeping my fingers crossed!!

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  14. Haha..The great Didi has to read this.. Will hate you for beating her :) :D

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  15. Plain awesome........I will now be scouring youtube for the bhenji speech....

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  16. Transfer of power is never easy and who would have given Didi half a chance when she was up against mighty CPM. Today she is the obvious contender for CM? Well said Purba.

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  17. Haha, Momo di can bhaack enybhaan with her choppol...:) Loved this post. Was looking forward to it for a while.

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  18. Brilliantly awesome! =)) Poor Momtaaaa di-di. Will she get any votes at all in the next election? Maybe a few from the old communists fellows. Or, she may actually think smartly. Maybe, she will get a brain transplant! ;)

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  19. Somanjana..She will come saddled with a lot of expectations. Does she have a vision for Bengal, only time will tell.
    Me thinks her alliance with the Maoists will came back to haunt her.

    Lalit..The obvious and only contender for the top post. Buddhadeb Bhattacharjee tried, unfortunately his party let him down.

    Journomuse...Really? Someone suggested Mallika Sherawat, she will be an interesting subject.

    Arjit..Will she get any votes?? Of course she will. She is getting ready to storm the Red Bastion and Bengal is shivering in anticipation.

    Priyanka...She will beat me to pulp with her rubber choppol.

    Witty Jester..Behenjee is Mayawati, another epic character.

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  20. Khoob bhaalo, na, daarun! Agree with Gyanban though - my contribution to that list: uiee, not we :P

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  21. Laugh riot, super cool purba. Previously I read the "gadakari" post and I thought it was one of the best but this post is giving tough competition! I admire the way you have noticed politicians and bring out their slang...simply awesome!

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  22. @ Kaushik...Oee, I went through her speeches(the English ones) on You Tube to get the nuances right. She doesn't say bhaat...her bh is silent. But agree with you on uiee though. Wasn't sure whether my non-bong readers would get it.

    @Antony...Our politicians never fail to inspire us. And thank you for joining:)

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  23. I know West Bengal ! I never heard of Oaest Bengal ...
    Where it is ???

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  24. :) we end up making relatives of all these politicians..yikes

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  25. Couldn't stop laughing all the way through! Brilliant! :)

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  26. Laugh out loudly! What a post! And yeah we do have "Amma" our "dear", "beloved" Jayalalitha!

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  27. A beautiful mind...Start walking towards the East, you can also take a train. Where ever you spot Mamata Di giving an impassioned speech to awe struck villagers, stop right there!

    LP...No wonder we say "Atithi tum kab jaaoge"

    Coffeebeanmusings..Hey thanks :)

    Karan A...Amma, Behenjee, Didi... Seriously our politicos never cease to entertain us.

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  28. this is really an interesting take on politics
    slapstick humor rocks
    i wish i could right this way

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  29. Apparently she is going to ban Jamai Shoshti

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  30. Thanks Soulblogger.

    Kalyan...The mothers in law should feel relieved :)

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  31. This is brilliant! Satire does not get 'bhetter' that this. Being from 'Oaest Bengal' myself (that was the best one, i think), this is an awesome take on Mamata. :D
    Hats off to you, Purba.

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  32. Awesome post Purba!
    'Oaest Bengal' reminded me of this colleague who once spoke to me at length about 'oak life' balance...after some confused thoughts involving the environment and greenery and botany... I realised he meant work-life balance! :)

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  33. Flattered and grinning from ear to ear.
    Thank you D2.

    Supernova, But how many of us can actually strike a balance? I couldn't!

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  34. Bhote for Didi. Ban-gal jai ho. Lol

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  35. Hilarious! That was better than post on Rakhi sawant. I was laughing, laughing and just laughing. It was beyond awesome! :) :D

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  36. Joshi.. :D

    Nethra... Really? Glad you liked it.

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  37. Hilarious! This is a riot. You got the accent so right. Not easy to put it down phonetically though. Kudos!! I loved Oest Bengal and Railovay!!

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  38. Bannerjeee has blood on her hands. The recent train accidents are the direct result of her ignorance of the railways.

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  39. I think bit by bit, Indians are loosing their sense of humour. Wonderful post.

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