Monday, June 21, 2010

A Feline Obsession

All these years we have been lead to believe that it is Axe, the deodorant that makes women lose reason and maul decidedly ugly men, with their olfactory senses driving them to insanity. Calvin Klein’s Obsession, which was launched way back in 1986, promises you way beyond just hot-looking chicks. Just a generous spray and you will have tom cat, smelly cat, this cat, that cat and a stray jaguar or two (if they are visiting your neighbourhood) following you around in a mesmerized stupor. Just imagine this spectacle, you- the Pied Piper of Hamlyn with a bunch of frenzied cats? Way hotter than an Eva Mendes writhing and rolling around in the dirt in her Calvin Kleins or a Brooke Shields purring, Nothing comes between me and my Calvins.

In case you are thinking that Obsession’s feline charm is a figment of my fertile imagination, I’d like to clarify that this startling find is actually backed by hard core research. Researchers at the Wildlife Conservation Society’s Bronx Zoo, New York experimented with a range of different fragrances and how two cheetahs reacted to them. The results left barely a whiff of a doubt. Estée Lauder’s Gorgeous occupied the cheetahs on average for just two seconds. Revlon’s Charlie managed 15.5 seconds. Nina Ricci’s L’Air du Temps took it up to 10.4 minutes. But the musky Obsession for Men triumphed: To their surprise the cats spent more than 11 minutes sniffing and nuzzling up to a tree sprayed with CK’s top selling fragrance. Unfortunately the tree did not reciprocate. So what if we can’t save our tigers and cheetahs, we can at least keep them happy.


Do you realize what a breakthrough it is? Men can now brag about their female and feline followers. Dahling, would you terribly mind having my boss for lunch? Just a couple of the big cats on the backseat of your car and no cop will dare challan you. Walk into the passport office with your striped charmer and the queues will disappear magically. Girls, there’s good news for you as well. Tired of your guy? Just gift him an all expenses paid trip to Kruger and sneak in a bottle of Obsession in his bag.

For me it’s even better news: no more futile safaris to the Jim Corbett National Park, where after a long dusty ride through the wild jungles you are proudly shown Neelagais, Elephants, a stray owl or two, while you impatiently scan the horizon for the reclusive tiger. For sweet consolation you are taken to a sinister looking spot and shown tiger poop with a grim “Damn you missed the tiger by a whisker”. You take a few pictures and with a resigned sigh try to dust off the layer of dust that has accumulated on your one upon a time white pair of jeans.

But those days are history now. I now have my bottle of Obsession. Just a splash and I’ll have camera shy, existent, non-existent tigers giving me a frenzied chase. Nothing can come between me and my cats, I can now purr seductively. Or I will have irrefutable proof that our Forest reserves do not have tigers, just fake tiger poop. It’s a win-win situation.


22 comments:

  1. Started off well enough but the point at which this one really took off was the advice for girls, after which it kept getting better and better.

    PS. You have got to share the source of the "research results".

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  2. Recently read a book by Radhika Jha - Smell - It is brilliantly written and it deals with a journey of a woman and how the fragrances influence her life.

    For me YSL/M7 is a definite acquisition..

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  3. olfactory fundas revealed!!!

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  4. I agree with Kaushik Chatterji that you have to share the source of these inferences.
    Because thats a nice bit of information you have shared with us :)

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  5. Kaushik..So are you gifting yourself a bottle?

    GB..Oh dear why deprive the cats?

    Magiceye..useful info naa?

    Apoyando...Source :Mail Today, Times of India June 13, Sunday edition.

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  6. Went to Bandipur and obviously was shown bisons and deers. Now, shall try returning with a bottle of CK Obsession!

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  7. Bengali tigress, you don't need bottle of obsession...just say meow...

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  8. Aathira...Each one of us comes back with the same story. Where are the 1411 tigers???

    LOL Rajashree, the Bong women wholeheartedly agrrrr.

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  9. ROFL :D what an olfactory theory :D

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  10. Well o well,these deodorant ads are quite crazy.Axe started it,and now all a n b n c n whatever copies it as if all women just are somewhat waiting for some guy with exquisite fragrance to follow him.Well,a nice article touching through the cat family and the impact of these deodorant on them.You got a way with humor.

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  11. @ Rajlakshmi...Suggestive eh?

    @Nithin R S...Hey, but this is not based on an ad. Don't think CK is too excited about this.

    MangoManBunty...A happy purr?

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  12. Ah ... finally a post that I can actually relate to. Wait. Not the female attraction part. Thae part about Bronx Zoo. I was there couple of months back and can believe what you said. Because that place smells like crap.No doubt they had to research about it. Secondly, I am a fan of CK (the male versions of course) and I can attest that you are in safe "hands" !! Enjoyed the post for the course it took...beginning till end.

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  13. Hilarious...It all started from owning a bottle of Obsession, didn't it..I like the way the humourous side of your brain works. Must be very entertaining for you to have a non-stop laugh riot thought process...:D

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  14. Hilarious! That "bottle of obsession" is a real deal for guys, isn't it? But I liked the idea of sending my boyfriend on tour along with a bottle of it. Will surely try that after I find a boyfriend for myself.
    It was a nice read. :)

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  15. LEB...Stinky Bronx? Am sure the cats will now be looking forward to many more such fragrant researches.

    JM...Others should find it entertaining as well :)

    Nethra..Saves you the trouble of saying "It's over".

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  16. LOL Will probably gift a bottle to my girl or....err....well my cat!

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  17. Great writing...now we know how to keep the cats away...!!!

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  18. haha..I use Obsession...no wonder too many tom cats have been following me these days :P

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  19. That was funny. Hmm... Point noted about what to carry to see that elusive big cat in the reserve forests! :)

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  20. Nishant, A cat that smells of Obsession! hmmm

    Vikram, Thanks :)

    Lazy Pineapple...May I suggest DKNY's Be Delicious?

    Shail...Just a generous spray on your guide should work miracles.

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  21. It would be interesting to see how sharks react to CK's Obsession. Refined humor, loved it.

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Psst... let me know what you are thinking.

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