Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Beauty comes at a price

The world seems to think beautiful women have it easy - they are dead wrong. True, you get pursued all the time and it gets tough turning down so many eager proposals but if you are looking for a serious career, you can forget about it. It seems good looks can dim your prospects at landing a job, especially if it is considered macho. If you are pretty, you need not apply for positions like manager R&D, mechanical engineer, director finance/security, hardware salesperson, prison guard or even a truck driver. Madamjee we prefer buying our nuts and bolts from ugly women. But look at the bright side, career crazed women can trash their gym gear, let go of their punishing salon rituals and bid adieu to their expensive makeup. Moral of the story: Why bother, if looking good is considered a crime. 

It becomes worse if you are hot. Great, you managed to grab that coveted position despite your killer stats; you now make a belated discovery that most of your male colleagues prefer having intense discussions with your twins. Nobody in your organisation wants to take you seriously with the how can she be sexy and sharp logic. Look what happened to the curvy Debrahlee Lorenzana. The poor girl was fired from Citibank because her bosses and male colleagues found her too steamy for comfort. When the fed up femme fatale asked why her female colleagues who were similarly attired did not meet the same fate, her bosses shot back saying their general unattractiveness rendered irrelevant their sartorial choices, unlike the plaintiff. So it’s ok to strut your obese self in a pencil skirt but criminal if you are picture perfect! Moral of the story: it’s safer to turn off your boss rather than turning him on.

Of course if you are drop dead gorgeous, you can model a career on posing and preening. You can also shed crocodile tears on the silver screen and go laughing all the way to the bank. Unfortunately beauty comes with an expiry date and there comes a day when someone younger, prettier and more talented walks away with your job. So what do you do now?


• You can take a cue from Kate Moss, the original size zero model and make a killing selling your own jams. Ms Moss apparently got so excited after making jam from damson plums picked from her country estate that she now wants to launch her own range. A sweet and safe career option where nobody gives a damn about how you look.
• You could also turn to farming like Liz Hurley, better known for her Versace safety pin dress rather than her acting prowess. Liz is no ordinary farmer but of an organic variety who prefers farming organic meat and lamb products rather than boring old veggies. Her beef jerky apparently is a best seller. I am sure Ms Hurley’s sultry visage beaming from packets of this popular snack is an added stimulus for the customers. Does it come with complimentary safety pins?
• I wouldn’t advise you to go the Naomi Campbell way. Way back in 1997 Ms Campbell unabashedly flirts with the former President of Liberia, who also happens to be a warlord. The man goes putty in her expert hands and floors her with diamonds, a girl’s best friend. The supermodel doesn’t seem to mind that the diamonds have blood on them. The man in question, Charles Taylor, is now facing charges by the UN for war crimes and Ms Campbell is going blue in the face denying charges that she knew the origin of the uncut diamonds. Possession of an uncut diamond is a criminal offence in South Africa with penalties ranging from a hefty fine to ten years imprisonment for repeat offenders. Moral of the story: Farming pays, flirting does not.

If you choose to stay at home, untethered from the rat race and rather occupy yourself looking after the home & hearth, a dismal fate awaits you. Besides dying of boredom, you also face the ignominy of getting labelled as socially unproductive. The Indian Census of 2010 has graciously classified housewives in the same category as beggars, prostitutes and prisoners. Damn you woman, even your maid is better off than you! Homemakers would beg to differ of course. Moral of the story: It certainly doesn’t pay that you look after and keep your family happy.

And talking of prisoners, Poonam Rani, a resident of Delhi will soon be spending the rest of her life in prison, in the company of ugly guards (the applications of all the pretty ones were turned down). It seems the lady in question had so fallen in love with her beggar status that when her mother in law pressured her to join B Ed, she bludgeoned her to death. Moral of the story: It’s better to shut up rather than getting framed in a picture with a garland for company.


38 comments:

  1. women can never be happy can they?
    have problems if they are beautiful
    have problems if they are ugly
    have problems if they are ignored because they are non entities.
    women sure have a tough life to lead!

    love your take though
    you have again put everything in the right perspective and failed to disappoint!

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  2. " getting framed in a picture with a garland for company."
    Hahahaha :)

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  3. Hilarious :)

    Incidentally, if we watch hollywood movies, it seems that sexy babes in short jeans have no problems being physicists and counselors etc - just look at the James Bond movies!

    As an aside, I find Naomi Campbell totally hot. It shows that dark women are some of the sexiest alive...

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  4. magiceye....Women have no problems being beautiful/ugly. It's the men who can't handle it.

    Reema...:D

    Bhagwad Jal Park...Seriously, I wanted to write about it - unrealistic portrayals in Hollywood flicks.

    Ms Campbell apparently has quite a temper and flares up at the slightest provocation.

    Some women look good only in pictures :)

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  5. In Kerala the buses have been filled with lady conductors.

    I wonder how they will manage to squueeze past the pushing and shoving males to collect tickets.

    And men will fake a push and will never let go the chance for a handful of something...

    Its a naked truth....men will prefer a lady at workplace as an eye candy!!!

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  6. @BJL...our B-wood is nonetheless exceptional...

    Where do you get a hot physio for a football team

    or a navel clouting teacher for college students

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  7. Pretty women definitely have it easier than their unattractive sisters...some of them even relish the fact and make complete use of their beauty for personal gain...

    As for being the object of lust...men will leer at any women...

    Quite a candid take....

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  8. Hey, what about not so good looking women? Write about them too.

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  9. Should we not be analysing the bloody attitude of the men?

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  10. But Jon, having lady bus conductors is a giant leap forward. Am sure the women will be able to manage with a slap or two.

    LP..Your looks might get you noticed but after a point of time all that matters is your level of comptence.

    Nethra...The woes of the not so good looking? Sure :))

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  11. B K Chowla...It's bloody and it stinks.

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  12. The non-lookers have it much tougher - even when it comes to reporting such attitudes, the media is biased against them!

    It's tougher for an average-looking male without the mandatory high-flying qualifications, 'coz their gender is already busy working against them.

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  13. a multi billion dollar cosmetic industry exists for who? not for men who like to spend the money, but for women who will believe anything in their quest for good looks and disregard all the disadvantages that you point out..
    show me one woman who will trade good looks for a career, and i will rest my case..
    it is the men who need your attention purba, especially the not so good looking ones, who need a career and have to compete against good looking women even for bus conducting jobs..whats gonna happen to them?

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  14. Kaushik and Madhusudhan championing the cause of the not so good looking men.

    Madhu not all women are obsessed with their looks. Men love to nurture these stereotypical notions. I know for a fact, many women dress down for work because they do not want to attract attention for all the wrong reasons.

    If a company is hiring recruits based on their looks and gender, god help them!

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  15. Unbelievable! Never thought of it this way, and never knew these facts!

    Now that you make me think of it, beauty is like a two-edged sword. You can't do with it, and wouldn't like to without it! Phew! Now that's once piece of writing i'd call lateral thinking!

    Amazing :) quite different from the rest of your work- crisp, traces of humor and very very thoughtful :)

    Another first-class piece :)

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  16. I find the whole beauty concept way overrated. If there was no plastic, and natural beauty was in question, even then does anyone beautiful have the rights to flaunt.I am not going poetic over this, but to consider beauty in the equation of success is just not right. Unfortunately that happens and will happen all the time. Airlines attendants have to look gorgeous so that a 12 hour delayed flight passenger feels like in Hawaii looking at her serving a cup full of ice and couple of drops of soda. Homemaking is a job without appreciation. Almost all the time. If there was an hourly rate and a tax return at the end of the year, people (read : MCPs) would take it more seriously. Like this column in JT a lot. JT should start a stock option. Bravo Purba !!

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  17. The take on beautiful women was great! your way of putting things in their proper perspective in such few words is commendable.Loved your blog! Will visit again!

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  18. Hey i will remember the morals of the blog...but what is this manbashing going on here!!!...

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  19. You have tickled the funny bone once again... A light read!!! Loved it

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  20. Avi...Life is full of surprises isn't it?

    LEB...Do we still have gorgeous flight attendants? They all look so frazzled.

    Can't differentiate a bull from a bear and I'll start a stock option. Come to think of it, can always chronicle my misadventures.

    Zephyr..Thank you so very much

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  21. When did you reinvent yourself as shady west?
    These are actual news clippings Shahid, not stuff that I've made up. Man bashing was not the intention.

    Abhishek..thanks :)

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  22. what a bitter truth u have portrayed.... totally agree with ur points

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  23. Unbelievably hilarious! I guess it pays for a woman to be funny!
    But it would not be good if she was talking about social issues and people knew where she lived! :D

    This was awesome! Liz Hurley does make the beef jerky tastier! :D

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  24. Mag(m)...Good, I won't have to expend my energy arguing with you :)

    D2..It's doesn't pay me a single paisa LOL...And thanks.

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  25. Why do I read your "Jhalmuri Times" posts with a one sided half smile and a raised eyebrow(only one is raised)?
    Brilliant as usual and a pretty good analysis of the "Beauty Circle".

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  26. Hey Purba!
    just loved this one! hilarious! Hurley with safety pins! kate moss farming great work!! On a serious note, good looking women actually have to work harder to prove they are more than their face (read assets). only then they are taken seriously.

    u must be awarded for this post! its perfect,and I was laughing this time!

    RESTLESS

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  27. Hi,Purba-I missed quite a few posts last week, I see.:)
    ---
    This one had me smiling, but, I'm too diplomatic to comment on a 'for'or'against' basis..a big grin at the way you said'if you are pretty, you need not apply for positions like manager R&D, etc...:)as also the second para @ discussions with twins.:)
    ---
    You did forget one factor- a nice, disarming smile-always successful,na?

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  28. You are just too good!! Keep it up! LOVED IT!

    Its better to be an average looker any day!

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  29. You have a wonderful sense of humour to go with those gorgeous looks!...Purba, you are backstabbing your own kind! LOL!
    Men do have a way of letting beautiful women know that they reached where they did solely due to looks, and the added insult of being told that clients come more to look down the neckline! Don't tell me men will pay for that! They get enough of that on TV and the net!

    ReplyDelete
  30. Sweatha Sanjana14 August, 2010 09:21

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    ReplyDelete
  31. Prateek, you must have looked quite fetching with that expression. Next time I want a pic of your lop sided grin.

    Restless..At least someone agrees that beauty does come at a price.

    Amit..Oh absolutely, a smile is a curve that sets a lot of things straight. That's why I keep smiling :)

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  32. Ana_treek...Yes, then people love you for what you are. And thank you :)

    Nalini..Mankind has a lot of growing up to do.
    And you just made me day.

    Sweatha..Will check out your site and thanks for inviting me.

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  33. This is just awesome!

    I didn't know housewives were categorized the same as beggars in the 2010 census. Should we say, hmm, database problems?

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  34. I'd attribute it to lack of gray cells.

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  35. True enough, and yet all women would be born beautiful if they could. I never saw a woman pretending to be uglier than she actually is (even to get a job).

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  36. Hm but not all women are obsessed about their looks.

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  37. This was different.

    No hari mirch. Subtlety. (:

    conversations with twins, lol!

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