Saturday, August 14, 2010

Time To Make My Bharat Mahaan

It’s been 63 years of being on your own and you are still struggling. A nation in a constant state of crisis, you hurt, you heal, yet you don’t learn from your mistakes or perhaps you do not want to. We chant Mera Bharat Mahaan, but ironically most of us think you are a nation propelling towards disaster. We rant, we fume and occasionally laugh at the inept bunch of fools we elected to govern. But I am a die-hard optimist and thrive on hope that someday all will be well. As a thinking citizen who cares, here’s presenting my quirky “ seven point quick fix program” to make you Mahaan.

  1.  Legalize Corruption: We can’t shy away from the fact that we are a nation of middlemen and touts. Corruption is so deeply entrenched in our system that it is now a part of our DNA profile. From the chief ministers to office clerks, everyone has a price. And being caught on tape accepting a bribe doesn’t necessarily jeopardize your career, especially if you can find someone else to bribe. So why fight a futile battle? Why not embrace it and showcase our under the table skills for the rest of the world to emulate. I suggest we launch an “Incredibly corrupt India” program - take people from across the globe under our expert tutelage and help them hone this extra ordinary skill. And let’s not trivialize it by calling it a bribe, after all our babus and netas expend much of their valuable energy and time in wheeling-dealing. Facilitation fee sounds more business- like and adds an aura of respect. 
  2. Showcase our politicians as role models for our youngsters: Scrap all the no brainer reality shows and replace them with a live telecast of the Parliament proceedings. Rahul Mahajan, Rakhi Sawant and all the desperate bakras can go to hell. The Lok Sabha session has all the elements of a pot boiler – drama, melodrama, table banging, slipper flinging, impassioned speeches by Mamata Banerjee. We can have Arnab Goswami throw disapproving glances and rebuke the pranksters of our politicos; Barkha Dutt running around with her mike asking the slightly saner ones “Kaisa lag rahaa hai apko”? The spiralling TRP’s will have the producers rubbing their hands in glee. And what a fun way to motivate and educate our youth with the nitty- gritties of politics. All the world’s a stage and all men and women mere players. Shakespeare will be sighing in ecstasy.
  3.  One woman solution for Kashmir: Kashmir burning while a clueless Omar looks on? A meek looking Manamohan Singh making a pitiful speech on National television is not enough. I propose we send Mayawati to placate the angry and disillusioned Kashmiris. One look at her scowling visage and the protesters will flee for their dear lives. She can also take Jyoti Kumari, the Bihar legislator of the gamla flinging fame for added effect.
  4. Make stone pelting, effigy burning into competitive sports: An extremely effective way to utilize all the goons on hire who surface magically to protest against the escalation cost of tomatoes, rotting grains or demanding reservation for a newly discovered OBC. This will keep these trouble mongers off the streets and shift our cricket crazed nation’s attention to worthier sporting events. The cricketers in the meantime can pelt stones and burn buses to register their protest.
  5. Ministers on foreign junkets should not be allowed to return. About 200 politicians and officials spent close to 45 crores of tax payer’s money to visit Melbourne, Beijing & London on “study tours” for the Commonwealth games. Just last month when Punjab was dealing with the worst flood in 20 years, Akali Dal MLAs flew off to Scotland to study scotch breweries. And sadly it is our money which is used to sponsor these junkets. Let’s ensure that these foreign junketeers stay behind wherever they go and dedicate the rest of their lives in path breaking studies. Good riddance to bad rubbish. 
  6. Water crisis and power outages. With our population multiplying like rabbits, we are a nation in a perennial state of shortage. The Ganges might dry up- the climate alarmists warn, China will soon monopolize the Brahmaputra and with the rains getting increasingly undependable our future doesn’t exactly look rosy. But the government needn’t despair. Encourage citizens to desist from water. It’s contaminated, causes diseases, why drink it anyway. Why have water when you can have cola? The poor are not our headache anyway. Power shortage can also be similarly tackled. Initiate get back to nature campaigns, encourage play in the dark activities. Open the doors and the windows and let the climate come in. See the demand plummet and soon we might just transform into a land of plenty.
  7. Divide and rule but with a difference: We are a multicultural nation that speaks 16 official languages and 2000 dialects. On paper we are a secular nation, yet ours is one the most caste ridden society. And it suits the government. Leaders get elected on basis of their genealogy rather than ability, students are denied admission because they are not backward enough, village khaps endorse honour killings and in the guise of religious outrage mindless thugs force the country’s best known artist into exile. Quoting Jug Suraiya “social illiberalism has grown in direct proportion to economic liberalization”.  So what do you think we do? I say, make the entire populace take a mandatory dip in the Ganges to wash off their caste rather than their sins. And let us adopt a two-party political set up. One could be the Indian Parliamentary Law-breakers (IPL), and the other the National Party of Troublemakers (NPT). We should have an Indian icon heading each because that is what will make all our lazy citizens make that trip from their homes to the polling station. Amitabh Bachchan and Shahrukh Khan. Sachin Tendulkar and MS Dhoni. Rakhi Sawant and Mallika Sherawat.....errr maybe not. Getting a party ticket will be based on the candidate’s proven track record in hand-to-hand combat and being heard over the din in cricket matches. Each party will reserve 33% of its seats for men, 33% for erstwhile members of various Senas (Shiv, Ram), 33% for people who have served out jail terms, and 1% for others. This will ensure that there is adequate muscle in our administration. Thus armed, our government can eliminate poverty, ignorance and sloth – not just their own, but also of the teeming billions out there. 

I agree my seven point program will hurt like hell. Truth after all is a bitter pill to swallow. But you have to know at 63, you are still a gangly, pockmarked teen who has a lot of growing up to do. When you look at yourself in the mirror, do you really like what you see? On the eve of your birthday, here’s hoping you introspect. My best wishes to you and I pray to god that you turn into a woman of substance and allure, who the rest of the world looks up to. We may be unkind to you, ridicule you but you must always remember that we love you and will stand by you, come what may. Vande Mataram. 

As usual last minute. My entry for the current BlogAdda contest, in association with Pring00...
http://blog.blogadda.com/2010/08/04/mera-bharat-mahan-india-shining-proud


60 comments:

  1. absolutely brilliant piece of work purba!!! love it!
    the truth is going to hurt a lot of people but what the heck ... you have said what almost the whole nation wants to say!!!
    and yes our love for bharat mata does not diminish by accepting the truth - it is our expression of love and a fervent hope that the 'leaders' stop the rape!
    JAI HIND!!

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  2. Hi Ma'am
    1. I request you to change the template back to the previous one. Your blog layout had as much charm as your writing had. The layout made the environment around the post good enough to allow the reader to read the post with enthusiasm, and appreciate it. Anyway, you can take others' views on this as well.

    2. This post was a hard look at ourselves. The satire and really ruthless sarcasm in the points was good enough... but at some places, it looked too ugly. I guess you could have introduced the 7 points (the italicised first paragraph) in a better way - in a way that would warn the reader that underneath lies really deep sarcasm... as a result, the seven points, when they come, look really ugly ... its as if you promised someone a solution to their problems, but then you started enlisting their problems instead of solutions.

    Otherwise, the seven points per se were really brilliantly written and necessary to be pointed out... you didn't leave a single important thing that worries/should worry a modern Indian... you are a master satirist. I especially loved the 7th point... in fact all the points were excellent... but really coupled WITH the first-para intro and the last-para conclusion, I didn't find the post inspiring... I think those two paras should have been more serious and straightforward than they are.

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  3. Agree with magiceye that there are no qualms accepting the truth, even I wrote realistic stuff on my blog on this topic ... but the format of this particular post hurts one not as an Indian or patriot, but as a reader.

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  4. All these years after Independence there are millions of Indians who feel proud of our nation only on the D day, remaining days, they infact speak about all these issues almost everyday.
    Everybody has the right to speak up what you feel. There might be several people who might not like the way some people might write, but they should understand, the author has written what she/he feels and want to convey and that its his/her style of writing.

    I personally loved this article!!

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  5. I couldnt agree with you more and it is time that we as a nation do not take it as joke.Situation has crossed all limits.
    A wonderful piece of writing and I hope you will continue to put your writing efforts to use.

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  6. Magiceye...Because we care, we introspect and don't like what we see. Looking forward to your series on the evolution of our flag.

    Tanay... Didn't intend to sugar coat the truth. It is for all of us to see. Chanting Vande mataram, waving our national flag is good but don't you think on the eve of our Independence we should introspect. And sorry that my article hurt and didn't inspire.

    Bhavana..I know this article might upset a few people and I respect everyone's opinion.
    Glad that you liked it.

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  7. BK Chowla...Thank you for your encouragement :))

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  8. A thought provoking piece of work with hint of sarcasm and humor along with stark reality. Perfect Purba stuff!! This ought to get published in papers on august 15!

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  9. Hello ma'm.
    A brilliant piece of satire. Brilliantly written from the literary point of view too. Yet, quite soon I gave up on it, since it seemed overtly critical and negative. Initially I was trying to decide whether it is written on a positive light or a negative one or one that gives a solution to the problems, for real. Only to realize later, that it is satire overdone.
    This is more because, I personally find it un-amusing to over-criticize something unless you have a better solution to give or atleast a ray of hope. Can't say there's none, isn't it?. Introspection coupled with an inspired vision, would make for a winning combo, isn't it!
    P.S: One blog that had me stuck on to it the very first time I landed here. :)

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  10. Nice post purba..can I post it on my blog The Youth Impact? I'll give an introduction mentioning that it was originally published on your blog along with a link to your blog..

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  11. bahut accha likha hai purba ji..

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  12. Great points! Youngsters should organize and take a lead to implement such ideas!

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  13. The pièce de résistance for today.
    Absolutely brilliant, Purba.
    Corruption as a way of governance is so popular simply because it works so well! The most racist (race and caste) nation in the world would do well to learn from, well, none in particular unless they grow some sense on their own because we are too culturally proud to learn from elsewhere!

    And stone pelting, if made into a sport could be the next big thing in the Asiads, and then, the Olympics! India does happen to be influential. And if that doesn't work, it would create a new breed of javelin and disc throwers!
    Mayavati in Kashmir? If the people flee, who would build her customary statues in Srinagar?

    Again, the best post anywhere I could hope to read today.

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  14. Thank you Aditya.

    Pankaj ..Sure, would like to reach out to as many.

    Am assuming anonymous is Hullas. Thank you :))

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  15. Giribala, wouldn't that be fun :))

    D2..License Raj almost institutionalized sarkari corruption. And LOL @ Mayawati's statues. She has the gall to spend hundreds of crores on mammoth statues but when it comes to spending money on flood relief she claims the state coffers are empty?

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  16. @Purba : Let's just put it this way. Some people never tire of looking at themselves. Though why Mayawati is in that category, I fail to understand. As for spending money in productive avenues and for general good, I'm not sure she's educated enough to understand how it would benefit her!

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  17. Coming to you Sugandha...

    This post was not intended to be a feel good article that will make your heart swell with patriotic pride. 63 years of freedom and do we really feel free? I am not free from anxiety about my daughter's future who despite being a top notch student, might not get admission in a college of her choice. I worry about her safety every time she steps out of the house. Six decades of freedom, are we really better off? Yes..the roads are wider, the buildings swankier, the salaries now run into 6 figures. Yet....for water supply I cannot rely on Jal Board and have to get a pump installed. I spends lakhs on a genset because the government cannot ensure adequate power supply. For my safety I depend on security hired by my apartment complex.

    On a macro level...People still die of hunger, farmers commit suicide, insurgency is on the rise, youngsters do not have the right to chose their life partners, Yamuna is a filthy slush, Bombay is now Mumbai. We live in a society riddled with minority phobia.

    If my giving solutions could help, I would have happily obliged. I wish I had a magic wand that could make all these troubles go away.

    I can just express my anguish and live on hope.

    And quoting from Mahatma Gandhi "Healthy discontent is the prelude to progress"

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  18. You know, I observed how there wee more NRIs wishing happy independence day on FB than those of us here. Your post hints at the reason I guess. It's close to 65 years now. We need to ask ourselves what next. What happened to be done was achieved by driving out the Brits. But what next? Do we have a plan B?

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  19. Hey Purba, I saw our last comment, and I would request you to read this post from my blog whenever your time permits. I thoughts are on the same wavelenght as yours.

    http://bhavana-pen.blogspot.com/2009/08/place-for-individuality.html
    Cheers.

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  20. Purba check this out- http://theyouthimpact.blogspot.com/2010/08/time-to-make-my-bharat-mahaan.html
    TheYouthImpact is a non-profit Youth philanthropy blog and anyone who would like to contribute guest posts to it are welcome! Happy Independence Day All...
    and Purba thanks a lot. Keep writing.

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  21. Hope your post is read by those in power as also young politicians. 63 years is too long a period and we seems to have lost our way, we are on a path of corruption, nepotism,selfishness,power hungry and what not.Where is our vision?

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  22. Hi Purba,

    Happy Independence Day.

    Nice work.

    Have a look at my take on the subject.
    http://restlesssouldier.blogspot.com/2010/08/my-country-right-or-wrong-patriotic.html

    ciao

    RS

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  23. Absolutely brilliant!! :))
    Agree with all the 7 points!! :D

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  24. Haha-Purba-that was great..Happy Independence Day...re. the corruption part-believe me, I actually know some people in Baroda who were happy when their corrupt practices came out in the open- they said'thank God, now more people know our 'rate''.
    ----
    I'd also add'promote India as a patient nation- people are happy to stand in queues for hours on hand-be it at the municipality to pay taxes, bus stands,train ticket booking(even though one can book easily on the net now)....the list is endless...it'd teach the world how to have a 'chalta hai' attitude,and prolong everyone's life.:)

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  25. It is not everyone who has the guts to accept and identify our pain points. A lot of us shy away and give the long distance overview.So I do not consider myself qualified to comment on my views about your seven points. And that is because I get the abridged versions of every hardship that the common man in India goes through.It is not a life I get to see every day. I read and analyze and move on. It is sad but I cannot lie. However,what I do know is that it is sad to see the huge potential we contain not always utilized fairly. Your clarity in thought and execution is remarkable. The tone of sarcasm is consistent and the message strong and hits where it should.Very well done Purba.

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  26. D2...Mayawati and her handbags, haven't we had enough!

    The Knife...The next brigade of gen next politicians led by Rahul Gandhi?
    Haven't you noticed how his every move is keenly observed and chronicled!

    Bhawna..Did read you post.

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  27. Pankaj D C ..You are most welcome :)

    S R Ayyangar..And to think we fancy ourselves as the next global super power. If we are taking two steps forward, we going three steps back.

    R S.. Will read your post :)

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  28. Thanks Shilpa for your encouragement.

    Amit Chalta hai and bhagwan bharose!!

    LEB..That's what saddens me. We have a mine of talent, a huge potential, yet we are groping in the dark.

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  29. Pure unadulterated sarcasm :)

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  30. hey...actually ur first point..corruption is legalised in west in the name of commissions and election funds!!

    very gr8 post as usual..i too am optimistic

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  31. Yes, indeed. Truth is a bitter pill to swallow. And its even harder to look into the mirror and laugh our loud at your own deformities.

    But that is exactly what this post makes me do, whether i like to or not. This is a wake up call for the deaf. I think it's time we accepted our faults. Only after letting it sink in can we start looking for a solution. But if we turn away, when will we ever start looking for a solution?

    Very well written. An A+ to Purba Ma'am for this post!

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  32. Well coined and well placed. I had goosebumps while reading it. Very good, keep it up.

    Best Regards,
    Renjith

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  33. Prateek..:D

    Avi...Purba Ma'am is flattered.

    Renjith..Wow, thanks

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  34. Awesome,all points are acceptable,more importantly i like "Divide and rule but with a difference".

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  35. SO proud of you and the way u listed problems in our country.GREAT GREAT GREAT JOB.I M speechless.

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  36. hahaa! very innovative post! hope they adopt ur 7 -point program..its too good!!!

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  37. Absolutely Brilliant ! Totally agree. ....

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  38. Well Honestly speaking i have a close buddy who rants like you and i think i have found the perfect example from this blog of urs to inspire him into the world of blogging!!!

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  39. 33% for men....1% for women, prostitutes, beggers...that's the category You and I belong to!

    India is a very young country, she is like a naughty 4 year old who doesn't mind being caught with her hand in the cookie jar as long as she can eat as many as of them as would be needed to get a stomach ache just in time for school the next day! Give her time and she will grow into a beautiful lady!

    Wonderful post! Loved every one of then. The last point takes the cake...we do have a liking for reel heroes as leaders and we vote for them with stars in our eyes.

    WAY TO GO, Purba!

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  40. Navsingh...Wish somebody could implement my seven point program.

    Thanks Pratibha, feel humbled.

    Pushpee...Hai naa...am planning to sit on a dharna outside the PM's office.

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  41. Ugich Konitari ...Yayyy

    kattankaapi...Guffaws...glad I could be of some use. Btw I mostly amuse and rarely rant :))

    Nalini...Loved your description of India as a naughty 4 year old.

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  42. Hi Purba,
    My first time here and I liked it:)

    Cheers
    Raksha

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  43. Hey Purba! i am speechless! excellent post, each word was so well weighed before plonking in our heads ( all the indians!). I think this one is the best of your posts i have read! a winner post! i fact its much much beyond any competition! Hats off!!

    RESTLESS

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  44. Off the many hard nail hitters yet again I come across one...and indeed it has riveted.

    How many short-lists did you do to settle down to seven finally cos things like these here in India are aplenty?

    Charan

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  45. The satire's well taken... especially the Mamata part(could connect to it more) , and the corruption part... Looking at the CWG, I think India is truly following your sayings... and you have strange powers of predicting :)
    Till now, India was losing its face to itself, ..now time has come for it to lose face to the world...

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  46. Hey Raksha, thanks for visiting my blog.

    Restless...Truly touched and thank god you liked the flavour of my post.

    Charan...Had to think of solutions as well. That made it tougher.

    abhishek..Tragic no? I hope with the PM taking charge, things go back on track. Praying for a miracle.

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  47. If everyone can think right and put efforst towards a better India, i see no reason why it should not be able to go a high as other developed nations.

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  48. Yes and we have so much potential.

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  49. Good good...especially liked the idea of stone-pelting as sports...!!

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  50. Mayavati can also erect lots of statues of hers all across the border, so that enemy won't know whos the soldier and who's a statue...

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  51. Amol..Ever tried it?

    Shrinidhi..Mayawati with her handbags should do wonders.

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  52. Hi Purba..

    Love the way you write..sarci & hilarious to the core but delivering the message..

    When time permits check out my blog too anujane.blogspot.com, but i write quite rarely :( should make it more often..

    Keep writing

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  53. Hi,

    nice post! Good luck and Keep blogging

    www.adityakumarnayak.com
    www.awakeningtheindianwithin.com

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  54. Manmohan Singh can open up a school for the dumb..he knows how to be quite and enjoy life...

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  55. I found it very provocative !! this is what more and more people need to read (and write). I was going to say I liked point number 3 the best but then, I realized, I was equally provoked by all of them below !

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  56. we practice this "divide and rule" not only at bigger level like politics but from the very grass root level....and then when it hits back we complain

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  57. Its definitely time to make Bharat mahaan again. Why is it taking so long though.

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  58. Excellent satire !

    Your words have power !

    Keep writing !

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  59. https://www.facebook.com/PoliticsaLoveAffair happen to come across your blog, really loved the content, I do have a facebook page where in discuss similar things related to politics and national affairs,it would be great if you could like it and be a part of it...

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