Wednesday, September 29, 2010

The Men In My Life

My life would be incomplete without them. Every time things go wrong, I reach out for them. They are not one, but many. My needs are not one, but far too many. Just one man is not enough.

Oh, they are a pain. They make me go on a wild goose chase, they make me wait, they make me stew and fret. Just one call is not enough. Heartless, insolent, smooth liars – yet I can’t survive without them. What they do, the husband can do better, but he is so busy and always short on time. I don’t want to stress him any further. Sometimes I wish I could do it myself. My life would be so much simpler.

I have a daily morning guy. At the crack of dawn, the first person I think of is him. Does he know how impatiently I wait for him? Peering anxiously over the balcony, the sight of his parked scooter sends me into a frenzy. My heart leaps with joy when I hear the sound of his shuffling footsteps and I rush to open the door just when I hear the gentle thwack on the foot mat.



Today I need another one; in fact I have been waiting for him for the last one week. I dial his number again, its Kumar Sanu singing a cheesy Nadeem Shravan number. Even if my ears revolt in disgust, I almost sigh in relief. After hearing “the number you’re calling is busy, please try later” 25 consecutive times, it’s refreshing to hear the caller tune, so what if it a nasal voice that drives you nuts. I can understand - he’s so much in demand. But what I don’t understand is his disgusting taste in music. Why Kumar Sanu wailing about a missing Saajan, is always a caller tune on Salim carpenter, Ghanshyam gaswallah, Alam the plumber, Jitender the newspaper guy, Pandey Jee the electrician’s mobile. When I speak to them my voice is dripping with honey, I have to be persuasive to beat the queue of waiting, wailing madam jees. Once I managed to put on such a convincing act, that the gas delivery guy turned up at my door in three hours flat. One look at his rabid yellow eyes, scratching his you know what, I almost hid behind the door cowering in fear. Yeesh, how do I manage to turn my charm on all the wrong people? Only in desperation!

He finally picks up the phone. With incredible patience, I speak slowly and clearly.....Aaj aa rahe ho naa? Chaar din se wait kaar rahi hoon main tumhara, 100 baar phone kaar chookee hoon main( I hope, you are coming today. I have been waiting for four long days for you, must have called you at least a hundred times)....and then the dam breaks. Apnaa ringtone badal nahinn sakte! Dimaag kharab ho gayaa hai meraa, yeh ganaa sun sun ke!!! (Can’t you change that ring tone of yours? I have gone nuts listening to that same number again and again).

And just as I sink back on the seat, the cabbie ups the volume of his stereo. Its god damn Sanu again howling about a bedard baalam!! Arrrrghhh!!!!
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57 comments:

  1. Amusing post. You sound like a mellowed down version of the archetypical femme fatale. ;) But then vampires are also known to have that effect on others. They can also charm/hypnotize.

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  2. That was pretty cool...the title of the post just misleads..Nobody would have thought of these..

    Thumbs up

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  3. How did Kumar Sanu ever get famous?
    Don't those men ever get replaced by other men doing the same jobs?
    Misleading title; you probably intended that!
    Amusing post, Purba. Loved the vague part about the milkman.

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  4. this is indeed a hilarious post!!!
    'I have a daily morning guy.'
    wow!!!
    a laugh riot!
    vintage purba!!!

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  5. Ditto about Sanu! But a sight better than Himesh nosewalla!

    Oh, you are so right about the 'men' in our lives. They hold us to ransom don't they? btw, did the electrician turn up or was miffed at your comment on his caller tune? :D

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  6. i am dissappointed that i do not feature in the men in you life..what can i do to upgrade my status???

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  7. Exactlty what did you say to get the gas delivery man's immediate attention? It will be really nice if you can pass on the trick.

    A fun read, Purba.We have to admit men rule our world.

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  8. great.v funny & well written.our situation is worse as therer's no one @ home most of d time.we have to carefully coordinate with these various men & a few ladies as to when both we & they can be in d same place @ d same time

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  9. Prateek...I wish I could show them my fangs and scare them into submission.

    Jon...LOL...deliberately misleading :))

    D2..My question exactly!! why did he get famous!

    And that's the newspaper guy am talking about :)

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  10. magiceye.....I had fun writing this post. Was giggling non stop.

    Zephyr...LOL...he just gave an embarrassed laugh. Today I was waiting for Dilshad the plumber :)

    Menon...You get featured in this list,only if you can fix something. And no, a drink doesn't count.

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  11. Rajashree..Just don't call him Bhaiyya!!

    They rule because we let them :))

    Soumya....Ohh.. I was working till a year back. It was a nightmare!!!

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  12. I'm patiently waiting for the day that all the above-mentioned occupations are equally shared by both the sexes.

    Also, Kumar Sanu's main purpose is to create caller tunes that can drive away excessive callers! No wonder he sells so much!

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  13. That was amazingly written :)

    Nice blog btw.

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  14. No comments on this post....just had a lot of fun reading it. It's nice to know that you've devoted an entire blog post to the less important people in our lives(their roles,however, are no less important).

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  15. You're right. I see the mother and the sister swarming around the house waiting for the doodhwala or paper wala.. very nice!

    Among the women whom we wait for, we have savita the baby sitter, sunanda the helper, rekha the cook etc..

    So @kartikay, women have more important roles to don here :P

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  16. Kartikay...That's a good logic - using Sanu to drive callers away!

    Nik...thank you :)

    Samadrita...Sweetheart when you manage a house on your own, you will realize the order of importance. They are THE most important men & women in our lives!

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  17. mazing...Yea already dedicated a post to the women who make my world go round.

    Giribala...Oops ;)

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  18. Highly misleading title!!
    Still very amusing! :)
    And I agree with Samadrita, no matter what you say.
    They are not the most important ones in our lives!!

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  19. Kya Purba! too much Gas. So much for the men in your lives! Now where have all the good men gone, long time ago...
    Friendly neighbourhood...

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  20. Girish...Of course not.... These ARE the men in my life :D
    And Samadrita said "their roles,however, are no less important"

    Amit...Thanks for the friendly reminder :P

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  21. very very amusing again !!! :-)

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  22. The title was bit.....
    However,do you know Shanu appears in Guinness book of records for having maximum number of songs in a day.He sang in Bombay,Madras and Calcutta on same day and sang 7 songs.

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  23. Vicious...:D

    BK Chowla... And it's not even April 1st :))
    He was popular(for reasons unknown to me) for quite a while.
    And yes, I do remember reading about it.

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  24. Wonderfully engrossing stuff.

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  25. You are like a lotus rising out of the mundane everyday nothings to shine and bring smiles to all those how happen to read you!....loved it!

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  26. Rajesh...Thanks...

    Nalini...It's been my favourite joke for quite a while now - decided to turn into a post :D

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  27. I had zara zara touch me song from race as my caller tune...I just wanted to irritate my dad. :P
    Now that I think about it, I do not have many men in my life...just my dad and brother, who play the roles of gas wallah, doodh wallah, sabji wallah...everything.

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  28. wow loved this post and can't stopped laughing.Totally surprised and misleaded by the title and finally got better than I expected.These MEN in life are very important and like buttering but god forbid from their horrible choice of ringtones kumar sanu types.

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  29. Haha awesome post!

    We are totally at their mercy isn't it? My mom faces the same thing all the time, may it be the domestic help or the dabba walla.

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  30. Nethra...I can imagine him squirming.
    You lucky, pampered girl!

    Pratibha...Clever ploy to trap unsuspecting readers ;P

    Pooja...Only the women found it funny, the men were disappointed.

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  31. ha ha .... the whiny Sanu can drive you insane ...

    If there is one clandestine thing I am utterly intolerant about, it's other people's taste of music :)

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  32. Just enjoy the charm without getting scared.Have a good day!

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  33. Just enjoy the charm without getting scared.Have a good day!

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  34. Nice post Purba - Made me smile.. The postmen, the mailmen and the newspapermen - down South, you don't get Kumar Sanu's nasal tone, for caller tunes you get anything ranging from MS' Subprabatham to the latest "kuthu" song (that is tamil for the peppy fast tracks), but the perpetual wait is the same..

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  35. I asked my wife to read this & she completely empathizes with you.

    So true & wonderfully written

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  36. the man who kept me waiting always on the weekend that I was home had himesh reshammiya crooning into my ear - rohit my istiriwallah..:) and he came home and made me jealous by telling me how priyanka chopraji herself came out to talk to him while her maid sorted out the clothes for istiri..:)

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  37. Fun post.. and so so true.. I think I'm sweeter to these men than the husband.. he's not going anywhere they are going everywhere.. keep the posts coming.

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  38. Absolutely love your writing style and the wit of the title. The attraction to open the post was way in contrast to the humour of the real 'men' mentioned. Best wishes and happy writing :)

    -Nandhini

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  39. Salim the carpenter, Ghanshyam gaswallah, Alam the plumber, Jitender the newspaper guy, Pandey Jee the electrician. LOL. ROFL. LMAO.

    Are they real names? Hard to believe the Men in Your Life are so perfectly charted out as story characters ;)

    Howlarious. Enjoy the music!

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  40. I started the post with so much expectation, but you dissapointed me, ha ha !!


    Nevertheless, a really amusing post.

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  41. Am sure your husband doesn't even know you write :P

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  42. Aditya...Of course he does! He has no choice.

    Joshi..Disappointed that the men are the ones who make things work?

    Avi...I can NEVER enjoy whiney, sickly sweet compositions!

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  43. Sash...Not everyone has a disgusting taste in music ;P

    Arpana...Scared of???

    Sowmya..The furious chase and the impatient wait!!!

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  44. Prabhu...Thank you :)

    Ujjwal :D

    Journo..LOL really!! What a name dropper! Or maybe he was doing such a bad job, he needed Priyanka jee's special instructions.

    ObsessiveMom..LOL, aren't we all!

    Nandhini..The irony of our lives- the real men who matter!

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  45. Hilarious!! Your right, even though I'm surrounded by the female gene..Men do rule my world too! Not as many as yours though!! the trick is to find that all in one guy! Alas, I didn't think of this when I eyed my husband for the first and forever time. For if I had, I would have picked my handy man,instead.

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    Replies
    1. My husband is a plumber, electrician, cleaner of my mess-ups, all rolled into a one. Unfortunately for me, he's never there when I need him.

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  46. uncanny! i had written a post with the exact same title way back in May 2010!

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  47. ~Tum to thehre pardesi...saath kya nibhaoge....
    That is my fruit waala for your information and thanks to you ,I am heading for a migraine as this will be the song of the day in my head !!

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    Replies
    1. We must introduce them to the sublime thumris and soulful sufis :p

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  48. Aha! I can't believe that I liked Sanu at one point in time. A few good men these are, aren't they ;-)?

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    Replies
    1. I couldn't imagine my life without them. I still miss my presswala!

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  49. haahaha,Brilliaantly hilarious.Each of us can identify with this ....only the songs could be different!!

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