Monday, September 13, 2010

Rent A God Services

The one stop shop where all your prayers get answered.

Are you tired of getting ignored all the time, despite donations, raving, ranting, banging your head, thumping your chest in front of a lifeless idol??? It’s time to shift your loyalties to a God that is available 24 x 7 at your beck and call. Presenting a divine being, who not only listens but also acts.

No more trying to accumulate “good boy acts” for a better Karma. Now you can kill, plunder, bribe, blackmail without a care in the world – Bhagwan jee is here to wipe your slate clean.

Now, this no ordinary God but God-Man. This double faced genius discovered his gift for gab at an early age and has honed it to perfection. Too lazy to work to earn his living, he dispenses gyaan to lost souls and feeds on their fear. He has special affinity to cash rich cows and weepy voluptuous women. His band of interns who he likes to call his followers, also double up as his henchmen. You are most likely to find him sprawled in his sprawling ashram, with state-of-the-art facilities.

Haven is a place on Earth

Have you committed fraud and are on the run from the long arms of the law? Come rejuvenate your aching legs and tired soul at god’s own shelter for fugitives, a heavenly haven for the living. You will be offered a free herbal drink on arrival. Have fun teeing at our golf course with dacoits from Chambal and murderers in hiding. Complimentary yoga classes and Baba’s preaching also included in the package.

Specialist....Bapu Ass-a-Ram 

Maa Vaishno Laundry

Is your money feeling lost, stashed away in an unknown bank in Mauritius? Like Moses, God-man will part the Sea and guide your long lost funds to a path of deliverance. He will not only wash your dirty linen but launder your money as well. At Maa Vaishno laundry your bored black money transforms into sparkling white. You will be told of the methods to whatever is required whenever necessary.

Specialist....Shudh-ansh-u Maharaj

Customized bump-off services 

We all have to die one day; but God-man, also called Baba by his loving disciples, makes people die according to your convenience. Tell us who and we make him disappear from the face of Earth. Being a firm believer of ahimsa, Baba doesn’t like to get his hands dirty but can get your tormentor bumped off accidentally in an accident. Accidents were never such timely and fun. You can also opt for our value-added tantric services. Yes, for a fee your loving Baba can perform tantric rituals and send your enemy heavenwards.

Specialist Tantrik Bhairavananda better known as Mahakaal. 

Sweet deals are made of these 

If you are a firm believer of Government money is my money and think stealing it is your birthright, your search for a friend, philosopher ends right here. So what if you missed your share in the CWG pie and have been crying buckets over it! All is not over yet. You can still bid for development projects in poor states and develop your financial future instead. Babajee will arrange lucrative government contracts for a small dakshina. God-man has contacts in this world & that world and has friends in high places. With Baba and his friends’ help, files will move faster than sound, ministerial doors will open wide and you can expect government’s bounty to land with a loud thud in your lap. Prepare for vacations in Congo, Honduras, Serbia, Cayman Islands for the rest of your lives and remember to say a silent prayer to your very own God-man.

Specialist : Maharishi Swami Sumanand Saraswati better known as SSS

Contact 20457666 for further details. Attractive discounts for early birds and beautiful ladiesss.

Babagiri Source :- An undercover operation by Aaj Tak exposing Godmen’s unholy nexus, published in Mail Today, 12-Sep.
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  1. you have sinned balikay by talking ill of those who offer you instant salvation.
    now you will have to offer your unconditional services to lusty baba and attain instant freedom from the shackles of sane thought.

    lol! that was a great post portraying the high level of specialisation that has crept into religion and the frauds that claim to disburse salvation!

  2. are writing blasphemy now. Agree with magiceye. You will have to repent and seek forgiveness for your sins.

    By the way, brilliant post. And the salvation packages at the ashrams look good too.

  3. LOl...great post as usual..Hope no one bumps u off accidentally

  4. magiceye...An "undercover" operation at lusty baba's ashram? Hmm, will get interesting angles.

    Prateek...If you are interested in any of the 'salvation packages", you know who to contact.

    Jon...Are you one of Baba's interns?

  5. One of my friends reporting on the Kumbh Mela said that he knows what to do on retirement - become a swamy!

    Get lots of respect, donations, fly around in a coptor and get to do what ever you want :D

  6. The playboy pic is damn good...

  7. He he ... well written! It seems like Godmen are our best produce!! Sai Baba and Sri Sri Ravi Shankar need individual posts!

  8. God(men)damn it, it was awesome!!! :D
    And please please don't post sarcastically on Sai Baba or Ravi Shankar as the above person has mentioned!!!

  9. Bhagwad...LOL...Post retirement Swamigiri is a good option.

    Dhiraj... I know, I loved it :))

    Giribala...Best produce, best export.

    Girish...Don't worry, I won't.

  10. My question is, will you be allowed sanctuary in Baba Ass-a-Ram's haven and protection from Mahakaal's accidents? You better cross the road carefully. There could be a speeding car heading your way when you least expect it to. That's what you look forward to after a blasphemous post as this one! Unless of course, you can give the God men some dakshina!

    Brilliant post, Purba. I haven't read a better or truer one regarding these idiots.

  11. All this free publicity for their misdeeds, why would they want to bump me off?

    And I'm sure there are Spiritual Gurus with the power to guide and change lives. A few greedy idiots do not represent all.

  12. Jai Ho! Since the 'As(s)hrams' never come under the tax radars, more and more gurujees will be born.

  13. Hi,Purba..hehe..I must read this post again, at grinning away.:)Have been a mite tied up with work related matters..but,things coming back to normal now.:)

  14. Sambaraman...A tax free haven :)

    Amit...Hopefully you'll get time for a re-read.

  15. Great stuff, beautifully put together.

  16. For & On behalf of:
    Bogus Swamiji Association of Boolok and Swarlok.


    On the instruction of my above-named client, I am issuing this notice to you for your kind consideration and necessary action.

    My client though happy for the extra publicity and charting out the societal obligations we carry about still we find it intrusive of our tightly guarded privacy and breach of our internal policies. We can still allow you to go ahead provided you swear by our name, take our holy waters and ashes and shower us with papers that people call currency.

    Looking forward for an early action from your end.



  17. Thanks Rajesh..

    Lakshmi...Ginger Chai represents the lost cause of Bogus Swami Association?
    I just have fake currency...will it suffice?

    And your comment deserves to be framed ( I meant the photo one).

  18. Lovely post. I fully agree with your view of the Baba's special affinity to cash rich cows and weepy voluptuous women . Too good :)

  19. Just imagine them to be running our Government!

  20. You can be an advertising agent for god-men as a part time job, wat say? ;)

  21. Purba... there are 3 crore gods and three times that many godmen.... can I rent them all at one go and make the britishers do the 'Jallianwala Bagh' with no escape this time please?

  22. Hilarious - Loved the names you coined - Add to the list in Ass-a-Ram "Rog"ue-aananda who is the specialist to cure diseases..

  23. Very well written Purba.
    and I loved lakshmiranjan suing you on behlf of all the people jinka tumne 'parda-fash' kiya hai.

  24. This post, I love to the power made that all up in that little head of yours?...a hug from me!

  25. Mucho Thanks Gautam, had fun writing it.

    S R Ayyangar...They do don't they, remember Chandraswami?

    Ana-treek...And burn in hell?? Naaaa

  26. Mohan...Good riddance to bad rubbish eh?

    ROFL @ "Rog"ue-aananda, should have consulted you Soumya. And hey, thanks for joining.

    Muddassir..Yupp, the vote goes to Lakshmi at his wicked best.

    Nalini...Naa just a dash of pepper, lots of green chillies :)) And thanks a ton.

  27. Lol, fraud in the name of religion.
    but doesnt it happen almost everywhere?

    Awesome post!

  28. i think these it's time these sexy babas got their fair share ...think of it this way ... they are smart , intelligent, have the gift of the gab ... they have the 'package' ... Now that I think of them, they are completely into this for money (Like Dev Anand's Guide Ishstyle) ... :)

  29. Purba , Gingerchai does not represent the BSABS - "it was misquoted" (why should it was misquoted be a convenient tool of only politicians and actors ;) ) :D

  30. Pooja...Sadly it does. Gullibility always has takers.

    flawsophy...The only package is see is their bloated heads!
    Yupp it's a foolproof method to earn your moolah and you don't even have to pay taxes.

    Lakshmi...You almost sound like a film star :D

  31. instant long as gullible people r der, u can expect godmen to use them..:) eyeopener post buddy:)

  32. Hilarious...missed your sarcasm and wit...Need to catch up on old posts too...:)

  33. Well written, witty and informative post.

    Can't believe the number of people who actually consider these God men as holy and in place of God.

  34. Ramesh...Yes, gullibility is almost a crime.

    Journomuse...Hey, long time. So glad to have you back.

    Kevin...Is it because people use them as a shortcut to spirituality?

  35. Very very very spicy!

    How I wish your blog never ceases to dish out red hot sarcasm!

    Babagiri rocks! I wish I'll be one someday!

  36. May god give you sense LOL

    nice post :)

  37. haha hilarious one..could relate to all the well known babas and ammas :)

  38. Bunty...A B-School Baba!! Are your parents aware of your ambitious plans?

    Mayank...Naah... nonsense is better than godsense.

    Unknown...Glad you liked it.

  39. Nice Blog! Well most of your content and image is original and informative. /many thanks for sharing this, cheers.

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