Wednesday, November 24, 2010

It happened one night

Image Courtesy :Squidoo.com
You have been her silent worshipper for months. And why not, she’s smart, almost beautiful, sassy. The office Casanovas and aging Lotharios have been circling her cubicle furiously, in the vain hope of catching her attention. Yet, she said yes to YOU – silent (mostly), strong, brooding, forehead crinkled in worry, surgically attached to your Blackberry. Almost like her Mills & Boon hero, if you concentrate on the strong silent part and ignore the slightly paunchy, thinning hair look. Of course it helped that you are somewhere at the top of the corporate ladder. Hard work always has its perks.

You have a dinner date tonight at the new Japanese joint that food critics have been raving about. You wistfully think of the divine butter chicken with garlic naan at your favourite Moti Mahal Deluxe. But what to do, she is on a raw diet. Ahh…sushi is but a small sacrifice for office goddess.



She looks even more gorgeous in her purple shimmery dress with silver stilettos. It’s molichino not purple, she corrects you in her husky voice. You almost melt looking into her saucer like eyes. The Sake is okay, the music soothing and the maki rolls almost palatable. The candles cast a soft glow on her face. Just as you start telling her the Rajnikanth joke you memorized in the morning, she leans forward. Wait, wasn’t it this morning that you read in the papers that a woman’s face looks more attractive when it’s tilted forward? No wonder you can’t take your eyes off her. You tilt backwards because the same report had said that a man’s face looks more attractive when it’s tilted backwards. Yeah, let’s work some magic on her. She looks puzzled, checks her breath and manages to tilt the soya sauce on the table and on to her dress. She gives a cry of anguish and runs to the restroom muttering under her breath.

Just then your mobile beeps. It’s wifey and she wants to know when you’re getting your sorry ass home. Hrrrmpp…women!!! Your mind goes into a rewind again…Didn’t you read in the papers that lots of sex helps men live longer? Jeez, am just making sure all her Karva Chauth prayers get answered and I get to live the longest and fullest life. But didn’t the report also say only if you are faithful? Unfaithful men have a poor cardio vascular performance as they also cope with increased stress of their infidelity. Damn, why do good things always come with a rider! And didn’t the Pope say it’s okay to use to condoms? Argggh!! what does it have to do with me!! This Sake is making me all woozy. I am from the land of Kamasutra, the land of Jagans, Marans, Rajas, Kanimozhi and 2G scams. The land that has an unhealthy obsession for all things fair and lovely especially if it is imported, so what’s if it’s a has-been B grade actress more famous for her D cup. 

This is stressing me up too much. Think I’ll just go home and watch Katrina do her jiggy wiggy to Sheila ki jawani! Doesn’t she say in the song “Main Toh Khud Se Pyaar Jataun”, yeah think I will continue being in love with myself.

Just as you call the maitre d for the cheque, she walks in from the restroom. She gives you a disgusted, almost snarly look. Suddenly office goddess doesn’t look that attractive anymore.


40 comments:

  1. :) yes we tend to be naughty :)

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  2. All blame TOI :P Life was smooth, carefree once upon a time, before TOI website started life & style section ;)

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  3. Oh Dear!

    Purba, TOI is playing on your mind a LOT. :) specially that article.

    hahaha... They forgot to mention the long lasting trauma that 'he' would have to endure if the woman eveeeer found out.

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  4. Double hmmm........ :P by the way....amusing ;)

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  5. Ha ha damn good! So much to do so little time :-)

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  6. hehehe if his wife finds out he won't even get a second to recall what was written in the article :P
    awesome post :D

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  7. Awesome!
    An epilogue with his wife finding out would have been interesting.
    Would possibly be based on some other TOI article about why men get unfaithful in the first place!

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  8. Arre why are you guys after my poor hero's life? It's just a dinner date with office goddess.

    Vicious : All the time ;)

    Lakshmi: God bless TOI for providing enough spice for my Jhalmuri.

    Priyanka...C'mon a man needs to have fun :D

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  9. Prateek...:))

    Giribala...You bet!

    Rajlakshmi...He can always claim he was making efforts for a long life.

    D2....What does the wife have to find out?? As such the wife is always the last person to know.

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  10. Oh Purba! Full of humor. Its very refreshing to read your blog :)
    Loved the long-living & karva Chauth strategy :PP

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  11. :) teasers!!

    beautifully woven with humour mystery and sarcasm!

    thoroughly enjoyable spicy jhalmuri!!

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  12. Loved the blog...so TOI becomes a must read for all men who have a chance to go wayward

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  13. Jhalmuri times! This is super awesome!

    Have you thought of renaming it to "The Times of Jhalmuri"?

    (Okay, sad joke.)

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  14. MAN,THE OTHER WOMAN AND THE POOR SOYASAUCE. BEAUTIFUL RECIPE SERVED AND TOPPED WITH PAGE3CREAM ....WELLWRITTEN .

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  15. Shalmalee...Glad you liked it.

    magiceye...Yayyy...thanks

    Jon...A manual on how and when to stray :D

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  16. Kartikay...Times Of Jhalmuri? hmmm

    Radhakanta...Ha, glad you liked the recipe.

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  17. That's some imagination...Interesting read.

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  18. Gahrwaali aur baharwaali and the soya sauce..hehe...it was a nice read.

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  19. Alka...When my imagination runs riot, think I"l write a story then.

    Always Happy...Nice title :))

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  20. wow hilarious till the end... and this
    "Suddenly office goddess doesn’t look that attractive anymore."

    made me hold my stomach!...superb

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  21. Hi Purba, Very nicely written.
    Poor guy..too much info really dampens his to be s-exciting evening. Maybe he forgot the part that said "Ignorance is bliss!" :-)

    Reminds me of the Calvin and Hobbes quote..."There's an inverse relationship between how good something is for you, and how much fun it is!!" Poor heart of the infidels! Too many things are unfair in their favor. ha ha..

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  22. Very nice flow.Good article

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  23. What wild imagination :) Poor guy, settling for Katrina Kaif and that too on the tube. LOL

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  24. i love all the sentences you have put in BOLD yayyyyyyyyyy


    nice one :)


    Bikram's

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  25. Deepika...Ha, thank you

    Gayatri...Ignorance IS bliss! couldn't agree with you more.

    Anu..mucho thanks

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  26. Zephyr...Aww, this is not wild.

    Bikramjit...Hahahaha...just some studies by some random researchers.

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  27. Wooing and mating are genetically hard-coded in all living organisms (I knew it before TOI discovered it;). Sadly, even the most perfect unions are not without vested interests!

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  28. Umashankar...True, love is the most selfish emotion.

    Thanks Rajesh :))

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  29. Really Jhamuni :-) Have been following your blog of late (me a newbie).Sarcasm and humor interlinked into a fine smooth story..Interesting.

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  30. An enjoyable weave,with seasoning of humor.

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  31. continue being in love with myself!! lol!

    refreshing, as always, this place!!

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  32. a tangy piece of writing - loved reading it

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  33. Am I the only who who's connecting "lots of sex helps men live longer" and "I will continue being in love with myself"? :P

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  34. Zradar...It's jhalmuri and glad you liked it.

    Arpana..Humour is the spice of life :)

    Mangoman..Ah, long time. Good to have you back.

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  35. Vikram...Mucho thanks.

    Nethra...Hahahahaha...Someone is getting naughty. Nice idea though!

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  36. That was superb! You have a wonderful imagination :)

    Did I hear Jhalmuri somewhere? This certainly was that :)

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  37. Yupp, it's part of my Jhalmuri Times series. It publishes nothing but spicy bakwaas :))

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  38. Hehe...a nice, spicy episode intervened by heart burn and indigestion.

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