Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Let’s Talk About Love Baby

Image courtesy : Cartoonstock.com

Believe it or not, the way you flirt holds the key to the fate of your relationship. A new study has found that people who use playful and physical style of flirtations are likely to attract shorter, less serious relationships, whereas polite and sincere flirting could attract a long term partner. Hey Babe! I lost my number, can I have yours?   F&$^% off Dude …insert complementary dead fish look.

Madam I beg to state that I have lost my number. Can I have yours please? Why just my number, you can have my Mom, my Dad, my entire khandan’s number …insert complementary eyelash fluttering.

Great, you fell in love with a lost case and are living happily ever after. You have managed to tolerate each other for nearly a decade, till you come across this shitty piece of research. According to a study, married couples have exactly ten years and 11 months of wedded bliss before it starts going to hell. So why does it all go downhill after a decade? The reasons cited were ….lack of romantic gestures, scarcity of compliments from their spouse and six out of 10 respondents needed to be reminded why they married their partner in the first place. Ouch. To no one's surprise, sex was also to blame. Not even the lack of it -- but a total lack of enthusiasm about it. No figures were revealed as to how excited they were about the prospect of sex with someone other than their partner.

It has now been ten years of togetherness and you make the shocking discovery that your husband is enjoying a secret rendezvous with another woman. Chill…don't run after him with a knife, just grab a copy of Maryse Vaillant controversial new book Men, Love, Fidelity, instead. According to Vaillant, France's most prominent female psychologist, extra-marital affair is a sign that your marriage is a healthy one. Thank God, you are having an affair!! Mwaah. She further reckons that men who keep mistresses actually improve their marriage. "They simply need breathing space and infidelity is almost unavoidable". Once women accept that the "pact of fidelity is not natural but cultural" and that infidelity is essential to the "psychic functioning" of certain men it can be a "very liberating" for women. In her book, Vaillant insists that fidelity is not, by definition proof of love.

Shouldn’t be too tough, choosing that special gift for her on your tenth anniversary, eh? Did the Amazon site just crash from traffic overload?



But if the woman is taking contraceptive pills she might not be as forgiving and understanding and she might just chuck that book out of the window. The sex hormones in contraceptive pills apparently make women possessive and insanely jealous. These hormone driven suspicions often place relationships in jeopardy and men can no longer fall back on Ms Vaillant’s liberating theories. But Darling bed hopping is part of my flawed DNA!!! Snip, snip, snip….Was that my new Armani suit! ...insert complementary anguished howl.

So now you know where a polite and sincere enquiry for her digits can take you….


49 comments:

  1. Marriage sounds so complicated. Really!

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  2. Hahaha... well, this M thing is just too complicated. I think I'm going to steer clear for a while. :) Must not succumb to pressure.

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  3. If the husband is having an extra-marital affair then its a sign of a healthy marriage the study says...What happens if the wife is having a fling....
    Starting was very comical.Lovely!

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  4. lol!
    for the sake of a phone number a life was lost!!!!
    topics that people write books on! amazing how every act can be justified!
    dignity of writing akin to dignity of labour?
    loved your take!!!

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  5. Prateek...Hmmmmmmmmm

    Samadrita...Naaa...but you have to constantly work at it.

    Priyanka...If you meet the right guy, you must succumb immediately.

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  6. Alka... If the wife has a fling he throws extra large tantrums and sulks the rest of his life.

    magiceye...Exactly! people and their ridiculous theories and you are expected to change the way you feel.

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  7. Umm .. how many people were part of the "focus group" before their research came to such conclusions valid for all 6 billion beings of this earth?

    How about we research THAT!

    (Also, can I take a guess: you read the TOI don't you?)

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  8. Makes me wonder why people get married in the first place. But of course, if they don't, they can't have an extra-marital affair!

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  9. We are suppose to let our husbands have mistresses? That's unfair. If he's having an extramarital affair then even we should be allowed to wander around for awhile. After that even we shall work hard to keep our relationships. Sounds good na?

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  10. even though single...thumbs up to the post

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  11. Kartikay...Why don't you do a detailed study on that? It will be a pleasant diversion from Aditya Lal.

    And I read the TOI, HT and Mail Today.

    D2...They marry to have somebody do their household chores! Lol, just kidding.

    Nethra...A win win situation.

    Jon....thanks :)

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  12. first never ask for a number even if u hav lost whole phone book :O and thank god we dont live in france!! :)

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  13. Im so confused now.. I dont know where I stand.. sigh!

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  14. B L...Spot on..you learn fast.

    Curry Spice..As in whether you should be mad or heave a sigh of relief?

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  15. I know I'm mad... but is it better to get married... stay single.. dance a little. have an affair (cos that is so easy to do) etc. etc.. or just keep food blogging and traveling and one day magic will happen.

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  16. Very funny :))
    I wrote on the topic too

    http://shailsnest.com/wp/humor/for-my-sisters/

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  17. Curry Spice....Just do what makes you happy and the day you meet the guy you can make magic with, don't think twice.

    Shail...Would love to read your take.

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  18. Where do they get time for all that?
    Actually at work place sometimes i forgot to wish acquaintances,
    thinking about what to post next on the blog and this stray burden oof--

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  19. Where do they get time for all that?
    Actually at work place sometimes i forgot to wish acquaintances,
    thinking about what to post next on the blog and this stray burden oof--

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  20. wtf - 10 years it takes to start questioning? My wife and I've been married for under 5 and even we think about such questions! That's some scary shit.

    Living with another person long term is absolutely the most complicated and tough challenge I've ever faced. All part of life I suppose. The only thing that keeps me going is the conviction that that's just the way it is...it's not as if living with any one else will be better.

    There are payoffs of course. Living alone for too long gives rise that angst and feeling of meaninglessness that's much worse.

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  21. The most weird thing is Times of India publishing some goofy tarts like "Your marriage is breaking up after 20 years because your wife no longer gets to go out on Girls' nights" ... established by some university of Creepyland and we are expected to go through the ordeal of honoring the headline as it's perfectly valid in our country ...

    At least, if they publish the effects of mineral water pani-puri on my marriage horoscope, it is more culturally relevant ...

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  22. Aparna...What to post next is a full time preoccupation. Tell me about it!!!

    B J...Oh I prefer marriage any day. True we have our downs, arguments that end in tears but I wouldn't trade it for anything else in the world.

    flawsophy...They just copy it off the net and most of the times they don't even bother changing the language.
    And it's a hierarchy Guardian -> Telegraph -> TOI
    But it makes for fun reading and gives me enough spice for my Jhalmuri:)

    LOL @ "mineral water pani-puri on my marriage horoscope

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  23. Women too need breathing space!

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  24. If men have to have an affair to strenghten their marriages, what do women have to do? Cook an extra special meal? Or perhaps leaving the strengthening to the male, as in, letting him have is fling -- is enough effort on her part?

    What utter nonsense does Vaillant spout in the name of psychology!

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  25. Giribala...EXACTLY!!

    Zephyr...Oh the men are rubbing their hands in glee. Now they have a reputed psychologist backing up their flings.

    If the men have affairs and the women stop caring, why be married at all?

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  26. ahaan ... 6 more years to go for me to gift my bu(i)tter half Maryse Vaillant's book :P

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  27. Once women accept that the "pact of fidelity is not natural but cultural" and that infidelity is essential to the "psychic functioning" of certain men it can be a "very liberating" for women. In her book, Vaillant insists that fidelity is not, by definition proof of love.

    This is a very important part of the article. And it makes perfect sense.

    Loved your writing style very much! Cheers!

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  28. very funny :) I wonder where the author got the statistics from to support the claim "extra-marital affair is a sign that your marriage is a healthy one". I am not surprised that the book is "controversial".

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  29. Darshan...The men are nodding their heads in agreement so vigorously, they are almost falling off their chairs :P

    Random...Hahahaha...she surveyed the men :)

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  30. Woaahhh!! Expert is she?

    Quoting, 'infidelity is essential to the psychic functioning of CERTAIN men.'
    There that thrashes the theory!

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  31. Lakshmi...Don't tell me in the meanwhile you'll practice Ms Maryse's theories!

    Pooja...Naa... just the new poster girl for men worldwide ;)

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  32. See now men have a valid reason to practice infidelity :)

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  33. But Purba don't they say practice makes man ;)

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  34. Perception...very true!

    Lakshmi...What a perfect excuse!

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  35. Yaa-aawn... no, no.. not at your post, but at the study.survey or whatever nonsense research these people do.

    Survey's are like horoscopes - interesting but absolutely junk! Someone wants to prove his point about 'infidelity being good for marriage' and asks some random researchers to dig deep into this crazy topic... and then feeds it to the newspaper, who then feeds it to us...

    It's good for a laugh but that's it!

    I love our sense of humour! Keeps me fascinated on what's going to come next!! :)

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  36. The last line is supposed to read - I love 'your' sense of humour! Keeps me fascinated on what's going to come next!! :)

    Cheerio!

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  37. a very serious thing so amusingly said :)

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  38. LOL
    Nice on Purba,
    Keep churning such humorous stuff :)

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  39. Bwahahaha.

    But I disagree with the point about fidelity....I mean doesn't marriage mean just the same person for the rest of your life(or until divorce).

    So if a person has three partners out of marriage and is totally disinterested with the one married to. That's a GOOD thing? W-t-eff?

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  40. Shrinidhi...You almost sound like a celebrity :P

    Venice...Surveys are junk but yummy inspiration for posts.

    Vicious..Because it's seriously wrong!!!

    Muddassir...Thanks.

    Ujjwal..Too young for marriage counseling. Guess it's for you to find out :))

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  41. Haaa!! That was Nice and Smooth!!! Well I am not experienced in marriage or lOve, coz i am 19 and havent been in any relationship yet (Damn It! or Phew!) ... but yeah! as a view from outside... it was pretty entertaining and humourous!!! "faith" is indeed missing these days as i see it and perfectly phrased as the 11 month theory!!! I gotta give that to u! ;)

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  42. Sam..LOL @ damn it or phew!
    It's a beautiful feeling though :)
    And it's not just 11 months, it's ten years AND 11 months. Not so easy my boy :)

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  43. Ah, those French!

    It is quite acceptable in French society to have "another woman"

    And second of all, I think the men are extra nice to the wife because they are guilty in some corner and want to make up for it.

    I am not married but I have seen zoologists talk about monkeys even though they are not monkeys. My analysis is somewhat similar :p

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  44. For an unmarried guy you seem to know a lot about the married-cheating guy psychology.

    And the Zoologists are paid to study monkeys :)

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  45. Lord be the savior of all the fools who marry!! :D

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  46. Loved it , men have been straying for centuries , the kothas. the sautans the chinveeds in India , Kings and their numerous Queens , all for political alliances of course and their loinistic longings eh ?!! But why snip his Armani suit . I would snip something else and sell that armani suit on Ebay . So according to this genius the word adultery has no relevance eh , since infidelity is the norm ? What about the women( but our libidos have frozen , oh yes till hell freezes over ) aaah yes the clever good Kings had only Hijras to guard their harems .

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