Sunday, December 5, 2010

It's A Gay World After All


Image courtesy : fugly.com
 All of you who thought Ibis was the name of a chain of hotels meant for the budget conscious traveller, here’s news for you. It’s an avian variety that was happy but now gay. The females of this species are not too thrilled about this development though.

Scientists believe that pollution in water is turning birds into homosexuals. Apparently white male Ibises have been giving a cold shoulder to the females of their species and prefer cosying up to each other instead. And since Papa Ibises now prefer other papas, baby chicks are not seeing the light of the day. It appears poisonous metal compounds entering the food chain is the culprit behind the altered sexuality of these birds. I would have preferred the male pigeons taking a shine to each other. Those of you staying in high rise apartments would be well aware of this feathered menace. In fact I had devoted an entire post to my pigeon litany. It is quite irksome to see and hear their constant furious coupling and then be privy to their irresponsible parenting. Baby pigeons keep tumbling down from their precariously perched nests on our AC compressors. And the rapidly multiplying population merrily poops all over our balconies. Papa pigeons it’s time you brought your alarmingly growing numbers under control.

I remember reading somewhere that the rising pollution level is also to blame for the changing sexual orientation of men. When I was in school gay meant happy and boys getting close to each other did not invite You are so gay comments. We merrily sang We are Springdalians happy and gay! And NOBODY sniggered. Well things have changed. Men now prefer pink, and all the eligible men are either married or gay. And now there’s even a fresh new preference on the block – the flexisexual. There are quite a few women who can’t seem to make up their mind and swing both ways. Visibly straight women do not mind singing I kissed a girl, just to try it, I hope my boyfriend don’t mind it. It felt so wrong, it felt so right. Ah the permutations and combinations of the modern world.



But one particular female of the human species instead of wasting her time experimenting, has hit upon a preposterous business idea. 49 year old Agnes Duran has claimed ownership of the sun and is getting it registered as her own property. She now plans to charge people who benefit from Sun’s energy. Oh, you got a nice orange tan!...that will be 15 dollars. I counted 25 clothes drying on your washline....10 dollars please? She applied for ownership soon after she learnt that similar claims have been made by a US national on the Moon, Mars & Venus. Apparently there exists an Outer Space Treaty of 1967 that prevents any government from staking claim over celestial bodies, but doesn’t extend to private individuals. Hurry!! Offer open till stocks last.

And those of you waiting to haul me up for reading too much of TOI’s lifestyle section, I have news for you as well. The ingredients of my Jhalmuri was sourced from Mail Today this time. HA!


44 comments:

  1. first..! now let me read the post

    ReplyDelete
  2. Second- i think... I was cracking up. Hey you went Springdales? Me too ... only till Std 1 though. Then we moved to Mumbai. :(

    ReplyDelete
  3. TOI news section does this to people :(

    ReplyDelete
  4. Loved it Purba.

    Soon, we'll have another reason for more gay men around, "female infanticide". Skewed female to male ratios. Blame it on the society now!

    Then we'll have a parallel of "flexisexual" in men too??

    ReplyDelete
  5. Yup, Mail Today it was. We read the same thress papers so I will always catch you :P
    And I wonder, if the feathered homosexuals were there for the "Rainbow Day Parade" at CP, Delhi.
    And No she can't claim the sun. I own Milkyway and I have the property papers to prove it.

    ReplyDelete
  6. In India until recently homosexuality was a rare or non existent phenomenon becuase those who are homos they used to fear the soceity. Nowadays its opening up and has become a topic of fun rather from other "sexuality". Homosexuality is not a laughing matter at all. Every species has a percentage of homos. This apparently was a nature's way of checking any species population.
    In Europe, nobody makes as much fun as people in India make about Homos. I myself have 1-2 homo collegueges.
    I think we Indians needs more homos to check the population anyway! we breed like rats and cockroaches(sorry for my language).
    Regards.

    ReplyDelete
  7. is it?? a women actually claimed SUN ?? :O
    amazing... amazingly amazing

    ReplyDelete
  8. I just posted this to all my friends from springdales :D

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hmm pollution doesn't seem to have taken a toll on my sexual orientation yet it seems. I still feel eww at the prospect of kissing a girl. Safe phew! :P
    Also can cockroaches, lizards and ants turn gay too please? I'll love that a lot.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Sexual orientation will soon be a hot topic amongst the birds as well. Then they'll start discussing the bees too!

    And maybe I'll put an order to buy a hitherto undiscovered planet where we might all shift later when the Earth gets too populated by pigeons!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Nikhil...:))

    Curry Spice...Aww did you!! nice.

    Aditya...Now what? It's a welcome change from whole stole what...and who killed whom.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Gayatri... Quite possible. And we do have bi's in men.

    Prats...Maybe next year they will take part in the Gay parade.

    The milky way? now that takes care of everything.

    Bhawana... Sweetheart nowhere have I made fun of a person's sexual preference. It's a free country and everyone is entitled to do their own thing.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Deepika...I know, when I read it I couldn't stop cracking up.

    Ujjwal...Jeez....why???

    Samadrita...Pests please take note!! But we could do with fewer cockroaches, mosquitoes and mice!

    D@...LOL at birds and bees. Or maybe we can shift the pigeons to this new undiscovered planet?

    ReplyDelete
  14. Even dogs have changed...:( its really irritating to see one sniffing out another..eekss...

    ReplyDelete
  15. LOL..this was a fun post..and yes reading TOI's lifestyle section can definitely shred your gray cells :P

    ReplyDelete
  16. Agnes Duran really claimed ownership of the sun? Well, if the offers still open, I want Saturn for myself. :P

    Homosexuality is a blessing in disguise. It helps in controlling population so guys please go gay. :P :D

    ReplyDelete
  17. Blaming homosexual behaviour on pollution? Really?

    I thought that there were studies done and they concluded that they haven't been able to conclusively conclude on what causes homosexual behaviour. It's probably safe to say that homosexuals are normal.

    Pigeons too! I remember seeing this one chart in school that showed all animals that were known to display homosexual behaviour - and there were quite a few of them!

    ReplyDelete
  18. :) now am informed!
    water pollution can cause sex pollution too!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Tarun...Hmm

    LP ... TOI's lifestyle section it seems, is the new cuss word!

    And nice to see you back :))

    Nethta...LOL somebody has already claimed ownership of the milky way!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Kartikay...I would like to see that chart!

    magiceye....Ha, good point!

    ReplyDelete
  21. What if all human life were female due to some mutation?...world will be a better place?

    ReplyDelete
  22. This subject is alien to me and I do not subscribe to TOI for the simple reason that I do not like their supplements. That's why I prefer Deccan Herald .

    ReplyDelete
  23. oops Purba, I did not mean you made fun.... :o(
    I was talking about the soceity in general.

    Cheers..:))
    Bhavana

    ReplyDelete
  24. Nalini...We need the yin and the Yang for harmony :)

    Ayyangar Sir....I prefer Mail Today.

    Bhawna...Thanks for clarifying :))

    ReplyDelete
  25. thanx for goin thru my blog purba. U r right i was too subtle in my suggestions i will rectify it in the future posts.

    ReplyDelete
  26. HE HE HE HE HE HE

    what else can i say to that .. Pollution changes the sexual orientation, It has not had any effect on me I still like the BIRDSSS :)

    i need to start reading the mail and TOI wowow hilarious stuff ..

    wowow i read a few comments about asking guys to go gay... control on population what a noble idea .. But if we all guys go gay what will WOMEN do .. a thought... haan

    Bikram's

    ReplyDelete
  27. Hey Purba beside writing interesting post you are doing publicity of TOI too in every post--enjoyable read!

    ReplyDelete
  28. hey have u deleted ur post on ur interview. i am seeing in my reader but can't get tht in ur blog!

    ReplyDelete
  29. Such a scintillating post and so many brilliant comments, yet, strangely everybody missed the relationship between homosexuality and pollution:
    Homosexuality is pollution!

    ReplyDelete
  30. conditions apply... You are welcome :)

    Bikramjeet...Birds? as in the chick variety?

    If guys go gay, women will be fatter and happier :D

    Arpana...And I thought almost the entire country reads the TOI!

    ReplyDelete
  31. Jon...Na...it was galtee se mistake! It's now under "About Me" tab.

    Umashankar...Aww c'mon! Even our archaic government has legalized homosexuality.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Haha, at first I DID think "is she reading too much TOI Lifestyle like me!?"
    fun to read post :)
    Follow your blog now!

    ReplyDelete
  33. The relationship between pollution and homosexuality is an interesting line of thought. Homophobes might think twice before contributing to noise, water and air pollution if they can be convinced of the connection.

    Or they might insist pollution existed during the ancient times too. Achilles in Greek Mythology joined the war against Troy when his partner Patroclus was killed by Hector. ( Achilles and Patroclus )

    ReplyDelete
  34. One good thing other than population control that can happen by males turning gay could be a reduction in the molestation of women that seems to be escalating to alarming proportions.

    I am seriously thinking of bidding for Pluto. No particular reason, except that I love the name :D

    ReplyDelete
  35. hope baba ramdev is not reading this.hats off..

    ReplyDelete
  36. Purba..what is this GAY? I heard of BAY and MAY be the DAY ....hahaha c'mon GAYing is a matter for those who have no NIGHTS but only DAY....
    good writing and good humour as well...first visit to your blog...keep it up...

    ReplyDelete
  37. Defiant...Thank you :)

    IHM...Homophobes can now join the green drive. All those activists campaigning against gay rights can now include pollution in their agenda. It will definitely help their cause :))

    Zephyr...That's quite a thought. But Pluto is so far away!

    ReplyDelete
  38. Pramod...Ludispan? Enlighten me please?

    RK...He should just concentrate on hanging upside down! Apparently he has political aspirations as well.

    Dear untypable...Glad you liked it :)

    ReplyDelete
  39. What's with this Sun thing :o Straight to Google.

    Same template!

    ReplyDelete
  40. hahahaha...this was a nice post! enjoyed reading :)

    ReplyDelete
  41. LOL! Again a fun post layered with seriousness!! :D I really have no words .Yours and Deepak's posts are uncannily similar- topics wise :)It's a funny world!And I never knew birds had sexual disorientation until now!!! :|

    ReplyDelete
  42. Ha ha... reminds me of the time I stayed in a building which had a travel agency called "gay travels" on the ground floor.... every time I gave the address to someone, I'd see a smirk on their faces :D

    ReplyDelete

  43. Some in the spiritual arena of thought accept as true that they "must stop" the "gay agenda, whatever that might be. Of course, there are folks who are very obstinate in the GLBT community about certain issues such as gay marriage and they demand to be heard and are vocal on the following stage over this debate. When I read the gentleman's essay arguing that no one is born gay, I certainly understood where he was coming from, as he felt as if the ""gay agenda" had come too far, and so, he is just as adamant about pushing back now.

    ReplyDelete

Psst... let me know what you are thinking.

LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...