Sunday, December 19, 2010

Your Weekly Dose Of Spice

These days we need scientific research to tell us how to flirt, what makes us happy, the colour of lipstick to wear to attract a man’s attention. Incredulous findings that make you almost choke on your morning cup of coffee - a bunch of good-for-nothing nerds, who will waste half their uneventful life researching and come up with path breaking findings- Women who thoroughly dust their houses have a high chance of becoming pregnant… Chewing gum can give you wrinkles around the mouth… Men crave sex even in old age and the difference is most pronounced in the 75-85 age groups….Men are programmed to have a lustful, wandering eye and have affairs.…. Having a younger man for a husband lowers your life expectancy. I am convinced these researchers are of the male variety. But it makes for fun reading and you can look up from the paper and say “Guess what they have come with now!!”

Here’s a sample of the latest findings. Money can buy you happiness, but only if you earn more than your friends. Studies have revealed that yes the rich are happier, but what matters is earning more than others and not the actual amount earned. So for the sake of your happiness people, never ever ask your friends about the digits they earn!! Better safe than sorry.




Portrait Workshop

Remember Mona Lisa’s smile – that makes you wonder whether it’s a smile or a smirk or simply a case of a pout gone wrong. It now seems there’s something wrong with her eyes as well. In what mirrors the book and Hollywood movie ‘The Da Vinci Code’, art historians claim to have uncovered a real-life Da Vinci code, after they found tiny letters painted into the eyes of the Mona Lisa. The experts examined the Mona Lisa after finding a book in an antique shop that claimed there were tiny hidden symbols in the eyes. “The question now is what do they mean?” Any guesses? But from what I’ve seen at the Louvre, one tiny painting encased behind a glass façade and a horde of Japanese clicking with wild enthusiasm, I wish the code reads it’s me you morons, Da Vinci in drag, gotcha!!

And if we are talking of Da Vinci’s Code can the Holy Grail be far behind. A new survey of online flirting by a dating website Badoo.com, claim to have found the Holy Grail of flirting. Yes, the secret is finally out -the best internet chat-up line for men to use is “You have beautiful lips”. So after you are done with playing a/s/l, a/s/l you can get down to business fast It’s safe, it’s foolproof and it’s works 99.99% times.

But one thing that’s definitely not safe and way past its expiry date is the 2,400-year-old bowl of soup, excavated from the ruins in China. Sealed in a three-legged bronze cooking pot, this culinary find was dug up from a tomb near the ancient capital of Xian by Chinese archeologists. For over 2000 years nobody touched that soup! It must have been really bad.




Mirror.co.uk

At least some things are changing. The Leaning Tower of Pisa which has been leaning since 1178 A.D is now straightening up its act thanks to an eight year restoration project. Engineers have managed to correct the tower's famous lean by 46 centimetres, returning it to its 19th century position. What do you think they’ll call the Leaning Tower of Pisa now – Leaning but now straight?

ut before I sign off I have to share this precious nugget of information with you. Christina Aguilera who’s turning 30 this month, has proclaimed she is not worried about getting old. Sweetheart you should come to Incredible India where you are “officially” young, till you turn 35. You need to be 25 before you can even hold that mug of frothy beer - officially of course. At 40 Rahul Gandhi, heir apparent is the young leader of India. And at 76 Karunanidhi rocks with his many wives! (Men crave sex even in old age and the difference is Bmost pronounced in the 75-85 age groups)

Come to India, the country of eternal youth.


47 comments:

  1. my doubt is who funds these studies.. and how to get into such teams?.. last day there was a show on discovery in which they proved that it is a myth that we will slip and fall if we step on a banana :-)

    ReplyDelete
  2. mush n humour together...
    Once again, loved your post.. :)
    keep writing friend

    ReplyDelete
  3. hey Purba, Another good post. Keep them coming!!

    I wish at some point these researchers carried out a research on each other..I mean, surely they are different to normal people to have spent their valuable time in conducting reserach on ''how dusting the house, enhances the chance of falling pregnant'' and other stuff that you have mentioned in your post. Researchers, please leave women alone.

    Karunanidhi and his many wives!! LOL!!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. he he heeh leaning but now straight i loved that :) that made me smile he he he

    wowo 76 and he has many wives ooooh Right i guess i still got a LOT Of chance then ...
    thats made my smile bigger now :)

    Bikram's

    ReplyDelete
  5. He he....Tht was hilarious....well thts wht these dys newspaper is all about specially TOI...deliver the best gossip news !!! As recently i saw an article "SEX LAWS IN DIFFERENT COUNTRIES....and one of it says that "Cats and Dogs cant have sex without legal permission " !!! I believe most of the LAWS were made by TOI itself, whose gonna crap go n check it out in that country... :-p !!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. hahahaha...i enjoyed it completely, but i hope some of these researchers are women as well :)

    i completely enjoyed the tiny connections between the stories and the wavery, drifting-off narrative of the post.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Somethings are just too out of focus of there researchers.. Either they're paid too much for coming up with these 'news' or they have no life whatsoever and romance to do something better.. And i guess you did the best job by 'analysing' these analysers!
    Cheers

    ReplyDelete
  8. awesome researchers and thought our civilization was so behind. blah! and i agree with deepika that you did an awesome job of analyzing these analyzers :P

    ReplyDelete
  9. Arrgh! Why don't they just leave the Mona Lisa alone?

    If only they hadn't stared deep into her eyes to find mysterious "clues" left by Da Vinci. :)

    Laugh-riot this one!

    ReplyDelete
  10. My hubby a scientist himself tells me quite often that a survey is a collection of opinions. And each survey varies according to the sample which such opionions are collected. In order to have really "scientific" survey one must gather opinions from a wide range of individuals across all categories in society. The sample size has to be large enough so that the opinions are statistically valid(ex. from good science journals and not something from tabloid such as "times of India").
    Without this the results are not believable/valid/scientific/useful/relevant.

    Survey is not = scientific study. But this ofcourse does not mean all scientific studies are believable/valid/scientific/useful/relevant.
    The same rules apply to them as well.
    You should also try and search for the proper source for such "research".

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hi Poorba ...Loved your writing .

    Lols on The eternally young India and Karunanidhi...

    ReplyDelete
  12. Seems like a very frustrated piece of writing. Any particular cause of annoyance and anger? :S

    ReplyDelete
  13. Haha! Hilarious post! Loved the 'Da Vinci in drag' part! :D

    ReplyDelete
  14. Harish...Someone must have tried slipping before arriving at this profound conclusion.

    Thanks Mani...

    Always happy...Each new study is even more spectacularly inane.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Raisa...Since they figured out the canine variety will not be bothered to seek permission, they safely came up with this law :)

    Siddhartha..Glad you appreciate my attempt at weaving these nuggets of information.

    Deepika...Oh these findings provide juicy fodder for my posts :)

    ReplyDelete
  16. Paulomi...Mucho thanks :)

    mazingout...It's that mysterious smile that's been driving them nuts.

    Bhawna...Point taken.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Sangeeta ...:D

    Ujjwal...Unintended! And if I'm angry I spit fire.

    Jyothi...Glad :)

    ReplyDelete
  18. Earlier I used to get into Y.Messenger and for the name that remotely resembles a female I used to ype ASL?
    but yeah...those girls would be more deperate men than me...

    Thanks to the researchers, I have unlocked the key

    Hey, all the girls who read this
    You all have beutiful lips...

    ReplyDelete
  19. good read.. brought on lot of smiles!!
    you have beautiful lips! :)

    ReplyDelete
  20. This Jon, will not help and I'm sure you can do better that :)

    Snow Leopard...It's fun naa!

    magiceye...This is the Holy Grail, not meant to be used indiscriminately!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Whats amusing is that most of these stidies contradict each other..One study says, snoring is bad for the heart while another says snoring is good. Ditto for coffee and choclolates....
    Forget Rahul, Sanjay Dutt is still Sanju Baba...And Karunanidhi...Have to hand it to him yaar...managing three when most cant handle even one!

    ReplyDelete
  22. Need a laugh.. visit Purba's blog! Sooooper liked it

    PS: Something with men down south eh? no one can have just one? ;)

    ReplyDelete
  23. Alka...We need to send our men to Karunanidhi for marital gyaan.

    Delhizen...And what's more the women don't seem to mind either!

    ReplyDelete
  24. after a longdrive back from jaisalmer ,jhalmuri times and a hotcuppa of hometea.jhalmuriexpress......

    ReplyDelete
  25. Like always this post is good too. Sarcasm, sarcasm all over and when got blend with a little element of satire it makes it even more good. Way to go Ma'am

    ReplyDelete
  26. Now I have this vague feeling of reading somewhere that males in their early 40's should stay clear of ramblings of certain Purba Ray!

    ReplyDelete
  27. RK...I hope your nose is not running from all that spice!

    Prateek...Mucho thanks

    Umashankar...ROFL..that dangerous haan?

    ReplyDelete
  28. and we like this processed fodder :)

    ReplyDelete
  29. Maybe next time they'll conduct a research and proclaim that the most probable way to get pregnant without sex is to get yourself operated and get that sperm right into the ova producing organs.

    Yet again, a blend of wit, humour and sarcasm. Interesting, very interesting.

    And it turned out that Da Vinci was a persistent painter to have made more than 40 coats on Mona Lisa. Maybe by the time he finished it, he forgot what the original expression on her face was, and hence different coats of oil reveal different moods.

    Cheers,
    Blasphemous Aesthete

    ReplyDelete
  30. You should become a RJ or write scripts for them. It's really good. :D

    ReplyDelete
  31. Funny and cool!! Besides I gained so much nolage!

    ReplyDelete
  32. Nethra...HA! Btw I loved your new post.

    Giribala...Bakwas but chatpataa just like fast food!

    ReplyDelete
  33. Deepika..glad you do :)

    Blasphemous Aesthete...This is an interesting nugget of information. Da Vinci loved leaving little teasers to torment ordinary mortals like us.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Hehehe..Interesting..Giggle giggle..Between I love conspiracy theories..Letter eyed Monalisa..Wonder if Da vinci ever wondered so much about her pout..What if it was an accident??

    ReplyDelete
  35. I've stopped believing in 'recent survey findings'. They tend to confuse you much more than Indya tv headlines. However I now understand the value of such articles...given it has inspired such an interesting blog post from you! :D

    ReplyDelete
  36. Interesting way of pressenting interesting facts. :)

    ReplyDelete
  37. Blue Lotus...LMAO at letter eyed Monalisa!

    Sam...In Ranikhet when we had nothing better to do, we would watch Indya TV just for the laughs!

    Thanks Chandrika.

    Ana-treek...:D

    ReplyDelete
  38. well studied writeup.
    looks like a great reading habit of the writer.
    hilarius,

    ReplyDelete
  39. hey.. let them do their researches.. some of them i feel are really true, good, helpful and interesting..
    atleast, i also enjoyed reading them

    well, this Da vinci is surfaced by our cool chap Dan Bown, I think monalisa should give cfredit to this fellow, for giving her so much recognition after a long long time

    ReplyDelete
  40. "beautiful lips" ???

    that's it ? aaarrrrrghhhhh !!!

    important things in life still remain absurdly simple in spite of the internet .. :P :P

    ReplyDelete
  41. Pramod...Yea the writer does love her books.

    Chetna...Monalisa is dead, does the recognition really matter now?

    Pooja...:))

    Flawsophy...At least four people tried that line on me(after the write-up)...nopes, it didn't work.

    ReplyDelete
  42. People will study everything and survey all topics until they are exhausted and then survey the surveys.

    ReplyDelete
  43. Oh those stupid survey s..hilarious read Purba :)

    ReplyDelete
  44. D2...And they end up contradicting each other, leaving us even more confused.

    Maitreyee...Hehe

    ReplyDelete

Psst... let me know what you are thinking.

LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...