Friday, January 21, 2011

Was my life a big fat lie?

Since last week I have been in a state of distress – should I stop crouching under the table searching for cobwebs, bid adieu to my critically critical state and let go of my fetish for “out damn spot”. The whole purpose of my life has gone for a toss. The world doesn’t seem perfect anymore. Why should I be a stickler for punctuality now? Who cares! I now spend hours in front of the mirror asking myself the purpose of my life – who am I, was my life a big fat lie?

All because the Earth is wobbling and can’t get its act straight, the zodiac signs seem to playing musical chairs. The world is caught up in an astrological mess not of its own making. Earthlings are busy proclaiming their loyalty from their desktops – I am a fish, will always be. I thought I was hot, what went wrong with me. The Gemini is acting bullish and is worried that he will have to clean up his act – Are you telling me I can’t flirt with Miss this and that? Karan Johar is appalled that he might have to shift his loyalties from his favourite letter K. My Name is John? Much Much Hota Hai? Hrithik’s Roshan has dimmed – Papajee, will Krrish now be Eeesh? Ministers are running to their favourite astro baba – Has my ring of destiny changed. Shall I shift from sapphire to jade? Bejan Daruwala is huffing and puffing all the way to his neighbourhood water tank, only to stand on its top and scream....Sooooooside

I am trying hard to make a transition from the virtuous Virgo to the confused Leo. Err...should I gargle and practise my roar. Perhaps I should sharpen my claws and change my gait to a menacing prowl. Start lording over and act like a queen.

Then there is this added stress of an undesirable 13th. Wasn’t twelve enough? The name is a spelling bee champ’s dream come true – Ophiuchus! It’s a vowel overload and how the hell does one pronounce it. I prefer big – O. Sounds kind of cool, no? Actually I would have preferred being that opi something . Apparently Big-O traits include being a seeker of peace and harmony, interpreter of dreams, inventive and intuitive. This attractive species can either rise in life and find untold fame and wealth or be completely misunderstood and lead a miserable life. Almost like a character from an Ayn Rand book. Maa, couldn’t you have waited till November. What was the big hurry, really!!
But at least one thing is making sense. The husband and I had a doomed Virgo-Aquarius pairing. After reading Linda Goodman, I had tears in my eyes. Darling, Linda says our marriage will not survive. And now thanks to the tilt, my marriage is destined for a long innings. It will break my heart though to see my witty, classy, experimenting, water bearer become a fierce determined Capricorn. But the fun part is, now I am the lion and he is the goat. By God - what a union it will be.

And guys before you sign off..I have some good news to share. Err not THAT good news - my blog has been shortlisted in Best Of Blogosphere (Humour and Satire) category by blog junta. The bad news is, I am expected to canvass for votes. So here's the deal if you vote for me, jannat awaits you and if you don't.... remember that text you were expected to forward to at least 155 contacts (forward or else your are doomed to eternal damnation!) Jannat is just a click away.

To vote for me in Personal category click here


  1. Congratulations for being nominated... All the best...

    Even I was a Scorpio earlier but now I have become a Libra and I'm not liking it... Anyways its all bakwas...

  2. lol! the shift in the zodiac surely is showing in this post! it does seem to growl and roar and what with the threat in the last line - vote or else!

    voted, now please spare my life so i can keep reading your lovely posts!!

  3. Funny, as always!

    Oh so ur hubby dear is an aquarian?! What does LindaGoodman say about aqua-virgo combo?!

    Anyways, congrats for getting shortlisted! All the very best!

    I am scared to will definitely vote!!LOL!! just kidding!


  4. Hmmm....interesting. See, this means that all this was a big scam. The stars were playing Raja and Kalmadi on us. And Opi is trying hard to get a quota.....oh my I think I got an idea for a post. Or it could be a comic.

  5. Oh oh! Now i won't be allowed to have credit? Boo-hoo :( i am a saggitarian.. Err.. Was? Don't know whats the present zodiac sign!!...
    But hey.. I guess u should be happy.. You're the lion now. :D.
    To be honest, i never gave a damn about signs.. So it doesn't matter if i am saggitarian any longer or not.. I am still deepika.. The same one.. :)
    and sure will vote for you :)

  6. :) The usual round of Congratulations, etc. :)

    I loved being a capricorn. Might as well dabble in being a sagittarian and see how that goes. Who knew we could do that, in one life!

  7. Tanishka...Of course it's all bunkum.

    magiceye...Arre Jannat awaits you. 72 nubile .... are waiting for you.

    Restless....That it's doomed. Not that it ever bothered us.

  8.'s all a big scam but look at us reacting.

    Deepika...I was and always will be a Virgo...HA!
    Exactly we will continue being what we are.

    Priyanka...LOL, experimenting is good :P

  9. Canvassing for votes, eh? I'm sure you wouldn't forget this:

    Anyhoo, I face the same situation: Virgo-to-Leo. I'm jealous of those who remained Virgos. Goddamnit not fair!

  10. Kartikay...Of course I remember writing it. It was one of my most popular posts. But I can't just sit back and let destiny take it's own course. And I have yet to scratch your back.

    And btw you are headed for a life time of reading my posts.

  11. Welcome to the roaring, lazy world of Leos...You have the mane and the attitude, one loud roar will complete the pic...

    Sooside...hilarious. Congrats, I dunno if thats possible but I voted several times already.

    From a Lioness.

  12. why couldn't have virgo started from September 15... a day wouldn't have a made a diff to it..

    looks like I am cusp-Identity crisis!! huuf..

  13. ITs all very STUPID and a new way of making money... the poor pandits in india all there sayings and there kundlis have gone wrong :(

    and I am a libra now , NO WAY

    All the best in the BLogjunta Vote:) I too been nominated he hehe


  14. congrats Purba on getting nominated . best of luck.

    Will do the needful to vote for you.

    Keep these good posts coming.

  15. All this is hosh-haash...I am no longer an Aquarius, but a Capricorn and my girl friend looks at me scornfully now :)

    My vote goes for you without a doubt, may you win :)

  16. Same here Purba - Virgo to Leo.
    But somehow I always seem to agree to Virgo descriptions and stick to it.

    I was born one and will die one! ;-)

  17. Alka...Even as a Virgo I was far from timid. And thanks lioness.

    Pals...Arre you are what you are - the zodiacs better realign themselves.

    Bikram...Congratulations and nominated in so many categories :))

  18. Always...Thanks babe.

    Siddartha...And you have been nominated too, congrats.
    An Aquarius? interesting.

    Vijitha...Lol same here.

  19. I have been like 'OMGROFLMAO'(you got it, didn't you?) this was a beauty.

    And hey, I was born in november, the last of it and I just changed my constellation from a 'sag' to the 'ophi'. Till somebody corrects me, I am going to call pronounce it as 'oficus'. The big-O reminds me of the Big-O notation in computers which describes Complexity of a algorithm, so I better keep out of it.

    I won't mind fame at all. :P

    Mine was also selected in that poll, though not for satire. But I am considering not to canvass, that is a little clumsy business. Voting for you though.

    Blasphemous Aesthete

  20. Hilarious post Purba!
    The last line "I am the lion and he is the goat" - takes the cake.
    btw Ophiuchus sounds like a gorilla's sneeze, etymologically.

  21. I am under the same transition :( from a virgo to a leo.. :| Was nodding all the way through the post!


    and.. Congratulationsssssssss :) You have my vote!

  22. I didn't check what my new zodiac sign is.

  23. Blasphemous Aesthete...Canvassing is a clumsy business. But will definitely vote for you.

    Victor...Hahah...brill analogy.

    S....Awwww thanks.

    Nethra..Curiosity didn't kill the cat.

  24. Brilliant post! Very funny! :D Congratulations on the nomination! :D This post does perfect justice to the category of your nomination. Vote. Check. ;)

  25. Just happened by your blog..
    Hilarious.. i love all the confusion it has created.. makes it rather more exciting.. dont you think? :P Its becoming pretty dull to read the same old horoscope for the same old zodiac! Just kidding..

    Will vote for you if you visit my blog... (Kind of following your method!)

    Ok seriously.. really enjoyed your blog.. you have a new follower :)

    Do visit -

  26. Hahaha...all I can say is I missed reading you Purba di!
    "the zodiac signs seem to be playing musical chairs"-ROFL.

  27. I was oblivious to the changes till I read a few complaining and cursing facebook status messages..

    I don't know why it matters and what's the big deal.

    Anywyas, ss for the post, enjoyed it as I always do. Congratulations for the nomination. I'll do my bit ;).

  28. Carpe Diem...Thankeeee

    Chandana...Hey thanks for following the blog. And am a tad nostalgic about your name. My thamma had named me Chandana until fate (read Mom) intervened. I still have a locket with that name engraved.

    Sam...Where is your voting widget? I want to vote for you!!

    Pooja...Exactly what's the big deal! And thanks for your vote.

  29. I am waiting for a better fortune under the new star sign....

  30. I have given you my vote. Best of luck!

  31. @Purba - that is so sweet!
    Funny... i used to hate my name so much and desperately wanted to change it when i was a kid... but later completely fell in love with it :) and am glad i did..

  32. I was born a Saggitarian and remain one till I die. But then I am an Offeechoos, so say my detractors!

    On second thoughts, the whole idea stinks worse than rhinocerous shit. And that brings me to this blogjunta voting. Madam, your blog is one of the very few who could make it to the outgoing links at One Grain Amongst the Storm! Yet, I have humoured thee....

  33. Hi
    Purba Thousands congrats fr nomination and I shall vote 4 u.Beautiful n spell binding post.Teach me one thgy or 2.Ok deal I voted for u and in return teach me hw to decorate my blogs with some animation,icons.

  34. Hey Congrats Purba. May the shifted zodiacs see that you win :)

    So have you started practicing the roar yet? And how about hubby? Is he bleating and taking cover? Wonderfully funny take and thanks to it, I started my day laughing :)

  35. congrats on your achievements,mey your roar be heard all over the world, but the goat doesn't run away.
    btw. voted,

  36. ha ha ... you know what ... "Vowel Overload" is the best description so far for the new sign ... seems like no one is welcoming the snake charmer / bearer ...

    check out my post on the same subject :)

  37. Ah, those darn zodiacs,
    and their predictions,
    err assumption.
    Wait, soon there will be related almanacs-
    and people might follow them,
    like robots.

  38. Dibakar, thanks a ton.

    Chandana..Its a sweet name.

    Umashankar..You seem rather well informed about Rhinoceros shit :D

    And thank you for the honour.

    Vishal...I just google the images. No rocket science here :)

  39. sm ...:))

    Zephyr..Naa am the quintessential Virgo. No wobble can change that :)

    Pramod...Thank you. And the goat has horns!!

  40. flawsophy...Looking forward to reading your ophiuchus version.

    Ashish...muchos thanks.

    Sayak...Is this your first comment? think it is.

    This is all bull crap. We will continue with our idiosyncrasies - the tilt be damned.

  41. and i became a Sagittarian....i am so not certain if thats good or bad.....

  42. And amidst all this confusion are people (like me) who are rejoicing at the fact that their Zodiacs didn't change! :D

    Good luck for the contest!

  43. Abhijit...That depends on you, doesn't it?

    Ankur....Hahaha...lucky you. And thank you.

  44. Purba - I couldnt care less with the sun signs and the recent din around the 13th one, I recently read somewhere that it was some kind of hoax! Was it? Was an excellent read - love the Big O and hate that I too would turn into a capri ! :-(
    I voted for you my friend.. but then I really had no choice, yours is the only one i read (and thats also supposed to be compliment as much as it shows my limitations).
    Good luck with contest.

  45. "the zodiac signs seem to be playing musical chairs"--That was very imaginative..And I don;t like 13 zodiac..I found out that I'm not a fiery,hot headed Aries,but a soft,sober Pisces..

  46. Mayak...I"ll take it as a compliment and thank you for your vote.

    Blue Lotus....Naa, zodiac signs can act tantrummy, we Earthlings will continue to be rock-steady :P

  47. Who knows, tomorrow there will be a 14th one. And you will shift from a Lion to a Goat, and your husband from Goat to Lion. What then?

    Congrats for being shortlisted. Voted.

  48. Always loved your blog :).. voted for it.. And, you bet ! Ophiuchus itseems..give us a break ! :)

  49. Joshi...Naa we will continue annoying each other. Thanks for your vote.

    Priyanka...Thanks for voting for my blog.

  50. I do not care about the 13th sign ! Twelve is even, can be divided by 2, 3, 4 and 6 and damn, I like it that way!
    That is how it was and that is how it shall be.
    I am a bull and I am still a bull-y.

    Oh btw, congrats ! You have my vote without a doubt!
    Plus, this was an AWESOME write! :D


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