Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Of mobiles, booze and much more....


Courtesy : Google Images
Next time you want to guess a woman’s age just check her mobile. According to Social Analyst David Chalke, your mobile could give strangers insight into your attitude towards your work, rest, play and your age. iPhone is the alfa romeo and is preferred by people who want to have a control over their lives. LG is the preferred brand for women aged between 14 and 24. Sony Ericsson users like a full social life and fast food. Samsung users tend to be conservative dressers over 50. Blackberry users are high earners aged 35-49. Nokia users are unlikely to be in the 14-24 age group and less likely to have played arcade video games in the last 3 months. This solves a major dilemma for me; I know which brand I’ll be picking up for my next mobile. After all who doesn’t want to appear younger! And since I have never stuck to a single brand, I now know that I’ve lived an entire lifetime (14-50) in the last decade.

The Japanese prefer things intimate and have moved way beyond their mobiles. After flooding the market with rice growing bras, posterior shower jets and perfume sprays to keep the stink at bay, they have now gone a step ahead and installed urine controlled games in Tokyo urinals. Toylet makes sure, not a drop of you goes waste. You can now aim to please – erase graffiti, get a pressure rating for your pee or even do fun things like blowing the dress of a girl! Peeing will never be the same again! Did you know that the Japs have a morbid fascination for poop as well –the rest I’ll leave to your imagination!

Doctors are now following what Devdas knew all along - alcohol can cure your achy breaky heart. The medical fraternity is using the tipple to treat heart patients. Before you erupt into a loud hic hic hurray and run off to smoke a celebratory ciggie, let me burst the bubble for you. The alcohol doesn’t come in a glass but is injected into your arteries using a method called alcohol septal ablation. This is used to cure a disease which results in thickening of the heart muscles and causes sudden death. The procedure is minimally invasive and so, recovery is fast.



And why just your heart, alcohol can cure your vision as well. Beauty now lies in the eyes of the “beer holder” rather than the beholder. A new survey has concluded that men and women find each other better looking after a couple of drinks. Researchers found as little as a pint and a half of beer is enough to make everyone more desirable and the men are the worst affected. This distorted vision can last as long as 24 hours. Men don’t need much to let go of their senses, do they!

But look who took a long time to recover from the effects of the tipple! A Delta Airlines pilot was so drunk, that he could not remember where he was flying to. He flew off to New York even though his actual destination was Detroit. The poor fella has been jailed for six months. Aww but, why? Isn’t New York so much more fun than Detroit! I am sure the passengers will agree.

In another case of extreme forgetfulness, a man in Britain was reunited with his car after he forgot it in a car park three years ago. Gerald Sanctuary had parked the silver Honda saloon in an NCP car park when he went out shopping in May 2008, but the dementia sufferer sadly forgot where he had left it. It is still not clear whether he had left his wife behind at the car park as well. Darling, my sweetheart, munchkins I missed you so...err what was your name again? Oh, is that a Samsung in your hand, sorry my wife is much younger! Are you sure you are my wife?

And this one takes the cake! The Delhi government in its humble attempt to keep the burgeoning population in check has commissioned killer blue line buses as school buses in the future. The state transport minister aptly called Lovely – Arvind Singh Lovely, dismissed apprehensions that operating blue lines as school buses could pose safety worries. These demons on road may have a history of mowing down anything that moved in the periphery of their vision but the people were always safe, as long as they were inside the bus. Yet another thoughtful gesture by our government to show us that it cares!






68 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. If we drink beer and read blogs , will all blogs look very entertaining like yours ;) and ya definitely if given a chance I would like to have a Tokyo toylet in my home , makes it an entertaining break! Long live Japs and their creativity!

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  3. Another funny edition of the times. But I know two ladies who use Samsung. Both have names beginning with the same letter as my own and both are on my G Talk list. Above 50, conservative...I am laughing hard at this one.
    And the great Jap inventors. And now the sales of beer will increase ten folds. Because it also makes you play longer and become the Toylet champion.

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  4. lol!! this was a wonderful edition of spicy jhalmuri.

    thank you for the tangy, spicy, barbed humour!

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  5. Prateek...You now have the key to success.

    Lakshmi...Beer makes the world a nicer place to live in! Hic hic hurray to that.

    Prats..Ha...Yuss... beer and Toylet have a symbiotic relationship.

    magiceye...Now don't come asking for Digene.

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  6. Waah!! What a peculiar way to guess a girl's age. Like it. Jhalmuri Times is always so interesting. :P

    Beer-Holder, ah! I read this survey in TOI. Boys holding beer claims their coolness on girls much faster than non beer-holder. :D

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  7. From pee, poo to beer....I was smiling all the way. Japs and their innovative toilet ideas!

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  8. Sarcasm at its best. :)
    japan has moved so ahead! Have they became so 'vehle' that they are discovering such technologies? Hail you ppl!

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  9. Even i've never gone for the same mobile brand...In that case i think am currently using up my second or third life!

    Japanese Toylet LOL.. i couldnt stop laughing and at the same time going 'Eeeeeuuuggghhh'

    And trust alcohol to make the world look like a blurry rosy place! I prefer my world to be the murky grey it has always been! No alcohol for me!

    Great post :D

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  10. Alka...Oh they have a perfumed suit too. The guy who invented it was awarded the Ig nobel.

    Deepika...I guess, now that they have all the money in the world, they can sit back and have some fun.

    Chandana...Eeeugghh it is! And there's worse, couldn't make myself to write about it.

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  11. music only do all things in a human things...

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  12. It seems the phone can tell us a lot about a lady's mental age. A girl close to me uses a Samsung phone, which means she's as mature as a 50 year old! Pity it doesn't apply for men too.

    I shall not be racial so I shall not comment about the Japs.

    And it was always a proven fact : Alcohol cures everything. Also, it not only makes us see better but feel better as well!

    I do feel sorry for the man with dementia. It's nice that the car wasn't stolen. Of course, it wasn't Delhi where the only thing that can't be stolen is a blue line bus because they are now jinxed.

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  13. Callezee...Huh?

    D2...This phone research thingie is bull crap. If you change from Nokia to Samsung - will you age overnight?

    Dementia is scary - imagine a life with no memories at all.

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  14. I sure am better off than the guy who forgot where he had parked his car for three years! I have hope yet.

    How did I miss the news of blueline buses turning into school buses? How can the govt be so irresponsible as to expose kids to the killers?

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  15. I like the BEER HOLDER , no wonder coming out of the pub all girls look beautiful hic hic hic ..

    and mobile fones what about MEN..

    and all the best to delhi GOVT. :)

    loved all the anecdotes funny ... made me laugh


    Bikram's

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  16. Purba di you are SOO addicted to reading the Life&Style column of TOI. :P
    I was just reading the same article yesterday!
    Also...Lovely? Hahahahaha. :D

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  17. ha ha .lemme try beer at office morrow maybe i wont get so irritated with the safaiwali not doing proper cleaning everyday....

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  18. Excellent write up Purba!

    am growing another year older tomorrow.... so what better way to buy a younger mobile phone to feel and look younger!!!

    RESTLESS

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  19. OMG, when will Indians learn a bit of creativity and get over with just one recreation of producing more off the springs . Maybe the Japanese people should offer crash courses here.
    It's strange how no one researches on Sony Ericsson, I feel like an alien right now. :P

    hehe
    very nice article,

    Cheers,
    Blasphemous Aesthete

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  20. Hi Purba,
    nice lovely post. .
    I use samsung. .mobile. .M I conservative? ..umm need to find out..
    booze. .i dont. have any idea how it goes. .to ppl.
    yeah. .japan do inspire me by their hard working nature and execution of their plans...and my bhabhi is from there only. .and really like the japanese..culture quite amazing.

    thanks for refreshing..the memories.

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  21. I usually don't like reading news. But Jhalmuri Times is now becoming my motivation.
    "Alcohol septal ablation" Lol!

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  22. How about gorgeous red Sony Ericsson??? what does that say?? :(

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  23. Interesting news all! I use my daughter's hand-me-down phone. No doubt people mistake my age :-)

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  24. Zephyr...The news appeared in Mail Today, Tuesday edition.

    Bikramjeet...Did you know beer started off as an all woman's drink?
    It was much later that the men took a shine to it and managed beer bellies.

    Samadrita...It's where I get the spice for my Jhalmuri :)

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  25. RK...Just take off your glasses! The office will look much cleaner.

    Restless....I suggest you buy an Android and happy birthday sweetheart :)

    Oops Blasphemous... Re- edited my post. Sony Erricson users apparently have a full social life and enjoy fast food.

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  26. Vivek... Really? your sis in law is from Japan? Nice.

    Victor...And apparently it's very effective.

    Bhawna...Added the line about your phone :)

    Giribala....LOL and I use a Samsung! This is so depressing.

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  27. Hey, you forgot Motorola owners!

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  28. An awesome post as usual...its hilarious..hats off to u ma'am.

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  29. I am addicted... not to alcohol but Jhalmuri Times :);)

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  30. Umashankar...You look at them and say Hello Moto...

    Surabhi...Wow thank you so much.

    Pals...This addiction gets a thumbs up from me!

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  31. haha aweome!!! Btw have you been recruited by the Beer lobby aka Mallyaji. Heard he does recruit beautiful women to do his ad campaigns

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  32. @ Purba ...Yup ..She is ..from JAPAN.

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  33. Funny post Purba..good read..didn't know about the japs though :)))

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  34. That was awesome! Now I'll know the girls in the bar better! Thank you!
    And the pee games, the Japs just married technology to it, it's played in the men's room since there were no toilets!
    If you think about it, beauty lies in the eyes of the beer holder after all! Make that 7 beer holder! :D

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  35. Lol at Japs... They have to add technology to everything even pee...

    I have been using Nokia since ages.. infact I have never used any other brand ever and have no plans to shift... So have I always been 50...

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  36. loved the last one.. now that is a logic that you can never contest against..:)

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  37. hubby samsung wife nokia both look good after booze!
    Great Analysis

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  38. Jon...He already has Deepika Padukone :)

    Geeta..:)

    Maitreyee...Men have all the fun ;)

    Addy...Yea, the world seems a much better place after a few mugs of beer.

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  39. Tanishkaa... The Samsung users have been pronounced the old gits. You still have a life :)

    Harish...Delhi government is for the people - the fewer the better.

    Vikram...Ha..loved the way you put it.

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  40. Zephyr would be worried after reading this.
    beautifully written. Vijay Mallya would readily make you brand ambassador on reading your story.

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  41. Hahahahaha...absolutely hilarious :) :) :)

    Loved the dimentia bit...btw I am also a Samsung user. I am surely a certified old :(

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  42. Pramod...I don't like Kingfisher beer.

    Siddhartha...So am I and I was appalled when I read the report.

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  43. i did not know that .. is that why ladies cursed the drink and men get pot bellies for drinking it all ...


    Bikram's

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  44. i did not know that .. is that why ladies cursed the drink and men get pot bellies for drinking it all ...


    Bikram's

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  45. Very entertaining post. I loved the concept of 'Toylet'!! Am going to be chuckling for a long time yet....!

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  46. I think you have discovered a new parameter to calculate age and that needs lot of observation.All I can say is another great post.

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  47. I'm not Above 50. :(

    Howlarious Purba. When I am actually 50, and I can write half as well as you, I'd be very proud of myself.

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  48. Bikramjeet...LOL, probably!

    Deepa...Yupp, the games we play.

    Pratibha...Not sure about it's accuracy though.

    mazingout...Aww thank you....

    Simply Ridiculous...:)

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  49. And in other news.... :)

    Hey Purba,

    Pls promote/vote for my blog at this url:

    http://www.indiblogger.in/indipost.php?post=46697

    Cheers!!
    btw, hilarious read!!! Incidently,I keep a sony!!
    :)

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  50. In the above 51 comments i am not sure if this would be repeating but i got to share this.I still use , the earliest Nokia 3315 model.I don't know how man times it has fallen.But it has always found its way back, and I have not changed it since 6 years!! cant see me fitting anywhere in the above classification.:) GREAT read !

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  51. Raj...Will be reading your post and if I like it, will certainly vote.

    Srikant...Really? You really are unique :)

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  52. Aha..Since I cannot use any other phone other than Nokia I'll remain "EverGreen"..So which phone are you buying??

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  53. Oh no! I've just gained 20 years!! :D

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  54. Blue Lotus..I think I will buy a Motorala. Their phones have some awesome features and they look good too.

    Anju...Aww... time to dump your Samsung :P

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  55. Just stumbled on to your blog and I am loving what I see! Very natkhat piece you have written. :)

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  56. Interesting....liked it completely..
    keep posting ... :)

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  57. Nice and intelligent writing. I liked the way you tied in "Age by mobile" to "forgot the car in the parking lot". ROFL. I did see your preen tab.

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  58. Neena..Natkhat indeed :)

    Popsie...:))

    Scoop times...Yeah, sure

    Nona...glad you liked it.

    Showa....Yea, try to weave in the news bits.

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  59. Toylet indeed! We should follow suit, and men who pee on walls have an incentive to mend their behavior. We would have a cleaner country

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  60. Very interesting and I liked your take on the booze... being from delhi, presently serving time for decades in chennai, I loved your take on the Blur ....oops Blue line Buses and yes you are right, inside is the safest place to be...


    ॐ नमः शिवाय
    Om Namah Shivaya
    http://shadowdancingwithmind.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
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