Friday, April 29, 2011

Krooked tales - now playing at Tihar...

A man in white is playing Antakshari with his friends.  There is a slight hitch though – he sings only in Tamil while his buddies sing Hindi songs with an English accent.  They try to avoid songs that start with G, it brings back uncomfortable memories.  Not one G but two, two G’s - the reason why they are cooling their heels here.  

The place actually feels like a resort – cocooned, like a fortress, so safe and so many policemen concerned about their security.  Too bad the rooms are called cells and the place Tihar – so uncool I tell you.  And the greatest part, it’s absolutely free.  Not that they lack money, in fact they have lots and lots of it hoarded in secret little islands.
The man in a white veshti secretly smiles to himself, as he is hums a romantic song.  He just read in the paper that his beloved K might join him.  As he reclines on the wall and swats another mosquito, he can’t help but think of his parents.  What a great visionary his Amma was, naming him Raja.  And how well Andimuthu Raja has lived up to the promise of his name, how loyally he has served his master, the ugly K.  When his lord & master sent him to Delhi, he not only stole for himself but his Kadavul and his family.  Especially the family and his beautiful daughter Kanimozhi - she with the smile sweeter than payasam.   He has scribbled R loves K ....Kannu weds Annu...all over the walls of the compound of what the lesser mortals call Jail – it’s a good pastime and what’s more it’s keeps him happy.  

Last week his 2G buddies, the infamous five joined him,  - Doshi, Chandra, Vinod Goenka, Hari Nair and Pipara.  He giggled inwardly –These English speaking Korporate honcho types.....Serve them right for giving me a bribe.  Now, together we will spend countless nights.....Sab saale chor hai, including, me...Tee hee  hee

Now that he had the lyrics, he brought out his harmonium and started to sing.  No more Antakshari with these telecom Krooks.
In another part of the city, a man with a grin wider than the Grand Canyon, is preparing a grand entry to this exclusive club of Krooks.  He even got a slipper hurled at him, as a special welcome gesture.  The man has a story similar to Humpty Dumpty (HD), and what’s more, he even looks like him.  Sat on a wall....had a great fall...all the queen’s men...could not put HD together again.   And now his queen’s men have been greeting him with Hai-Hai instead of Hi.   A gaggle of chameleons I tell you!

Tum Boy
The former IAF pilot turned sports czar and the architect of CWG scam, recently got kicked out of IOA too, his personal fiefdom.  Yet his smile remains and why not?  He has a slew of offers awaiting him.  Bata is already planning a marketing blitzkrieg with him as its new face.  Giant hoardings of him, his cheeks zoomed out with the tagline....You deserve a Bata.  Perfect!  Thanks to him and likeminded people of his clan, there has been a surge in the demand for Bata’s rubber chappals.  Nobody wants to waste a Croc on them.   
Kalmadi is a bit pissed off though – it was not just him who made lots and lots of money.  What about Sheila, Tejinder and the rest? 

As night approaches the Krooked gang gets together for some ganaa-bajanaa.  Didn’t a wise old man once say - Gana aye ya naa aye, ganaa chahiye?  The air resonates with their loud singing, although a bit off key – Main karoon to salaa character dheela hai...The prisoners cheer wildly for them.

Enhanced by Zemanta


  1. "Hai-Hai instead of Hi." - haha .. really funny, I say!

  2. haha...Birds of a feather sing together. The way Shiela has suddenly changed colours and is blaming Kalmadi for everything. And now she is singing "Razia Gundon mein Fass Gayi"

  3. Not fair..i have a draft written bout Tihar and u came up with the piece...

    I will go ahead and write anyway even though the bar just got little higher like olympic high jump kind of high:(

  4. Let all the F.R.I.E.N.D.S face the music together. heh?

  5. ha ha ha so funny .....dost pakad to liya hai dekhna to yah h kab tak "tihar" m sarkar rakh pati hai ....

    wahh re sarkar....hai re sarkar!!

    Jai HO M......kher jane do sarkar iss layak bachi hi kaha h jo jai ki jaye.....

  6. sab ke sab chor hai! :o
    absolutely disgusting. wat i wud really like to kno is wat happend to d money dey stole?

    essentially all d money dey stole shud b taken baq wid a cent percent penalty n instead wat happens? dey r put up at a five star jail n d end so evryone thinks dats d face of justice.

    makes me think, how stoopid does d govt think v really r???

  7. LOL I suppose it'd be a sheer delight for Raja if "Kannu weds Annu"; wait who is the male here, Kannu or Annu?

  8. Tihar sure is one happening place...

  9. Kartikay...You don't mind naa, if I say Hai next time.

    Prats...Sheila tera number bhi ayegaa...

    magiceye...Krazzy 4

  10. Perception...Please don't let my krazy ramblings deter your drafting process :p

    flawsophy...Maybe they can exchange notes in Tihar and aim towards becoming better Krooks.

    Vivek...At least the sarkar is doing something.

  11. Sadiya...Hope the K saga is not just a bubble that will burst.

    Prateek...Kannu -> Kanimozhi
    Annu ->Andimuthu Raja

    Alks...And they even have on campus recruitment :)

  12. Not fair. Calling the 'ugly K' Lord and Master :(

    What is this new love story all about? :)

  13. At your hilarious best - as always! I like how you've made it like a story. Kadavul? Isnt the party supposed to be atheist? Or is it just Thatha (grandad?). And the daughter of MKK and his companion (Thunaivi)SERIOUSLY grates on my nerves. She and Ash are two women who annoy me like anything.


    I am waiting for the next scam that comes imagine all these Clever minds together working to find that scam.. ooooh send chills what excitement :)


  15. Hilarious! But abt that Lovey-dovey Kannu and Annu? hahaha.....ultimate comedy...sadly, we the people are at the receiving end...except Kalmadi of course:P

  16. Hey Purba, that Raja-Kani picture is my creation. Give me credit. You can even see the TGM logo in the left corner....
    I will read the article after that :-/

  17. TIHAR: The Inmates Here Are Rogues

    Bata bit was sheepishly witty! The same fresh feel to the blog though it seems I'm reading it after ages! Lots changed in my life since then. How've you been?

  18. "U deserve a bata"
    Witty yet perfect...

  19. Spot on.
    Sadly their antakshari would be short-lived.

    They'll be released soon, and go back to politics, or retire to some secluded tropical paradise.

    Great post.

  20. Zephyr...Aww, sorry...You know your L&M is a class apart, no comparisons at all! Will mail you the link to the Kani-Raja story.

    Deepa...I should have pestered you for the Tamil words..Damn!
    Kanimozhi and annoying, I need more goss on that.

    Bikramjit...We are never short of scams - from fodder to Boeings we have it all.

  21. Cloud nine...Kalmadi has had a fall from grace. Waiting to see how long it will last.

    Giribala...Aww sorry...I googled it and the caption read this. Will rectify it ASAP.

    Mangoman...I should be asking you that. Indeed a long time. When do you make a grand entry to the corporate world?

  22. Pawan...Have you bought your pair yet?

    Damyanati...That will indeed be tragic.

  23. No one's a thief, until he's caught doing thievery. When caught red handed (which in this case might be green handed, the green notes), the other thieves just know to condemn, of course until a later stage when they'll join them.

    Khoob jamega rang jab mil baithenge teen yaar, 'hum', 'tum' aur 'Tihar ka Cellar Room' :P

    Blasphemous Aesthete

  24. Aarey Ma'am woh toh I know. :P I was asking as a pedestrian who is walking by Kannu and Annu's wedding tent. :D

  25. Hope he spends rest of his life, peacefully, behind the bars instead of facing the mobs and their batas...

  26. like it as always... bitter tangy humor at best

  27. What a post...phata-phati :-)

  28. Yay! So good to see my name there! Thank you :-)
    I had spent a lot of time assembling the jhadoo, the rope, and the tika, so it felt bad to see fashionscandal take away the credit.
    Enjoyed reading the article..."greeting him with Hai-Hai instead of Hi" reminded me of the occasional 'hai' sent by random men on Facebook!! Kalmadi is right to be pissed off about the rest, but the rest may be still trying to help him out, so he can't blabber too much.

  29. Things have come to such a pass that if you are not in Tihar, or at least on Radias speed dial you dont count..
    You will not figure on the front pages or the page will not even figure in Purbas blog..

  30. Anshul...These people have extra thick skins - a jail term is but a minor roadblock. They will be back.

    Prateek..So touched about your concern for the public :D

    Nethra...Yes, waiting to see how long his jail sentence will be.

    Mayank...Krooked inspiration :p

  31. Sub...Ahha a Bong :)

    Giribala...Random men and their random friend requests - they deserve a full fledged post. What say you?

    And sorry about the omission :)

    menon...Notoriety earns you a shortcut to fame. But aren't you famous already!

  32. Glad tht things hv cm 2 light else these people wud hv siphoned off their wealth 2 Swiss Bank or to sm other country but still a question that is disturbing me is when these crooks be conviction will cm true...hw long will dey enjoy d hospitality of Tihar...let them spend the rest of their lives with hardcore criminals...Anna hazare has indeed given birth 2 revolution with all responsible citizens coming in support of him :)

  33. Kalmadi is a bit pissed off though – it was not just him who made lots and lots of money. What about Sheila, Tejinder and the rest?
    ha ha ..heres the ganah bajana if Sheila is in there.....u guess correct..the latest chartbuster..sheila ki .... and you already know who will play the character of Phoolan and the arms dealer in sholay..kalmadi koh bi lets give him one role.anything for IPL baron in hiding??

  34. these are indeed 'golden times' inside Tihar.
    Other inmates must be cursing these privileged ones and looking for opportunity to lay their hands-on!
    I can even pay to get a glimpse of the goings-on as described here :)
    Remember 'Fir bhi dil hai Hindstaani' ? Juhi got in?

  35. With the arrival of so many VVIP's, no doubt Tihar would become a resort.

  36. Nishit...Most of us expect them to get away with a light sentence. If Shibu Soren can get away with murder, what's a few hundred crores.

    RK...Modi is fighting tooth and nail...He'll back, break ke baad.

    MP...LOL why Juhi! Since when did promoting unhealthy Kurkure become a crime.

    Ayyangar Sir...I am sure the staff is having a tough time catering to their VIP demands.

  37. Tihar jail may soon become the venue for an auspicious wedding soon. The problem is the Indian gov will have to bear the expenses for feeding Raja-Kani and their children to boot. Shucks!

  38. Hope this beginning has some consequential ends. Great humour, great post, Purba.

  39. Samadrita...The joke is on us, isn't it?

    partial...Beginning of a much needed change? Certainly hope so.

  40. Ek Raja ki Atma katha ! Remember the good old school essays.I wonder what Raja or K'zi's atma katha will be when they write their own stories...

  41. narsimharao had planned a fivestar hotel in tihar for vvip's.
    if completed it would have come in handy, but alas!
    well written.

  42. GB...They will be brave and virtuous in it.

    Pramod...With the number ministers visiting Tihar, I am sure the facilities will be upgraded.


Psst... let me know what you are thinking.


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...