Thursday, June 23, 2011

Of Babas and Babies....

Courtesy -

I have been acting a little paranoid of late.  A Mexican Scientist has discovered a novel way of breaking down disposable diapers while producing “tasty” mushrooms.  The fungus called Oyster mushrooms can devour 90 percent of a disposable diaper in two months flat!  Try as I might, I am unable to greet this environment friendly breakthrough with unbridled joy.  I mean I love babies as long as they are not mine and mushrooms are my favourite but the thought of the fungus growing on fossil poop and pee is giving me the heebie jeebies.  I have been made to understand that the diapers are first sterilized but I can’t seem to shake off the what if...doubts.  

And then comes the news that the unpretentious upma has shot into international limelight thanks to Floyd Cardoz’s culinary wizardry.  Cardoz, one of the top three in the Top Chef contest held in New York, whipped up an upma with a twist by adding mushroom to it and bagged the coveted $100,000 prize.  I celebrated the news by instantly ordering the dish from Sagar Ratna.  Now that the upma is an international celebrity, it might reinvent itself to become the piece de resistance at a snooty restaurant.  Chef’s special – rava uppamav garnished with softer than a baby’s bottom, Oyster’s mushroom.  I’d rather fast a la Ramdev.

Speaking of Ramdev, all his ranting, raving and demanding badla for his apmaan has grabbed the attention of the makers of Saas Bahu serials.  The pop guru has been flooded with offers to play the beleaguered Bahu.  Since the TV yogi has refused to shave off his trademark beard, the producers have assured him of a ghoonghat customised to hide his hairy visage from the viewers.  As such the audience is used to much worse – loud makeup, louder performances and ghastly saris.  What’s a bahu with some extra hair!  Move over Big B and baby B, hysterical B is here.

Kapil Sibal and Digvijay Singh were also approached to play the role of a scheming Patriarch.  Unfortunately they are too busy running the dirty tricks department and had to turn down the offer. Tch tch....

Another dear, departed Baba is in news for all the glitter and gold he left behind.  Ever since I read about Sathya Sai Baba’s treasure trove in his personal chamber, my hair went afro in amazement.  I happen to have sensitive hair.  But tell me, isn’t a Baba supposed to lead an esoteric existence, immune to worldly charms?  And more importantly why can’t I have dead relatives even half as rich as Sai Baba.  I wouldn’t mind a few kilos of gold or maybe a bungalow in Goa?  

Any one filthy rich and planning to die, please get in touch with me. 

Having a rich and powerful Daddy definitely helps especially if you are in jail.  Karunanidhi overflowing with karuna for his jailed Kani is busy accumulating frequent flyer points.  He has been shunting between Chennai and Delhi with bags of savouries and a bucketful of tears in his eyes. The doting dad has had his dear daughter shifted to a cute little cell of her own.  This is the least he could do for her. When Tihar authorities offered accommodation to the anguished dad in the jail premises, he firmly turned them down.  Distance makes the heart grow fonder.

And I thought it was just me who was bugged at chewing gum stuck under tables.  Welcome to the club Pranab Da ....
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  1. From rich sadhus to sadhus fighting against the rich n corrupt... from fungus with upma to fungus without... from saas bahu to sibal-diggu(:P)... from bugged dads to politicians who are bugged.. another day in the life of India.. :D

    Great post, Purba-ji!!


  2. A very insightful post. Since now you have mentioned the unshaven beard, I feel itchy.

  3. Lol!! All food that we consume is recycled, if not from babies' poop, someone else's....
    Babas and babies and bhabhis make life interesting! And also Big B, Wanna B, and Baby B.....Bay to go!

  4. seems like being a baba is the best profession in India....

  5. made me think all those ad jingles for nothing.
    Talking of Poo Mushrooms, did you know there is a device that recycles your urine into drinkable water. Did I hear Morarji Desai jump with joy?
    And now we will have those Snooty French Chefs trying to perfect Upma and serve it with Crepe. Also, supporters of Baba said, drags was nothing new. Krishna wore them, even Arjun did for one year. I just hope Baba won't do a pole dance routine.
    Talking of Pole Dancing Baba I hope your friend won't be back to curse everyone making fun of him.

  6. Yay Jhalmuri Times!

    Anyway, Diggy's busy trying to push Rahul into a position of power. Has anyone asked our Rahul. Doesn't ever address a huge press conference, does he? Maybe he should listen to all the older Congress stalwarts who keep saying "Get married beta" to him.

  7. Superlike ....With our Ash Pregnanat...Diggy Raja has taken upon himself to get Rahul baba find a decent girl for him ...And Wait ,,,He just came up with a decent Idea...."Marry to Rahul Baba and get a PM FREE....

  8. I just hope that you don't abstain from drinking water if someone told you what all things go up into the air and rain down on us. Oh but you area a teacher Purba, you might well be knowing this. And the organic manures too, it might not be human baby poop, but its poop nevertheless. :D
    And Babaji would be the envy of the whole cast, given his (her) size zero figure thanks to Yoga. :)

    Blasphemous Aesthete

  9. Welcome back Purba:) Back with a bang! LOL at baby special oyster mushrooms. Loved the "afro" hair comment! Sai Baba would have loved to have you as his disciple;)

  10. Raj...Takes a bow.

    Prateek...Time to reach for Gillette.

    Giribala...Too many Babas vying for our attention and they are all so entertaining.

  11. Sub....The fastest way to become a millionaire.

    Snow Leopard...Believe me I spent quite sometime myself thinking of an appropriate tag line for Wrigleys. But nothing was good enough.

    Pole dancing Baba - I just died and went to heaven.

    mazingout...Diggy has the foot in the mouth syndrome. And to think he was once the Chief Minister of MP - *shudder*

  12. Rajesh...Ever since your lovely comments on my previous posts, I have been observing my dietary habits rather closely :))

    And Diggie should learn to keep his mouth shut!

    Anshul... Ahh we chose to ignore crappy details for the sake of our appetite.

    Cloud nine...Unfortunately it's too late now :))

    P.S I prefer Baba's multimillion bank balance to his size zero figure.

  13. thank god...i was worried you had gone entirely commercial with your posts..
    welcome back to the a-musing world

  14. Great stuff...i can see you have been sharapening your paws(oops..claws) in the break:)

  15. :)) thank you for the lols!!

  16. What a take on all these so called sensitive issues! Just love your point of view :-)

  17. Please Purba dont give Ekta more ideas than she already has..Next we know there is a serial calles "Kahani Desi Baba ki"

  18. Upma sure has caught the attention of the world. and Indian cuisine is now world class cuisine, thanks to Floyd. As for oyster mushrooms.... it gives me a creepy feeling :)
    You just improved my GK :)

  19. I have a packet of mushrooms in the refrigerator and I am feeling queasy....
    Too many babas vying for attention including the yet to arrive Abys baba.

  20. Ah I don't think I'll be able to eat another mushroom in my life without being reminded of this blog post. That is if I'm able to eat at all. :(
    Also Baba Ramdev looked loads better in the saree than in his saffron attire. I mean cross-dressing totally suits him in my opinion.

  21. may all babies grow to healthy wealthy babas
    may the future of india grow in the hands of rajas
    all is fair in politics and religion
    kala hai jo danda hai
    sabke gale ka fanda hai
    baba to woh banda hai
    jo na gora hai na kaala hai

  22. I learned so much in just one post!A crash article in current affairs! Loved it. Still can't come to terms with poop mushrooms..

  23. Good Article

  24. When I heard about the assets Sai-baba has left behind him, I was amazed too. And I used to like mushrooms but I'm not sure whether I will be able to eat them anymore.

  25. Ah ... I have almost forgotten that Oyster mushroom ever since I started gorging on button mushrooms. We used to cultivate at our backyard :) Btw, when we can dumb loads of Animal poop as manure and eat the produce :P Mushroom grown in diaper is not that bad an idea ;)

    As far as the Upma. Now am going prepare myself for the next cooking contest, it just boosted my confidence. All I need is my mom's traditional recipes and try some experiments with the unconventional ingredients. Let me serve them at Ginger Chai!

  26. There was a small article in the TOI a couple days ago about how a lake in Oregon state, USA was washed clean of its water after a man decided to pee in it. The 'yuck' factor was to blame. Something like your own Oyster mushroom problem? I think so. :D

    As for rich relatives, do stay alive and well for a decade. I hope to get in that league. :P
    These babas are not to be dealt with in such delicate circumstances. They would inevitably do a Kanimozhi. Then only the husband would be benefited as the father would be busy collecting flyer points, as you mentioned! :D

  27. Menon...From the flack Ive got for my commercial adventure, I think I should go back to my selfless ways .

    Aneeta...Ahh no I almost became tame but once I set foot on Indian soil I was back to my old self :p


  28. Akankasha...Humor is the best way to cope from the mess that surrounds us.

    Perception...Baba as bahu or Baba as the next health minister - the choice is yours.

    Abha...Improved your GK and sent your appetite for a toss.

  29. Alka...Aby Baba and his future family of a giggling Mum, frowning granny, buddha grandpa and a Dad who has yet to grow up - almost feel sorry for the yet to be born one.

    Samadrita..So I heard - Ramdev looked rather fetching in the salwar suit.

    Prita...It was more fun reading your poetic comment.

  30. Zeba....Sighs.. I just managed to kill everyone's appetite for mushrooms.

    Nethra...And now everyone is fighting over the wealth he amassed.

    Lakkshmi...Did I ever tell you that women love men who can cook?

  31. A good connectione between the Babas abd Babies.
    I always wondered how they never noticed his (Ramdev's) beard when he "escaped" Or did he really escape in the girl's attire, or was it all made up by the media.
    As for the other Baba, the less said the better. It only goes to prove that one day you have to leave all here and go empty handed.

  32. So, to summarize:

    Poop baba has a treasure trove in a cute little cell?

    Okay, that was bad - as bas as your article was brilliant! Awesome awesome only!

  33. Purba,

    This reminds me of having seen a photograph many years ago in which facial expressions of a Duchess on being offered a glass of water were nothing but total dislike as the water was recycled from a sty. I am sure there will be much more TAMAASHA in the coming days involving those characters.

    Take care

    PS : Left comment on New York too

  34. D@...I read about the lake in Oregon too. One of the reasons, why I avoid swimming pools with too many kids.

    Haddock..And Baba is back with more drama-shama.

  35. Karthikay...And I just read that the Japanese are synthesizing meat from human feces! Yuckkkkk

    Jack...Faced with a future of food and water shortages, recycling waste will become the norm. Not a comforting thought.

  36. Like one never knows what kind of people we are choosing to rule us, we would not know what kind of food we are eating!! That is so much of a progress!!

  37. Baba's and Guruji's have become a gold mine trade and somebody should start coaching centre to train new aspirants.

  38. aativas....For once ignorance is bliss.

    Ayyangar Sir..Baba's Academy for all those who couldn't sail past the cutoff list in DU :))

  39. Hahahahaha amazing post. Mushrooms from diapers and baby poop-- Whoaa... The next time I head to a restaurant, the manager/chef's going to face a lot of questions about the origin of the mushrooms lol :P..

    Keep writing!


  40. My mother's opinion of Sai Baba is still as high as it was when I was born . She wouldn't let me change my name even now :)

  41. Ruthless ramblings....Who knows, in future our dinner conversation might revolve around the merits of Pamper Mushrooms over Huggies.


    Sairam....You can always console yourself with the thought that your name evokes diverse emotions :)


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