Sunday, July 31, 2011

Rakhi’s haart goes dhak-dhak

Courtesy - news.in.msn.com

Mere Pyaare Mohan,

Last night you came in a helicopter in mai dream.  Your kale ghane baal flying in the wind, your patli kamaar playing lukka chhupi with me - by God ki kasam I feel like putting big black tikka on your face. Najjar naa lag jaye mere baanke bihari ko! 

When I see you, my haart went dhuk dhuk loudly like Madhuri Dixit.  I think the loud sound wake up my good for nothing boyfraand.  But not to worry that bloodyphool sleeps like a saandh. Woh to bole jo bullshit walla bull.

Haan... I was saying in my dreams you were looking handsomer than Salman Khan.  Toh aur khyaa – I grabbed you and looked deep into your fadaktee hui eyes.  I could feel your stomach shaking violently like mixie – I ask pet kharaab hai jee?  You move your head violently, blush and say behenjee what to do – it is my habit.  I was so filled with gussa, I had tears in my eyes like Meena Kumari.  Dil ke armaan asoowon mein bah gaye - I sing loudly.  I immediately fall at your feet and scream... Who behenjee?  I am your charan dasi and you are mai swami.

Marning I wake up looking like a dayaan but my heart singing like Lata Mangeshkar.   And I thinking kee we have so much in comman.  Ek toh we both don’t like wearing clothes, doosra toh we are both so entertaining.  Then you are hot and I hotter. Together we will create global warming.  Haaai...What a pair we will make, just like Abhi-Ash ki Jodi.  Waise toh, I also tried expressing my love to Rahul Gandhi.  I calling him again and again and his ring tone play Jaa Chudail.  I hear it so many times I know it bai heart now.  

Now I decide you are my ideal vaar for swayamvar.  You have badi badi car.  You also have an island in Scotland.  I will wear meri dedh lakh waali saari and sing love songs for you on green, green hills in your island.  

Thoda bahut problem hogaa in beginning - you like only lauki, I like Cock and Paapsi.  You eat ghaas phoos , I eat kukkad shukkad.  No problem jee, love ke liye salaa kuch bhi karegaa.  When I am your missus, you and I will try different-different posishuns and make a blockbustard Yoga DVD.   And with practise you will make my plastic elastic - my doctoratlarge said so. 

And Priyatam mere you can now safely donate your salwar kameej.  When police comes charging at you with lathi I will carry you in my arms to safety.  Jab pyaar kiya to darnaa kya?  Thode bahut dande I can tolerate.

I will look so saxy as a yogini. 

So my Vishwamitra what you think – kyaa vichar hai apkaa?   Waise bhi my swayamvar ki mala cupboard mein akele padee bore ho rahi hai.  I am telling you, you will not find a Meneka like me, who will do item dance for you every Sachurday.  I will press all your body parts and make you a very happy man.  Just remamber, this offer is on for a limited period only.  You know me naa...kabhi yahan...kabhi wahan....kabhi yeh...toh kabhi woh...And my mammary is too weak.  So jaldee se ask your Mummee before mai natkhat haart changes its mind. 

Your Chulbulee Charandaasi
Rakhi

85 comments:

  1. Breathe in ,Breathe out...tried a lot of avilom vilom ...but couldn't stop laughing...you made my Sunday....

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  2. Hahahaha......phunnny hai jee. By the by I have a problem with this post. You have not included Jejus. Why?
    Ok, I will try what you told me to. Give me two days.

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  3. Haha! Baba cannot deny this limited period offer. Baba ek perfaact entertainment material aur Rakhi ek parfact yogini can become. Hmm.

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  4. And I thinking kee we have so much in comman. Ek toh we both don’t like wearing clothes, doosra toh we are both so entertaining. Then you are hot and I hotter. Together we will create global warming. !!

    Ha ha loved that the most!! Hope the couple lives humorously ever after :P

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  5. I'm still laughing as I'm typing this. I could actually picture Rakhi saying this :P :P

    I'm not sure if it was intentional but a lot of your sentences were filled with puns and I laughed the hardest at them. Great job again Purba!! :D

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  6. He likes lauki. Understandable.
    She likes Cock and Paapsi. ROTFLMAO.

    You inspire me :D

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  7. Hahaha..

    //Then you are hot and I hotter. Together we will create global warming//

    You had me here !

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  8. Raghu...:)

    Rajesh...Btw I am yoga freak but not the Ramdev type:)

    Prats...Jejuz is last century jee. Wrote in a previous post dedicated to Rakhi http://purba-ray.blogspot.com/2010/05/rakhi-sawant-at-cannes.html
    didn't want a repeat.

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  9. Prateek...They will make a phataka team. Just imagine the quotes the two will give?

    Cinderella...He needs convincing. Why don't we all go to Haridwar and knock some sense into him.

    Ashish...Yupp..the pun was intended..it's for the readers to discover them :P

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  10. Priyanka...To have C & P?

    Rohit....That woman is smart. One stupid statement and she is grabbing all the headlines.

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  11. Ha ha ha. Too cool. This news item was just waiting for your spoof. You are too good.

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  12. ROFL this Rakhi Sawant always surprises me.. She is the most talkd abt celebrity today in India.. move over Saifeena/ Brangalina/ John-Bips

    nice write

    http://achu89.blogspot.com/

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  13. Ram milayee jodi! Waiting for Baba to say yes!!! Whole India will join the celebrations! Main Baba ke joote chhupaoongi :-|

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  14. Hahaha!!! This is HILARIOUS! One of your best posts! :)

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  15. Erm well, I meant in general, but maybe that too :P

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  16. That was a hilarious post!, thorougly enjoyed it. And everytime I imagined Rakhi Sawant as actually penning that letter, I laughed even more :)

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  17. Haha. ROFL. This is the best post I've read in recent times. Giribala's comment is awesome! :D Whole India will celebrate :) Great work, Purba. :)

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  18. Oh maai Jeejass!! This being verrie funny, oww Gaawd!!

    Larki kay bhai, Raam Kapoor aur Ravi Kishan ne agar yeh padh liye toh unpar kya beetegi?? Tsk tsk..

    Cheesy song from the swayamwar show playing in the background

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  19. LOL... Its one of the most funniest post that I have read in the recent times... Its very well written.... :)

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  20. Haha..

    Awesome reference to Vishwamithra! :) I wonder why she picked the bald guy in her Swayam-war, when she had all the hots for Hairy man.

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  21. :D This is hilarious, haha!!
    I think both make a lovely combination, Weirdos!

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  22. The Fool...Rakhi is irresistible :p

    Center Shocker....She knows what to say when to survive.

    Giribala...Paar Baba to joote hi nahin pahante...kuchh aur chhupa lena.

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  23. Carpe Diem...Rakhi brings out the worst in me :D

    Priyanka..Try karne mein kya harz hai :)

    Gautam...With her tongue sticking out and brows knit in concentration.

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  24. Ajay...Giribala is busy preparing for an item dance for Baba and Baby :D

    CRD...I read somewhere she's planning to parade another batch of idiots for her Swayamwar...Dear God not again!!

    Tanishka...Glad you liked.

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  25. Pzes...She likes variety :P

    Prateek...Hai aab tumhe kya hua?

    Ambika...Would love to see them together :)

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  26. " I could feel your stomach shaking violently like mixie "
    He could actually do it.
    >> Take a look. :D
    Cheers!

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  27. Nice hilarious post...
    Rakhi is something surely...

    She jst makes you respond to her anyways.

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  28. I calling him again and again and his ring tone play Jaa Chudail. - LOL. Just imagine what their offspring will be like if they procreate. It will rival the Lochness monster in its notoriety I suppose. But if this marriage puts an end to Rakhi ka Swayamvar...boy then nothing better than that!

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  29. LOL!!! One of your best!!!!
    You are just toooo goood!!!! :D:D:D

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  30. karthick...Hehe ..it's called Kapaalbhati.

    Priyanka...She is the wonder girl of India

    Samadrita...No human can tolerate that motormouth. No wait..Diggy and Rakhi will be a match made in heaven!

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  31. kukkad shukkad lol- bt me thinks d varmaala aftr so many yrs is stil unexpired?
    raakhi ji to really great hai. dance de naal romance! kisi ko bhi nahi choda.
    if dis alliance wrks pakka pakka im gonna cancel my tata sky subscription fr all news channels :o

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  32. I was so waiting for a sarcastic post from you on this :P
    You hit the nail right on the head...LOL...

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  33. good god :D rakhi the great sawant :D

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  34. Akanksha...Rakhi ka chamatkar :D

    Sadiya...Ever since Ramdev heard the news he has positioned himself on his head :P

    Lazy Pineapple...Rakhi jaisa koi nahin :)

    Chintan...You should have seen her pouting. She gives me nightmares.

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  35. Rakhi and her draamebaazi!!They say in Marathi- गाढवापुढे वाचली गीता, कालचा गोंधळ बरा होता.
    There is a lot of thought that goes into her statements.
    Pity Ramdev baba,(another mani in the maala)who must be thinking in his hideout-Phans gaye re Rama-Rama!!

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  36. HAHAHAAH..
    fadakti hui aankhen!
    Madeemji Jejus Ki kasam..ook phine! Ganesh bhegwaan ki kasam, i am so jalus phor you.

    Why me no write likes you?

    On a serious note! That was awesome!

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  37. Amazing.. :D you have done it again Purba... Loved the post... Especially the global warming was really funny... :)

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  38. MAST...absolute riot. And Rakhis mammmary...she does have a lot of silicon mammary.
    No one will believe that a Bong girl has penned this fadu post.

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  39. Echchooze me...my mammary is weak? Woh tho plastic hai ji..ROFL!!! So funny Purba:)

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  40. Did u make all this up!!!! Hats off Purba :)

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  41. Hahaha!! Amazin!!!

    a letter frm one item number to another :D

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  42. Sharmila....She is one smart cookie. Untalented, far from good looking, she has managed her career solely by generating controversies.

    Red Handed...I keep wishing I could write like so many others. But take solace from - we are all unique in our own special ways :)

    Preethika...Writing this one was such fun. Glad you liked.

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  43. Alka...Hehe..the Bong girl grew up mimicing her neighbourhood Punjabi Aunties :D

    Ana-treek...A match made in hell.

    Cloud Nine... But she gave out her vital secrets on National TV :D

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  44. Peenuts...Naah..Rakhi dictated it to me :p

    Raj....Now they can do an item number together.

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  45. omg-the language-impeccable as in so Rakhee-ish that one realizes it post reading this!

    laugh riot and someone with your kinda sophistication, churning up this--amaaaazing!
    *thunderous applause*
    :-)

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  46. hilarious, totally entertaining,,,

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  47. I havent read anything so funny in ages ! jejus kasam !

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  48. Certainly seems like Rakhi came in ur dreams and dictated it to u :P

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  49. Suruchi...Tell me O Khuda, is there a Rakhi in me waiting to be unleashed?:p

    moonlite...Thank you

    Ruchira....Dekho bhai...we've had enough fun at the poor girl's expense :D

    Peenuts...Hahahah

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  50. Made for each other saxy couple..hilarious this is Purba..but thank God they are there..makes for such great entertainment :))

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  51. Ha ha they both know their moves for sure ;)

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  52. OMG! My sides are still aching from laughter! This is the BEST post I have read on the Rakhi- Baba issue! Yeh to Rab ne bana di jodi!! I liked the mention of the yogic positions ( my dirty minded husband's first comment when he read about the Rakhi Ramdev thing in Indian express!!!!)

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  53. Maitreyee...Almost feel sorry for Ramdev - getting dragged into this whirlpool of jokes :)

    Lakshmi....When plastic meets elastic.

    Meera....And it was my dirty minded husband who suggested that I include positions. Guess all great minds think alike :)

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  54. I suspect that this post gave Rakhi the idea :-)

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  55. he he he he :) ab main ispe kya likhoon .. has had ke i forgot all that i wanted to write ..

    and all that in a DREAM i wonder what if it happens for REAL :) haaan

    Bikram's

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  56. Aativas...LMAO...Trying to imagine Rakhi trying to read :P

    Bikram....It will be Triple Dhamaal with Rakhi prancing all over the country singing Jalebi Bai.

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  57. I loowwwweeee her pout ;) :P

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  58. Lol..that had me in splits...

    kya chitchor jhikjor likha hai :D

    "Plastic meets Elastic" ROFL

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  59. Yet another brilliant post.. he he.. I am feeling like ROFL in office :) :) Amazing.. How do you get such ideas?? :) :)

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  60. lol...that was hillarious...

    love her, hate her...but you cannot ignore her...i adore this girl for her sheer guts...she is living her life like the way she wants to...and we call her nautanki...while most of us wear a mask of aristocracy and never live our life the way we want to...:)

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  61. i liked the ending.. this offer is for limited time only... haha so much rakhi sawant type letter...

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  62. Chintan...All Rakhi fans will soon be getting her autographed pics.

    indigenou...Err my Hindi is good but not that good :)

    Sunil...All I had to do was close my eyes and dream like Rakhi.

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  63. RK...:))

    SUB...You should read her interview in Telegraph. I have been kind to her in this post.
    http://www.telegraphindia.com/1110802/jsp/entertainment/story_14320546.jsp

    Varsha...Err... she has never written a letter to me so I wouldn't really know :D

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  64. commenting after a long time and what a post to do it! Couldn't stop laughing even though the aching body protested at the effort. Thanks to your post, one could imagine what an awe(ful)some couple the two would make :D

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  65. Not sure who to feel sorry for Rakhi or Baba. Anyways both are a joke now, but it is good fun.

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  66. Hilarious!!!!! What a pair!!!

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  67. How would we live without Rakhi. She is on another show I think - saw it another day. Crassness personified - sometimes its hard to decide whether to laugh or cry at her antics.

    BRD - has become a joke. What a shame for an otherwise smart businessman in making.

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  68. Zephyr....You are back :) :) :)

    Vikram...It's Baba you should feel sorry for. That woman has turned him into a joke.

    Deepa....A match made in hell

    Mayank...BRD is yet another publicity stunt for her, felt sorry for that chap.

    Thankfully he has chosen to ignore her idiotic statements.

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  69. Excellent....my kind of writing, I love it. Keep going!

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  70. superb knack of lashing out. pity the Rakhi and ramdeo too

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  71. thanks for sharing that link...that was entertaining...lol...
    "ke agar woh aag hain, main bhi aag hoon… agar woh paani hain toh main… I am also water"...too good :)rofl :)

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  72. Satish Mutatkar...Glad :)

    Pramod...LOL...that doesn't sound that good!!

    SUB....It is full of gems - that woman is unstoppable.

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  73. Good one Purba! Extraordinarily funny! Absolutely loved the Parody. Thank you for this!

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  74. Did not know you are a fab ghost writer as well, Ms.Ray! ;) :P

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  75. very phunny haiji. I loved it.

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  76. evanescentyears...Thank you

    popsie....I get inspired as Rakhi's ghost :)

    Rookie...:D

    Dibakar...Gracias

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  77. Purba,

    Please do not make fun of Made For Each Other Couple. LOL.

    Take care

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  78. I juut want them to marry...It would be a great fun to see 2 idiots together...Lol

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  79. jeejus ko patha hai Rakhi dil se bolti hai.

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