A bizarre photograph album filled page to page with pictures of Condoleezza Rice has been found at the compound of Colonel Gaddafi. As citizens ransacked the sprawling lair, for the first time discovering the extent of riches enjoyed by their bloodthirsty tyrant, a number of unusual items have been looted. Perhaps the most surprising, however, was the album, filled with glossy pictures of America's former Secretary of State. Dailymail.co.uk
Since I happen to have contacts in low places – my friendly but stinky courier chap arranged a stopover for Gaddafi’s pet pigeon in my balcony in Gurgaon, before it flew off to distant America. Attached to its gold plated leg was a letter – not just any letter but Gaddafi’s declaration of love for his beloved. I publish it verbatim for my readers.
Salaam my lovely Leezza,
As I was fleeing in the dead of the night for my dear life, I had crocodile tears in my eyes for my Condom-leezza, I was leaving behind. Not the real Leezza but my scrapbook of her pictures that I had lovingly collected over the years.
Actually I needn’t have scuttled like a startled rat. I know I am invincible, Allah has sent me to the world with a life time warranty. But why tempt God? To make sure I don’t leave for hell in a hurry, I took my platoon of Killer beauties to protect me.
I need to exist for my people – I am their God who will lead them to the path to salvation. So what, if I had to torture and kill a few of them - which father does not spank his child when he goes astray? And haven’t I always said Obeying parents is more important than doing what they say. The misguided sods were claiming to be rebels but in reality they were drugged kids. Al-Qaeda operatives gave them pills at night, they put hallucinatory pills in their drinks, their milk, their coffee, their Nescafe.
It was a conspiracy to bring down the greatest man alive. Yet the greatest man lives just for his Condom-leezza.
Don’t lose your sleep over me, my darling black woman, I will not close my eyes till I have planted a wet kiss on your thick black lips. But girl you have been very-very naughty – you have given your love sick admirer many a sleepless night. I have woken up in my sweat soaked clothes, screaming your name. I have always admired my darling black woman who leaned back and gave orders to Arab leaders. Leezza, Leezza, Leezza. ... I have always loved you so very much.
Since you will be soon in my strong arms, it’s time I let you in my chamber of secrets. I have often fantasized about my African woman, sitting on a chair with a whip in her hand, punishing all the wicked leaders of the world. Heheheh…what fun!
There was another African woman from your despotic country, Bouncy Knowles. She had come to perform for my son Hannibal. She was pretty and sang how bootylicious she was, but she was not even close to my Condo Rice.
But I have to tell you this, your leader is foolish. I had written to our dear son, Excellency, Baraka Hussein Abu Oumama - Your intervention in the name of the USA is a must, so that Nato would withdraw finally from the Libyan affair. Alas he was too busy taking care of his report card. I read his grades fell down from AAA to AA. Had he got a timely spanking he would never have let his people and Gaddafi the Great down.
But I gave the driver of my plane thirty lashings! The bloody fool was supposed to take me to Silvy Burly-scone’s Bunga Bunga party and he took me instead to a strange land by the name of Paschim Banga. Instead of playing hide and seek with underage girls in their underwear, I spent the day staring at posters of a moon faced woman, wrapped in a white chador and wearing bathroom slippers. Despite being so poor she looked so happy! I should have invited her to Tripoli and she would have died of jealousy.
Darling Leezza, you will have to bear a few more months of separation before I swoop down on your nest. I will loaf around in Algeria for a bit. Mugabe has promised me an all paid vacation as his unique guest and Put-it-in has invited me to Russia to catch fish with him. I promise I will not touch any Russian woman even though they look like hoors from Jannat. You know how much I respect women – don’t you? Haven’t I always said A woman has a right to run for election, whether she is male or female. And women, like men, are human beings. This is an incontestable truth.
Last time when we met, I gave you a diamond ring, a lute and a locket with my beautiful profile engraved on it. I know diamonds are a girls’ best friend and this time I will floor you with a spectacular gift – an entire planet made of diamonds!! Can there be a better gift for my African woman who has ruled my heart for years. I have already strapped my slave to a missile who will pluck it from the Milky Way just for my Malika.
And then the Colonel will get down on his arthritic knees and say Habiba will you be my third wife? A virile young fatan (man) of 69 and a gorgeous untha (woman) of 56 – we will be even greater than Will-Kat. Sixty nine is a good age and such an exciting position. You aggressive – me more aggressive – By God together we will create pyrotechnics. And when there’s no electricity, you and I will snuggle on your couch and watch Gossip Girl on TV.
There are inevitable cycles of social history: the yellow race’s domination of the world, when it came from Asia, and the white race’s attempts at colonizing extensive areas of all continents of the world. Now, it is the turn of the black race to prevail in the world. Can there be better representatives than us? My lovely Anaconda, you and I will be more potent than AIDS. A viral Arab and a menacing black woman – Allah! what a pair we will make. Me the Malik with his Malika of hearts – together we will rule the world till I die, or until the end of time till God allows me to live.
Alhamdulillah.....Libya was too small for me anyway!
You pining lover