Monday, August 22, 2011

It’s all about tender loving and care, stupid!

Remember Jane Fonda? In her younger days she was regarded more as an activist rather than an actress.  Now, at the age of 73, she is out to lead a revolution in the bedroom on behalf of her fellow pensioners.  About 50 pages of the actress’s new autobiography, Prime Time are devoted to explaining the joys of sex after 70.   According to Ms Fonda, it’s important for everyone to know that people in their 70’s can be sexually attractive and active. I am praying Rakhi Sawant does not get hold of this explosive piece of information.  The thought of her giving come hither looks to septuagenarians is not exactly comforting.

I can’t claim to have watched too many of Ms Fonda’s movies – for me she was the more heard rather than seen.  But I do have hazy memories of her workout videos in leotards.  But back then as a stick thin teenager, fitness was an alien concept to me.  I loved her leotards though! And now I love her for giving me hope for old age. 

I may be decades away from 70 and if the Mayan’s were right I might perish with the rest of the world in 2012.  But that does it stop me from thinking about my old age does it?   It’s surprising how our perception of “old” changes with age.  When I was seventeen, twenty eight was senile.  At twenty eight, 40’s was over the hill and now when I am treading the 40’s mill, I think this is the best phase of my life.  So who knows at 70 I might be a rockstar, smoking a beedi, singing Janis Joplin in my cabin in the mountains and proving Jane Fonda right.        

Long before Ms Fonda made the astounding revelation that there’s much more to old age than satsang, we had our own ND Tiwari jee giving us gupt gyaan.  In his 80’s he is still a fountain of youth and believes in sharing his love with not one, but with many.   Dominique Straus Kahn at 62 charges at hapless women like a rutting chimpanzee and still has a smiling wife at his side.  For further inspiration we have Bhramarlal Joshi from Ahmadabad.  At 81 Joshi decided to tie the knot again with 61 year old Pramodini.    An expert in Vedas, Joshi preferred chanting his wedding mantras himself and claims to have an extensive collection of Kamasutra.  It is still not known whether he prefers reading it as bedtime stories or practises the moves suggested by Vatsayana. 

Maybe sex at 70 is not such a bad idea.  Who wants to spend time engaging in fervid clapping sessions in parks at the crack of dawn and watch television serials where all the characters cry like banshees.   Television is more like a health hazard and researchers have further confirmed my worst fears.   According to them, watching TV reduces your life expectancy by 22 minutes!  So it not only turns you into an idiot, it also rewards you with an early death!  When do you get to have sex then?  And what’s more, a session on the couch done with utmost sincerity helps you burn as many as 1800 calories!   Now consider this, a 45 minute medium paced walk helps you burn a mere 300 calories.  How’s that for comparison! 

Of course I am embarrassed as hell to even remotely suggest it to my seniors.  I wouldn’t want to risk a has she lost it completely looks for the rest of my life. But I can certainly start hoping that people will take a cue and start living an active life.  

According to Ms Fonda she can simply tell by looking at people if they are having ‘good sex’. And so can I!  I mean look at Manmohan Singh.  When was the last time you saw the chap smile?  He is the only PM in the world who looks as if he will burst into tears anytime.  Constantly heckled, anointed with unflattering titles like lame duck – the man could certainly do with some TLC (tender loving and care) and a very large kerchief.  And why just him – Chidambaram, Sibal,  Sushma Swaraj, Arun Jaitley – forever on TV with their forehead criss-crossed with worry lines, launching into a diatribe at the earliest opportunity – they are all in dire need of TLC.

It is another matter that a young, virile nation like India is being led down the revolutionary road by a septuagenarian.  But I’d like to point out that Anna Hazare has got it all wrong – it is not Lokpal Bill that will reform the crooked ways of our elected.  We need to import Ms Fonda instead to impart the art of loving to our venerated. According her, after sixty, there is less room for ego and more need for humility, balance and common sense. Isn’t it exactly what most of our leaders are lacking? 

We are not going to live forever so why not make the most of it. Why fast when you can feast. Why fret when you can smile!  Why launch a thousand warships when you can love. Just keep it simple stupid! 


  1. lol...want to see the rockstar Purba at 70! i guess you are right about Manmohan...importing Ms Fonda seems like a good alternative to Lokpal...should propose that to Anna...:)

  2. thats true!!! Why fast when you can feast?....loved the last lines! Keep it simple and live life :) Thats a good motto!

  3. Loved it Purba :)) had me in splits even while acknowledging the fact that when you are a particular's all happening then..wonderful!

  4. i wish everyone reads this.. and gets this too..
    And about the old age thing.. i am sure we are dying in 2012.. yes, definitely..

  5. All I care about, is whether reading, and thinking about that which has been read, happens.

  6. I am so looking forward to my seventies after this post....By TLC you mean that neta log need some action? I agree! It will help them to think clearly.

  7. Sigh...look at Berlusconi, Putin and Rupert Murdoch, getting it on at this age. Our politicians should take a leaf out of their books. Maybe then they'll stop vandalizing parliament furniture and getting into fist fights over bills that don't get passed.

  8. you are so good Purba :D am sure you will rock at 70 and share a sutta with Mick Jagger ;)

  9. Our policemen and politicians shud learn frm this. Atleast shake their ankles if not the entire leg!

    As always you rock!

  10. SUB....It will be nice to have a Prime Minister who looks cheerful and doesn't cut a sorry picture.

    Cindrella...It is we who make our lives complicated.

    Maitreyee..At 70 I want to be a hot babe with scores of admirers :p

  11. Deepika...If we are dying next year, lets not waste time :)

    Somsi...That' why the urgency of importing Ms Fonda

    Alka...Action that is not the power game type :p

  12. Samadrita...We need to show them a few Sooraj Barjatiya movies..imagine them playing antakshari and sending flying kisses to each other.

    Chintan...Naa.. I think I"ll settle for Bradley Cooper...he's hawt.

    Red Handed...Love can cure a lot of ills :)

  13. "It is still not known whether he prefers reading it as bedtime stories or practises the moves suggested by Vatsayana." :D
    Awesome post!
    Indians are conservative about sex even at a young age, let alone after seventy. For all we know, the older generation stopped having sex once they decided they had enough children. :/

  14. Lol, Lol, Lol.. :P .. You have your own ways of proving your points :) .. Well written... And you did ended it on a high note..

  15. I am wondering when was the last they (Sushma, kapil, Advani)indulged in some action.(Not the power game types;)

    Thanks for the birthday wishes...They made my day special.

  16. HaHa..Shaukeen is in my dear!
    Seventeen at seventy is the mantra.
    BTW,call me when you get summons from 7 racecourse road;p

  17. Juts one 'kostin'
    Why so much 'leao' for Rakhi? :P

  18. Alka...I am planning to pen Kamasutra for senior citizens. Positions for arthritic backs, creaky knees and weak hearts :P

    Sharmila...Ha..only when you promise to go on a dharna, flashing your canines.

    Priyanka...Arre...I am her number one fan jee.

  19. Being 70 has never sounded this tempting before :P
    I guess age doesn't matter really! Visiting your blog after a long time... Great post!

  20. I don't actually know how to react on this, impressed by the wit and jest and awed by how intricately the whole post was woven around many things including our beloved 'Kissa Kursi ka ke kirdaar'.
    But it takes much more than mere suggestions here in this place for some idea to land on the typmanum membrane of these ears. So do take firm steps in propagating this wonderful idea to all and sundry before 60, or else they'll say, 'Sathiya gaye hain' :)

    Blasphemous Aesthete

  21. I'm thrilled to have come across your blog, Purba. :) About following Jane Fonda's advice, you certainly will get has-she-lost-it looks from your seniors, but from your juniors, including me, you have our thumbs-up.

  22. TheGirlAtFirstAvenue...Great to see you after such a long time :)

    Anshul...Hahah..and I am praying my parents don't read this article. They will KILL me :D

    Arcopol...We are too shy to talk about basic instincts :)

  23. I don't even know if I want to live that long.

    If I do, this is great information! Something to look forward to!

  24. How many posts you would have written by 70? And how many calories are burnt while writing a post - especially by waiting for comments and hits? :-)

  25. Heh heh heh.
    At 18 or 80, nothing beats sexual healing. :)

    You're right, we must allow our politicians the little joys in life.

  26. that was such a well researched post, though presented most casually :) Vintage Purba. Loved your suggestion of advising our beloved netas to have fun and TLC. They need it very badly. btw, about watching TV -- 'it reduces life expectancy by 22 mins.' Need clarification: how many hours does it take to do that? because if that were to be the case we won't have 90 year olds watching TV all day long! It is more like it 'increases' life expectancy!

  27. Pzes..None of us look forward to old age :)

    Aativas..That's precisely why I prefer blogging to television :p

    Rindo....I want to see smiling, relaxed politicians glowing with joy.

  28. Anna himself could do with some TLC (no disrespect to him). But being a bachelor and an old man, the chances of him getting TLC looks meek.

  29. Hmm... kinda makes me remember the Bobby McFerrin song from the movie Cocktails...

    In every life we have some trouble,
    When you worry you make it double...
    Don't worry be happy...
    Cause when you worry your face will frown and that will bring everybody down...
    So don't worry be happy...

    I'm not so much into politics and politicians.... so wonder how the frowned and worried faces of those politicians be affecting our people.... :-D

    Better be ... MS calling JF...

  30. Zephyr...Hahha...a classic case of better late than never addiction

    And each hour in front of the telly reduces life expectancy by 22 mins.

    Joshi...He is getting plenty of TLC but not the type you have in mind :p

  31. Zephyr...Hahha...a classic case of better late than never addiction

    And each hour in front of the telly reduces life expectancy by 22 mins.

    Joshi...He is getting plenty of TLC but not the type you have in mind :p

    Pixellicious Photos...Did you know Bobby McFerrin committed suicide! The very man who gave hope to stressed souls all around the world.

  32. @Purba, Let me correct you...

    McFerrin's suicide was a rumour which spread as early as 1992. He's very much alive and currently is organizing to launch a super-group by 2012 (thats if the Mayans are wrong....;)

  33. Good one! sure you are yet to see the new fitness video of Jane Fonda.It will put Bipasha Basu and Shilpa Shetty and likes to shame... she is so good at 70 at several things besides what you adored her for...

  34. Quite interesting. Kind of reminds me of Harold and Maude. But be careful of what you write. This goes against our ancient Vedic system where after 75 starts the Sanyas Ashram.
    Please, do anything at 70 but don't smoke beedi. Cigarettes or better still Cigars or maybe a Pipe (wait cut it) .... cigarette attached to a holder .... yes that would be better.

    PS How much does Rakhi pay you for making sure you mention her in every post? Come on out with it

  35. had me in laughing fits! spread the love ,spread TLC ...

  36. Sigh!Gone are the days when flashing a smile,or baring fangs would fetch results.With Rakhi and Poonam ready to flash much more,dharna at 7 Racecourse road will be a hit with them in forefront.:D Our senior citizens in parliament and PMO will immediately relent.:D

  37. Kcalpesh...Is that? Am I glad that it was a rumour after all.

    Rahul...I am sure she is...maybe I"ll order it from Amazon :)

    Prats....I can't help it, she's so ingrained in my consciousness.

    And since you insist I"ll smoke pot instead!

  38. A grain of sand....TLC is healing :)
    Works better than medicine.

    Sharmila...Team Anna's secret weapons - Poonam and Rakhi!!

  39. You certainly have a turn of phrase. Fellow pensioners?!! And yes, please keep Rakhi Sawant away from the septugenarians. Else the life expectancy stats may plummet!!

  40. Deepa..They will all have cardiac arrests...


  41. Hey Purba,

    have u gone bonkers? how can u even write about this? n that too for a nation with 1.25 million raging hormones!

    absolutely enjoyed it... one LOL moment imagining Dr. MMS adressing parliament after some TLC ;) :D

    will be back to read what i have missed...keep up the laughs!

  42. You are right,if the world ends in 2012 let's go party...

    I would love to see the 70 years old beedi smoking Rock star-super star Purba...

  43. whoa...i love the leotards too:-)

    and wow, the post began with Jane Fonda and went on to everything that is not about her!

    and you are so right about us pushing the "old" bracket to those ten-twenty years ahead of us and repeat the drill when we reach glad to know i am not the only one doing so!

    i am sooooo glad about my coming decades though, thanks to this and soooo looking forward to your seventies with equal zest;-)

  44. HAHA....jab tak hai zindagi..enjoy kar lo....70 ki to 70 mein dekhi jayegi...agar pahunch paaye to :D


  45. Oldfox...Baby we are from the country that gave the world the Kamasutra. Time we gave lessons on the art of loving.

    MMS blushing and giggling while he talks about the spiraling inflation.

    Blue Lotus...I'd love to be her, although I'm more of a sea person.


  46. Suruchi...Age is the hardest reality to accept in life. So why not make it something to look forward to.

    Kunal...Sabhi yeh sochte hain...koi burha honaa nahin chahta.

  47. I have wondered why Mr.Singh keeps his face numb always. But never did this thought of TLC popped in my mind :D

    I loved the last two lines :)

  48. Wow. So beautifully expressed. I am 100% with you on everything you've written. Just loved it.

    Thank you.


  49. इतने बरस बाद की बात क्‍या करनी ? पता नहीं जेन फोंडा ने जि‍न्‍दगीभर क्‍या क्‍या ?

  50. Now now, you wouldn't want the younger active readers to think about aging already, would you?
    I'm at a loss for words, actually. As much as the lame silent duck needs some TLC, so do many of the old senile people (at whatever age) because they just can't stop talking about sex as a taboo.
    Loved this post. Witty as always.

    PS. I do hope Rakhi Sawant doesn't somehow manage to get to this page and feels encouraged to show more TLC than she already does.

  51. BhAgYa VaSu...He is an emergency case...Needs TLC urgently.

    Raj...Thank you

    Rajey Sha राजे_शा ...I am not sure what you're trying to say :)

    D2...You won't be young all your life. That will be so boring!

  52. Nice article... Interesting and quite informative... Thanks for sharing...

  53. Nice article... Interesting and quite informative... Thanks for sharing...

  54. Purba,

    I hope your suggestions to those mentioned are taken seriously. I must lay my hands on this book as I have just 4 years more to cross that line. LOL.

    Take care

  55. I totally agree with this statement "We are not going to live forever so why not make the most of it." Life is short, no need to waste our precious time on "what if's".
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