Sunday, August 7, 2011

Pass-outs from Tihar University

Google Images

Education is blooming at the unlikeliest of places.  Schools and colleges are just time pass for most of our cool as cucumber kids. Not even in our wildest dreams do we expect them to be bothered with such trivial pursuits such as studying.  Why disturb them when they have better things to do – such as uploading ossum pictures of last night’s party on FB or getting their adrenalin rush from the Playstation that Dad gifted for scraping through last semester. 

The unlikeliest pupils are a gaggle of convicts who are turning studious with a vengeance. The trend started with the trigger happy former DIG of Gujarat police DG Vanzara, who is now lodged in jail for masterminding a series of fake encounters. The gent has just completed a Post Graduate diploma in Value Education & Spirituality.  I quite like the logic of earning good karma while twiddling your thumbs in jail.  So what if the realization came after killing scores of unarmed men & women for political gains.

Apparently Vanzara is not alone.  No, I am not talking of the ghosts of the dear and departed that haunt him or the jailed criminals dying to teach him a lesson.   There are other jailbirds who have shown penchant for uplifting pursuits.   Hardcore Islamic militants have also completed the same course from their cells in Sabarmati Central Jail in Ahmedabad.  So happy are Universities with this development that they are clamouring to open study centres in District jail.  

Are prisons the new temples of learning? 

These prisoners have also turned into voracious readers and are lapping up Gandhi’s autobiography. 
So, if my daughter doesn’t get admission to any college after she completes school, I know where to send her.  Gandhi will help her get rid of her vampire fixation and she might end up with a PhD if she stays there long enough.   Plus she will get to eat free healthy meals. 


The land of the beauteous Heena Rabbani Khar is not too behind either.  Abdul Rasheed, one of the accused in the assassination of Benazir Bhutto has come out with flying colours in the Secondary School examination, securing 3rd position while writing the test from Rawalpindi jail.  When Ahmed had expressed his willingness to complete his studies, the jail administration happily provided teachers and other facilities to him.

This has given me an idea which might just fetch me a Nobel Prize for peace. 

Since most of our MPs and MLAs are Xth fail, it will be a fantastic idea to send them all to Tihar.  Out of sheer boredom they will start singing bhajans and kirtans every evening and come out with flying colours in their exams.  After a stint in prison they will emerge deeply spiritual and demand bribes with their heads bent down with humility.  In Parliament, after our elected representatives have thrown chappals at their opponents, they will apologize profusely in English.  They will take permission from the speaker of the house, before climbing on tables to protest.  Armed with brand new ideologies our honourable MPs will insist on joining Anna Hazare’s movement and fast with him.  With their pot bellies gone after a prolonged stint of fasting they will look dapper and almost attractive.  

It is my humble suggestion that all our iron-willed netas who think stealing is their birthright and smash their colleague’s laptops to express their displeasure at being caught should be sent to prison as well. It will be a soul cleansing experience for them.  Ms Simi Garewal should be deputed to sing lullabies to them in her British accent.  She has ample practice in putting her audience to sleep with her talk shows.  It is possible that Ram Gopal Varma will express interest in making a movie on our leaders startling rediscovery of their spiritual selves.  I will be asked to put in a guest appearance but I will turn it down.  The movie will be titled From Bihar to Tihar – journey of a Reformed Rascal... 

Our prisons better start getting ready to welcome their new guests.  They will need extra cells and a cafeteria where our newly turned intellectuals will exchange ideas over cups of chai.  Complimentary Jholas should be provided to cart heavy books from the library.   Jails will be like a finishing school that will add polish and panache to the much sullied image of our Politicos.   Vote for Dharamveer Prasad, BA pass ...MA First Class... and fresh from Tihar.  

Come to Jail, see the change and who knows, India will be shining again. 


Enhanced by Zemanta


60 comments:

  1. Very very interesting, but I dono hw much they'll study with their jails having TVs and refrigerators, mayb laptops also nowadays..:D

    ReplyDelete
  2. How superb are you!! This is one intellectual post....I truly enjoyed and am learning from you <3 How to be smart in blogging...cheers Purba...You are one hell of a woman [_]@ cheers

    ReplyDelete
  3. A free laptop and a chance to visit Paris on parole can be thrown in like that popular computer institute advertised...

    ReplyDelete
  4. This is one hell of a thoughtful post.
    Colleges and school are actually just namesake or degreesake...
    this is coming from a college student
    i love your blog!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Some of our very high profile netas are already in jail courtesy CWG and 2G..hope when they come out (and they surely will) they wud hav 'rediscovered their spiritual selves'.

    ReplyDelete
  6. True. They should consider Tihar to be a deemed university of sorts.

    That would make the netas work harder to get there.

    ReplyDelete
  7. lol Purba...thats gr8 thinking...Tilhar Jail, the new IIT...and Ms Simi Garewal singing lullabies in British accent...cannot stop laughing when i think of that :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Superb idea!!Waiting for India to shine again!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hmmmm...so will there be an entrance examination? Right to Education has been implemented.
    It will be a funny scene in the parliament. "Respected speaker, may I please be allowed to throw my shoe at the honorable minster of xyz as a mark of disapproval of his policies?"

    ReplyDelete
  10. Great idea. This can be actually put to practice. I bet if internet is cut off to school and college students, then they would not only have ample time to study but would excel just like those jail prisoners. Oh, but then how would I blog? :D

    ReplyDelete
  11. You are a woman of strong opinions. Opinions which I like. Eloquently written. People will just HAVE to stop and read.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Ana-treek -> I have not had an opportunity to visit jail, I will be unable to comment on the facilities :p

    Chintan...Flattered and humbled :)

    Harish...LOL! which computer institute is that?

    ReplyDelete
  13. Red handed...Why don't you write about it?

    Peenuts...Jail was not conducive for Raja's spiritual growth. It turned him into an AK-47!

    Pzes...They just have to continue being their normal selves.

    ReplyDelete
  14. SUB...If Tihar can have on-campus interviews, they might as well have entrance exams.

    Giribala....Shiny and new...like a V&*^%$% ~~~ Hehehe

    Prats...LMAO...Lok Sabha live will be so much fun to watch!!!

    ReplyDelete
  15. ajay...Hehe.. And I will end up losing a chunk of my followers.

    Zeba...But I'm always willing to listen to what others have to say :)

    ReplyDelete
  16. Have read of learned prisoners-of-war asking for books and newspapers while in jail.. that the aam-aadmi is also doing it, is very interesting to note!

    ReplyDelete
  17. but there are still some people there who wants to escape that opportunity too though still got the privileged of Tihar yatra , Faking Dementia else otherwise they will flunked every exam...nakul kurnehkah mauka nahi milegah jail peh

    ReplyDelete
  18. There might as well be entrance examinations for these prisons (eg: how many can you kill skillfully in 10 hours)and coaching classes to attend... A truly reformed India! :D

    ReplyDelete
  19. Ambika...Boredom makes you do unusual things.

    RK...But he recovered his memory miraculously once he was taken to the hospital.

    Enchanta...Considering our colleges are woefully short of seats, why not?

    ReplyDelete
  20. I can't wait for the Nobel Committee to deliberate on your nomination. So here goes the Cybernag Nobel Prize for the most original idea to make India shine again :)

    Speaks volumes for the education system if all the jail term and the learning are only going to make our netas polite while hurling shoes and breaking laptops. I agree with Pzes' suggestion of making a Tihar a Deemed University. :D

    ReplyDelete
  21. Thats a good way of earning karma as you said...they will surely turn in to intellectual but would they turn wise ? Morally Wise? I have no clue if they are given any such kind of special education to make them morally wise? thats what prisons needs to do so that when these criminals are out of the jail they have already learnt the art of good living....most of the reason for crime is money if they study they will surely get good jobs and in that way there might be a decrease of crimes ....very intelligent post, thanks for sharing

    ReplyDelete
  22. A very imaginative and funny post. :)

    I am not sure, if the title 'Bihar to Tihar'(Journey of a Reformed Rascal) is a bit offensive. I know, you did not meant it that way. But it felt very odd, considering Bihar is not full of 'rascals' and all the 'rascals' are not from Bihar. They come from everywhere.

    I am pretty sure, this was not your intention and may be I am over-reacting a bit.

    But, what I said, should not take up anything away from the fact that post was very entertaining. :)

    ReplyDelete
  23. Zephyr...I humbly accept your award, will email you my acceptance speech.

    Bhavna...A good job doesn't stop you from demanding bribes. It is your greed that drives you :)

    Kunnu...Ahh no.. I didn't mean to insult Bihar, it just happens to rhyme well with Tihar:) Most of our IAS officers are from that state and it's home to Super 30...

    ReplyDelete
  24. I think after reading this post i am rady to say that i blame my father for today, he pused me too hard to study .. had he not 10th pass and politics would have been good I could have been a MINISTER ..
    what more can one ask for yes I blame him now ..

    Bikram's

    ReplyDelete
  25. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  26. and considering that almost every office bearer/portfolio holder would be regaling in the lavish jails, any foreign official visiting us would instead of rashtrapati bhawan or 10racecourse be visting The Tihar...the opulent bungalows can be then vacated and instead be used to provide land to the landless in delhi and around. these swanky and plush residences are anyway a 'waste',allocated to the 'wasted'!.

    ReplyDelete
  27. enjoyed the sarcasm :)
    still smirking at all the names/examples u mentioned
    cheers

    ReplyDelete
  28. It will be tough for jails to handle the crowd...how about stuffing them in ships and sending them off to the Bermuda triangle?

    ReplyDelete
  29. Purba,

    It is great effort to reform a person. A number of those who are undergoing jail term are basically not criminals by nature. So it is those towards whom such schemes of education are targeted. As far as our Rhino skinned NETAS are concerned, they will find way to corrupt this noble scheme too. So let them be out and die uneducated. Also a number of high profile persons while in jail make the most of it to gain limelight.

    Take care

    PS : Caught up with all pending posts and left comments on each starting with Buzz off. No visits?

    ReplyDelete
  30. you have mastered the art of satire. The post covers each and every aspect of breaking news aspects from Guj to MP's and even the brand RGV :D
    And may be someday they might have entrance test for getting into Tihar :P

    Weakest LINK

    ReplyDelete
  31. wow..nice findings
    Shining India...........

    ReplyDelete
  32. "ossum". Thanks for the laughs. The title also provided a laugh. For us Pass-out is synonymous with graduating. But, it also means passing out after getting drunk. :)

    ReplyDelete
  33. I go to college. I play pool/TT. I come back home. This is college.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Bikramjeet-> You also need a skin thick enough to take the impact of heavy duty chappals.

    A grain of sand....I love the wonderful ideas all of you are coming up with. Time to sit in front of Jantar Mantar and force the government to take our demands seriously.

    Kunnu :)

    Sujatha...If only we could ensure a lifetime stay for all.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Alka....Hahah...good riddance to bad rubbish.

    Jack...We hold our leaders in such high esteem. We always suspect them of ulterior motives.

    Rachit -> It should read like the UK/US Visa form....have you committed genocide..if yes please give details....

    ReplyDelete
  36. Jidhu...We can only come up with suggestions.

    Sm....:)

    magiceye...Anything for the sake of our country.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Nona...LMAO...Passed out in Tihar..

    Prateek...Dekha! theek bolaa tha na?

    ReplyDelete
  38. This post has actually got me thinking. Is this the reason why the "dharamshalas" of the past were so popular? They weren't really jails but they were strict as hell and were conducive to learning. Though I'm totally for the modern education system, I can't help but wonder if we are on the right direction.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Hey purba - excellent post... Especially the last three paragraphs :P And yes, you deserve a nobel prize for this idea :) :) Still laughing thinking how it would look like.. :P ROFL..

    ReplyDelete
  40. LOL...how do u manage to get such ideas? Definitely some 'tihar connection' :P
    and guess wht? v at our college hardly have classes...now I think i ll make a constructive use of my free periods and vouch out for ways to end up in JAIL..for d FUTURE shines there!!


    sarah

    ReplyDelete
  41. Ashish...I think you meant Pathshalas. Agree when you say that the strict atmosphere was conducive to academics. In the current scenario quality education is extremely school centered.

    Sunil....Out esteemed netas walking down it's hallowed corridors with finger on their lips.

    Sarah...With the introduction of semester system in colleges, things should change for the better.

    Shveta...thank you :)

    ReplyDelete
  42. i'm sorry, but the scariest part in that scenario is still Simi Garewal singing in her "KIKI" voice... :)

    ReplyDelete
  43. but i agree with some of the earlier comments here too : Shouldn't have studied so hard... could have been a rich politican running to cause a ruckus in Parliament and then back for lunch :)

    ReplyDelete
  44. //In the current scenario quality education is extremely school centered.//
    Agree totally.Delightful read Purba!

    ReplyDelete
  45. nice one....
    education is so imp.

    ReplyDelete
  46. Pythoroshan....Simi Jee with her fake cool attitude is such a put off.

    And you pay a paltry 40 bucks for lunch at the cafeteria.

    Sharmila...Ahh thanks :)

    Chitra...It is if imparted correctly.

    ReplyDelete
  47. Hey, you stated in a much more direct way what I was trying to communicate, thanks, I will recommend your site to my friends.

    My blog:
    rachat de credit rachatdecredit.net

    ReplyDelete
  48. Lol..i liked that ..no i loved it...well no that's superb!

    I could just rumble on the idea of an "IIM TIHAR" passouts, with their educated and innovative ways to trillion dollar scams! :P

    ReplyDelete
  49. Brilliantly written!!! The very thought was mighty hilarious!!! :) I just hope I don't get to see the day when this would happen though...

    ReplyDelete
  50. Brilliant Brilliant Idea. I love the way you drape your words.

    Envious,
    R.R

    ReplyDelete
  51. Good ideas to implement as the authorities could not tolerate Kiran Bedi's reforms in Tihar Jail.

    ReplyDelete
  52. indigenou...How to succeed without really trying :)

    coffeebeanmusings...I'll be happy to see all of them behind bars.

    Rohit...Thanks :)

    Ayyangar Sir...She is one spunky lady - as Deputy commissioner of Police (traffic)...as IG of Tihar...she always made a difference.

    ReplyDelete
  53. Future looks good in Tihar!!now we should plan to send our younger ones to tihar for better education.. i bet it will be far better than what they get in convents!! .. good one purba.. m really impressed with ur idea, though not a new one :)

    ReplyDelete
  54. It is good know that criminals after completing their jail term are rehabilated by companies through jail placement. But as Vivek mentioned it is also bad to see young freshers are jobless and when jail prisonrs get jobs it is frustrating situation. Very embarrasing situation and difficult to judge.

    ReplyDelete
  55. It is really very bad situation in India that Xth fail MPs and MLAs present in politics. Because of Tihar at least small change can be done in India, it is great idea to send them in Tihar. I would like to see my shining India. I love my India!!

    ReplyDelete
  56. Great post!! For shining our India it will helpful.

    ReplyDelete

Psst... let me know what you are thinking.

LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...