Sunday, September 4, 2011

Ageing disgracefully

Courtesy - Ray Album

You know your friends fear you, when they start wishing you days ahead.   You get irritated and explain that they are a tad early and you are in no hurry to get older. So they repost the same message with the date next to it. Ok...I get it...you are desperate not to forget!

But then someone senses your irritation and tweets about it. And before you can say bwaaah, everyone is demanding a treat.  You retort with a You feast, I will pass the bill and secretly pat yourself at the back for this smart retort. 

The husband has been asking you for weeks So what do you want, honey?  You hmm and haw and look as vague as possible because you don’t have a effing clue. Actually you expect him to surprise you.  But you have conveniently forgotten that the first thing you told him after you got married was Darling, I hate surprises!  The poor fella is hopelessly out of practise and eventually needs your assistance for that special surprise.

On D day, when your phone starts ringing the first thing in the morning and you realize you have too many elderly members in your family. But then you are up too, sipping your morning tea and passionately cussing ministers for killing the sports bill.  Now your mobile is buzzing non-stop. You are delighted that so many remember your birthday and even more delighted that so many strangers know it as well. When you signed up for FB and put up your date of birth, you certainly weren’t expecting privacy were you?    As the day warms up, you are buried under an avalanche of greetings. You now feel like a bot that spouts 18 thank yous every 30 minutes. You have clicked on the like button so many times; you are worried that the FB team might demand a facilitation fee. 


You are basking in the attention and the pampering by your family. But try as you might, you can’t get rid of the pesky thought that the first person to text you was your Life Insurance Company – wishing you a happy and a secure life, Madam Ray. And many of your friends have expressed their desire that you have a blast. Then you read about the blasts in Pakistan on Twitter. You are now filed with dread – are they really my friends or wannabe terrorists!  

However deep down you know that even if Mark Zuckerberg brings FB wall down like the wall of Berlin. Even if your parents after an all night Satsang are now filled with remorse for procreating... Even if your friends are too stoned to remember they have a fiery friend....Even if your pals, relatives stop caring for you... your Life Insurance Company and bank will never forget your birthday.

And just as you have stumbled upon this profundity, a much younger friend texts you to ask So how was your day!  WAS you fume; it’s f***ing 6.15 in the evening!  Now you are livid.  You ask the husband to uncork the sparkly and demand a wine cocktail.  You open your wardrobe, take out the not so little black dress and paint your nails a glittery pewter.   Darling you coo, We must go to the night club after dinner at Ummami.  

The wine cocktail is potent and you are bathed in a happy glow.  You daughter waves her fingers at you and asks...Mum how many fingers and you manage to mumble, I am dwunk! 

You smirk as you punch in...Aww comeon! It’s six in the evening, my day has just begun! Kids I tell you....


59 comments:

  1. :) last birthday i cried my eyes out because i did not get any surprise :(
    and i hate when people post b'day wishes on the wall....obligation...!

    ee...i posted on your wall too... :D

    belated wishes <3 xx

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  2. B'day wishes have now all become the writings on the walls!! Very very less phone calls and the "blasts"!!
    :( and I too cant remember any of the bdays without the help of bday reminders!!

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  3. Lol... Ageing had never been this fun :D...

    When husband asked wife what gift she wanted on her birthday she asked for something that will go from 0 to 100 in 5 seconds. He bought her a weighing machine...

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  4. For some strange reason, I've never into bdays too much.
    For all i know, that day remains me that 'buddy! you are not getting any younger'. Yet, i start the day with the hope that one day 'hum honge kamyab' :D

    FB is considerate enough. u needn't worry about paying a fee anywhere in the future.

    It’s six in the evening, my day has just begun!
    I say this to people every weekend. :)
    ~Cheers!
    belated wishes ms.ray

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  5. Hehe.. are you really that sarcastic about life :P
    Loved the way it ended though.. and also the sweet pic :)

    aJ

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  6. thus r birthdays...loved the drawing :)

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  7. LOL @ wannabe terrorists..baat to sahi hai :P
    well I never have had any great bday till now except getting calls from friends u haven't talked in ages :)
    nice post and i guess i wished u already on FB ;)


    sarah

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  8. Earlier it used to be birthday bumps ..now it is FB bums... Enjoy anyway

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  9. belated birthday .. and a nice post. have fun

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  10. FB wall posts irritate me too! Somehow they're too shallow n kinda obligatory!

    btw, love yo sarcasm :D

    n belated bday wishes :)

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  11. Funny as usual...Typical Rayish post! Belated Birthday Wishes, Thank Mark Zuckerberg for making it a BLAST...LOL!!!

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  12. I swear. Next year I am going to create an FB page for your Birthday. *Evil Grin*

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  13. Haaa haaa .. I detest FB birthday wishes too ! Hope you had a good one !

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  14. Hey, I get dwunk reading such fine stuff! Please don't stop the service!

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  15. Chintan...Don't we all love surprises!

    Cinderella ..FB is a trusty assistant, so why bother?

    Harish...And you think he lived to tell the tale?

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  16. Karthick...You are in your 20's!!! You are forbidden to talk about ageing!

    Aakash....On the contrary - I'm mostly cheerful :)

    Sub...Thank you.

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  17. Sarah...You should indulge yourself on your birthday. Buy that lustworthy, expensive pair of shoes, ...Have just chaat for lunch....Behave like a bratty princess.

    Rahul....I used to hate birthday bumps...too painful!

    Saheer...Thank you

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  18. Indumathy...FB wishes may sound like an obligatory gesture but that doesn't make make me averse to it. It's my special day and someone took time to make it even more special - who am I to disagree?

    Cloud Nine...FB has now become a part of our lives :)

    Snow Leopard...I dare you to.

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  19. Ruchira....Oops I don't and thanks :)

    Umashankar...HA! really?

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  20. Would wishing a few days later comfort you with the idea that people have forgotten that you might be getting old? badhti umr maano tham si jaaye :P

    I think I had wished, but I hope you don't remember that, so that I can wish again. Happy belated birthday Madame, wish you as many more birthdays as you may like :)

    And insurance people talk sweet, sweeter are their claims, but in the end, if you are sure that you'll live (X)XX (Bracket X in case you decide to go beyond being a centurion) amount of years, you should be reclaiming your pocket money from the agents.


    Cheers,
    Blasphemous Aesthete

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  21. You've had a superb birthday! Whatay gift!

    When I grow up *tries to feel super young*, I want a daughter who'll do such sweet things :)

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  22. :) made me smile again..

    Wishing you a veyr happy birthday ..

    SO jsut to know .. How was your day :) ahmm ahmm he he he
    Bikram's

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  23. I love FB wishes - many take the two seconds off to say nice things to me to make my b'day special.

    Though I love birthdays and I HAVE to have surprises, I have started dreading getting old. And you'll say, I'm still young, but then I will say that 21 is OLD and I'd rather be 18 (though that was a brainless age for me) but I still want to stay 18 forever.

    Do you add random people on FB? I just sent an add your way:)

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  24. Sources for birthday wishes are so in plenty these days, they never cease to amuse me! A belated happy bday to you Purba :) And the drawing is smart, good one!

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  25. No prizes for guessing whose b'day gift you loved the most. Lovely drawing by Tee for her dracula mum :)

    and have you heard the joke? As the wife cuddled up to her husband on the morning of her b'day, he quipped, 'Why! I do feel old age creeping upon me!'

    No, you can't whack me. I am miles away and besides, I am buzurg, see? :D

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  26. Anshul...Tum jiyo hazaron saal sounds like a curse :)

    Pzes...If your daughter can't, you can always train your husband :p

    Bikramjeet....Glares at him :D

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  27. Priyanka...You are not random :)
    And what's wrong with youngsters these days. Talking about ageing when you are barely 20!

    Ambika...Will convey it to Tee :)

    Zephyr...Hahahha...Naa..I loved the joke :D

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  28. Hey Purba ! I like your blog a lot. Have read each and every post, starting from the first one to this one. Came to know of it through the blogroll from Nethra's blog(Otiose Opinion). Though, I never commented on any of your posts, no matter how much I liked them, coz I started to read it a few days ago, so I always was in a hurry to read the next post and finish reading all of them. Also, I was little lazy to post a comment, plus I always thought that I better work on my writing skills before I could comment :D

    B'days are very special to me and this is the reason, I couldn't stop myself from making this comment. BELATED BIRTHDAY WISHES :)

    Hope you keep up the good work because you provide me with the food for my thoughts :). Don't let me starve ;)

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  29. Age is just a number... :) I found the LIC sms thing funny! Can understand the happy/good/insane/special/... feeling!

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  30. wish u a very happy belated birthday Purba..and such an apt recital of birthdays now...

    birthdays? what birthdays after the 30's...just a whole lot of wishes and no wishes really fulfilled...since mine is round the corner now, this post is almost like a prelude to what i should expect and almost definitely get!

    superb post as usual..i notice i am smiling throughout when i am on this page:-)

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  31. "As the day warms up, you are buried under an avalanche of greetings. You now feel like a bot that spouts 18 thank yous every 30 minutes. You have clicked on the like button so many times; you are worried that the FB team might demand a facilitation fee"

    best-est lines:-)

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  32. Mohsin....Couldn't have asked for a better birthday gift. Humbled that you bothered to go through all my posts - I have written quite a few of them.
    Will try not to disappoint you and thank you so much for your wishes :)

    Karan...I wouldn't want it any different :)

    Suruchi....You are a Virgo too? Woohoo. But hey! it's up to us to make it special, isn't it? Splurge, indulge, plan a lunch out with your gang and don't enter the kitchen!

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  33. for me b'days (not always though)are a reminder of how many people actually care for me...esp if i have had a fight with them, b'days are a nice excuse to break the ice.

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  34. Very sweet post...and you thought your FB page would explode with the onslaught of wishes.

    Honestly, more than dinner and gifts the fact that people pick up the phone and wish is a nice feeling.One feels wanted and loved...Ur LBD was awesome.

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  35. Who cares about aging gracefully anyway?..Its more fun to be the bad girl :)

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  36. Incidentally, I'm quite interested in this wine cocktail. I've only had a sangria - so which one was it? What did it have? A little umbrella tilted 35 degrees or crushed ice or a gradient from the top to the bottom? Or lemon? Or mint leaves?

    Thanks in advance!

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  37. Hahaha...funny indeed!

    I am not so sure if I should be wishing you here too, on second thoughts I think I will just skip it :)

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  38. Ahh...I believe birthday is for body.What matters is whether your mind is young or not.And Purba you are very very young that way.
    (I did not share the above said opinion when I was 16.)
    Between,was that poster made by your daughter? It's really nice.

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  39. A very happy birthday...belated...
    I prefer a personal message or a call rather than writing on a wall..DO not remember the last time I did that ;)

    Wish you good luck always :)

    Kunal

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  40. I can't remember the last time I had even 10% of all the fun you had on on your birthday. :-D I think the best part of your birthday was the thing Tee made for you. It was awesome!

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  41. A grain of sand...Life is too short to hold grudges.

    Alka Gurha...I hope I never reach a stage when my birthday is just another day for me.

    Ana-treek...Totally!

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  42. Blue Lotus...Yes, she made a wall hanging and this was a part of it :)

    Kunal...LOL, FB is so much more convenient.

    Samadrita....I loved it too and have been showing it off to my friends and family.

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  43. Kartikay...Sparkling white wine with peach schnapps and vodka. And we even have a name for it - August Rush.

    Siddhartha...I was honestly thinking of adding the line - Much appreciate if you don't wish me :D

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  44. Hi Purba

    Birthday wishes :)

    Very True. Earlier our close kith and kin would remember our birth date and wish us, and they very fact that they remembered to wish, would make us feel special.Not any longer. they just have to check out their Home page and send a wish.

    Luved the Picture :)

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  45. From phones to smss to orkut to facebook! Atleast more people wish me with each passing technology!

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  46. I think this is why I don't have a Facebook account at all. People who wish you ought to remember it and wish , rather than being reminded by all those insane social networking sites out there.

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  47. Team G Square...Don't

    Ashwini....Life and it's instant pleasures.

    Richa....LOL..true that.

    merrymusing...Ahh well, Facebook has its merits as well.

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  48. Happy Birthday once again, Purba Di.

    And no no, it's not only the life insurance people who will remember the day that went, well, several days ago. It's been several days since then so your next birthday is actually closer!

    haha It is definitely an appropriate time to get dwunk! :D

    Cheers.

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  49. nice post :) and belated wishes :)

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  50. BELATED BIRTHDAY WISHES.....this time I'm celebrating my birthday in KERALA for the first time ever. This time it would be with my in-law folks hehe....different from the typical friend n friend birthdays....and yea whatever happens people call, write emails or sms or missed calls you surely feel special.

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  51. :)) that gave me a laugh, Purba :) good one .....

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  52. D2...Thanks Abhishek and you've already wished me on FB. Don't want a stack overflow :p

    Sunil..Thank you

    Bhavna....Oooh all those yummy curries with that divine brown rice - you lucky lucky girl.

    Braja...Thanks a ton :)

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  53. Birthdays are fun!
    Hope you had a great one! :-)

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  54. I wish i wasnt so late..but HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
    Loved the sarcasm and you killed me by your humour yet one more time!
    Love reading your blog!

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  55. Akanksha...I had a blast

    Red Handed...Don't you ever stop loving it :p

    Nia...The ageing part? Yessss

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  56. Purba,

    When was it? Belated MANY MANY HAPPY RETURNS OF THE DAY. Mine was peaceful few days ago. I mentioned it in my latest post.

    Take care

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  57. Hey belated birthday wishes. :-)

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