Monday, September 12, 2011

It’s Delhi Silly

Courtesy : CNN IBN

Last week Delhites got a sneak-peak into the much awaited Apocalypse.  A bomb blast, an earthquake and then a deluge that submerged the city – Delhi saw it all.  Thankfully I am still alive to bring you an exclusive day by day report.
It was a Wednesday when the seekers of justice were in for a rude shock.  Yet again, the aam admi - he whose life is ‘cheap’, was the reluctant participant of the hate game.  It took only a couple of minutes to snuff out a future that could have been, leaving behind bewildered family members grappling with whys, the rest of their miserable lives.  
And the reaction was predictable. Like an action replay our leaders spouted robotic statements of sympathy, the HM blamed Delhi Police, Opposition leaders blamed the HM, grim and concerned faces making false promises. We have reconciled ourselves to the fact that our Intelligence Agency will continue to fail us and our Politicians will engage in pointless debates rather than action. My point is, if you can’t save us please spare us your hypocrisy. In fact I have a better idea, why don’t you entertain us instead. Do a hurdle race to reach the blast site or hospital and the winner gets to shed copious quantities of crocodile tears.

And please, can you stop saying…I condemn the attacks and we will not surrender to the scourge of terror! Even the terrorist bhaiya is bored of hearing the same old reaction. Why can’t our Netas come up with nattier lines? Even if their imagination fails them, our ministers can always borrow lines from Hindi film dialogues. MMS can ditch his weepy expression, look at the camera menacingly and say Agar Maa ka doodh piya hai to saamne aa….Chiddy can bare his fangs and Kutte!kaminay, main tera khoon pee jaoongaa…Even Arnab Goswami will be left speechless. And when the terror mail is traced to a cyber café in J&K Boss! Maal pakda gaya.

Who knows after hearing such heartfelt statements on television the gandi naali kaa keeda of a terrorist will be so plagued with remorse that he will go back to grazing sheep. Alas this is but wishful thinking.

On the night of Thursday, when the moon was shining bright, the tectonic plates came to Delhi’s aid and tried to do their bit to jolt our Politicians out of their complacency. Kursis rattled, Gandhi topis fell off and Twitter came alive with It’s a quake…. Before our Parliamentarians could slip into their starched kurta pajamas and condemn it from the bottom of their heart, it turned out to be a damp squib. Now that’s what I call cowardly. How dare you jolt us out of our sleep and turn out to be a mere 4.2 on the Richter scale!

But freaky Friday more than made up for the disappointment when Dilliwallahs experienced the heaviest spell of rains. Waterlogged Delhi saw the worst traffic gridlocks and ground to a screeching halt. Roads transformed into waterways and arterial roads had to be shutdown. Unfortunately the water was too muddy for commuters to swim to their destination. They had to contend themselves with honking their horns creating a screechy symphony. Finally office goers had a legitimate excuse for not reaching on time.

Chiddy condemned the clouds for choosing the office rush hour to turn on the waterworks.  MMS called the act cowardly. And BJP trained their guns on the government and demanded to know why they can't prevent heavy showers.  Rahul visited the bristling clouds to express his sympathy. 
Strangely no one hailed the resilient spirit of Delhi. Is it a tag reserved only for Mumbai? And to add insult to injury, Mayawati’s jet chose Mumbai over Delhi to collect her golden slippers. We are hurting! Before our respected Parliamentarians rush to mend our broken hearts with band aid, the aam junta has this to say... Is ghar ke darwaaze, tumhare liye hamesha ke liye band hein… Tum insaniyaat ke naam pe dhabba ho…Buss bahut ho gayaa yeh nataak!

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  1. We have to accept terrorism as a natural disaster from now onwards. Our govt has proved that is the case by their actions. Captured terrorists are enjoying their 5 star stay in prisons.

  2. The question who, Osama and Kasab, or our leaders who address them as 'Osama Ji' and 'Kasab Ji', are bigger terrorists, leaves me numb.

    Good work, Purba.

  3. I have never believed in Mayans and their prophecies but with the recent happenings around the world, it wouldn't hurt to be cautious.
    Wer to is the big question?
    Mumbai - Fav destination for terrorists.
    Delhi - Too political
    Hyd - Burning telengana issue.
    Kerala - They refuse even to share water with us. can't trust them
    K'taka - They extract everything. Like they did with the quarry.
    Gujarat - the Gujjars block rail traffic and they wont let me in.

    So, I have nowhere to go. High time I construct a secret hideout in my basement.

    //Arnab speechless
    I would pay anything to see such an event of co[s]mic importance in my lifetime :D

  4. I could never digest the notion of 'spirit of a city', mumbai or delhi for that say, it's a bloody helplessness which is being decorated with heroism.
    It's seriously amazing to see how much accustomed we have become to bomb attacks and terrorism. Couple of days later, we were more worried about the performance of Indian cricket team at Lords, like nothing big has happened 2 days back.
    Witty but got me thinking


  5. i don't agree that they should stop saying 'I condemn the attacks and we will not surrender to the scourge of terror!' is a master plan to make the terrorists so bored that they will one day stop blasting our cities...:P

  6. Hehe .. no resilient spirit of Delhi? No backlash on not being hailed as a resilient Delhi? No backlash on there not being a backlash?

    I will go on a fast! After breakfast till lunch, I will go on a fast against this blasphemy!

    (Brilliantly written, of course!)

  7. Politicians must all be inbred....they all seem to say the same things...cliche after cliche....and they all seem to be liars.....and they all seem to be extreme narcissists....we hear all the same rhetoric here in the U.S. Great post ~ thoroughly enjoyed the read!!

  8. Cub didn't think it was a b**bquake? Surprising!

    Also, No one talked about how resilient Delhi was to the bomb, and how the spirit of Delhi came alive. I'm sure the real spirit did.. everyone needs an excuse to drink, no?

    So everyone woke up the next day, and life just went on. No more fingers pointed, no action taken.

  9. Hmmm....the pent up anger in the common citizen comes out. Yes, we always have the same words repeated every time. Human life is cheap is damn cheap.
    And yes, what about the Delhi Spirit. Mumbaikars are even allowed to tweet-crib about how they braved the winter season at Min temperature as low as 19 degrees. And we tweeted and joked about the Earthquake....and mind you, everyone thought it was 6.6 in the beginning. Huh....beat that, Mumbaikars

  10. Hehe...wishful thinking terrorists will go back to rearing sheep! A salute to the spirit of Delhi or for that matter, the spirit of every Indian Aam Admi..ab tho bahut ho chuka hai...:(

  11. Unfortunately, we have too many enemies from within... It's like a Greek tragedy playing again and again.
    Purba- A good dig..

  12. Loved your idea of politicians spouting filmy dialogues. At least it will be something different. As for Arnab becoming speechless, that would be THE day and would I love to see it!

    Like Akash says, the much touted spirit of the aam admi is helplessness.

  13. After the bomb blast Advani told, "They (terrorists) must be punished", and Manmohan came up with his line, "Cowardly act". What funny statements!!

  14. Harish...Natural disaster is right. At least we will be able to blame our luckless fate.

    Umashankar...Zero tolerance is a figment of imagination.

    Karthick...Let's form a betting syndicate on who will make Arnab speechless :D

  15. Aakash...This is how we cope. We numb our-self to the pain, the uncertainty....

    Sub...LMAO atleast our sense of humor is intact :D

    Kartikay...Starving yourself for the sake of Delhi? But doesn't your heart belong to Bangalore now? Traitor!

  16. Alice...And we laud US for their zero tolerance towards terror. At least they mean it when they say it.

    Pzes...Delhi gave a spirited response...hic hic hurray :p

    Snow....Are we competing with Mumbaikars?

  17. Cloud Nine..We keep saying bahut ho chuka but does it ever end?

    Rahul..And we are the pawns in the game.

    Zephyr...All of us are more excited at the prospect of Arnab becoming speechless with shock :D

    Joshi...They might as well start replaying old TV clips, why bother?

  18. My point is, if you can’t save us please spare us your hypocrisy. - so very true !
    You I think more and more delhiites are going to kick the bucket either because they were vicitim of a terror attack, or because they fell in a open drain during the rains or due to road rage/accidents rather than die of natural causes .. seriously yeh hai dilli meri jaan !!

  19. Really, it seems like a pompous cycle - blasts, breaking news in TV channels, condemnations, visits to the affected areas, resilience, and back to square one. I think 'Sending condemnation emails to TV and Newspapers' must've become point #1 in a minister's PA's job description.

  20. Ruchira....The administration makes calamities sound natural.

    Ambika....And they don't even bother to change the language!

  21. In sab ko Kamre main band kar do .. aur sab ke haath LAAL rang se color kar do .. becasue

    WHen the police comes they will caught RED HANDED :)

    maybe then the so called leaders will be brought ot the task..

    Iwas watching news and horrified at the state of roads in delhi so much water ...

    leaders oops our GREAT leaders of our SORRY nation take us for granted and think we are idiots but then we have not done anythign to prove otherwise too


  22. ये है मेरी दिल्ली का हाल।

  23. Good one!! its a good idea to use hindi film dialogues against terrorist bhaiya.With all the pun and sarcasm it made up for a very interesting read!

  24. Well....I do not know...whats in store for us in future...Controlling the clouds is not in our hands...but controlling its impact..having better drainage system definitely looks like we have to stop being dependent upon the system to take care of us...we will have to take care of us ourselves.

  25. //Are we competing with Mumbaikars?//

    I hope no one has to,ever..not for this at least...

    //Finally office goers had a legitimate excuse for not reaching on time.//
    For Mumbaikars,saat chaalis ki local is life.He is no longer excused late coming for any reason whatsoever unless he is the victim.

    Time khoti nai karne ka sab hotechh rehta hai.Aage badho..he din't even realize when and where he lost his sensitivity
    Resiliency!Spirit!My foot!!

  26. Bikramjit...Delhi roads can be easily mistaken for the moon. The potholes look more like craters.

    Sandeep...And it has world city aspirations.

    Upasana...The predictability is very tiresome.

  27. Kunal....Isn't it a lesson we learnt very early in life? We take care of the State and our state.

    Sharmila....Personally I am allergic to that term. It's an escapist tag to avoid accountability.

  28. The macho film actors should be brought in politics to solve our problems and the politicians should be sent to act in saas-bahu serials....

  29. Of course it had to be in Delhi, the earthquake did come to lend a helping jolt on behalf of the aam aadmi, but the intentions were humbled when it realized what grit are the 'our beloved' politicians made of.
    I wonder if terrorists are really bored of these trademark condemnations of politicians, because respite is just one trigger away from them. I think they raise a toast every time politicians make such statements, because it indirectly signifies 'We've done what we have been doing best. Condolences, and a compensation which might not reach the vicitims' kins. File closed.'

    Regarding water logging, I was greeted into Delhi with it, I've been thinking of putting up a boat service for commutation in Delhi. Delhi could be Indian Venice!

    Blasphemous Aesthete

  30. oh yes! last week turned out to be quite eventful! But our dear politicians still couldnt come up with anything new to say and as for deterring them from their seats..well thats too big a job now maybe for the rain and quake God alike!


  31. Giribala...Now wouldn't that be lovely!

    Anshul...Float this idea to Ms Dixit, she might fall for it hook, line and sinker :D

    Sarah..Bade bade shahron mein aisi chhoti chhoti batein hoti rahti hai.

  32. They will continue to debate and politicize terror...sad.

    Loved the filmi dialogues..Boss, maal pakda gaya...In fact maal ke saath Amar Singh bhi pakda gaya.

  33. Rather than the "resilient spirit", i think it's more of a catch-22 situation... are we coward or are we helpless? or maybe brave to get back to our senses after an overdose of blood and bewilderment...

    that's how we are!
    Shamefully resilient.. (by the choice of choleric and pandemic netas)

  34. Alka...Amar Singh is making life hell for the staff at Tihar.

    Piyush...Everything is chalta hai as long as we are not affected. You see, life must go on.

  35. brinkka2011 says: Simply wish to say your article is as amazing. The clearness in your post is just nice and i could assume youre an expert on this subject. Well with your permission let me to grab your RSS feed to keep updated with forthcoming post. Thanks a million and please keep up the rewarding work.

  36. Your blog is a genuine 'de-streser' !

    Jahanpana - tussi Great Ho !

  37. just doesn't feel right to laugh aloud on something so serious :) But your writing is simply irresistible...

    Even I wonder why no one talks about the spirit of Delhites?

  38. Loved your better idea of the hurdle race...haha..the way you and Alka rip these guys apart...if only they were actually ripped!

    and woh filmi lines were so apt...the next line should be of all Indians together, "hey bhagwan, meine tumhara kya bigaada hain?"

    great going Purba:-)

  39. Pmathur...Hehe....your comment put a big smile on my face.

    Siddhartha....And now this girl writes an open letter to A Delhi boy, ripping him and his long departed ancestors apart.

    Suruchi....Exactly...Kya isi din ke liye tujhe paida kiya thha ?

  40. Even after all those things, you didn't lose your sense of humor. You deserve a "salute" :) And I like the idea of our politicians borrowing dialogues from Bollywood. It would be quite entertaining. Anyway, their scams entertain us enough already.

    Felt so good to be reading your blogpost after so many days. Was busy with exams & finally done with it. :)

  41. I swear I commented here in the afternoon. Now where is it? x-(
    Hindi movie dialogues FTW. And I also requested you to write a rebuttal to the open letter to Delhi boy post. Many have already done so. But you're the best person when it comes to countering sarcasm with more sarcasm.

  42. Nicely written purba.

  43. To think of it. May be after the Terrorists struck, God wanted to cleanse Delhi and gave a jolt and cleaned it with rains. To make Delhi free from any other calamities. :)

  44. Oh with what dreadful force you write! reading you is a treat <3

  45. Nethra...And it's so good to have you back. Hope your exams went well.
    Love your new DP :)

    Samadrita...It was a childish outburst that went viral. Don't want to add credence to it :(

    Chitra...Thank you

  46. Ashwini...Loved that logic :D

    wonderworldofawondermind....Ahh...muchos thanks.

  47. Delhi is always an action city, from Parliament to aam aadmi's travail Good Post. Condolence for the people who lost their lives to the Bomb blast.

  48. Kitna naatak. The politicians don't learn that we need a break from their usual scheming statements and that we know too well by now. *yawn*
    Delhi has seen it all. It would be truly wondrous if a typhoon was to appear out of nowhere in the next few days.
    And I will not comment on Bombay Vs Delhi. I am from Calcutta living in Delhi, see.

  49. I love Delhi way more than Mumbai...!!! But you see Mumbai has this image of being a resilient city so.. But yes, the last week I was in Delhi when all of this happened. My friends ask me if it had anything to do with my visit :)?

  50. Deguide....Heightened security yet unsafe.

    D2...Haven't you had enough and you wish further calamity?

    I love Kol <3

    Meera..I hope they haven't renamed you as hurricane Meera :p

  51. After the news, the first thought that crossed my mind was- another blast! The second- alright, only 11 people died....that's not too bad.
    Horrifying, but reality of today's India.

  52. You are the only one how can bring out all the humor in the chaos. What really surprised me this time is the calm with which we- the aam janta handled these attacks. Mumbai or Delhi, it felt like it was a part of a routine & that is horrific. "Re-silent Mumbai" is there tagline, Delhi shall have to find one of it's own. N the flooding was waiting to happen, u can't make huge roads with no drainage assuming,it never rains in Delhi,now God is having his way.

  53. All three are not new, since 1977 seen plenty of all three in various combination s...

  54. Recently we celebrated the 9/11 anniversary. What did the war on terrorism leave us with!

  55. confusedyuppie....And the grieving families they left behind?

    Rahul..Glad you liked

    Rituparna...The Rain Gods gave Delhi a miss and decided to turn on the showers only in September.

  56. Dr Vikram...Ohh...ok.

    Jon...We are the target practice for terrorists.

  57. :D All smiles, from the neighborhood.While our polity debates between using bomb suits for rains and umbrellas for blasts,we could propound another theory on 'a deserving governance'.Well laced humor purba.

  58. Just chanced upon your blog, and am I glad. It was sharp, witty and lucid!!!! Truly loved your style :)!

  59. I have a conspiracy theory..I think this blast was funded by the govt to take away attention from Anna hazare campaign..see nobody is talking about that issue now..their plan worked :P

  60. When Mumbai gets terror attacks or heavy rains they talk about the Mumbai spirit. No such mention of Delhiites. Situation is same everywhere be it Delhi, Mumbai Banglore. Thinking of rural me scare.
    Good one

  61. mindlesslampoon...LOL at bomb suits for rain and umbrellas for bomb blasts - you nailed it.

    Ilakshee...Delighted :)

    Ana-treek...I have heard that one - I dont think the government is capable of plunging to such abysmal depths or is it?

    bemoneyaware....To be poor is the worst crime - no body cares if you live or die.

  62. i hear delhi is flooded now? new *ninda* coming our way?

  63. So true, twitter was where I got all the info about the earth quake. Everybody seemed to talk about first the Terror and then a Tremor attack.
    The rain it seems was a cloud burst and heaviest since 1959!!

    Loved your last lines :)

  64. Abeyaar it was too much rain only. I saw on aaj tak that airport t3 also get flooding. It is not good for Delhi.

  65. Best part is the Media. Officials speak exclusively to bla bla bla..Seriously get a life!

    Delhi, ya Chennai - same cow droppings everywhere!

  66. What, is that true?
    Lol, Kidding.
    Very humorous and yet communicates its meaning perfectly.
    This writing style is just amazing.

  67. Your post has helplessness and anger that the insensitive govt of ours fail to understand with an emotionless heart breathing under their skin.

  68. Excellent overview, it pointed me out something I didn’t realize before. I should encourage for your wonderful work. I am hoping the same best work from you in the future as well. Thank you for sharing this information with us.
    Tour & Travel

  69. it's shaking

    Indian Home Maker...The Rain Gods confused the months and left us high and dry in July & August.

    DelhiBoyOnly.....What's a city without it's share of calamities.

  70. Jayanth...Tragic isn't it?


  71. Purba,

    Why has there not been any serious terrorist act in USA since 9/11? Because they take it seriously. Awareness is what is needed in public as well as NO political interference in steps needed to control it. That quack was for such a short time that before I could decide if it was our dog scratching against bed or what it was over. We should all thank Lord Indra for mercies to give us view of how a sea looks like and thank MCD for support.

    Take care


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