Thursday, September 8, 2011

India’s most desirable

thehindubusinessline.com

The Old Boys Club (OBC) has called an emergency meeting in their Chamber of Secrets (COS) after receiving an unusual decree from their leader, the Silent Sardar.  They have been asked to declare their assets on his domain.  Now these are respectable men in their 60’s and 70’s, whose assets haven’t seen the light of the day in a very long time.  Please don’t be a presumptuous ass and assume that these bootylicious gents don’t have the balls to make it public.  They are but humble men engaged in selfless service to the nation and are averse to cheap exhibitionist tactics.  Damn Om Puri who thinks they are merely a bunch of nalayaks and ganwars.  The Congress of baboons made sure Puri ate humble pie even though he would have preferred Old Monk any day.  

Unlike the brash youngsters of today, the exalted ones do not believe in flaunting their figures.  They’d rather keep it under cover.  They are acutely sensitive to the delicate disposition of the suddenly enlightened middle class.  What if they find it too grisly to assimilate! 

And whoever said size does not matter was definitely a stickly loser. Of course it does, the bigger it is the louder the gasp.

The OBC usually meets to take pot shots at the Silent one - he who likes having long conversations with his beard.  Why, they even have his mugshot and practice throwing darts on his face and have I love you like I hate you playing in a loop.  They tolerate him for the sake of the fair Queen – she with an accent quaint.
But these are mostly fearless men who get jittery at the sight of fasting old men.  Instilling fear in others is their forte.  


Despite misgivings they gulp their self-respect and decide to bare it all for the sake of the masses.  Chiddy-bum-bum – he who’s always right is not so pleased.  He declares haughtily I am the best and my assets are my brains.  Why, even the old man from Ralegan Siddhi has certified me as a pucca khodsal (a mischievous person).  What I have is for all to see and wraps his veshti a little more tightly.  

S&M Krishna, the backbencher has to be woken up from his siesta and before he can start reading Portugal’s speech, he is hit by a dart. The ever so argumentative Sibbal – he who is allergic to bills, snorts and announces I have nothing to hide as well.  Why, I even flaunt my bad manners.  However crooked Pawar – he with an expression diarrheal, is seen shifting on his seat uncomfortably.  Of late his assets have grown disproportionately.  Excessive sugar and armchair cricket have made him obese.  He is secretly plotting to get away with exposing as little as possible.  Some things are better hidden than revealed. 

As expected their exposed assets grab national headlines.  On top is Kamal Nath - right under him is Sibal with AK Antony at the bottom.  This unlikely sandwich is unpalatable to most.  But it is Pawar and his cooked up stats that create a tsunami of jokes.  Isn’t 12 too small for a man as big as he?

Now that the secret is out in the open, these well endowed OBCs are giving sleepless nights to femme fatales.  Rumour has it that certain old men have been making surreptitious inquiries about insuring their assets. If Rakhi can insure her silicon valley, why can’t we do it?   Another one has shot off an urgent mail to Shane Warne begging him to part with his beauty secrets. 

Simi Garewal – the botoxed wonder, has anointed the greying Mantris as India’s most desirable.  Move over Shahid and Abhay here come the hot steppers from the cabinet.  

But with their secret out in the open and Shane Warne’s makeup tricks, women are shamelessly eyeing their sizeable assets. Our honourable ministers are now worried about their safety and are demanding protection. 

As a law abiding, tax-paying and largely ignored citizen I have a priceless suggestion to make.  Now that Gaddafi’s Amazonians are out of work, why don't they shift to our country and guard India’s most desirable!

Source http://www.indianexpress.com/news/upa-ii-union-cabinet-declares-assets;-kamal-nath-richest/841107/ 


39 comments:

  1. This was absolutely gross! Just the way it should have been considering who you were speaking about.

    Since their assets are now in the open, a way should be found through which those assets may be distributed as white instead of black. Should do some good to everyone. Of course, they'd be quite displeased at the thought and would treat it as quite vulgar. But that's just being fair!
    Nice one, Di. :)

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  2. haha..particlularly loved sharad pawars sugary obeseness-brilliant yet again

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  3. sharad pawar zindabad .. what can i say now .. :)
    thank god us mortals are not on the list :)
    Bikram's

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  4. lol....that's a lot of ASSets...and big fat ones...
    after sardar ji asking them to show their assets probably they will be the next to fast like Anna...that would reduce their assets...the biggest looser wins

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  5. Soooo desirable!!! India's lovable charming leaders!!! The have the x factor that's why they keep on winning elections!

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  6. Chiddy-Bum-Bum :D how do you think of all these adjectives :)

    You sure has a wit larger than some of the idiots writing for newspaper columns :)

    xx

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  7. I have serious misgivings about all these figures...and am convinced that these are deflated! Especially Mr. Pawar's...

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  8. Purba...good one!! The higher these monkeys climb the better they expose their ASS..ets

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  9. How I wish, they were a little more honest, just that they could talk a little like their bearded Mannu, who only mumbles.

    :D
    Nice post.


    Cheers,
    Blasphemous Aesthete

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  10. Test results of the post:
    Contains 100% wit and innuendos
    Ph: 1
    Highly acidic.
    The substance seems highly explosive and should be handled with care.

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  11. yeh sub keh middle mein "RAKHI" kaha sheh....ha ha ...janam janam kah dusmani heh ha ha .

    Nice read Purba.

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  12. Wit all the way! awesomeness..
    Sardarji is at his active high.. like an erupting volcano, don't expect more now..
    I am sharing this on my FB wall :D

    aJ

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  13. Baba should have fasted not for the Black money but for the disproportionate assets of the OBC's.

    Weakest LINK

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  14. LOL!!! You excel in pinning anyone under the sun;) Chiddy bum bum...and botoxed Simi...hahaha!Love this post!

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  15. Botoxed wonder, silicon valley, Chiddy Bum-Bum, loved your adjectives! And the declarations are as fake as they come especially with the sugar baron and the likes, But take care, Big Sister is watching but if you need company in Tihar, you know whom to call, don't you? :D

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  16. More than a post it was a educational tour for me. How to put adjectives in the right place. :p

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  17. D2...Assets when aplenty should be well distributed. It's all about sharing and caring.

    confusedyuppie...Powar corrupts...too much Powar corrupts absolutely...

    Bikramjeet...Arre...all the money disappeared in paying taxes.

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  18. Sub...Whatte brilliant idea!

    Giribala...Their assets are droolworthy and that's why we keep re-electing them.

    Chintan...I don't think they can publish such an article :p

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  19. Siddhartha...He is a modest man and prefers to keep it under cover.

    Rahul...Damn! I should have thought of Ass-ets :p

    Anshul....Every time he gives a statement on television he looks as if he is ready to burst into tears.

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  20. Snow Leopard...The wicked witch of Gurgaon unleashed :p

    RK...Arre! usne bola naa ki woh apne assets insure karana chahtee hai.

    Aakash...Thanks for sharing the link :)

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  21. Rachit...Bring it out in the open, I say!

    Cloud Nine...Hehe

    Zephyr...The empires strikes back. Wondering if they will make do the hen outside Tihar as punishment?

    Prateek...Ahh...so you are back from China :D

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  22. You have a long way to go, Purba. This is probably the tip of the the tip of the the tip of the the tip of the the tip of the the tip of the the tip of the the tip of the the tip of the the tip of the the tip of the the tip of the iceberg. Pardon my English.

    Congratulations, and best wishes for your flight for which you have only started flapping your wings.

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  23. There was a typo error in the declaration of their assets...several zeros missing.Poor Pawar has only 12 crores? Twelve zeroes missing.

    Mast read.

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  24. haha...this is the 2nd post I am reading today on the same lines...and both had me splits....a perfect start to a lazy friday...haha...you can also take a look at the Rakesh jhunjhunwala's post on the same note.... :)

    12 crores...even I find it ridiculous...no wonder how Pawar would be feeling...he would be getting nightmares..

    Kunal

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  25. umashankar...I am tempted to sing tip tip barsaa paani :D

    Alka...Typo error indeed and 12 cr
    is like loose change in his pocket.

    Kunal...And a million jokes were created in his honour. The man trended on Twitter for all the wrong reasons.

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  26. S&M Krishna!!..hilarious..Oh my god! ur brilliant!

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  27. Chiddy-bum-bum- I don't think anyone has come up with a better nickname for him than this one. On a serious note, A.K Anthony's assets made me drop my jaw...I mean seriously is it possible to have so less being the Defence Minister and all?

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  28. Ana-treek...Somebody got it! I was waiting and waiting :p

    Samadrita...Antony is now eligible for the BPL card :D

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  29. nice blog you've built here Purba. I am following you and will surely be back:)

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  30. brinkka2011 says: Remarkably! Thanks!

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  31. you hit em of the head... spicy and hard as usual

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  32. Life Unordinary ...You have a nice blog as well.

    Mayank...You made my post sound like a spicy savory..now I am hungry :D

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  33. LOL, this one definitely is tangy and very very spicy :D
    IMHO, what this A-list needs is borrowed cricket-guards from our crickit team, for added security from breaches of privilege and privacy.

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  34. So many gems in this one post. Absolutely loved it.

    "What I have is for all to see and wraps his veshti a little more tightly."

    Yeah of course.

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  35. Ambika...LOL...It is we who are in dire need of protection.
    In India we live Bhagwan Bharose :p

    IHM..I am glad you liked it :)

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  36. my god...so much information...i seriously need an upgrade on my political knowledge, is what i feel after visiting your page-i seem to be missing out on so much fun-though you ensure i know the gist;-)

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  37. Purba,

    Now that they have declared their secrets, how about you - Where do you keep getting such FUNNNNNNTASTIC thoughts from?

    Take care

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  38. Suruchi...I am a news junkie :)

    Rituparna...Ha

    Jack...When our ministers declare their assets and it turns out to be a sterling work of fiction, what does one do? They asked for it.

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