Sunday, October 9, 2011

Sita Travels Abroad

Episode 2

Mommy dearest,

First the good news – I finally managed my first ever foreign trip and that too without a visa.  The bad news – I have been kidnapped.

Remember the golden deer I was soo excited about?  It turned out to be as fake as Aunty Sumitra's Louis Vuitton bags.  And trust Ram and Laks-man to go running after it.  Before I could scream Come back you imbeciles, I spotted that weird Abhishekh Bachhan lookalike winking wildly at me.  God! I was so mad that I had to come out of my eco friendly hut to give him one tight slap.  And you know what that moron does? Pushes me straight into his private jet.  Damn! Why did I leave my pepper spray behind?

Sometimes the universe conspires to give you hell. 

Weirdo’s private jet was kinda strange – an open topped thingy that totally messed up my hair.  Of course I was screaming and throwing a royal fit and that ass kept going hahaha.  Incidentally my dear abductor has a bizarre name – Ra-One. Bwahaha!

Sitasingstheblues.com


Ra-one is such a heartless slob.   Great, that you found me so irresistible that you had to kidnap me.  The least you can do is make the girl happy, right?   But what does he do instead?  Turn a deaf ear when I plead with him to make a stop-over at the ATM in Smaller- Kailash so that I can withdraw some pocket-money.  Brute.  But I got my sweet revenge soon. A giant eagle, Jatayu, flew over our jet and pooped right on his head.  Serve you right!  And guess what the barbarian does, he chops that poor birdie’s wings off.  Why I ask? When you could have simply offered Jatayu a few diapers instead...  

Men, I tell you.

Then it suddenly struck me, what if Ram can never ever find me again?   What if he says...”Oops I lost my wifey” and proceeds to live happily ever after?  I can’t let that happen, can I?  So I start dropping my trinkets (only the cheap ones if you please) and leave clues for my husband.  

Ha!  Now hubby dear can’t claim to be clueless.  

Ra-One has brought me to this strange land, Lanka and he’s like the king or something.  And man! Is he loaded!  You should see his city.  All that glitters is gold here.  Can you imagine, even their buildings are made of it!  Their gold fixation can put even Bappi Lahiri to shame.  But I found it too blingy for my taste.  And the afternoons here are torturous.  The dazzle hurts my eyes and I don’t even have my Versace shades.  

But I believe every cloud has a golden lining.  The other night when I was busy swatting mosquitoes, I got an idea that can change Paa’s life.  All he needs to do is accuse Ra-one of hiding WMD’s and then he can invade Lanka and finally get rid of his debt crisis.  Brilliant, right!  

Lanka may be friggin’ rich but I am being made to twiddle my thumbs under a tree.  Imagine getting abducted from a jungle only to be put in another one.  So tragic naa? Agreed that the forest is kind of well cared for and has a fancy name, Ashok Vatika, but why can’t I get a plush suite instead - with a plunge pool, soft bed and room service?  Isn’t a beautiful woman like me entitled to some tender loving and care?  

What a lousy host this Ra-One is.  Royalty, my foot, is this how you treat your guests! 

Strangely people out here are rather dark.  Hello people, don’t you ever use Fair and Lovely?  And remember that bitch Surpanakha.  I finally saw her without makeup and a seriously messed-up nose job.  Gosh! Doesn’t she look ugly.  Thank God! I didn’t accept her friend request on FB.

It’s been two weeks since I landed in Lanka and I am already bored to death.  I urgently need to be rescued.  Why, I’m even missing my FB friends!  Maa, can you please ask Ram to turn his GPS on? It will be so much simpler for him to locate me.  

And I suspect his highness, Ra-One, suffers from a serious multiple personality disorder – sometimes loony, sometimes moony, sometime giggly, mostly sulky.   How on Earth do I manage to attract such creepy specimens all the time? 

Oh and today was epic, the loony bin actually had the nerve to ask me to marry him.  What cheek! I shouted Shakal dekhi hai apnee aine mein?  And don’t you know I am MARRIED? Once my Mister gets here, you ass will be on fire, mind it!

You know Maa, I almost threw up on his face.  It’s not so difficult you know; as such the food here makes me pukey.  Every damn dish of theirs has kari patta and coconut!  And the other day someone served me something with claws.  I think they call it a crab. Eww...

Hey! Isn’t that a cute creature with a tail staring at me from behind the bushes!   Aww...he looks just like one of those characters from Planet of Apes.  Come ...come...want a banana?  Ahh you have a name too-  Hanu-man did you say?
Enhanced by Zemanta

102 comments:

  1. Lol.. How do you come up with this stuff!

    I think this series is going to be #EPIC! Oh wait, it already is!

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  2. Thoroughly enjoying this! :)

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  3. Great going Purba:) Eagerly waiting for Episode No.-3

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  4. the new ramlila :P

    Weakest LINK

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  5. LOL...Amusing read:) :) :) Will be waiting for the next episode...

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  6. I hate series post or sequels and stuff. But this is awesome! I lovee the humour you got medamjee! I am a huuge Pankha of urs.

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  7. Ra-One hiding WMDs?
    Ra-One has a private jet?

    My gawd - I wonder where you get your inspiration from. Oh wait .. umm ..

    (I think this series is full of awesome that you will have a tough time keeping up with the next one :P )

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  8. You are one 'killer' serial writer. Imagine Ramanand Sagar and sons producing this !

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  9. Purba, there is just one regret that you started this Ramayan from Lanka Kand onwards and not from BalKand..Very amusing as usual

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  10. That was AWESOME. But didn't it end abruptly? Planning to continue it? Please please do...I wanna read some more.

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  11. ROFLMAO! You're the best Purba di. I seriously had a good laugh while reading this. Write more of Sita's travails please.

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  12. This is your best series till now. I won't say much because whatever I say, compare to how you write, my words will be frivolous. :)
    P.S. Have I ever told you that you are my favourite, Auntius Purbus?

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  13. A perfect, Purbaesque piece.

    I think you will find it hard to let go Sita and her adventures now! I will return and be happy for the treat.

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  14. An epic being retold in an epic manner!
    roll on, m enjoying :D

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  15. hahaha...what a sequel;) Sita must be seething in anger out there...And loved that part of Jatayu's diapers and soft bed, pool thing;) Simply love your version of Ramayan...Keep going Purbaji!

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  16. whoa-this keeps getting better and better...although it reminds me of a blogger Sairam and his take on Mahabharata in the modern times-he is your male counterpart if i may so so...for he dazzles just as much as you do!

    my god, you rock n how!
    i had shared this post and it was shared thrice from my wall...i guess the sequel would be the dhoom again:-)

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  17. Fair and Lovely and golden lining best ones I say :-)

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  18. LOL! I just read both the episodes! This is too good!
    I love the one-liners that you come up with!
    But major doubt - how is Sita writing a mail when she has no access to fb and internet,and is twiddling her thumbs sitting under a tree all day? :P

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  19. Pzes...It's time Sita had some fun.

    Shail...Glad to be of service :D

    Pooja...Will try not to disappoint :)

    Rachita...And Sita makes a sizzling comeback.

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  20. Saru...Never thought I would be writing a sequel. But like someone wise said "Never say never"

    Red Handed....Babes, you've got a great sense of humor as well.

    Kartikay...I know...I am soo scared :p

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  21. Sharmila...Haw..now you are accusing me of homicidal tendencies. But I love the title - serial killer :)

    Rahul... I never thought I would be writing a series.

    Nethra...Arre I thought I ended with a note of suspense!

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  22. Samadrita...She is the most wronged woman in history. I wish she had a better life.

    Snow....Were you blushing when you wrote this? And your appreciation means a lot :)

    Umashankar...Some garam masala, a dash of lemon and lots of green chillies....

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  23. A grain of sand ...At your service babe :)

    Cloud Nine...I was scared that I might have to hear, naah this one was a let down.

    Suruchi...I have read his posts, not the Mahabharata ones though.

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  24. piink delight ...Hahaha

    Vinod ...It's back to the future.

    Bhavana...Glad you enjoyed.

    TheGirlAtFirstAvenue ...Mmm...she hasn't sent it has she :)And her courier boy just arrived.

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  25. This is really funny...And I love this version of Sita...

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  26. Read both this and episode one - Only you can take Sita and ramayan and twist it into something so original and hilarious - thoroughly throughly enjoyed readng this !

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  27. Pooja Shah Desai... Cud not post a comment on yr page so leaving it here.
    Cant stop laughing, u've got me thinking n wondering also. There r sum things i'd like to knw more abt yr Sita, like wot type of clothes she wears, where she shops from wen she's in d jungle. N wot abt thier food? Waiting for a complete Ramayan thru Purba's pen/ keyboard.

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  28. Blue Lotus...Thank God, we women have it better now.

    Alka...:))

    Ruchira...I am having more fun writing it.

    Pooja....She's still in her Saffron one piece and prefers a vegan diet :D

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  29. you should write a full script for a spoof :D

    damn awesome!!! B-)

    Stay Blessed ^_^

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  30. OMG this is just tooo goood for words!
    I am waiting for the nest in the series already!

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  31. Hey Purba ! It was really a refreshing read. I have been very busy lately and didn't get the time to read your blog posts. I have all the alerts 'star marked' in my e-mail. This fun epic is really hilarious. Hats off to your writing, sense of humor and above all-Your imagination ! Your blog posts are actually working as a stress-buster for me :)

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  32. The Guy....Ramayana retold :)

    Akanksha....Patience my child.

    Mohsin...Glad to be your stress buster.

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  33. That you bettered the last episode is already awesome. What can i say - this is turning out to be the best serial i am keeping up with. This Sita is so clued into life.. i tell ya. I wish we could have Ram story as well.. poor buoy!

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  34. Purbaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!

    This is my favorite :D I thought Bra-One was your best, but R-One! How the hell something that obvious did not strike till date :? And Abhishek look alike hihihihiihihihi

    The Jatayu scene, I loved it and I have seen Ramayan so I could relate to it too.

    I LOVE YOUR WIT :D

    <3

    #_#
    The Blunt Blog

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  35. Maate, please to be showing me your feet. I need to do some pranaam-vanaam.

    Tussi great ho! Seriously! :D

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  36. Lol!! Really funny stuff. Where do you get such ideas...

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  37. he he he .. I am in splits here and i thought the jokes i put were funny ,.. This one is wow.. Good one

    Bikram's

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  38. Mayank...Poor bway who sacrifices his wife for the sake of his principles :)

    Chintan...Hehehe...let's write a script for Bra-one :D

    Spaceman Spiff ...Sequels are scary, glad you think I passed the test.

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  39. Blue...Thanks

    Sumitra...It's much simpler telling an old story with a dash of your tadka :)

    Bikram...Can you see me grin from ear to ear?

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  40. Seriously Purba, you make a book out of this series, it will sell!!

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  41. Great Imagination and ultimate creative effort.

    Throughly enjoyed reading both episodes and eagerly waiting for the 3rd one.

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  42. Joshi...Yea and the fascists will make my life hell.

    Kranthi & Rahul...Am glad you enjoyed reading it.

    Neeraj...Will conclude with the third part :)

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  43. yes i can the Pic you have on ur profile shows it tooo HE he he hehe

    Keep smiling alwaysssssssssss


    Bikram's

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  44. Humorous and modern take on Ramayana. I enjoyed reading it and had a lot of laughs. :)

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  45. Purba you will be charged all my medicine bills for the stomach ache this post of yours has caused...and I am still laughing (teary eyed) ...

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  46. Brilliant peace again! What does this Sita have to say on Mandodaree and the Ashoka tree? Interested in knowing :-)

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  47. What a posT! I loved reading word by word, syllable by syllable and consonant by consonant :)

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  48. Hehe..awesome...I bet Raavan wasn't so bad though :P

    Cheers
    CRD

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  49. Nona...Ramayana gets a jhalmuri twist :)

    SuKupedia....Laughing is a stress buster, where's my fee? :p

    aativas....Mandodaree has been projected as a woman of substance who stands by her man. I am sure Sita would have added her as a friend on FB. And Ashoka tree deserves to be included in Farmville :)

    GB...LOL...bit by bit...byte by byte....

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  50. CRD...Nopes, he was a learned man and a great king. But history is always the victor's version :)

    Giribala...:)

    Bikram...That's my trademark grin.

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  51. ROFL... Superb... Jus luv it... Waiting for the next episode... :)

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  52. Very hilarious..looking forward to more. How did you think about it ..totally bowled over!

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  53. You are so funny , Purba...ROFL

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  54. John Doe...That will be the concluding episode.

    bemoneyaware...I really don't know. Sometimes it clicks, sometimes it doesn't.

    Priya...Hopefully for the right reasons :)

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  55. Good one Purba, my kind of fun:)

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  56. OMG!! Awesumezz!!! Loved it so much.. waitin fr episode 2...

    Purba-ji, u outdo urself!!!

    Loved this one n the one before.. waitin fr the next!!

    Sooopa read, Purba-ji!! :)

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  57. http://readmeatblogpage.blogspot.com/2011/10/blog-award.html

    this is too less for you! nonetheless :D

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  58. The pepper spray part is the most hilarious :)) Am loving this series!!

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  59. Satish...Happy that I could write your kind of post :p

    Raj...Soopa doopa indeed :D

    A grain of sand ...Aww thanks a ton sweetheart, but I don't take tags :(

    Ambika...Only if Sita had a pepper spray, she could have changed history :)

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  60. Good thinking on Sita' part to throw off the cheaper ornaments -- look at the price of gold :) And what a brilliant idea of Sita to help her father come out of his debt crisis. Where do you get all the ideas from? :D

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  61. haha..that was all i could offer..for the physical award :D..we will have to meet in person :P :D

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  62. Zephyr...I find it hard to believe that all Sita did was mope over her husband in distant lands. I am curious, how did she pass her time?

    Prabhavathi...Thank you so much :)

    A grain of sand ...Meeting you will be my reward :)

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  63. haha !!! Wonderful and hilarious !
    Am waiting to read the sequel

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  64. Really hillarious
    Waiting for Episode 3
    -BWsketches

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  65. Huge LOL's! Can't wait for the next EPIC episode :D

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  66. Sita seems to be having hell loads of fun, that too for heaven's sake ! Simply riotous !!

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  67. Important anecdote : Since there was no network connectivity Ram couldn't log into Facebook to display a relationship status update : It's complicated.

    :-) Enjoyed your creativity.

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  68. Sita has got to be the new dimbo damsel in distress. This was awesome. Write more soon, please! Can't wait. :D

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  69. Lol...amazingly witty!!! What DID Sita do in all her free time?!?

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  70. Chitra...Right now I am traveling, will publish on Tuesday :)

    bwsketches & kirantarun....Coming soon

    Nitin...Is she? But she has loads of attitude.

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  71. Gyanban...The relationship was just too complicated. Everytime she was expected to prove her purity.

    D2....Now habing phun in Kolkata. Will publish on Tuesday.

    Shreya...She must have been terribly bored. Or perhaps she honed her skills as a horticulturist :)

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  72. Very funny spoof on Sitaharan . Thoroughly enjoyed it! Specially the open air jet part, when Jatayu does his act on Ra-ONE :)

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  73. :) Enjoying this series, waiting for the next one :)

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  74. This has to be one of the best posts I've read in a very long time...! How awesomely de-stressing!
    LOVEDD EEET!!!

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  75. lol... hilarious...is the ram sena reading this?

    Cheers!
    SUB
    check out my new blog at>> http://evolvingdaddy.blogspot.com/

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  76. ACTUALLY I liked part one better:D
    But can't wait to see what you make of Bali-Sugreev episode and the path-laying squirrels:P

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  77. loved reading it..hilarious :D

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  78. Sub... I hope not :)

    Ruchi..:)

    PeeVee...Finally pulishing the third part today.

    Richa...Glad.

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  79. Sub... I hope not :)

    Ruchi..:)

    PeeVee...Finally pulishing the third part today.

    Richa...Glad.

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  80. Sub... I hope not :)

    Ruchi..:)

    PeeVee...Finally publishing the third part today.

    Richa...Glad.

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  81. Sub... I hope not :)

    Ruchi..:)

    PeeVee...Finally publishing the third part today.

    Richa...Glad.

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  82. Sub... I hope not :)

    Ruchi..:)

    PeeVee...Finally publishing the third part today.

    Richa...Glad.

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  83. Purba, I am going gaga over this version of Sita...Don't you think this could make a really nice comic series...

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  84. Deepa- I would love to collaborate with you!

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  85. Purba, just came upon your Sita series and wanted to say that I believe the lady who created Sita Sings the Blues would be proud of inspiring such good writing! Keep going!

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  86. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  87. haha... Purba, your version of Sita is hilarious. You inspired me to post a piece about Ram. Check it out when you get a chance.

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  88. Thnk God, you didn't start from the "Bal-kand"!!!
    Don't know what would happen than...
    You, your skills, your imagination, your posts and your ways , Simply superb !! Humour couldn't have a better definition !

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  89. this Ramayan retold posts are getting on me .. this is so very cool .. i am loving it..

    already in hunt for another episode :P

    regards
    rahul

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  90. My god! I hadn't read this..you are the queen..!

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  91. this is my first time here and yes this is hell amazing
    Sita sings the blues ofcourse
    ~Harsha

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  92. Hurrah, that's what I was looking for, what a data! existing here at this webpage, thanks admin of this web site.

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    ReplyDelete

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