Monday, October 3, 2011

When Sita Clicked Write

Episode 1

Since Dusshera is round the corner, I thought I’ll give Sita a modern twist.


I am kicking myself for being so goody-goody.  I should have stayed back and gotten fat.  But no! I had to act like one those dumb belles in the saas-bahu serials and follow my husband to the forest like a loyal puppy.  What was I thinking!  Sigh… Life was so much cooler at the Palace – all those maids, the soft bed, the scented massage, the gorgeous Jacuzzi…I miss it so bad.  And guess what! I am even missing my MILs.   Yep, the same old hags I took such pains to avoid.   And it wasn’t that tough you know.  They mostly stuck to their rooms and all they did was play cards and watch TV. 

Actually it’s Paa-in-law’s fault.  He and his fetish for collecting wives!   Which dork sends his heir to the jungles just because he made a promise to his pretty young wife?  Promises are meant to be broken right? And if everything else fails you can always feign memory loss.  But no! You have to act all upright and send us packing to hell. Gawd! I am so maaaad at him! 
Maa, next time when you meet that jealous bitch Kaikeyi at one of your Kitty parties, just give her a tight slap will ya?  You know what, I often dream that I am pushing K and her ugly hunchback Manthra off a cliff.  They go down screaming as I grin widely.   I wish I could do that.  Will you ask Dad, if he can arrange someone to crush that bitch under a speeding BMW?  Please, pretty please?

I was such a fool to think that life in the forest will be like one of those iDiscoveri camps we attended in school.  And that the raw diet would do wonders for my skin and size zero dreams!   I am soo sick of my vegan diet.  If they make me eat another banana, I swear I’ll puke.  And guess what! Even Dominos refuses to deliver here. What cheek! Saying no to royalty.  Wait till I get back, I’ll make sure their license is revoked. 

Life here is even worse than Ram Gopal Varma’s Jungle.  The connectivity is so poor.  Every time I try to log in, I get disconnected.  I haven’t chatted to my FB friends since ages and when I finally managed log in, there was not a single message waiting for me on my wall.  Har ek friend traitor hota hai! Just because I am not rich anymore they think they can treat me like trash! 

Wait till I get back, I will unfriend them all.

I wish I hadn’t fallen in love with Ram at first sight.  This is what happens when you read too many Mills & Boons.  It’s all your fault, you and your hugest collection of those trashy sweet pills which are nothing but a pack of lies!  In reality the strong silent types are crashing bores who prefer laptops to their wives!  Gosh! Maa he’s such a video game junkie.  All he does he play Angry Birds, Assassin’s Creed and pump iron.  I admit that it was his six packs that I actually fell for and he kinda looked cute with his long hair in a bun.  And yeah!  The way he stringed Pa’s ancient bow was kinda hot.  But a woman needs to talk and feel special.  And does he do that?  No sire.  All he does is criticize and sulk when I snap back.

To think I sacrificed the admiration of my hundred admirers to face the criticism of one idiot.  

And that bro-in-law of mine Laksh-man, he kinda freaks me out – acting like my bodyguard, flexing his muscles and giving me that “I’m watching you girl” look!  Yeah! Right!  Get a life dude.  Ram and I could have had a second honeymoon, but for you and your annoying habit of following us like a shadow!   That stupid hut doesn’t even have enough rooms and I keep crashing into that jerk all the time.  And does he eat!  All I do is cook all the time. Nobody even has the decency to ask if I need help.  

Men I tell you.  

I haven’t told you this, have I?  A woman, Surpanakha had been stalking Ram.  I understand my man is quite a chick magnet until he opens his mouth.   So, she was bombarding him with texts and acting all cheap and desperate.  But I know my man, he played cool and disinterested even though she was kinda pretty.  I know coz I checked her albums on FB.  What an amazing wardrobe that woman has and look at me, a walking fashion disaster in my one piece saffron wrap!   It’s been so long since I shopped at Dolce & Gabbanna.  Sigh….

Anways you know naa, Laks always had anger management issues.  One day when Surpanakha was trying to get all hot and heavy with Ram, that joker took out his Swiss knife and chopped her nose off!  Of course she got mad, with plastic surgery so expensive and the poor girl doesn’t even have a medical insurance that covers her nose. I guess shit happens all the time.

I wonder if she’s planning to sue us.

And now even I have managed my very own personal stalkers, not one but two of them. They are dark and one of them is a lil weird.  Remember Abhishekh Bacchan in that ridiculous movie Ravan? One of them kinda looks like him.   I am not too sure whether I should tell Ram.  As such he’s so stressed about that Surpanakha episode. 

Wait!  I just spotted a deer outside of my window.  Hey! It’s a golden colour.  Shit! Where is that damn camera of mine.  I better click some awesome pics and upload it on FB so that all my loser friends know what a good time I am having. 
Maa, I gotta run, will call you tonight.


Read Episode 2 and 3 here
Enhanced by Zemanta


  1. LOL lol..:) Amazing i like thatt.:):)

  2. Goddammit...Whats wrong with remaining silent, and Pumping Iron and Playing Angry Birds and Assassin's Creed? I even have both games on my Mobile.
    Phunny take on the epic. Sita sings the blues indeed.
    But, me thinks she didn't go to click the Deer, rather she sent Laks to go click it and then she kind of reduced the firewall setting that Laks had put up to view Raavan's friendship request.
    But anyway, still hillarious. :D

  3. i like the umrikan angreji touch given to the post :)

    and i wonder if next year ram and sita will skype each other ;)

    Chintu Singh

  4. gahahahahahahahah why do you do this to me!!Gahahahahah
    Sita will haunt you from now, i am pretty sure!!!This was awesome work by you!!!

  5. Hahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..just cant stop laughing and loved this one "Har ek friend traitor hota hai" :)

  6. I must have missed like tons of your posts. I tell you - life is hard these days. Oops am almost talking like your Sita.
    Great post, funny medley of the life around, you made me smile after a long and intense day at work.
    ps: i gotta do some catch up with your posts.

  7. *kowtows*
    How DO you write like this, lady?! Dayuummm..

    Had me in splits, obviously:D

    Surpanaka with an amazing wardrobe? Wow where did you get that from?:P

    "I’m watching you girl"? - :D I wonder what Lakshman would say if he were around:P

    And after the deer episode and the kidnapping, Ravan will prolly hit up Ram on BBM with the ransom amount or something:D

  8. hahahah ROFL :D I really enjoyed reading it.... Specially the take on FIL's interest in collecting wives :D

  9. Loved the makeover Sita got from you. She definitely sounds more fun and full of pep and life than the original cry baby :D

  10. Purba with such knack you can rewrite the whole Ramayan and have the world in fits of laughter!
    A wholesome entertainment!!

  11. You are amazing Purba :) Your blog must be officially made a compulsory read for everyone.

  12. Did you picture Snow Leopard as Ram? Did he manage to show you the games on the phone?

    Yeh Duniya badi Gol hai.. Ram ultimately made her prove her love. Updating her relationship status from "married" to "its complicated" really had some adverse effects!

  13. Wow, now that was a hilarious read. A nice combination of modern life mixed with pre-historic events. I almost died laughing, could see it happening in my mind.

  14. I'm sure you would have written a better Ramayana than Valmiki. I super liked the humor in the post.

  15. Now this would have made history so much more interesting! Creativity at its 'extremeee bestttt' :D :D


  16. Hahaha, That was really funny. Happy Dusshera to all.

  17. he he he h.. what camera has she got.. any good that one .. I hope she gets to take a pic before she is kidnapped.. as I really want to see a Golden deer :)


  18. Ram Sena - ee to satya naas hai.

    Hey Ram!! now Ram Sena will ban you for sure :-p

  19. lol.. welcome dear Sita to the FB generation. Good one!!

  20. After reading this I'm dreading what will be in store for Ravan when he kidnaps her! Waiting for a follow up.

  21. Ankitha...Glad

    Prats...Are you fancying yourself as Ram! Face palm.

    Chintu Behen...How about flirty texts?

  22. Shail...Yep...Sita hates berries as well :D

    Red Handed...Thanks for giving me nightmares :p

    Peenuts...Hota hai kee nahin?

  23. Mayank...Life is like that only. Because we are so short on time, we learn to value it.

    Priyanka...Surpanakha must have been hot...olive skinned...shiny aristocratic nose.

    Rajlakshmi...As if one is not enough :)

  24. Zephyr...Or maybe Valmiki toned her image down to suit our sensibilities?

    Rahul...As long as everyone takes it in the right sense.

    Pooja...Compulsory? Heheh...sounds like homework.

  25. Pzes...Snow fancies himself as Ram. LOL @ relationship status. It sure was complicated.

    Vishal...Please don't die, not till you have read all my posts :)

    Nethra...Super thrilled:)

  26. Sarah...Sita needed a 21st century makeover.


    Bibek...And you have a blast (not in the literal sense)

    Bikram...Just spray it gold and voila you"ll have one.

  27. Bhavana...Ram Sene is anti blogs written in English :)

    Ambika...She would have had a lot of fun.

    Pooja...Don't give me ideas girl.

  28. @Purba @Pzes Please take note of the rolling of my eyes that I have added to the epic facepalm that I was already giving.

  29. Hilarious as always! Bechari Seetaa ... and Bechara Raam!!

  30. I was smiling all the way... Good humor! :)

  31. ROFL!!! Awwwwww...Sita...poor dear:P Purba, is Sita your FB friend? Unfriend her...What has that Lady in saffron got to do with a hottt blogger like you?;) This is one hilarious post!

  32. Amazing !!.. just couldn't stop laughing till the end and even after that..

  33. hahahha....Loved it...Sita at her sarcastic best.

  34. Awesome!!!! This is no doubt, your best post!!! Loooved it!!!

  35. damn creative! the Angst of Sita! :D hahaha! great too see you voiced her anger! :D
    btw....about that cartoon image.. :P...whr d hell did u get that frm! do u realise it would gain more no of ogglers than Pamela Anderson??? :D

  36. You have drawn a convincing portrait of a 21st Century Sita. It was a marvelous treat. Hope you present's side of the story soon!

    ps. Incidentally, its the second time I have posted a comment and I really don't know what I'd written the first time around. Is it my browser playing tricks with me?

  37. That is some imagination are simply too good at it.

  38. Prats...Wow! don't you look nice.

    Aativas...Bechari Sita who spent most of her life in the jungles.


    Cloud Nine...Arre! it's good to have a few celebrities in your FB list :)

  39. Pranab...What if Ravan were a Punjabi?

    Blue Lotus..Yea! why whimper when you can give it back.

    Akila...The image is from Sita sings the blues - it's a must watch animation.

  40. easy said then done.. where do i get the Deer now to spray gold :)


  41. Uma...Trust me I have no idea what ails my comment section. So sorry about it.

    Alka...Now that made my day :)

    Bikram...The Zoo?

    Akanksha...Aww thanks...and I had so much fun writing it :)

  42. LMAO!! Awesome post Purba!!!


  43. I wish Sita happiness any which way...

  44. On a separate note "iDiscoveri camps" - popular in Delhi is it? I kinda know the founders! Funny finds mention in Zephyr latest post as well.. product placement innovation kya?

  45. yeah right , its a arrestable offense .. to do that to animals in the zoo..

    no thank you :)

  46. Ha...Ha...really funny. You have presented in a new perspective!

  47. CRD...Ahha...glad you liked

    Giribala...Sita sends you flying kisses.

    Mayank...Yupp...quite popular with school kids. I better demand money for invaluable services rendered unknowingly.

  48. can arrest yourself!

    Ayyangar Sir...Glad you liked the makeover :)

  49. That was absolutely brilliant Purba!
    loved it!!

  50. This one had me giggling non stop...esp the "taking pic of the golden deer for fb"...kinda reminded me of myself!!!

  51. lol....loved reading it. was like gulping down a cup of my favorite Irish Coffee.

  52. Very amusing indeed. Let me share with you a poem of mine written a few years ago on Sita. Hope it won't be taken as too long for a comment!

    Sita On Tender Hooks

    What! You wanna me to elope with you
    And live in a jungle like a troglodyte!
    Romantic indeed does it sound,
    Mister Rama, my hubbie, honey-darling;
    But romance was the silly game of the past,
    My simpleton darling, anachronism personified.
    Tell Bharata to go to hell or wherever he will,
    Or blast his quarters along with Kaikeyi’s.
    And blame it neatly on the foreign hand;
    Ours is the country, the power and the glory.
    Take a lesson from George the Bush
    And cut to size all those on your way.
    March ahead, honey,
    On corpses if need be.
    Didn’t you see how Narendra Modi
    Led Gujarat to victory unshoddy?

    Let me go now to keep my appointment
    And open the city’s latest slimming centre
    Where people can shed their excess fat
    And eat, drink and be complaisant.
    A million is my fee for scissoring the tape,
    A fraction of which shall go now to my pedicurist.
    Call me on my mobile if you need something;
    I’ll be busy in the evening at the Fashion Parade.

  53. WOW, Purbaji.. this one takes the cake.. one of the best posts I've read in a while that actually made me laugh!!!

    Summa superb one, Purbaji!!!

    Respect!!! :)


  54. amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing..u had visualizing it all Purba...and i am in such a good mood, post reading this-thankfully also not political so i didn't have to rack my brains too much:-)

    ROFL!you are tooooooooooooooooo good!
    sharing it now:-)

  55. LOL!!! kalyug ki sita, indeed :P

  56. This was your BEST! Awesomeness!

  57. Hey Purba..that's an awesome piece of creativity... Nice Work...

  58. This was a hilarious read!!! LOVED IT!! Happy Dussera to Sita, I guess ... time to come back from the forest and break the vegan diet! :D

    ♡ from ©

  59. So good... May be you can try ram's version next

  60. magiceye....Thank you.

    Aneeta...Aren't most of us like that, dying to share our moments on FB.

    Sush...Heady concoction eh?

  61. Matheikal...This one is a masterpiece - satire at it's best.

    Raj....Humbled, flattered...

    Suruchi...You have no idea how much will power I had to exercise not to write yet another political post.

  62. Pri...And she's fun.

    Kartikay...It was such fun writing this piece :D

    Crazy Mind...Thanks a ton

  63. As a laymans POV, this is a work that combines the so-called Indian modern attitude and boredom. Am sure you are not a believer.

    I do not mean any offense to you. However stopped to correct that it was Laxman who cut off Surpanakha's nose and ears.

  64. Tanvi...At the risk of getting accused of blasphemy...It's time to partyyyy.

    Shrinidhi...Hmm...I plan to publish episode no.2

    Truth chariot...Perhaps there is a shortcoming in my language that makes you assume that I have mixed up my facts.

    I am aware that it was Lakshman who had chopped off her nose and have mentioned the same in my post.

  65. Good one Purba! :) A new angle at an old story!

  66. thats amazing! grl u got wonderful writing skills.. n some of ur observations r so damn true!!

  67. A very modern touch. Hilarious ! Are you Planning to write a sequel..All said and done even today Sita has to go with Ram to jungle!

  68. Muhaahaa! You're back with your slashing tongue..err..type-pad! I just love reading those sprinkles of sarcasm and lampoon in your humourous posts...
    Great going Purba.. :)

    Indie :)

  69. wannabauthor...That was the intent :)

    bemoneyaware...By popular demand, a sequel will be following soon. make me sound like a boa constrictor :D

  70. somebody brought out true sita thrown in a corner under the garb of pativrata bhartiya naari!!!totally original.....loving it.....btw thanks 4 stopping by my blog.....

  71. Hahahaha awesome this was! I'm damn sure Ram wouldn't have had to send Hanuman over to Lanka to determine Sita's location if it were in today's time. Sita's foursquare update would've sufficed. :P

  72. and your posts are bombs!!! too good..
    though i wanted to know what this sita wouldhave done when ravan would have come to abduct her...m sure you have enough masala for that excerpt too :P :D

  73. I initially thougt - nahi yaar..should be on our Gods now!

    But then the humour was so awesome that couldn't hep myself laughing with a wide smile...awesome!

    'Fashion disaster...' was jus brilliant! ;-)

  74. found you through blogadda, will keep coming back!

  75. LMAO.. what an amazing and humorous writeup..
    Hats off to your imagination and writing skills... I enjoyed every bit of it.. :)

  76. bhupendra...:)

    Nivi..I always try to track the comments I get on my blog :)

    Samadrita...But then, would there have been a Ramayana?

    A grain of sand ....Yep...and the sequel is out.

  77. A grain of sand ...The intention is not to hurt any sentiments :)

    Life Unordinary...Thanks for dropping by.

  78. i think all who continue to read your posts have kept that as the first premise else they wouldn't have been here, the 'intention-not-to-hurt-someone' thingy....:D

  79. Valmiki must be a lucky sadhu. Had you been there in his times, your version would have viraled.
    All flavors of humor in just the perfect amount. :D


  80. We still see chopping off of women's noses in places like Afghanistan, can't see how it was not as wrong when it was done in those times.

    But I don't really blame Kaikeyi for wanting her son to be the king.

  81. A grain of sand...I love how she always comes to my defense <3 <3 <3

    Aakash..Ha! I would love to be a virus :D

    IHM...Tragically it is always the woman who takes the blame.

  82. Brilliant work. I think you should go ahead and remake the entire Ramayana this way. Loved every bit of this.

  83. From a stray visitor -
    What a hilarious write-up. Had a blast reading it. I later checked your episode 1. I think the second one has come out funnier...

  84. really hilarious and well -written. Had an amazing time reading it. :) waiting for more from you. :)

  85. Joshi...Thrilled that you liked my wicked version.

    Bindu...Writing a sequel is always a challenge, there are expectations to be met :)

    inquisitive....It's a three part series :)

  86. Valmiki would go hysterical if he read this! haha :D

  87. Hey Purba
    I came to ur blog after aeons and was pleasantly surprised by this awesome story.Love it.
    BTW I am also an Economics graduate who is now into writing-reporter and sub-editor.

  88. My god, Purba, whoever would have thought Sita could converse, think and act the way she just did here!!!!!! I am baffled, phew, blown over!

    Very well conceived:)

  89. D2...Ha! wouldn't that be great.

    Vishal..What a pleasant coincidence!

    Deepa...Wrote it with a lot of trepidation, relieved that it worked :)

  90. Hilarious...!! I'm in splits ...:D

  91. LOL.... good one.

    Even I wanted to push that jealous bitch Kaikeyi off some place high... and that bitter old hag Kuni too!

  92. hahahhahahahahaha!!!
    Certainly I couldn't help myself spitting into laughter after reading such a "Sitarious" post...Awesome one! Believe me, You are really out of this world !!!! You know what I use to play various character in our street "Ram-leela" , but, that for sure next whenever I'll be on the stage, I would carry a different frame of mind!! And yes,one more thing , Our Surphankha never owns a big collection!!! hahahaha...Sorry but just Mwwwaaahhhh!

  93. ROFL..

    wish it should have never ended .. waiting for more to come..

    loved every piece of it .. especially the laksh-man anger management part !


  94. Awesome....plz write more of these....such a super cool post!!!

  95. awsome post you have very intresting blog
    follow back please
    ♥ SadeeStyle ♥

  96. Awesome post. I loved this. :D Ram and his video game addiction and Laxman with his anger management issues :P

  97. Wicked! My loss I didn't read this earlier :).

  98. LOL.. Loved reading this. With facebook updates on mind, Ravan doesn't has a chance Huh?

  99. What a riot of a post! ROFL! Mighty glad to have came here thanks to the thread on Indiblogeshwari :)

  100. Good read.
    A correction tho...Lakshmana had not eaten, slept, or seen the face of a woman for fourteen years.
    Your post implies he eats a lot.

  101. Superliked :))

  102. I can't imagine Sita being so much fun... :)

  103. A.W.E.S.O.M.E

    Love your writing totally :)

  104. There are people who consider Sita as their mother. They really do. And I don't belong to Ram Sena or any other religious zealot groups. I have just loved Ram and Sita all my life as they have given me peace during my tough times. And when someone writes this about your mother, it hurts(especially in the name of humor, there are better things in this country to poke fun at). Even for a satire, you have got a lot of facts about Ramayana wrong by the way(e.g. Lakshmana had never seen Sita's face) God bless you anyway!

  105. Hahahaha Puntastic! Purba Mata ki jay ho! Charan Sparsh Maate! Love your this blog? Is it feminie blog then can I marry this? 😊😊😊😊


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