Friday, November 4, 2011

I’d rather be a Bitch!

All through our lives we are confronted with mysteries that play hide and seek with us.  Some reveal themselves in boring Science chapters, while others unravel with age.  

Let’s take flirts.  I was in my early teens when I first heard the word (no, I am not kidding, I was a tad behind my times).  They commanded so much respect that my friends would speak in hushed tones while discussing the exploits of this alluring species.  Not being aware of their mysterious ways, I was intrigued.  I would look at my friends with puppy eyes and implore them to explain what one has to do to earn this elusive title.  They would hem and haw and try to fob me off with vague explanations but nothing was good enough to satiate my curiosity.  I finally got enlightened when someone tried being one with me, but I was too embarrassed to deal with it and far from being deliriously happy at the revelation.    Now, in this information fuelled era even a 12 year old can give a lucid explanation of what flirting means while the elder brother will readily part with helpful tips on sexting. 

But there are certain mysteries that prefer to remain in hiding – Do football matches have a hypnotic effect on men, does cricket induce coma among its spectators, when a baby smiles – is it gas or is it love – and why we prefer calling certain type of women a bitch!  

I actually happen to like dogs.  They don’t sulk, rarely throw tantrums, are fiercely loyal, undemanding and brimming with love.  The female of the species is no different.  Agree it can be quite a pain to keep her suitors off her trail but that’s not really her fault is it?   So when they call a woman a bitch – is it meant to be an affront to the canine species or insult women who have fine tuned meanness into an art? 

I understand it is damn convenient to have an easy to comprehend and easier to spell word that describes a woman whose attributes you are not particularly fond of.   Imagine having to plumb the depths of your vocabulary mine to look for suitable words like puerile, vile, despicable, belligerent...  All her mephitic being can do is spew venom... Her unpleasant demeanour gives me acidity...She is nothing but a malodorous swamp who makes me nauseous....She is like Math - she adds trouble, subtracts pleasure, divides attention and multiplies ignorance...Phew! I spent over ten minutes and a little help from google to coin these deprecating remarks.  On the other hand you have this all encompassing, universally understood phrase that elicits instant sympathy from your audience.  Gawd! She’s such a bitch!  See it took exactly 5 seconds, I didn’t have to stress my gray cells and all of you got the gist.   

In this is the age of intellectual laziness why should I be any different? 

Like any responsible parents, my own extolled the virtues of being a good girl.  In mythologicals – the good always triumphed over evil.  In movies, the baddies got bashed up and stewed in hell while the hero drove into the sunset with the love of his life.  So I had absolutely no reason to question the wisdom of my parents.  But what I saw around me told me otherwise.  I often felt that it was the bitch who was having all the fun.  She could speak her mind, not feel guilty about her evil ways and people generally kept a safe distance from her.  Isn’t it less stressful to be the tormentor rather than the tormented?   Who is less stressed out, the scheming sister in law or the beleaguered bahu!  Joker or Batman? It was Mogambo who got to wear weird costumes and go hahahaha all through the movie while Mr India dealt with a dozen hyper kids and a squeaky Sridevi.

And if we are consoling ourselves with the karma theory and how Mr Divine Justice will ensure that the wicked will land in hell – I beg to digress.  You are dead godammit, so does it really matter where you land up?  And since you have managed to annoy so many people courtesy your scheming ways, your death will be an occasion to celebrate.  Imagine dying a guilt free death – not leaving behind memories that will have your loved ones dissolve into tears?

The dictionary defines bitch as a slang to describe an unreasonably nasty female. 

Ironically in this universe where the good and bad have no clear definitions but merely a matter of perspective, who are we to pass judgement on someone’s character!  If suffering in silence is considered a virtue, I’d rather sin.   I’d rather hurt my friend with the truth instead of agreeing that the fault lies with the world and not her.  Putting up with injustice is not an act of bravado.  Being assertive or unapologetically ambitious is not unfeminine.  Who I sleep with is none of your business!  

If someone is making you unhappy with her evil machinations, it’s because you are letting her get away with it.  Give it back to her instead of cribbing!  If you find her an insufferable opinionated wretch, wear her out with a verbal duel.  Ignoring or shutting yourself out from unpleasantness doesn’t help but aggravates it.  

And if all you can do is snigger behind her back and call her names, how are you being any different! 

Courtesy -


  1. I am so sick and tired hypocrisy that I have stopped talking about this.

    But I completely agree to what you are saying..

  2. Well...would anyone call a female of our species a BITCH reading your post? Nope! Exhibiting meanness without endangering the relationship is indeed an art;) And this is the first word that comes out of the opposite sex, when referring to a specimen of our species whom they dislike! I agree with you, how different are the men here???

  3. The first thing that struck me when I started reading your post was the language. Lucid and crisp. I am not reading you for the first time which probably means you were dealing with something close to your heart.

    You have carefully built your case and I agree with you from the bottom of my heart. I'd rather be a dog in today's dog-eat-dog world, or rather bitch-eat-both-bitch-and-dog, if you have.

    And yes, I also do not subscribe to the school of silent sufferers.

  4. And I proudly pronounce myself a bitch! :D

    *I often felt that it was the bitch who was having all the fun.* That's what people feel even when I cry and I feel when she flaunts her expensive hula-hu-hui-hoo bags :)

  5. Brilliant piece of writing...and yes, as you say, good and bad have no clear definitions...they are a matter of perspective.The world is neither black or white..gray is the reality.Engaging refreshing read.

  6. Did someone tick you off real bad?
    I could totally relate to the dog-analogy.
    May be you can try this tone and roll your eyeballs jus like he does. ;-)

    ~ cheers.!

  7. Purba you managed to take a swipe at every known species in such effortless manner!You have shown that even Bitching can be fun and yield results!

  8. I'm so sorry - I will never ever never never cancel on a lunch. Oh no way! NEVER AGAIN!

  9. Totally agree with you .. no ones business what i do ..

    If i have bought my third car Why does it matter to you what am i going with the other TWO..

    If i am planning to get married much later WHY The hell does it matter to you ...

    If am doing something in my house why does it concern you

    If this if that

    you know I can write a huge post on just that ... why dont people mind there own bloody business... My house my life my everything WHyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

    i shud shut up before i write a post here


  10. What a bitching that was!!!
    a new perspective , all wrongs condoned...without even wronging :D

  11. Ahhh..yes..Sahay is a bitch.
    Now back to your post:
    a) The world is black and white only in stories
    b) You need to step over people to go forward. Not the meek but the ones who survive shall inherit the earth. Even evolution says that.
    c) You mentioned Joker and Batman. Welcome to Nerdville

  12. Bhawana...If were you, I would pay no heed to it.

    Nivedita...And tragically the bitch doesn't even have a male counterpart :)

    Umashankar...We are a myopic species - blind to our own faults.

  13. Chintan...I prefer a bitch to a hypocrite :D

    Alka...Thank you so much :)

    Karthick...This is not in response to what I may have experienced. Sadly no one has ever called me a bitch :)

  14. make me feel like Lady Houdini!

    Kartikay.....Hahahaha....its okay, it was you who missed out on a awesome lunch.

    Bikram...Whoa! Someone is fuming...Was it Anand bakshi who said kuchh to log kahenge, logo kaa kaam hai hai kenaa

  15. A grain of sand ...And you are such a sweet girl. Don't let anyone or anything change you.

    Snow Leopard...I mentioned Batman/joker to make it appealing to Nerdville :D

  16. I never knew I was a bitch! Silent sufferer? Not me, thank you. Because I never let anyone take me for granted. I just bide my time to let them know the score (but at times I don't do that and let them have it). so what does that make me? An abiding bitch? :)

  17. Hey Purba,

    Brilliant piece of writing as usual! Did u really spend 10 minutes on Big G to find out all of those? :P

    I was actually in the process of writing a post on office politics and how both men and women transcend the Bitch status!!

  18. You've got a point here. There's nothing to be proud of if you're suffering in silence and letting someone bully you. And besides there's a little bitchiness in each and every one of us, it's just that we keep it under wraps most of the times. The ones who don't get labeled as 'bitches'.

    P.S: From now on I'm gonna have to write down my comment somewhere first before putting it here. It DID NOT show up again. :(

  19. Bitchy post.
    I suppose people always mean "calling bitch" in a derogatory sense, though no one must have ever pounded upon it much.

  20. 1)Nothing can change me..
    2)I am not that sweet either *devillish grin* :D

  21. i wonder why people judge others...i find it difficult to judge even myself...i like constrictive criticism that helps me get better...but calling names just to feed one's degraded ego is nasty....

    i love dogs too...i never understand why bitch is an abuse, or 'kutte kamine'...dogs are much more lovely and faithful than humans...saying 'bitch' is an abuse is abusing natures sweetest creation :)

  22. it is so dumb to use the 'bitch' or the 'bastard' so callously...

    my nephew's friend loved a girl with all his life-he proposed, she whenever her name comes, he calls her "oh, that bitch" and feels smug that the revenge is done!

    stupid stupid attitude that...
    and sensible, sensible read this!
    oh and there are so many quotable quotes there:-)

  23. I can completely relate to the 'good girl'bit coming from parents.Though I have been a rebel in more ways than one,I am still not completely cured of the good girl syndrome.Deep rooted conditioning it was for 24 long years..not to hurt people with your words and actions etc.Now when my daughter tells it like it is without mincing words,I feel proud and secure in the thought that she is a strong girl.
    BTW little off the topic...but I feel,nothing can be more therapeutic than pure girly bitching:D

  24. And THIS is how I should have reacted when I was called a bitch.

  25. wonder why they associate life with bitch ?
    Which witch is the bitch?

  26. Can you see me nod in agreement?? :-) I remember the time when I slowly came to realize the same, survival of the smooth talking, smart bitch! And I prefer this breed for company too (atleast most of the time), as against the meek ones.

  27. Hi Purba,

    Could you please share your mail id? Need to connect regarding an upcoming shopping website.


  28. hHAHAHAHA Quite an insight!!!!!
    I have been called a BITCH and I never ever take offense :P
    Loved the post and that way of dealing was brilliant!!

  29. Zephyr...The moment we feel threatened by a woman, we are quick to dismiss as a bitch! Why?

    And you are my superstar :)

    Aman...Would love to read your perspective!

    Sam...I retrieved your lost comment from spam. I wish I could do something to stop this :( And thank you for not losing your patience.

  30. Prateek...I beg to differ, this post is far from bitchy.

    A grain of sand..I am glad :)

    SUB...Let's coin some really nasty insults :P

    Suruchi....Delighted that you enjoyed reading my labour of love :)

    It is pettiness and double standards that gets my goat!

  31. Sharmila...Ironically it is the nice girl who gets taken for granted. It's time she found a voice.

    And yes! bitching is cathartic for some of us :)

    PeeVee....How about, You deserve dandruff in your hair, pimples on your face and a monster MIL.. :D

    No wonder you call yourself GyanBan

  32. Ambika...We always we feel lighter once we have spoken our mind. Why stew in unspent emotions?

    Red Handed...No one has ever called me one. I better start working for it :)

  33. loved the analogy with mathematics!

  34. Now, the kids call each other "bitches" out of love!

    "Aww, my bitch" isn't really uncommon now, is it?

  35. ^HAHAHA.

    Hey Purba, I completely agree with your post. Good one!

  36. The definition of good girl should not include being weak willed and suffering from inertia. If fighting back means one risks being called by innocent, cute, loyal animal names, so be it.

  37. magiceye...:)

    Pzes...The evolving urban lexicon.

    Whuat...When my readers agree with what I have to say, it makes my job much easier :p

  38. Giribala..Thanks.

    IHM...And if it requires meanness to fight meanness - so be it!

  39. Any woman with a mind of her a 'bitch' of usual well done Purba :)

  40. No girl/woman can be a bitch to you unless you let her. You just made me realize that! :P
    Now i'm gonna deal with em.. err.. LADIES in another way :D

    Awesome Read :)

  41. I wonder wht the male equivalent of the word is...?:)

    but seriously, its a very versatile word, so pregnant with meaning.. like u pointed out, if it weren't fr tht word, one wud hv hd to tax the brain :)

    Gr8 read, Purba-ji:)

  42. Maitreyee...And how quickly we pass judgment!

    Defiant Princess...HA...give it back, they deserve to hear the truth :)

    RAJ...When it comes to the male equivalent, we are spoilt for choice :)

  43. So 'vocabulariciously' bitchy!! And I like the slap-on-the-face attitude through out your post. What would the world do without an understanding bitch these days??

  44. All of us at some point in our lives do leave that homo- sapiens (female) identity and join in the canine (female) identity...and y not? with so many undergoing the same transformation..sadda bhi haq banta hai :P


  45. Well, that was one hell of a read. I stumbled upon your blog on the IndiBlogger forum and I must say I loved he way you have perceived the whole issue of being called and calling one a "bitch". I appreciate satirical humour a lot.

  46. I m really lost :( reading this mindless blah blah. One thing I got was, the meaning of Bitch. Thanks

  47. Anoop...HA! armed with a new perspective you"ll now wonder whether it's actually a compliment!

    Sarah...Most of us have been there done, done that :)

    Prosenjeet..Glad :)

    Sudhakara...No body held a gun to your head...could have left it midway.


    Rather be a bitch , than be a hypocrite ! :D

  49. Purba - Very sharp post. Evoked quiet a mixture of feelings... I was with you and i liked the strong viewpoint and satire, till about the last 2 paragraphs where i felt you whittled down to uncontested truths.. na! :)

    My thoughts nonetheless,never have i felt a position of extremes helps, there is NO right and wrong - its the point of view which matters. And damn the moralities, they have been thrust on us through the history. Time "me, myself and mine" get more importance over what matters to others - there has to be a fair balance. But the dilemma continues - only a few days I was telling my kiddo that he should hit back when someone tries to push him on the playground and i got a jolly big stare from my wife. He is soon turning 4 if that helps. Its easier to make these choices for oneself.. but difficult to impart these values to kids, who do not and will not understand the nuances. What would you do?

    So well yes, let me know stand up and shout that being the selfish, bitchy (doggie whatever),

  50. Couldn't agree with you more. However, bitchiness is no longer limited to the female species only; like a plague it has permeated into the psyche of males as well. I wonder why there isn't a neuter gender available to humans! Read my post titled 'Some more fun' where I have tried to explore the our shoddy sides! By the way, love your font. :)

  51. and one more thing Ms., I agree with SUB's comment...I feel it's just too imprudent to judge anybody. When you judge, you invariably take loads of pain up in your *that unmentionable word* and make yourself miserable for something that's just not worth it. When a friend says something bad to me, I try to find the positive in it. It helps me become a better person, I feel.

  52. Rohan...HA

    Spiritual Sinner...As long as your Mom is not complaining :)

    Mayank...But in a world where only the fittest survives, we have to let our children to fight their own battles. I"ll be happier if my child retorts with a jolly good push instead of whining to extract my sympathy!

    Destiny's Child...And this exactly what I have mentioned in my post Ironically in this universe where the good and bad have no clear definitions but merely a matter of perspective, who are we to pass judgement on someone’s character!
    Will be visiting your link soon.

  53. Men are no different! Why crib, if someone is right at their point, better face it rather than gossiping about it and making fun...I believe in what is good for you could be bad for someone else....Good write up and warms my blood :)

  54. I totally loved and could relate to it very well


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