Thursday, May 10, 2012

Bye Bai Patil Taai





Patil Taai was sunbathing on the beaches of Seychelles, nodding her head to Anup Jalota’s bhajans, her pallu firmly tucked under the sun hat, when she heard the first murmurs. They sounded human. Her head turned a 360° to investigate. All she could see was her grandkids kicking up a sandstorm in the horizon. She gave them a toothy smile and was waving at them Ms Universe style, when she heard a loud crick. Damn spondilytis! Why me? I hardly do any work!

She was gingerly petting a petrified cheetah in South Africa, when she sniffed a strong odour coming all the way from India. Is it the dal I forgot to put in the fridge, before hopping on to Air India One for my last Duniya Dekho trip?

It was stinking. It smelt like criticism. Concerned citizens were outraging about her 205 cr travel bills and her post retirement home in Pune. Pooh! Just because you travel cattle class and squeeze yourself in a 1245 sq ft flat, doesn’t mean I’ll deprive myself. What a bunch of losers!
 

She quickly went into a flashback mode, going back to the momentous day when Her Highness Sonia Jee had appointed her to fill long haired Kalam’s shoes. Of all the smart, dynamic, deserving candidates, it was she, the most obedient and loyal, who had been handpicked. Of course she knew she was a misfit – he wore a size 10 while she wore a size 6 ballerina, yet for the sake of her party she agreed to step in. Tai had never said No in her life, unlike her counterpart in East who has never said yes.

Being a yes-woman has it perks - Tai was appointed the Nation’s Head while Didi has appointed herself as the National headache.

Secretly, PP couldn’t stop admiring Sonia Madam’s act of bravado. Imagine replacing Kalam, one of the best Presidents the country’s ever had, with a lady whose dubious credentials make her the laughing stock of the country? But Pratibha was relieved that she had a worthy predecessor in once upon a time President, Giani Zail Singh. If Giani was willing to become a sweeper for Indira Gandhi then Tai was more than willing to clean her utensils.

Even as she was scouring dirty utensils, PP Tai had always known that she was destined for greatness. Her pet, dead Baba of Mt Babu had sent a direct message on Twitter warning her of her impending exalted status.

All my bags are packed...I’m ready to go...I’m leaving on a jet plane~~





That’s exactly what she had been doing, during her five year term as President– leaving on a jet plane, shaking hands with world leaders, posing and stunning them with her wit, attending state buffets (burp) and asking – humse trade karoge? But before anyone could say no, she would rush off to play TT.

Yet the ungrateful nation was accusing her of turning the Rashtrapati Bhawan into a retirement retreat. Which retiree in her right mind will travel all the way to Latin America, to promote her son’s business? Show me someone who has the “pratibha” to spend so much, in doing so little!

PPP (Prez Pratibha Patil) Patil Tai made no distinctions between relatives and party, party and government, merging them all into one happy family – Vasudeva Kutumbakam!

As a doting mother, she lobbied for her son to be given a Congress ticket in the 2009 assembly elections. As a loving sister she protected her brother in a murder case. An obedient wife who let her husband Devi Singh run a parallel office and poke his nose in official appointments.

A colourless, forgettable President who will be best remembered for her blind devotion to her family.




Nobody was willing to accept that she had actually saved tax payer’s money, combining family vacations with official visits. Nobody was applauding the commendable restraint she had shown as Commander-in- Chief of the Armed forces – choosing to keep mum during civilian-army strife and making feeble noises only when the crisis had blown over. Where was the applause for working so silently that her achievements during her 5 year tenure are the world’s kept secret! Ironically, all people care to know is, she plays TT with a delightful expression and beach bums in Goa in a sari.

But when PPP Tai put forth her pertinent arguments, all she could hear was laughter. When she demanded that people respect the post of the President, it was selected as the best joke for World Laughter Day! Some cad even had the temerity to suggest that she had taken out the P out of the post of President and turned it into Resident- Pratibha Patil.

Don’t forget, it is entirely due to her efforts, she had got the entire nation interested in who the next President will be. The top post of the world’s largest democracy that has been relegated to a mere figurehead, thanks to selfish political manoeuvrings... A figurehead, who has been relegated to a joke by an insecure ruling party that deliberately chooses pliant heads... Where having an opinion is considered a crime and you are rewarded for being a mere rubberstamp.... A President who has been reduced to a resident...

The Nation that should have been so proud to get its first woman President has no kind words for the lady who will be remembered for putting her self-interest above the country. The worst that followed the best.

Bye, bai Patil Tai, we will not shed a single tear for you.


Source - http://www.outlookindia.com/article.aspx?280623
http://www.indianexpress.com/news/a-suitable-president/946944/

Image Source - Google

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58 comments:

  1. Ahh....yes. Everyone's favourite Tai. You should just accept it that you will miss her, just like you will miss Mamata Di if she decides to retire. Whom would we make jokes on, if they go?

    P.S. That is a Cheetah. Not a Leopard. I expect you to know the difference

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes sire! the mistake has been rectified.

      Delete
  2. Good riddance to her!! She could have set an example being the first woman President of the country but she has made a joke of the post. She has dishonoured the post that once had a honorable man like Dr Kalam! I want Dr Kalam to make a comeback.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We were all so disappointed when he didn't get a second term. The nation still misses Dr Kalam. They don't make men like him anymore.

      Delete
  3. Ahh!!!I am furious at her for squashing my dreams.I wanted to be the President once upon a time.No sane MP (current or future) would ever vote for a woman president.
    But I have not lost hope.I hear there is an opening for Chapathi maker in Rahul Gandhi's kitchen.I'll lobby around for it.Who knows someday Chotte Saab might open the doors of Rashtrapathi Bhavan for me as well!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Chotte Saab needs a miracle to save his sinking career :-)

      Delete
  4. I absolutely dislike her. If you haven't already, read Giribala's post on the same topic, it is really good. What is with these women who come into politics? They are so horribly greedy and corrupt. With all the political posturing that happens for the post of the President -- woman vs. Dalit vs. Muslim, it leaves such a bad taste that I feel that this titular post should be done away with altogether.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, I enjoyed reading Giribala's version :)

      And Rachna, we've had some really distinguished men serving as Presidents. It is the ruling party that has reduced this post to a joke!

      Delete
  5. I'm curious to see if anyone has something good to say for her here. Hope the new President (Ansari?) is more deserving of the post and gives you all more joy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The post has a lot of candidates. The public wants Kalam. Congress wants Pranab. But I'm betting on Hamid Ansari.

      Delete
  6. Thanks to Madam, PPP has only belittled the post of President of India...and thanks to foreign jaunts of such VIPs Air India is in a mess today.
    I dont mind Pranab da as President. He is Sonias man but he will not denigrate/misuse the office.
    Loved...humse trade karoge?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But isn't Pranab M too valuable a politician to waste as a President?

      Delete
    2. As someone said, the man deserves his man of the match prize. He needs to be rewarded for his competence. Also he is too old to play political football now...

      Delete
  7. ohh.. I would now the regular 'bands' on the Aundh highway in Pune, when dearest Prez visits her beti every month ofcourse on an 'official' visit. Sigh, no more being stranded in traffic in the hot sun and watch empty roads surrounded by police and then be stuck there till her highness arrived :-( Gone are those good old stucked up days.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Her Highness, needs a reality check. The nation has no kind words for her!

      Delete
  8. Nicely done ! She deserves much worse though. The President of India has become a joke, not like it was generally filled by the most honourable of people but she has set a bad precedent that'll act against women too. One of the worst people in politics, I hope somehow it happens that she has to pay for these travels..... *wishful thinking.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She should be made the ambassador for Makemytrip.com :D

      Delete
  9. :-)) Photojournalists were summoned and warned by officials after her photographs at Goa beach were published...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, I did chance upon that tidbit. The political class and their super-sized egos!

      Delete
  10. Purba,

    One needs to take lessons from you to call a spade a spade in such clear words and take a dig at some persons for what they are. Hope some person does not raise a privilege motion on this.

    Take care

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Look what raising too many motions did to Rajya Sabha. The stink was so strong that the members had to be evacuated!

      Delete
  11. :D I loved the source and I loved your take on it. Still, one has to admire her for being there. Shucks. I want to run for President too. Should I go suck up to Shrimati Sonia jee?

    Right now I want to grab you and twirl you around, but that might be hard because I am laughing so much reading this! Stupendous post.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pratibha Patil has given us hope - we are all convinced that we"ll do a better job than her.

      Join the queue please!

      Delete
  12. On a serious note, will Rashtrapati Bhavan ever see likes of Dr Rajendra Prasad,S Radhakrishnan or Zakir Hussain ever?:(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kalam gave us hope. Pratibha Patil disgusted us.

      Delete
  13. Brilliant post. Can't stop laughing.

    ReplyDelete
  14. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  15. I bet we will soon have another TAI :)


    Bikram's

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Like- mere Karun Arjun ayenge?

      Delete
  16. nice collection of pics and good write up.

    Good to read she gave up the idea of using army land for retirement home

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Was so happy when I read she had to return the land. Media playing the watch dog has more ups than downs.

      Delete
  17. Why don't we just abolish the president's post.... we will save a lot of money and last of the vestige of the British decadence in India will be put to an end. Whatever the President does easily supreme court, or the speaker of parliament can do..or anybody who has nothing better to do..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's our Polity that has reduced this establishment to a mere farce.

      And Ms Patil set the bar even lower.

      Delete
  18. From Rajendra Prasad to PPP the office has hit rock bottom. The reason Pranab's name is being bandied about could probably because he could be effectively nullified as a potential threat to the main kursi, maybe? Kalam promised a lot but disappointed too. Not his fault given the toothless nature of the post, I suppose.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But Kalam was an idealist and had that drive to make a difference.

      He was a refreshing change from the likes of SD Sharma and Zail Singh.

      Delete
  19. AHA ! What a treat,Purba it was a delight to read your post-you compacted all our feelings in it.Thanks.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for your encouraging words.

      Delete
  20. From being a small town Rajput from Amravati to farming,to being an MLA ,to building an education complex,she came a long way indeed!The post in itself is a big joke and can make even the most learned occupants look like jokers, fir Tai ki kya bisaat!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So you have something positive to say about Tai? Curious.

      Delete
    2. Ummm..after farming,what she did was a natural money making progression ,is what I meant.

      Delete
  21. Oh I love you for this...I was curious what was this Patil Tai story going to be about--I had no clue that you would be doing an "Yes, Minister" piece on Mam President. I have to share this:)
    And in btw, what a shame all the women in power who could do much to be a role model that women can easily refer to, have instead become an embarrassment. What a shame and how sad (:-

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. When she could have done so much, she chose to do so little. India's first woman President unfortunately, will be remembered as a bad joke.

      And thanks for the share :)

      Delete
  22. She has mastered the art of travelling better than a travelling export salesman. She can give a lesson or two to them on "How to live off suit case(s)

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I read somewhere that the lady is planning to write an autobiography. I'm sure it will read more like a travelogue, considering she hasn't done much besides travelling.

      Delete
  23. Sometimes I wish the people could kick out ineffectual Presidents...why on earth do we even need such a post, if it is going to be decorated by a useless (and expensive) rubber stamp?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. True that. Why have a post that is purely ornamental!

      Delete
  24. awesome ma'm...loved this post, brilliant!

    when it comes to playing with words you are at your best!

    and i hope against the hope that one day, X-PPP should read this page written so prudently in her praise!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If PPP reads this, she'll force me read her Autobiography.

      Delete
  25. Rib tickling as ever Purba! I rolled in the first para..Anup Jalota's Bhajan's LOL

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  26. I think the post of president is totally superfluous to a parliamentary democracy...we should abolish it and save money.

    ReplyDelete
  27. i cannot think while i roll laughing......hilarious, wonder how Tai's funny bone would twitch on reading this post

    ReplyDelete
  28. Good one Purba.. apt obituary to the wet mud statue, stands till the potter holds it, and crumbles without the crutch, to be washed away with the rain..

    ReplyDelete

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