Wednesday, June 20, 2012

A soap opera

An aggrieved teen uses her "dry sense of humour" to appeal to your out-of-the-bucket thinking. Tee, my guest blogger pours her heart out.


Today, I speak for a cause. I speak on behalf of millions of repressed people. I speak to protect our heritage.

I must confess that my reasons for this soliloquy are a little selfish. Why mum, why must you always treat me like a pigsty if I don’t bathe for a few hours? Whyy??? It’s not like I’ve grown festering sores and flaking scabs!!

*Ahem*

I apologise for that outburst. I have been in the grips of such gross injustice for most of my life *sobs quietly*. But I, no WE, must hold our own. My compatriots and I are all that stand between humanity and complete destruction! Without us, the rest of the world would have already run out of water, and succumbed to some horrific disease! We shield our less-able brothers and sisters from a viral onslaught. Due to our constant efforts to save water and soap (some of us have even sacrificed the luxury of shampoo- my heart goes out to those brave heroes), there is enough for those *cough* over-zealous, neurotic *cough* individuals who have declared a life-long vendetta against those microscopic denizens of the natural world.

Ever wonder why allergies are so prevalent in the western world? Why a little mosquito bite can turn into a swelling the size and shape of Australia? Without a little bit of detritus in our lives, we become weak, diminished! Man and nature, living together- that was how God intended it. If He really wanted us to be dirt-free He would have had soap grow on trees (“And on the eighth day, there was anti-bacterial soap”). Better still, He wouldn’t have created dirt in the first place! We must not deny our natural state: we must rebel against the norms imposed on us by society!

I admit that if my kindred were to ascend to power, many bystanders would suffer. Laundromats come to mind. But that is a small price to pay for humanity’s survival. I implore you, my comrades, raise your arms (Or rather, don’t. We need our audience to be conscious)! No longer shall we be called ‘barbaric’ for our sacrifice. No longer shall we be shunned by our family and friends. We shall make them realise our great contribution to the march of civilisation. Let the world hear our roar, we are revolting! We....wait, where are you taking me? I’m not finished yet! No! How dare you try to oppress us! No keep that thing away from me! I will not bathe, I tell you. Mooooomm, noooooooooo!

Courtesy Google Images


71 comments:

  1. Ha ha ha ....
    My little niece starts crying the second she sees a water mug. It is the cry that would make you run to the room to SAVE HER SOUL ....

    ReplyDelete
  2. I have a festering T at home too......"I had a bath yesterday" is the most generic one...lol! I feel your pain Purba.....and as much as I'd rather not want any conservation of the natural resources, this post deserves acknowledgement. And mind you, the idea is not what I applaud but the way it is presented....and whether you like it or not, Tee...bathe you must!!! :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't oppose baths entirely...I draw the line at 2 days :)

      Delete
  3. I fully empathize with the teen in her effort to save water, Purba:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tee is thrilled with the support she's getting!

      Delete
  4. To think I have 2-3 showers a day :/ i love keeping CLEAN :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmm, true. Nothing wrong with wanting to be CLEAN. I just don't understand the need to be sterile as a medical instrument :-/

      Delete
  5. Poor baby Tee..
    Purba, do not get influenced by Calvin's mum please..
    See on the brighter side, your daughter will not be stalked by any one if you let her be the way she wants, isnt it?
    Infact, she will be quite safe for the situation Delhi and Gurgoan is providing to girls these days :-p
    Just raise your arm and the stalker will faint! :-p

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hm, another plus point. I must put this down in the pamphlet I'm preparing..

      Delete
  6. My dogs concur. they are saying see I told you so

    ReplyDelete
  7. Poor Tee ! To be denied the fundamental right to do as one pleases ! Specially if its all for a good cause :P
    Marvellous marvellous writing style and fantastic usage of words !

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. Somebody understands -_-

      Delete
  8. LOL!!! Funny as usual. Let them not bathe and be in peace, Amen!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, especially since the water is mixed with sewage anyway :-/

      Delete
  9. With Brad Pitt and Amir Khan going all out to say that they do not shower daily,you think kids are going to listen to us?
    My daughter while in school,was competing with her friend -who can stay longer without a bath and go undetected!! She blames my hypersensitive olfactory senses for her defeat.I have been witness to my brother and now my own son running the water in the bath while they catch a few extra winks on the pot :D
    Tee might find this interesting..
    Why are you showering?-http://showeringducks.blogspot.in/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes! Who says that boys can have all the fun?

      Delete
  10. With Brad Pitt and Amir Khan going all out to say that they do not shower daily,you think kids are going to listen to us?
    My daughter while in school,was competing with her friend -who can stay longer without a bath and go undetected!! She blames my hypersensitive olfactory senses for her defeat.I have been witness to my brother and now my own son running the water in the bath while they catch a few extra winks on the pot :D
    Tee might find this interesting..
    Why are you showering?-http://showeringducks.blogspot.in/

    ReplyDelete
  11. funny!!! this is something my brother will identify with!!


    but i have had a thing for showers since my teenage years....love to bath as frequently as i can!!

    http://sushmita-smile.blogspot.in/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Woah, I salute you, worthy adversary!

      Delete
  12. Hahahah that was an amazing guest post :D

    ReplyDelete
  13. Use bucket baths baby, but bathe you must! This is India and you BO will be enough to kill people if you go a day without bath :).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I actually prefer the soothing drizzle of a shower :)
      Yep, this is India. I can have BO tournaments!

      Delete
  14. I have this to say: http://calvinandhobbes.wikia.com/wiki/Bath?image=C_and_H_toilet-gif

    That, Trisha ji, is the ultimate cleanliness solution. If people have a problem with that, you might as well fall back to your old-world ways.

    Funny funny you are! We want MOAR! MOAR!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Similar to a washing machine, double the fun!
      I'll be back with another post when my laziness takes it's second biannual vacation :)

      Delete
  15. Way to go dear Tee...there are umpteen reasons for not listening to your mommy....Water is contaminated, there is water shortage,you are celebrating World Environment Day, Sheila Dixit is a role model and above all...Freedom of choice. Its your life.

    Okay, I was trying to be all young and happening but the truth is that I have fought several bouts on the same issue with my son. Now that he is 21, I have given up. It is like banging my head against a wall.
    Look forward to more such posts.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And now I'm a legal adult-possibilities, possibilities..
      Actually, I don't hate baths per se. It's the chasing that brings out my rebellious side- the more mum tells me to do it, the less likely I am to listen to her :P

      Delete
    2. I understand that it is not the bath but the chasing....but moms cant help it, I guess...something to do with the mom DNA wiring.
      And honestly, its fun to rebel against moms...I still do.Sometimes.

      Delete
  16. He he he :) you know I hated taking a bath myself I could go to sleep inside the bathroom and let the water run .. they all thought i had taken a bath .. till one day I did not get up for a long time :)

    I second that thought If god intended we would have soap on trees he he he

    nice one made me smile :)

    the good days back home when we would be so dirty after working in the fields and yet say no to bath.. and if we did take a bath then wear the same clothes back again :) some say yuck to it now he he he

    Bikram's

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Indeed, our ancestors would go for months without baths, and they would not be ostracized for it!

      Delete
  17. Trisha,

    Nice to see you here. Well, I agree that constant nagging to have bath gets on nerves. Let one choose own time to do so or not to also, isn't it? Best of luck.

    Take care

    Purba,

    Thanks for introducing her here. I must read her previous post too. Take care

    ReplyDelete
  18. Challenging conventional wisdom seems to be the convention.This piece is not only a witty and humorous sketch but a counter argument against societal norms and monotonous existence.It holds within it an appeal towards creation and wonder.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, thank you for your wisdom, milord. I didn't recognise you there for a sec though xD

      Delete
  19. Purba,
    I feel your pain, my poor vocal chords feel the pain even more and the neighbours fear that a child is cruelly ill-treated at certain times of the day! If only they understood, from the blood curdling yells coming from the bathroom are those of mother ,the long suffering and not mother the ogre ....

    Tee

    May you have like minded and more "zealously devoted to the cause" roomies once you leave home to save the environment/go to college :D

    ReplyDelete
  20. Thank you Senorita Ray, for supporting such a noble cause and for speaking against the atrocities of the "Soap Loving Ones". For long have they ruled the world but now the revolution is coming. And I would have hugged you errr...but you know why I won't.
    P.S. Quite funny. When is the next one coming?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Join the campaign at www.raiseyourarms.com
      Next one? Hmmm, whenever inspiration strikes.

      Delete
  21. You made me remember those times when my mother used to force me to take cold water bath even during Ice-Age days. Thank God, college happened!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah, the feeling of your extremities freezing up on a cold winter morning..

      Delete
  22. Brilliant writing! Lovely flow of thoughts threaded with humour right through!
    Thank you for the smiles!!

    ReplyDelete
  23. Hahaha! Tee has your sense of humor! In btw, Tee, usually teenage girls love to take long baths and shampoo their hair so often. Teenage boys don't like to shower.
    I think the reason you have been brought to this condition is your mom's OCD about cleanliness:) Go for it--rebel, revolt and stop not till you stinking succeed. Let me know when the campaign starts and I too will start saving water, soap and ahem shampoo. I too will be lice-ridden in solidarity!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I do love baths...in moderation. Not in the winter.
      Liberty, equality, fraternity!!

      Delete
  24. Wow. Your point of view is interesting. I am the complete opposite of you because I love to take long showers, T...

    But, I am delighted to know that my daughter is not the only one! Gaw, she's so much like you!grrr ...LOL..
    Enjoyed reading this. Thanks Purbe for shring her thoughts :)0

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks :)
      Indeed, she is not alone. WE, the members of the Raise Your Arms Initiative, applaud her efforts.

      Delete
  25. was entirely unprepared for where it was headed, tee. given the fact that water is scarce and we really don't know what is in the water, it is something to think about. keep writing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I wasn't sure where it was headed when I started writing it either :P
      Before I knew it, it had turned into a call for revolution! The Lord God works in mysterious ways :-O

      Delete
  26. "why must you always treat me like a pigsty if I don’t bathe for a few hours? Whyy??? It’s not like I’ve grown festering sores and flaking scabs!!"

    reminded me of Leonardo Di Caprio as he was recently in news for not bathing regularly .. may be he's a water conservationist :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We have many celebrities dedicated to our cause, giving up baths for days, nay months.

      Delete
  27. You can have the whole of Britain standing with you on this is issue, Trisha. Occupy BO!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe it IS time to take my campaign global..

      Delete
  28. To bathe or not to bathe ... I have one of each at home. A teen who showers till kingdom comes, and the grand conservationist who reduces us to tears for not bathing! Well written...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. To bathe, or not to bathe: that is the question:
      Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
      The soap and shampoo and outrageous demands,
      Or to raise your arms and release a sea of BO...

      Thanks :)

      Delete
  29. I love all the reasons fonot to stinkr not bathing. And you can go on adding more and more to the list. And as you have rightly pointed out, you are a legal adult now and have freedom to choose -- to stink or not to stink, that is the profound question, but you already know the answer, so chill and let mom chase after you all she wants. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't utterly despise baths, I just don't bathe 9 times a day :P
      Winter (early morning, brrrrr) is an exception.

      Delete
  30. Haha. I know somebody who'd worship you for writing this. :D
    Nicely done. :)

    ReplyDelete
  31. I extend my wholehearted support to you, Trisha! May our tribe incresase!!

    ReplyDelete
  32. Looks like a universal prob.errr truth, why do these Moms are always after bath... oh wait I have to chase my teen to make him take bath :D

    on a serious note! Moms always want to see her princess as beautiful as a princess should be ... thats why :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, only a few centuries ago, it was considered completely normal (even for royalty) to bathe once a month..Elizabeth I had 4 baths a year :)

      Delete
  33. It was a interesting read. it made me snigger ..
    keep writing ..

    ReplyDelete
  34. Haha.. This is hilarious. I remember when I used to run around trying to convince mom that I'd take a bath after the next hour, and I was never successful. The mother normally gave me a LARGE earful of how I'm a lazy lout. :(

    Well, after all the years of unnecessary shouting and protest, I must say I enjoy my bath thoroughly now.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmm, maybe this IS a phase of teenage rebelliousness..

      Delete
  35. Aww poor you :D

    Cheers,
    Blasphemous Aesthete

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for understanding my plight :'(

      Delete
  36. aage bado Tee hum tumhare saath hai :D :D

    ReplyDelete
  37. One worthwhile task carried to a successful conclusion is worth half-a-hundred half-finished tasks.

    very pleased to find this site.I wanted to thank you for this great read!!

    I definitely enjoying every little bit of it and I have you bookmarked to check out new stuff you post.

    Ophthalmology
    Surgical instruments
    Dental Instruments
    Beauty instruments

    ReplyDelete

Psst... let me know what you are thinking.

LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...