|Image courtesy - http://mindlesslampoons.blogspot.in/|
On World Population Day a storm erupted in pee cup. A Swami in Agnivesh made a candid confession about his unconventional means to divest himself of his bed- wetting past. We laughed so loud that we ended up wetting our pants. Of course it was followed by the mortal fear of what if I am made to drink my urine to get rid of what might become a habit. After all it’s not every day that a self-avowed Hindu reformist proclaims “I used to drink my own urine to prevent myself from wetting my bed”.
The statement was in support of the unnecessary controversy surrounding a Vishwa-bharati student. She was made to drink her own bodily discharge by her warden from hell. If at 10, a child is still wetting her bed, surely it’s not a psychological disorder! Her well-wishers have the birthright to inflict more trauma to free her from this shameful habit.
As a nation that takes it’s Swamis too seriously including a motor-mouth called Subramaniam, I am terrified of the damning consequences of Agnivesh’s urine therapy.
Picture this – It’s a Friday evening and you head to the neighbourhood pub, hoping for a spirited evening. On the way you narrowly miss Dhoble and order yourself a drink to soothe your frayed nerves, only to be served a suspicious yellow looking thing. The bartender happily informs you that this all new cocktail, Pee-na-colada is on the house. You now run to the washroom with the intent to puke and you’re startled by a loud CHEERS emanating from behind one of the closed doors.
You’ve had enough for the day and decide to spend the rest of evening at Barrista. The boy at the counter asks you – coffee, tea or pee?
Your appetite now gone for a toss, you walk into a bookstore desperately looking for a comforting book that you can snuggle up to. And all you can see is stacks of the newest bestseller that’s taken the world by storm - Fifty shades of Yellow by P.James.
You sleep fitfully and wake up to newspapers full of reports of parents inspired by the all new U-therapy, who have decided to rid their babies of drinking and peeing problems in one go. Huggies in keeping with market demands has now started selling diaper shaped cups. In the business section, PepsiCo is planning the mega launch of its all new drink – Pissleri. Your Blackberry pings. It’s your company’s CEO Mr Mutreja, informing you that you’ve been made in-charge of Pissleri advertising blitzkrieg.
The slogan is already floating in your mind - Kyonki Pee ke aage jeet hai.
That night you can’t sleep, petrified what Swami Agnivesh has to say to men who have wet dreams.
A special thanks to the very talented Ravi for the doodle.