Thursday, October 18, 2012

The shameful cheer-haran of Gadhakurry

Courtesy hindujagruti.com
She was resting in her chamber, playing Poker on her iPad. It was that time of the month. She was dressed in a sarong. The same one she and A had bought on their trip to Thighland. The maids were hovering around her anxiously with plates of samosas and jalebis. A hungry memsahib was scarier than a wounded buffalo.

She summoned Sushma, her favourite maid and asked for a rose scented hand wipe. The syrup from the jalebi had made her fingers sticky. Sticky fingers reminded her of 50 shades of Bhima. She didn’t want to risk that, especially when it was “that time of the month”.

She was stretched out on her Lazy Boy when her reverie was broken by a loud commotion outside. Startled she sat up, looking desperately for her clutch to tie up her flowing tresses.

She didn’t have the time. It was Kachrawala. The same Kachrawala who had been acting like an out of control bull and maligning the good character of her kitty circle – Salmon Khushee, Roberto Vonderbra…Accusing them of getting too developed in an underdeveloped land.

Since when did growth become a crime?

Her heart was pounding loudly as she sat up. Damn! Where is that pepper spray I ordered online! She looked like a startled deer, her eyes moving like windshield wipers on a rainy day.

Kachrewala was grinning, his armpits soaked in sweat. Eww! Someone give him an Axe. He was now advancing towards her and in one swift movement grabbed her chubby arm. He was trying to drag her now, all 120 kilos of her. She screamed like a wounded hyena – nahiiiiiin. But Kachrewala was relentless. Today is the day I expose you. The nation wants to see your assets.

In the massive hall, blinded by flashlights of cameras, somebody tried to thrust something in her mouth. It looked like a mike. And then that monster started tugging at her sarong. She screamed, she cussed, she protested, she begged fellow asset holders to intervene - but all she could hear was silence. She spotted Roberta waving a mango at Kachra and Salmon tearing a return ticket into pieces. The rest were clutching on to their vastra, as if their life depended on it.

The sarong was unfolding faster than she could say OMG. Gadhakurry was praying fervently – save me o Lol Krishna. My dignity has always followed you like a lost puppy. Come in your rath and rescue me from ignominy. Lol Krishna gave her a high five and said – do you deeds but don’t expect any fruits. Especially mangoes and bananas.

G had no choice but to divert her pleas to the podium she was standing on. Dear podium, break into pieces and engulf me in your wooden arms.

The podium unable to bear with weight of guilt and Gadha came crashing down. Down fell G and out came her well concealed, lovingly nurtured assets - the deeds for land she had usurped from farmers, the gallons of water that had been diverted from farmlands to sugar and power industries, the cries of hungry children whose fathers had hung themselves from withered trees.

There was a huge crowd surrounding her fallen stature. Everyone was peering hard, a few took pictures with their iPhone, but nobody looked impressed. Their verdict – been there, seen that! We were fantasizing about a sleazier Scamsutra . This looks stale. Just like Poonam Pandey.

All eyes were on Kachrawala now. He looked as if he had just stepped out of a waterfall. Pulling and tugging at a mammoth Gadha is no child’s play. Someone shouted – Hey Kachra, we expect nothing but the stinkiest from you. So, when are you disrobing Profool Patel?





95 comments:

  1. Too good -your writing is getting better & better.The best is still to come !

    How I wish I could write like you !

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And I'm fervently praying that there's a "best" that's still waiting to get aired.

      Thank you so much.

      Delete
  2. Have I ever told you I love it when you are at your sarcy best? Blowing kisses ...........the slurpy ones.......your way :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You love the bitch in me. Admit it!

      Delete
  3. Oh, Lost in Admiration! Wonderful. I want seconds and thirds and fourths. Lagey raho!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Coming from you, it's an honour.

      Delete
  4. good one purba.......but im depressed for my beloved country....


    http://sushmita-smile.blogspot.in

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So are we. Hoping the country will soon get out of this mess.

      Delete
  5. This truly truly truly deserves a standing ovation. Vintage !

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  6. Bravo...fantastic post as always.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wrote it with a lot of trepidation.

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  7. You are my guru from now on. :)
    I was not expecting LOL Krishna to save her. The way Kachrawala is going on, I think we will have loads of Gadhakurries crying to be saved.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kachrawala is the best pest control India has produced.

      Err...Where's my guru dakshina?

      Delete
    2. Isn't that given after the disciple completes his studies?
      Whenever you think my education is complete and I am ready to face the world, I will give you the dakshina.

      Delete
  8. Roberto Vonderbra! Jabesus you are brilliant I say, brilliant!

    ReplyDelete
  9. One of the best of ur works...brilliant satire!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Haha, I guess that was exactly what happened. :D

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  11. Brilliant post. VonderBra ROFL!

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  12. haha :D awesome, as always, Purba!

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  13. Super hilarious! That was a great read on an otherwise browsing free vacation, Purba!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ahaa...no wonder she has been so quiet. Enzoyyyy....

      Delete
  14. You have done all sarcasm to these politicians name, done a real cheer-haran ;) But, I have one issue, please change this G for Gadkari into his new name as it makes me feel like making fun of everyone whose name starts with G. :(

    lol!

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  15. Purba,

    Sarcasm laced with wit at its best in telling sorry state of affairs. Hope you are not coming back in the near future.

    Take care

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahahaa...I want to...This is my country.

      Delete
  16. Kachrewala stands exposed today... with so much exposure, it seems all the powerfool are walking in the buff.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The classic case of Emperor's new clothes!

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  17. You write so well..Love reading each post of yours..but a sad state of affairs..:(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sad state of affairs compounded with a sense of helplessness!

      And thank you so much :-)

      Delete
  18. Thoroughly entertaining, as if the news channels were not enough:) Await more cheer haran from the Kachrawala!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I miss watching Indian news channels

      Delete
  19. Ahh.....what screwed up imagination have you got, Auntius? *speaks like Red Riding Hood*
    But seriously....quite funny. Also, wouldn't Ghadakari scream and squeel like a fattened pig?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am screwed - I thought you knew that already?

      *Now imagining him squealing like a pig*

      Delete
  20. Sacrcasm loaded witty post! Agree with the comments above, one of your best works!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Wonderful paintings! That is the kind of information that should be shared across the net. Disgrace on the seek engines for no longer positioning this publish higher! Come on over and visit my web site . Thanks =)

    ReplyDelete
  22. Hahahaha!!! Can't get over the sarcasm!! Superb !

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  23. Plenty of potential in this approach! There's no lack of stories, and no lack of gadhakurries.

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  24. :) loved it .. and what can i say.. waiting for kachrawala and his game or what his plan is .. what I am more concerned is that all the deeds he is doing is putting other people in trouble .. :)


    Bikram's

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  25. Howlariously Brilliant.. Loved it Purba mam!

    ReplyDelete
  26. I cringed as I read, i wonder how people stand and watch and record :(

    ReplyDelete
  27. Superb post... loved the sarcy wit!! :D
    But so sad that it's all happening in our desh!! :|

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. As long as this shakes "them" out of their complacency.

      Delete
  28. CHEER-HARAN !HAHAHA....Fabulous post!

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  29. What an imagination you have? This was truly truly brilliant!

    Take a bow :)

    ReplyDelete
  30. I am wondering, how many cheer-haran'ed Gadhas will we see till we have had our fill of fat nude bodies? At some point, even the Kachrewala has to get tired with all that sarong-pulling!

    Lovely post :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Looks like there's no dearth of Kachrewalas dying to do the needful.

      If one falls, three more will rise.

      Delete
  31. STRONG N HARDHITTING SATIRE-I WISH IT HITS THOSE IT OUGHT TO .

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And if they read this blog, I'll be chakki peesing and peesing :D

      Delete
  32. can't stop clapping and giving u "awed" looks!! how well ur combine humour into ur posts...just like that subtle hint of nimbu in the chana chor...superb!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This will take a while to digest!

      Thanks :-)

      Delete
  33. Read this in the morning and you made my day. Gadhacurry or Gadhakurry - lets see what curry I am going to get today.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. As long as it's yummy, it's okay.

      Delete
  34. I have always liked your writing. But, what I like specially about this post are the changed names. Hilarious!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahahaa...I had fun writing this.

      Delete
  35. Lovin it' :D And am frankly enjoying Kachrewala's cheer-harans !! May not be good, but its fun to see politicians running around hiding their privates..uh, I mean,finances :D

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  36. A brilliant post. Very amusing and interesting.

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  37. This is the coolest piece ever on the current state of affairs. It took me a few reads to appreciate the many layers, and each time, it was more hilarious. Whether Kachrewala is able to bring about lasting change in Indian politics is a question that only time can answer, but the one thing that he has done is to bring out the incestuous liaison between big business and government into the public eye in a way that people will not be able to shrug away.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What I know is, everyone is sitting up and taking notice of him. Call him publicity hungry, fiercely ambitious but he is making a difference. Whether it will fetch any dividends, only time will tell.

      Delete
  38. I am a great fan of yours, Purba! This is brilliant! What a perspective!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Indian Politics inspires the wicked in me :-)

      Delete
  39. ahahahahha!!! Loved the satire!! But, mangoes and bananas?!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Here's the story behind it..

      http://www.indianexpress.com/news/robert-vadra-mocks--aam-aadmi--on-facebook-then-beats-retreat/1013714

      Delete
  40. Swamy Funnyvesh has predicted kachrawala's future,either he will spend a relaxed retired life on the outskirts of Gurgaanva as a farmer and sarkari beneficiary OR he will have a mazaar somewhere in the interiors of Baramati.

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  41. Hmmm nice satirical post and I applaud your creativity :)

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  42. Hi Purba. This is a really nice blog you have here. I wanted to invite you to an event that my company is organizing .i.e. Delhi's first FOODATHON. To be precise, this is the Philips FOODATHON, as Philips is the prime sponsor and we have others like The [V] Spot Cafe and Dunkin Donuts too.

    FOODATHON is a platform where Delhi's online food influencers (mainly food bloggers) will come together to network, to celebrate their love for food, to hear from food experts and F&B brands.

    Request if you could please share your contact number and email id, so i could share an invite with you. My email id is karan.bhujbal@2020msl.com

    Regards
    Karan

    ReplyDelete
  43. It took me sometime to grasp the whole piece but well worth the time...love your incisive understanding of audience gaze and ideology and how that interprets political dramas in particular ways...sharp satire but even better message at the core of it..

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  44. It took me sometime to grasp the whole piece but well worth the time...love your incisive understanding of audience gaze and ideology and how that interprets political dramas in particular ways...sharp satire but even better message at the core of it..

    ReplyDelete
  45. Haha whenever I feel low, I come here and find something hilarious. You change my outlook! :D

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  46. You are simply brilliant in satire. Superlative.

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  47. GadhaCurry... Priceless !! Too good Purba, I have nothing else to say.

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