Sunday, October 28, 2012

Why do women cry so much?



Image courtesy -
mamakatslosinit.com
We women are a touchy lot. We are sensitive to our feelings, the sun, our butt and most importantly our age. Come to think of it, we were born this way. Not just us but the men as well. Even the khap tau who thinks chowmein causes hormonal imbalances.

I mean, have you seen a baby that came out crying from its Mom’s messy womb with a smile on its face! Giving a high five as the nurse hung it upside down like a bat! No? Neither have I. Babies are born to make us realize that deviousness comes in small packages. Those barbarous little creatures are capable of bringing you down to your knees, gnash your teeth like Rakhi Sawant and drive you up the wall with their unreasonable demands that have lung power and no words.

But sooner than we could say Nirupa Roy, crying became a girlie thing. We the cute in our adorable little pigtails and pink frocks with flowers embroidered on them were suddenly at the mercy of nasty little boys, whose idea of fun was drawing a moustache on our pretty Barbies. We retaliated by wailing so loud that our parents had no choice but to slap those grubby monsters with little hygiene sense.

As we grew older our tear ducts found new avenues. And before we knew it we were shedding tears for a song sung well, a bird so beautiful, love expressed, unexpressed… Crying for our loved ones, with our loved ones and sometimes just for the heck of it. The other day I was sitting and watching Glee and started shedding tears just like that.

People say it’s the hormones. But I think it’s the water we drink. Eight glasses of it, come what may. Come rain, come shine, come earthquakes. Even when we are running down the stairs in panic, we say excuse me…let me drink another glass of water please? If I don’t, it will make me fat.

Now fat is another sore point. Especially that dumb thing, that’s always behind us, follows us like a loyal puppy and keeps getting bigger by the day. Humans call it the bum. We never miss a chance to check ourselves from the most unflattering angles. It always doesn’t have to be a mirror. Any reflecting surface is good enough for us. We most certainly don’t like what stares back at us, try to blame anything that moves for the added inches, publicly proclaim that we have learnt to embrace our curves, privately promise to go on a see-food diet. And then have a red velvet cupcake to soothe our frayed nerves.

Before we know it, we have gained another pound. And then we shed few more copious tears for the jeans, we may never be able to fit in again.

Ask any woman about the milestones in her life and one of them will most certainly be the first time the neighbour’s pimply son called her aunty. I distinctly remember my first time. I cried for years. And blamed my husband for marrying me and putting me in that disgusting category.

It’s imperative for humanity to know we are like Amul Chocolate – too old to play gulli danda but too young to be an Aunty. Especially fellow women.

When we venture into an unknown territory of unfamiliar faces and mysterious age-groups, our sensors start blinking like disco lights. For us it’s very critical to put our about to be friends in older/younger category.

Of course we cannot be blunt and ask directly. And so start the mind games. It starts with subtle interrogation about marital status and kids. We do some complicated addition and multiplication and sigh with relief. Ahh…she has kids in college! She must be a fossil. Then rises the panic attack. How do I tell these old hags that I am not as old as they look!! So we start looking for the first opportunity to announce, how early we got married. Just last week, someone claimed that she got married when she was just 17! I believe you girl.

It gets worse if we are with our husbands. They obviously don’t age well and look much older than they should. And to make it even worse, they usually forget their actual age and happily add a few more years to it. We are distraught, protest loudly and when we finally sit down for dinner, land a firm kick on his shin.

Do you realize that the entire room will go back thinking I am as old as you are!

This is worse than blasphemy.

Me, I’m different. Just like Maggi tomato ketchup. I make sure everyone knows how old I am and then wait to hear – gosh! You don’t look your age. If they don’t, I simply push them off the balcony. Just like that. But this time I don’t cry like Nirupa Roy.

Gold prices don’t make us cry. No, not even the mercurial Sensex. Not even the apathy, the senseless diktats issued for the good of the society. It just fills us with rage.

We cry out of relief, joy, sadness, loneliness, pain and sometimes to beat the stress. But if we cry, we laugh louder. We are women, we do not believe in keeping our emotions in check.


108 comments:

  1. Crying is therapeutic. And if helps in losing flab- even better.There is big hoopla in the media today cause Yuvraj it seems cried in an episode of India's got Talent.I remember Kapil sobbing in front of the cameras in eighties.
    However, during Olympics,among the countries with most gold medals, the Chinese cried the least. It could be mental conditioning.

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    1. Ironically crying is equated with weakness. Which in my opinion is so untrue.

      To be able to cry is a sign of being human.

      Delete
  2. hahhhaha...yeah the hubbys dont age well and then to make things worse they dont mind it....and i have seen called little sister and daughter to the hubbs..he laughs it off...where's the joke i say!!

    http://sushmita-smile.blogspot.com/

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    1. I have had instances when the other guy refused to believe I was his wife!

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  3. i agree that crying is good sometimes, as it relieves your mind and gives you fresh energy to think with clear and unmessed senses....man should also cry once in a while...it makes one stronger...

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    Replies
    1. Yes, you don't become a lesser man if you let a few measly tears flow down your cheeks!

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  4. What an amazing post!!! Someone had to write this post , let it all out in the universe and I am sure no one could have done it better than you!

    Tears are therapy, really. Whatever it is, we cry it all out and feel better about things. :) Age is just a number, but I feel it is better if people think it is a small one. Not every bigger thing is better ;-)


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    1. I grew up seeing my dad sob during the movies while my Ma sat stone-faced.

      Thankfully I take after him.

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  5. You said it all with this wonderful post...very well written!

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  6. I cry with imaginary pain about a situation which may cause it, and which may not happen at all.

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    1. Oh yes, been there done that :-)

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  7. Crying is such a potent weapon that can weaken the knees of the strongest male no matter how much older he looks than his better half, Purba:)

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    Replies
    1. Hahahah...better I have never used crying to gain leverage.

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  8. so true lady. Being a man, I could not relate to all the incidents but a few of them were quite right!

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    Replies
    1. Why not? Your family doesn't have women?

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  9. Yes. If we cry, we laugh louder and easily too.
    How beautifully you take the readers into a humor high tide and do not miss the point even in the laughter induced lightheadedness :-)

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  10. Purba,

    Enjoyable read with so much of wit and digs. Your last line summed it up so well.

    Take care

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  11. In Rajasthan,the practice of 'Rudali' in one of the community is in practice for making a woman cry! Not Nirupa Roy but Lila Chitnis tops in crying, I have never seen her even smiling in any film.

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    Replies
    1. Thankfully we have moved past the era of sobbing mothers, who would lose their kids in the first 15 mins and spend the rest of the movie looking for them

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  12. I cry for many reasons, but mostly it is to get the last piece of chocolate or an extra serving of something unhealthy. By golly, it works most of the time. Blackmail always does

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    Replies
    1. But I thought all one had to do was grab it :P

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  13. Hmmm in my experience I have seen that crying does help, I ma not sure why there is a myth the men dont cry or anything like or why they are not allowed..

    crying does help for sure .. you feel os light once the tears have fallen ..

    Bikram's

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    Replies
    1. I have a feeling you do not hold back tears.

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    2. I have been called a cry baby on many occasions .

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  14. I hardly ever cry. Damn, the hubby must give me bonuses for that. And, it freaks me out if someone cries for trivial stuff. About age, it is always good to hear that you don't look like a mom of two ;-). Is that the reason why you put up that pic today ;-p?

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    1. But crying is healing and definitely a sign of being normal. I can't figure out for the life of me why men are told to bottle up things inside of them.

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    2. A man can never be enough of a man - that's his tragedy.

      Some us cry and some of us don't, that's how God intended us to be.

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  15. Purba, I dont cry a lot, family, relationships, kids, and a fulltime job probably never gave me enough time to evaluate my mundane life. But I do remember crying in my early twenties, or maybe late teens... Heartbreaks, a crazy dad- who wouldnt talk to me for a month if I ever had a drink. lol , I remember those days. Fat, what fat? Those are my husbands helpers- so that he can hold me with ease! Great post like always, I like the subtle humor!

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    Replies
    1. Oh dear, we must whisk you away to the mountains, pamper you silly and make you cry buckets!

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  16. Now this was just a brilliant post! I totally wish I could control that salt water from pouring out when I get hassled, but its hard or near impossible. All said and done, it always feels good after shedding that tear and letting it out instead of letting volcanoes erupt in your heart!

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    Replies
    1. Absolutely, that's why I cry whenever I feel like. Why hold back when you can open the floodgates.

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  17. Hilarious as usual. Particularly liked that 'see-food diet' :)

    Btw, ever stopped to think that the 'Boys don't cry' injunction as children also has a lot to do with the drying of men's tear ducts? :)

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    Replies
    1. But now that we are grown up we can do things differently. Like telling our boys that crying is certainly not a girlie thing to do.

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    2. Quite true, Purba! And exactly what I want happening in the world. Will leave it to you guys since I am free of the onus of raising children - being a bachelor! :)

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  18. I don't remember the number of times Geet have cried on a sad ending movie. Nowadays, before I suggest a movie, I have to be absolutely sure that it ends with a 'happily ever after'. What is it with girls and sad endings?
    I mean, I too have a lump in my throat but bawling?
    BTW, boys cry too. I cry everytime I watch the last sequence of Sophie's choice when the writer recites the poem - Ample make this bed.

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    1. When I was young I had to put up with my Dad sobbing during the movies and now that I'm older I am too busy consoling my daughter!

      So, I make sure I cry before and after the movies.

      Delete
  19. crying is good; crying makes us humane and crying just for the heck of it- i do that quite often ! sniff sniff ! nicely written purba

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    Replies
    1. It's time we had crying clubs.

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  20. It is seen that tears heal us physiologically, psychologically, and spiritually. So, guess, it is good to cry!!
    Nice post! :)

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    Replies
    1. That's a sobering thought! And yes I have burst into tears after a Reiki healing session.

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  21. Hilarious post :D had me in tears... of laughter!!!!!!!!

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  22. Men don't cry? Says who? Men are even weaker to accept that they cry.. but they all do.. in closed rooms, in parking lots, in baths, even while having a stroll on the beach.. they do cry..
    Why make fuss about it? They do are humans (with same need of 8 glasses of water)!!
    But Why am I saying THEY? WE men do cry! and it doesn't make any less HUMAN!! Does it??

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    Replies
    1. Arre! I grew up in company of men who would start crying the moment they saw me :D

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  23. Cried right about now.... also had to rush to pee. Too much laughing does that to me.
    "something humans call bum" ... epic!!! Loved it, Purba!

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  24. Neighbourhood children are an ignorant and petty lot. Needless to say, the transition from "Bhaiya" to "Uncle" was not received well by me at all.
    But I am totally confused as to why you have written this post now. Don't you have to be at least 25 to jot something like this? Don't overreach like this.

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    Replies
    1. Oh, the Aunty post was one of my earliest posts :-)

      And escoooz me, I am as old as I feel!

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  25. HAHAHAHA. A post about crying that made me laugh!

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    1. And you summed it up beautifully.

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  26. I used to hold back my tears because I hated others to see me cry. But today I don't care and the waterworks begin at every aww moment.

    And oh, you hardly look like the mother of a college girl :P

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    Replies
    1. I never understood the logic behind holding back!

      And trust you to say the nicest things :-)

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  27. Purvaaaa I am sending this article to all the men in my life :P :P

    Loved it !

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Would love to know what their reaction was!

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  28. "But if we cry, we laugh louder."

    Well said, sister.

    Kiran

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  29. I wished many times I could hold back my tears, for I cry very easily. These days, whenever something sensitive happens, immediately my sons looks into my face and starts, amma are you crying? I don't know what pleasure he gets when he asks me that question. It irritates me as if I am the cry baby of the house..but your post made me LOL heartfully. Thank you for that Purba. btw, I don't cry when people ask my age. Because I look younger for my age (at least that's what I think) :P

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    1. It's how SHE intended you to be. To feel more than others. Let the tears flow :-)

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  30. No holding tears back. Ever. I pity men who are denied the release-- I have had a friend lose his 2-yr old daughter and keep a tight lip, despite being unable to eat or sleep for months due to grief. His wife cried her heart out, and coped with the devastating situation much better.

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    Replies
    1. I feel crying is therapeutic and helps you heal faster.
      I hope your friend is doing okay now?

      Delete
  31. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  32. Nicely written. You are as young or old as you want to be. It is all in ou mind. :)

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    1. Of course, as long as you don't mind what others are thinking about you :-)

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  33. Interesting how you linked up a range of topics. I was reminded with my grandmother's obsession not to age beyond 40. But unfortunately my mother was more forthright in these matters. After my grandma had convinced the censor guy she was 40, my mom revealed she was 32, leaving the censor guy wondering how old my grand mom must have been when she had my mom

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    Replies
    1. She sounds like my MIL. I keep warning my husband that one day his Mom will become younger than him :D

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  34. Tears don't come out naturally for me.. but you had me in tears (laughing off course) with this post.

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  35. Mmmm...now I know why streams of tears run down my eyes so easily. I realize, I'm not a sentimental fool...
    Yay...

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  36. there're creams and lotions for everything.. wondering why not for crying..

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    Replies
    1. It's not a condition that needs treatment!

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  37. I don't have an opinion on this but I just love reading your work

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for bearing with me.

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  38. Wow !!! Very well conveyed ! Loved it completely ! and sure was useful information for me :)

    Keep Blogging!

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  39. hahha!! Wonderful analysis...very scientific too!! :P

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Hi! I liked your post so much, I promoted it: http://momofbigalittlea.blogspot.com/2012/11/what-ive-been-reading-this-week-15.html

      Delete
  40. Correct! Each and every word of it. I loved the 'see'-food part :D lol. I cried during Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, DDLJ, and was mourning for one week after Kal Ho na Ho. In fact after KHNH it was so bad, that I got a headache and red eyes.. When I was pregnant the hormones were playing havoc and I cried at the AXE commercial. However I do not consider holding back tears as a sign of being strong in any way. The calm and peace that comes after a session of crying and nagging is priceless!

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    Replies
    1. Those who hold back tears do not know the joy of crying.

      Delete
  41. hi! very interesting blog!
    i'd love you to visit mine ;)
    kisses from Spain,
    s

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  42. A great man once said
    "Crying is the spontaneous overflow of emotions, it takes its thoughts from emotions collected in chaos"

    Interesting and witty take on crying.

    *Wordsworth must be rising from his grave to kill me now*

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  43. I cry when a downtrodden contestant in a reality show does really well, I cry when I see someone winning something and emotionally thank their parents, neighbors & dogs and I even cry at some of the cheesiest scenes in grey's anatomy. But frankly I don't care what anyone thinks. Crying is definitely not a sign of weakness and if I ever have a baby boy I am going to tell him it is okay to cry. (errr not all the time though!)AND you definitely don't look an Aunty (Pimply boy was nuts):)

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    1. That Aunty stage was very interesting. I was barely 23, looked younger. And a salesman at my door refused to talk to me, insisting I call my Mum. And then comes this incident. Can you imagine my shock?

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    2. I can imagine! But some actual aunties get a kick out of getting their kids call young married girls as AUNTY. Makes them feel good I guess. :)So it could have been the pimply boy's momma's guidance. ;)

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  44. Nyc post.. Ur write tears in joyfull manner.. Grt combo.. Nd hav ea nyc blog keep writing

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  45. Loved it Purba. Reminds me of my childhood times when I used to be a real cry-baby. There was this one boy who lived across our house, he was in my class too at school and I remember running to my father, crying, bawling actually at how the boy made me cry. My father exasperated, once called him and asked him why he did that. To which the boy responded saying: Kya karein Uncle, yeh to chidane se hi roti hain, to hum aise hi chidate hain. Hmm, now who can argue with that logic! :) Thank the Lord, I got a whole bucketload of tolerance now :) I still do cry sometimes when I am really really emotional or too much in joy, but those occasions are by far, few and rare. Don't let myself get pulled into heavy stuff :)

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    1. Translated to English: What to do Uncle, she cries as soon as we tease her, so we tease her just for the heck of it!

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    2. It's because crying is equated with weakness! And most of us end up believing it.

      And hey! I grew up in Delhi. My Hindi is pretty decent :-)

      Delete
  46. loved it! I am sharing this post:-) and so true about your take on hormones

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  47. Superb, loved the wit! I am one of those who can cry on demand too. Now I care a damn what anyone thinks, so long as I can luxuriate in the process and aftermath of reaching an emotional equilibrium by shedding some tears. I do cry at the prices of gold too:)

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    Replies
    1. LOL! it's time to switch to Platinum. Damn!..now I'm sounding like Marie Antoinette

      Delete
  48. ha ha :D humor well loaded. First time here and enjoyed it thoroughly.

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  49. Oh,God, I am real tragedy queen. I have cried for my first crush, then second crush, then cried because I could not make my MIL love me like a real mom, cry, cry and kept crying for all althu phathu things, and then came to the point, when I realized, all these tears, which i wasted, has led me to dry eye syndrome.
    Irony: now tears automatically flow from my eyes, and these tears are not good tears, they the tears, that causes lot of discomfort,and lead to more dry eye problem. There is no cure , except to to control it by using Artificial tears.
    I don't even have any real tears to shed for my age which is bent on catching up with me.
    Well, that is life, and we are like that only.
    Blog hopping landed me here.

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
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