Tuesday, November 20, 2012

The Gift of Gifting



Courtesy - cartoonstock.com
Whoever said “love don’t cost a thing” was clearly bullshitting and challenged in the grammar department. Whoever tried to console us with “it’s the gesture that counts and not the credit card bill” was in reality trying to console his surly lover, who refused to talk to him after he gifted her a plain gold ring.

If you love someone, be ready to spend. It’s even better if you go bankrupt while trying to win her over.

Girls are simple creatures. Look into her eyes, call them limpid pools, tell her that her beauty makes you asthmatic, her thoughts give you insomnia…Make sure you look intense, sigh deeply and tell her how hopeless you are without her. Love is about surrender. Convince her that you are ready to follow her like an obedient puppy and rest assured she’ll be whimpering – what have I done to deserve you. See! How simple it is?
 
To seal the deal, ply her with gifts. Start with cute knick-knacks, move on the mined metals and settle for polished carbon. There are a 1001 ways you can make a girl happy.

Depending on how much, how little, how long, how short you intend to love her, you can adjust your budget accordingly. If you are surviving on Bank of Mummy and Daddy, you head straight for Archies and buy cute lil mugs, teddies or baubles for her. Chocolates make her happy, a pretty clutch will make her happier and if you are really desperate to impress, gift a bottle of perfume. Stoles, scarves, hair accessories, tops, kurtas, tees, make-up, flowers, watch, gadgets, fancy jewellery…phew! You don’t even have to think for five minutes before you head off for the store, to pick-up something special for her. All you need is a big heart and a bigger bank balance.

Plus you are never short of occasions to make her happy. The first anniversary of jab we met. I just got my promotion, she just got hers, her birthday, her cat’s birthday, the-weather-is-so-divine day, Valentines’ Day and if you are married – every week is an occasion to celebrate! And the icing on the cake is the mind-boggling variety of presents you can buy for her.

And if you want to piss her off really badly, buy her kitchen appliances. See! How simple it is to annoy her?
 
Now let’s do a role-reversal. What do you buy for your man to make him happy? Let’s consider our options. Shirts in checks, stripes or plain, tees in navy, green, white, black or grey, perfumes/after shaves, wallets, belts and THAT’S IT! He doesn’t wear make-up, can’t buy cute hair-accessories for him, he hates pink, jewellery makes him feel like a sissy, the watch he prefers is too damn expensive, he’d rather buy his gadgets himself, he doesn’t read books but journals and the last time he wrote with a pen was in college! So, by the time you’ve been together for a year, you have exhausted every single option.

So, what do we do? We go the extra mile to make him feel special. We fast for his long life, cook for him and his friends, dress up and slip into painful stilettoes for his sake, cry and sometimes even laugh for him. The laughing at him stage starts once you’ve been together for decades. While all he needs to do is go to the Coach store and pick up that pretty clutch in jade!

Now do you agree how simple it is to make women happy and how tough it is to make him squeal in delight when he unwarps his present? Now do you realize why women complain of a headache?

And despite all this, they have the temerity to complain that it’s so difficult to make a woman happy?

Damn it, just buy her a nice, thoughtful gift that she can show-off to her friends!



101 comments:

  1. This is like you just read my mind. :) I've spent half my life grumbling about the same things. Men are so boring, there's nothing that you can buy a man. It's so so easy to shop for a woman.
    For a man, a shirt is just one of some in his closet, a man might actually forget that he owns a shirt. Whereas a woman, every shirt, every bag is precious be it from the roadside or from the most sophisticated brand. Men just don't care!
    It's so much fun to be a woman.Cheers to all of us women!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is, isn't it? So many things make us happy and we care for every damn thing. We even manage to get emotionally attached to inanimate things!

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  2. Yes yes yes.. all true and the one abt kitchen appliances takes the cake!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Gift ideas for men are very minimal..and I exhausted most of them in the past 4 years...so this time I bought him a beer mug of hand cut crystal (British Scot). It was appreciated by him and his friends alike :D Now I have to think of something for wedding anniversary!

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    2. Well, I kinda disagree with the kitchen appliance thing.Gift me a toaster or an oven or something in non stick,I would be delighted ! he he..And even for the ring part...I forced my hubby to buy me a plain gold ring so that we have matching rings :\ Is something horribly wrong with me? :O

      Delete
  3. It is very easy to shop for a guy. We are not that complicated. :P
    Girls have a thousand things going in their minds. It drives me insane at times but now I am getting a hang of it. There is always a pattern. And sometimes, I love saying - In your dreams honey! - when Geet shows me a glittering necklace in an advert.
    p.s. In the list of things you can buy for men, you can add 'Books' too. That is the perfect gift for me. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha! and I thought the only thing men loved reading was the Sensex!

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  4. Hobbs not only buys his own gadgets,he has of late started buying a whole lot of them as gifts for me .Modus operandi adopted to ensure least resistance from me during the buy .

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And it's a smart move! Buying his peace of mind with the gadgets he buys for you as well.

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  5. Hmm nyc 1 agree with ur point and views. ..!!! Its truth of atleasr in present era. Keep writing

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  6. Wow..wow..I wish every man on earth read this...esp my hubsss..hehe :P And men, oh!!! you are absolutely right..at the max two years and you are out of ideas already..
    Btw, did you get the links of the videos? I emailed them to you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oops! you are Latha? I did get your mails and was sure it was someone trying to spam me. Sorry!

      Just retrieved them from the mailbox. Thank a ton :-)

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    2. I thought so...:) I thought I send an email to you saying it's me...so sorry..hope u will enjoy the movie...ignore the first video..it's a local video.

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  7. Someone gifted my grand dad a steam iron on his 90th birthday. Someone else gifted him a ladies' silk stole. Talk about irrelevant. Heh heh. I guess they were just passing on gifts they'd received from someone else (without even opening to check what's inside!)

    Oh well, its the thought that counts... or is it? :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It makes you mad, doesn't it? It's as if you don't care for the person and his sentiments!

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  8. Yep, buying a gift for a man is tough.....and there is only one way when we can make them squeal...;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am dying to know what your squeal strategy is :P

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  9. Purba..I bet 90% of guys will be happy with a bottle of scotch :)...probably the easiest way to please...atleast easier than pleasing a girl :)

    Well written.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Or a football game with endless beer and chips :D

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  10. OMG! you have put the most complex topic in the world in the simplest humorous words...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Complexity is a state of mind. If you don't care, it doesn't exist.

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  11. Couldn't disagree with you more. I have consistently bought kitchen appliances (knives for Valentines, gas stoves for Diwali, hand blenders for birthdays) and they are very pleased that I did not buy clothes or jewelry, since they are convinced that I would've got something they'd have hated.

    One can never guess what is going on in a woman's mind when she is gushing over that perfect gift you get her, after reading this post, for example. One fine day, perhaps five years later, it will reveal itself. I am half expecting to hear how thoughtless my gifts have been all these years once this comment goes through.

    I am often used as a sounding board for purchases by the women in my life. They show you three or four items and ask you to choose for them. And then they go on to buy the one that you disliked the most. Consistently. My taste is used as a benchmark for what they should not buy!

    All a woman needs to do to keep a man happy is to leave him alone to do as he pleases. Other than the food and sex, that is.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If men are meant to be left alone to do their own things, why marry them?

      Isn't marriage all about cribbing about the same things and using each other as our sounding boards!

      A man's gift to his woman reflects how he perceives her! Kitchen knives....gas stove...and she knows you see her as a domestic goddess.

      Delete
    2. haha Very telling comment, Subho :). My hubby would raise both hands for your last comment :). Purba, the moment I say let's talk; I know he has already gone to some far off planet. He just nods his head but doesn't hear a thing :). Like you pointed out, when you've been together for many years, you can both laugh at each other. We become so predictable.

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  12. yeah, just gift us something and we will be happy, thanks god my hubbs got it pretty right soon!!

    i read an interesting article on reader's digest (written by a man) how women never like useful gifts!!....he gave an example of how gifting his wife (who was a baker) a kitchen blow torch made her sulk...and he wondered if he had given her scented candles, which she would rarely light up would have helped her baking at all..but there it was...he gifted her that next time and she was happy....that out a lot of perspective on gifting for me!! (btw i read that article when in college)...

    http://sushmita-smile.blogspot.in/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Absolutely! Useful things are so routine and miles away from romantic.

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  13. And U have done it again!
    Seriously, how simple it is to please us. We are such delightful creatures.
    I would love a 40lt Morphy Richards OTG, which the hubby is gonna buy me soon. :-) I like kitchen appliances. A red Kitchen Aid is on the list.
    I hit the decade mark on the relationship this year, oh! how I ROFL.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cooking for you is a passion. And you should invest in a big oven for your sumptuous bakes :-)

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  14. Ahem! I would anyday have my silicon spatula than the candypink, yuck looking archies teddy bear. Speak for some women :) Not all get pissed off at the kitchen.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Unfortunately for me, I socialize with the wrong women. Most of my friends hate routine cooking :-)

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    2. Or may be I embrace my inner home maker too much. Who ever said it is wrong to hate routine cooking? :)

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  15. That was a bundle of nice tips and learning is never ending when it comes to gifting ideas!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Hehe. Seriously, its very easy to please girls.. *wink wink*

    ReplyDelete
  17. Hahaha...It's so true!!!This post is a valuable source of information for those men who wonder,"What women really want!"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yea! men expect everything to come with an instruction manual. No wonder they crib about how tough it is to figure out women.

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  18. "Move on the mined metals and settle for polished carbon" :D

    Well, someone just chucked Jennifer Lopez to the bin :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You mean Ms Lopez can be given away as a gift?

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    2. Nay. But Ms Lopez was responsible for the 'My Love Don't Cost A Thing' number :)

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  19. You have put it so nicely - incomparable !

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  20. heheheh kya dil ki baat boli hai :D :D... two years into marriage and now I am short of stuff to buy for The Bhartav :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nowadays I just give him a list of options and ask him to select.

      Delete
  21. Purba,

    How I wish there was someone to give such valuable advice in my younger days! I would not have been broke now.

    Take care

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Time to put you in the time machine :-)

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  22. Nice one...hubby always complains that we don't buy anything for him...and he does not like anything we buy him :(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Eh! we have devoted our entire life to him.

      Delete
  23. My man has bought me gifts five times in the ten years that we have been together. So, I have extremely low expectations. The last two years, I have just given him a list of things from which he can choose one. One of those times I didn't get anything. For me the simplest way to be happy would be to just go and buy myself the gift. :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Why wait for others to make you happy when you can do it yourself?

      Delete
  24. This is so typical Purba cheeky humor :) Loved the post! So true! The list of options to buy for men exhausts so so so quickly!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sigh...I wish I knew Deepa, what is typical Purba :/

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  25. haha. let me tell you how I manage->
    I bought bose headseats for the valentine's day in 2010 for him and then I was good for 2 years. Then I bought the samsung s2 phone in jan this year and now I am again good for 2 years :-P
    Sure there would something new again in 2014 but I wish I could say the same for him!!!
    The profile pic is pretty cool!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love your two year plan. Buy him a bleddy expensive gift and you can rest easy for 24 months :D

      And thanks :-)

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  26. You got the nerve right Purba :) One year and you are so short of ideas that you just don't know what to do... It is so so easy fro men.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, never short of ideas to make a woman happy.

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  27. Men are always satisfied with the things they have with, so there is no list.
    but women has endless list from pin-to-plane, even god himself would not be able to meet that list...

    -MD

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If men are so happy, why can't they stop complaining?

      Delete
  28. The Brooke Shields' "Whoever said money cannot buy happiness just did not know where to shop" sort of humor :) Now, me, I hate shopping - so will shopping vouchers do for a gift?? :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah! Brooke Shields actually said something sane?

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  29. 100's of ways I know but they all cost money.. and moreover why cant it be the other way round.. why do men not get 100's of those gifts :)

    I beleive that the best gift is , Go up to the one you love , give them a BIG punjabi JAFFI and HOLD ..

    there you go now tell me what gift can beat that :)


    Bikram's

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Point Noted! There are certain things even a MasterCard can't buy!

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    2. :) gooood.. it is a wonderful feeling .. and yeah for everything else there is mastercard :)

      Delete
  30. Speaking on behalf of men, I wish I could refute your arguments but no, they are absolutely true. I have gone through the same thing with my girlfriends and I admit it is damn hard to buy a good gift for a guy like me without spending thousands of pounds.

    Having said that, a smart guy knows that it's the thought that counts and even though the sweater she bought for him scratches his skin, she did spend a lot of time to find him just the right gift. I have always cherished all the gifts I have ever gotten, be they expensive or economical, useful or decorational...even when I didn't like the colour I still cherished it as a thoughtful token of their love that it was meant to be.

    Btw, you won my heart with "he'd rather by his gadgets himself", you are a smart girl to have realized it so young.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thousands of pounds sounds like a King's ransom. Agree, it's the thought that counts, so what gives you a red, itchy neck!

      And thank you for calling me a "young girl"!

      Delete
  31. And with all the online shopping available, shopping for her is just a click away! And still, i am not getting any :(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aw.....just buy it yourself and bill it to him!

      Delete
  32. You're so right. It's easy to pick up gifts for women.
    What a timely post. This will be useful to the men this holiday season (to begin with:)).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Since when did we start waiting for festivals to get gifts?

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  33. Haha... Hey but men are not so difficult to cope up or to be made happy I guess! Just a few sweet words and they will be flattered! They don't even need a gift.... I don't have any experience and I just said seeing others experiences....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You need to give us the phone numbers of men who need just a few words to feel happy!

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    2. You cornered me :D But I am sure there are people indeed like that who don't expect gifts except for real affection like me :D

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  34. WOW WOW WOW! I am so glad to read this. All men should better read this and make sense of it.

    Love the post.

    love
    http://www.meghasarin.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He he...kind of an instruction manual for them.

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  35. Buying gifts for the L&M is easy. Shirts! White ones are the best. It has not changed in all these decades. How much easier can it get, eh? As for fasting, laughing and crying, perish the thought! Of course, it is easier for him to buy gifts for me. He buys nothing :)

    Just this morning I got a forward listing the things that make a woman happy with various occasions given in great detail and just one line to make a guy happy -- Leave him alone. Shubo has only reiterated it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I distinctly remember the post you wrote on L&M's sartorial choices - black and white. It's one of my favourites :-)

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  36. Buying gifts for a man is challenging. I have done everything, and now I am seriously short on ideas. Hell, it's even tough to buy something for your kids these days. I think gifting has become a huge drain :). Senti me I still preserve the love letters and greeting cards and pics with little hand notes. I am a low-maintenance woman :). I need to hammer it more often into hubby ;-).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think we should pool in our ideas and make a comprehensive list of gifts that can be given to men who have it all.

      Delete
  37. haha..Wonderful and relevant Purba Di.. I have progressed in this department from being a loony who thought it was just a matter of showing your love on the concerned day to a Master Strategist who masterminds stuff which sweeps her off her feet every single time..:)
    Experience Counts..
    This time I made a vdo collection of some 24 of our best friends wishing her on her bday and jinxed it up with a moviemaker and sent her.. She had little tears of joy and I was treated like SRK for a month afterwards.. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. OMG!!!! We have genius here! Harisankar... wow!

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    2. Awww...Thanku ..Thankuu... Well I have known it all along..:)

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    3. Harisankar, is it possible that you have a clone? We'd like to cohabit with one :D

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    4. Hahhaa.. I am honoured Di..Nirvana you rock!..We are twins already, remember!

      Delete
  38. Nail on the head, Purba!! Been married for 12 years, and every gift-worthy day is an episode in itslef. Have no clue what to gift him now.... and not fair that he has so many options :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What do we gift men who have it all! Time we accepted that we are the best gift they could have wished for :p

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  39. Me and my wife are in the 'laughing at eachother' stage, but we are married only for 5 years, pre-mature maturity I guess!! Sometimes small gifts delight my wife. I do think making a woman happy is not a difficult thing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Like I said, it's not difficult to please a woman. Write mush for her and it will be tough to wipe that silly grin off her face!

      Delete
  40. At the cost of sounding greedy, I have to agree to this. But flowers do not cost much and always brings a smile :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Flowers and a few mushy lines, work for me all the time.

      Delete
  41. Poor men! Even when they have a good deal of choices to gift their beloved, it just comes down to the fact that they HAVE to be rich.

    An expensive and lovely gift would be a great surprise but it would be a total turn-on to get something beautiful, even when it didn't cost a dime.(With ref to your above comment... THAT would work for me, too.) :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is the thought that counts. That he went the extra mile to make it special for you.

      Delete
  42. I'm never sure about what to gift a guy. I've had really bad experiences in the past, where I bought something that made me fall flat on my face. (it was a miniature telescope, talk about useless gifts). Anyway, I've learnt since. You need to understand the type of person they are. Sports Fans? Favorite Football club? Books? :) Music?

    That should be simple right?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think the best deal is when you buy your own gifts and charge it to her/him.

      Delete
  43. Amazing post. I was smiling at the end.
    But you see, Purba, we men never complain. A small change in the stripes pattern do for us. We don't shout over it.

    With you girls, if that clutch is not exactly the desired shade of pink or red, we pay for it with more clutches (add to it, some treats and dinners).

    Grass always is greener on the other side.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's the trouble with women - we know exactly what we want :/

      Delete

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