Tuesday, May 7, 2013

High Heels Confidential



 
courtesy - Google images

Think sexy and you think heels. The little black dress, gown that sweeps the red-carpet, sari that shimmers under the arc-lights looks incomplete without a killer pair of high heels. Like Sunny Deol without his dhai kilo ka haath, Baba Ramdev without his beard, Poonam Pandey with clothes, Rahul Gandhi without his dimples….Get the picture?

According to gurus of high fashion, you’re not a high till it’s longer than 4 inches and they are not a killer if they don’t make you wobble on tapered, blade or wedges. Platforms are deemed too comfy to gain admittance in the high heeled hall of fame and it’s a stiletto that’s every woman’s preferred weapon of mass distraction.

Stilettoes are not meant for the faint-hearted. They feel like walking on a seesaw, your toes digging into hell and your heels pointing towards the heavens, begging for deliverance. It gets even better if they are six-inchers. You are constantly oscillating between agony and ecstasy. The feeling that you’re looking like a diva, as you balance your entire body weight on that delicate strappy thing, is even better than chocolate melting in your mouth. But the painful bunions on your feet, the raw cut on your ankle have a different story to tell.

Yet, scores of us are happy to haul ourselves atop needle shaped heels, for the sake of a killer statement.

Slide into a high heeled fantasy and you’ll know why. Your legs transform into poles and your entire anatomy gets a sensuous makeover. Your otherwise hurried steps turn into a lazy trot, your curves acquire a rhythm of their own and you are no longer the harried, multitasking woman on wheels but a Goddess meant to be worshipped. Stilettoes don’t discriminate. For them, it doesn’t matter that you are squat, fat or look like a matchstick; they will still lavish you with love and make you feel like the Diva you are. Hot, smouldering, standing head and shoulders above most, we look confident, feel confident and turn a blind eye to the foolish ones who totter on heels like drunken giraffes.


One of our pet nightmares is toppling on our stilted pumps and falling flat on our face. You swish into a party, looking like a million bucks, the tip of your heel gets stuck in the carpet and as you take the mighty fall, you imagine your terrified mug shot splashed on the front page of your favourite tabloid, the headline screaming – Woman killed by high heels!

Julia Gillard did it, on her visit to India. Lady Gaga did it even better and they both survived to read the morning headlines about their pointless misadventures! Aussie PM’s hilarious face-first tumble as her high heel gets stuck in the grass. Lady GaGa Falls Flat on Her Face, Thanks to Massive Platform Heels. Someone will even manage to shoot your Humpty Dumpty moment and upload it on YouTube. 
 Image courtesy www.thesun.co.uk

Does that mean women who love strutting their stuff on high heels are masochists or even worse; scatterbrains, simply pandering to a male fantasy of a femme fatale? Why would anyone put one self through so much discomfort for the sake of feeling good about looking good!

I think it’s more about the feeling of power it gives you. For us, high heels, a dress that hugs our curves are a symbol of liberation. If I am baring my cleavage, it’s because I get a kick out of flaunting my femininity and not because I’m hungry for attention. And isn’t liberation all about not letting others dictate your choices – be it a choice of career, soulmate or solemates?

Freud even articulated a theory likening the shoe to the vagina. By that logic, the heeled shoe becomes a vagina with penis - a chick with a dick who’s comfortable being a male fantasy and is not afraid to chase men and her ambitions with equal gusto.

Then why judge people on basis of how they look and their choice of attire and footwear. Why expect women who want to be taken seriously, to be grounded in matronly pumps and dress in pillowcases to desex themselves?

Isn’t that falling prey to yet another stereotype? Dressing down to earn the label of a nun and dressing up to be dismissed as a slut! Why should we let our looks get into the way of what we feel about ourselves and how we make others feel?

If Mamata Di decides to forgo her rubber chappals in favour of bright pink wedges and continues to blame everyone but herself for West Bengal’s problems; people will still make fun of her. Or for that matter Arundhati Roy shedding tears for her Maoist brothers in a pair of high heeled boots, will have as much impact.

For me, a woman who makes the pavement a runaway, is not afraid to unleash her oomph in the boardroom, is the ultimate alpha female. She doesn’t mind the gaze that lingers a tad longer on her legs as long as she’s in control of things.

And if things do go out of control, she can simply turn her weapon of distraction to destruction and bring the amorous man to heel!

Ironically, I am out of control in heels. Every time I aspire for a high-heeled existence, I teeter and falter and end up wincing in pain. When I do venture out in dangerously high heels, I hold on to the husband for dear life. And if I am on my own, I make sure there’s a good looking, almost chivalrous man in the vicinity before I fall from grace.


75 comments:

  1. Ah! I suffer from Plantar Fascitis and even the thought of someone on stilletos gives me a sharp pain in the heel :) Comfort for me, any given day, over looks :) (Why am I talking of wearing stiletto heels? What's with all this gender stereotyping anyway, why can't I? :) )

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    1. Suresh! now is the time to shake the foundation in your high-heels.

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  2. Story of my life, Madame. Story. Of. My. Life.

    And I like the part about the alpha female. Women should embrace their femininity instead of trying to cover it all up (figuratively speaking) like we are taught to. Atleast in India. While it might not solve a lot of problems, it might just help us feel better about who we are.

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    1. In India, we are made to feel ashamed of our bodies. It incites lust, so cover up, lady!

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  3. I have zero balancing skills - I cant even manage 1 inch heels. If God wanted us strut around in heels, he would have given us a pair, along with the breasts!

    That having been said, I envy women who can carry themselves in heels, seems like all the gorgeous footwear in stores are made for them. Us flatties have such a dull and well, flat choice!

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    Replies
    1. Too much oomph for those tiny things to balance, eh?

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  4. Thank heavens, chappals are in vogue. I have trilled and twirled in heels but that was a decade ago. These days I opt for wedges.

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    1. I wear slip-on moccasins. I have to walk a lot, can't afford to strut in heels :/

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  6. Purba you managed to create a scene from FTV fashion show of beauties flaunting the stilletos n rest in almost graphic details with a number of 'These Boots are made for walking' by Nancy Sinatra of yesteryears in backdrop(do play this on You tube , if you have missed)!! Interesting indeed:)

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    Replies
    1. I suggest you watch Jessica Simpson's version of "These Boots Are Made for Walking".

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    2. Ha Ha... nice one , the new avtaar!! Bootylicious:)

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  7. The stereotyping is not so much in London. The women in office wore heels every single day to the office and were executive directors and were taken very seriously.

    Sometimes it would be nice to see our politicians and activists dress for themselves.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nope! On foreign shores, they respect you and your choice of attire. Won't catch anyone smirking at your cleavage.

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  8. Thanks to the natural height I have, and also my lack of balance in one, I cannot survive more than 5 minutes in high heels :P
    But they are so tempting, I have a couple of them in my wardrobe, all bought in the hope that one day I will wake up in the morning and will be able to balance myself in them :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep! I have those beauties in my wardrobe waiting to see the light of the day.

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  9. Correct me if I'm wrong - but there's a history that men used to wear heels first, women started wearing heels after that and never looked back. (Maybe) it was a masochist feeling since the beginning?

    On a more serious note, thanks for being politically correct on everything about "dressing up". There are way too many stereotypes floating around these days, almost begging to find a victim!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perhaps our forefathers were testing the waters while the women were busy squeezing themselves in their corsets?

      The history of heels is rather hazy - too many versions floating around.

      P.S Is talking about stereotypes also a stereotype?

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    2. It's not a stereotype until you create one :D

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  10. We sure have a fetish to look good and feel good but that should not get us down on our knees (figuratively). Its a great post :)

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    1. I literally laboured over this post!

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  11. I have no balance and I am very accident prone, I would twist my ankle by just not watching the road I am walking on. I have ankle sprains so many times, without wearing heels. I do like to wear block heels just about 1 and half inch or so, that way my saree/ dress is not sweeping the road. I was never interested in high heels and never in stilettos. I still remember the serial Remington Steel, in which the lead lady character runs wearing stilettos.

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    1. I envy women who balance themselves effortlessly on stilettoes. You will often find me gaping at them with admiration :p

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  12. I would like to prostrate before you in respect for your excellent writing skills :-) wow! (somewhere in my mind, I am jealous of your writing skills! :-/ can't have everything, can I?)

    Well, I completely agree with you that people should dress to make them feel better rather than to show off to others.
    But whenever my 'show off' colleages send tremors across the building in whihc we are working with their high heels, I cannot help but loathe at them. Silly women really, trying to give headaches to hard working colleages like me :-) and most importantly making all men to look at them only :-p.
    I too wear heels, but just 1 inch heels (can that be called as heels?), if not I will have terrible pains due to my overweight problems. When going for shopping I wear flat shoes and thats about it. :-)

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I switch between comfort and pain. There are days, when you are dressed to kill and don't mind tottering on heels for that killer statement :p

      P.S Thank you so much :-)

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  13. LOL...Thank goodness!! I am a no heel person. All my tall friends claim how lucky I am, that I can wear all those high heels. Ironically, I abhor heels...I am high on comfort..my sis laughs at me, scolds me, tries to woo me how good people look. But the max I could go is an inch and a half..for me, my shoes should be like my bed.. :P

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    1. I am in the eternal quest for a pair that looks good and feels good. And I do have a few pairs of high heels that almost feel like bed :-)

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    2. Are you kidding? Do heels feel like bed too? :-P ...most of the times, the shoe that feels good doesn't look good..

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  14. My recent post is a stark contrast to yours in some ways but when it comes to high heels, well they definitely are irresistible on many occasions! They give you a sense of pride if only you can pose and poise;)

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    1. Absolutely, Sara! And I don't think my post is suggesting otherwise.

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  15. Imagine that woman in your picture walking barefoot with her feet at right angles to her toes! Still, got to admire her for mastering such an impossible feat.

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    Replies
    1. I am all admiration for women with balancing skills.

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  16. Wonderful! May the high heels live long! I am afraid if babies in future will be born with high heels :-|

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    Replies
    1. Babies with high heels? Hmmm

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  17. Hats off to those who can do it and look calm and composed. I chucked heels (the 1-inch variety) once I had kids. I do agree that sari for me does not go without heels at least a little bit. I choose those that I am comfortable in even platform :).

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I am more a wedges person. Stilettoes are not meant for me.

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  18. I don't think it is just women who love high heels. Ask Aamir and Slaman Khan and you will know how they have survived in the industry.
    I do not understand how we equate superiority with the height of a human being. The concept boggles me. How can a heel make someone feel good about herself/himself?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. For the same reason fair skinned people feel good about themselves!

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  19. Hail the high heel. I am just too much in love with them.

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  20. I keep coming back to Mamta in High heels... Dear Mother of God !! If it catches on with Mayawati too, we'd have to re-do all those statues !!
    On a personal note, lots of respect to those who can walk in it... I can barely walk normally with a pair of chappals, thanks to Indian roads !!

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    Replies
    1. I wonder why women in Indian Politics have to look so dowdy.

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  21. eventually, they help gaining control and balance. Natural excercise :)

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    Replies
    1. That eventuality doesn't happen for many of us.

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    2. haha so true....the high heels in my closet are just collecting dust..everytime i take out a pair to wear they longingly look at me and i say some other time. but a girl gotta love her heels...weather she wears them or not...am i right or am i right???

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  22. It always baffles me why women have to go to such lengths for their feet. In China they used to fold their feet to make them small.
    And high heels make no sense, unless you are are either practicing to be a ballet dancer or a tight rope walker or if you want to punch a hole through someone's foot.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It doesn't make sense why some people love solving crimes on Facebook...why they love Snapple so much...why leopards are their soulmates...Hmmm

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  23. What ever said nd done..though I am tall but I love wearing heels flats make me feel lousy :((

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  24. AAARGH...! All the while I was reading this, I was imagining walking behind the uber tall Deepika Padukone sashaying down the hall in her 6 inches stilettos! It was all going so well in my head till I came to your para on Freud. After which, Deepika abruptly turned towards me, and I could see the telltale sign of a large dick under that tight skirt.

    I shall never be able to see DP the same way ever again!

    :D

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    1. But isn't sex symbol a woman who's uber confident of her sexuality?

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  25. heels are fun and heels make me look & feel tall (u have seen my in real life so you know short I am)....thats why i love heels so much!!

    http://www.myunfinishedlife.com/

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    1. I prefer the term petite to short, makes it much easier to swallow and wallow in misery.

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  26. Can't get women out of high hills, same as can't get men out of bathroom slippers.

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    Replies
    1. No...no...I am not talking about women who love climbing hills!

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  27. I love my heels but I never wear them to work.

    Brilliant write-up. I loved this analogy "...the heeled shoe becomes a vagina with penis..." I trust only you to come up with such things :)

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    1. Your trust is much appreciated :D

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  28. Comfort & pain-free knees win over heels for me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's your choices that define your persona.

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  29. One the things men cannot do...balance on their heels...and it's a special feature which makes them unique...only a women can realize how difficult is it to be in them...for us...it's just a mere...attraction...whether it's someone toppling over...or move about with pride...!!!

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    Replies
    1. And women deserve respect for putting themselves through so much pain for the sake of looking good.

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  30. Nice post easy to read thanks to you innate humour. Got some insight into why ladies prefer the high heels :)

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  31. YOU ARE AWESOME!
    Yes heels do not judge. You are not fat or short for it.
    But if only I was blessed with the ability to withstand the pain it causes after a few hours.I envy the dancers in 'SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE' who jump, slide, and frolic around wearing them!

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    1. Oh, it's one my favourite shows. I love watching salsa dancers sway on their heels.

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  32. Correct ! High heels can make one feel good about themselves no matter what others feel about them ! I did wear a few pairs of high heels before marriage...but as my hubby is the same height as I am, wearing heels now will make me look taller and awkward when he is around ! I have stopped wearing those and am very comfortable now..in fact my ankles are thanking me for it :D

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    1. I love heels as long as they are comfortable. My feet are not meant for stilettoes. Prefer admiring them on others feet :-)

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  33. But how to balance oneself with such high heels?

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  34. I like to wear block heels and feel comfortable.Its true that women look more confident, stylish and tall but it can create back pain also.

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    Replies
    1. Block heels take care of style and stability. I like them too.

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  35. I am actually one of those who loves her heels. I quite agree we should not try to cover up and please people around. But sometimes wearing a pair of heels is more than covering up. You'd see women who're 5feet8inches or even taller strutting heels. They're not adding height,, but it makes u feel different. You walk differently, adds grace.

    But yah it shudnt be at the cost of health. I try to swap stilettos to wedges as much as I can.

    Oh yes I do agree to ure alpha women, heels or no heels covering up to create an image of something you're not, is so not right. If I am walking down at work in my pants/skirt and shirt and never the salmar kameezezs of the world (that everyone expects a woman to wear), and I am thought of a no-brainer fashionable woman, so be it. I dont care, let the work speak for itself.

    www.styledestino.com

    ReplyDelete

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