|Juo ae Rajkumar William chhe!|
It was when the Buckingham Palace-is-the-world’s-most-expensive-old-age-home joke was cracked for 568544th time that Prince William could no longer hold his post Chicken Tikka Masala bile-and-spit in the jewel encrusted spittoon (a once-upon-a-time gift from the Maharajah of Golconda). Trust one of the minions to confuse the king-in-waiting’s aikthoo as the family’s jewels and rush it to Sotheby’s for a grand auction. Since Sotheby’s, the most expensive kabaadi house in the world, refuses to take anything by face value, they sent it to the labs for testing.
When the lab reports arrived, Chief Curator Archibald Hairsome collapsed on the carpet and almost sent the million pound vase from Ming Dynasty crashing. Thankfully it landed on his head. He is now recuperating in the same hospital where the Royal Baby is expected to make an appearance.
Since the matter was of utmost secrecy, a messenger boy was sent through one of secret tunnels to convey the shocking discovery – The Duke of Cambridge, William and scoundrel Harry have Indian ancestry.
Britain’s second longest reigning monarch, world’s most cruel Mom, Ekta Kapoor’s inspiration, will be giving up her dear throne to a half-blood prince!!! Great Britain will finally have a monarch with ancestral links to a country they colonized and exploited for over 300 years.
An irony so ironical that you could wipe the rust off it…
Her Majesty’s only consolation was from the fact that it came from William’s mother, Diana’s side. She had always liked her even less than the frumpy horse Camilla Parker BowledOut. And a very pregnant Kate breathed sigh of relief. She could now blame her hub’s early balding to his 0.3333% Indian genes.
Since the Brits don’t know when to stop, Prince Williams’s genes were further traced to the land of Om NaMo Shivaya, also known as Gujarat. A hunt has been launched to trace his satellite relatives in Surat.
Now we know where Big Ben derives its inspiration from!
Just as Pusspaben, Jigishaben, Kumodiniben and Kokilaben were having thepla and doing Garba in anticipation of an invite to the Grand Garba at Buckingham, came the awful news of the 3000 Pound bond for a UK Visa for high risk Indians.
Is this how you repay a nation that supplies all janitors for Heathrow; runs all 7-Eleven stores in your rainy cities; sends tourists by the drove- who shop till they drop and support your wobbly economy! It is our Poppadoms, samosas, dhal, Tandoori chicken and chutneys that have been setting fire to your bland palates! Had it been not for us, you would have resigned yourself to eating meat and potatoes all your life.
So what, if a few of us choose to stay back and suffer your terribly cold and wet weather! Southall is but a small price to pay for 300 years of misrule and burdening us with a colonial hangover and a language that even most of you don’t do too well at.
Thousands of Gujjus are now shedding copious tears and saying bye-bye to their dreams of shaking hands with mota bhai William and Kate Bhabhi. Jignesh bhai will now have to withdraw his proposal to Tesco and Sainsbury’s for a dhokla-khakra counter.
Indian tourists to UK are now dreading the Are-you-risky questionnaire from a nation that is very risqué. As if giving a date by date account of your arson and terror acts was not bad enough!
Meanwhile Prince Williams can take solace from the fact that despite his Indian genes, his jeans are still made in China.
Now on IBN Live