Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Prince William Chhe



 
Juo ae Rajkumar William chhe!


It was when the Buckingham Palace-is-the-world’s-most-expensive-old-age-home joke was cracked for 568544th time that Prince William could no longer hold his post Chicken Tikka Masala bile-and-spit in the jewel encrusted spittoon (a once-upon-a-time gift from the Maharajah of Golconda). Trust one of the minions to confuse the king-in-waiting’s aikthoo as the family’s jewels and rush it to Sotheby’s for a grand auction. Since Sotheby’s, the most expensive kabaadi house in the world, refuses to take anything by face value, they sent it to the labs for testing.

When the lab reports arrived, Chief Curator Archibald Hairsome collapsed on the carpet and almost sent the million pound vase from Ming Dynasty crashing. Thankfully it landed on his head. He is now recuperating in the same hospital where the Royal Baby is expected to make an appearance.

Since the matter was of utmost secrecy, a messenger boy was sent through one of secret tunnels to convey the shocking discovery – The Duke of Cambridge, William and scoundrel Harry have Indian ancestry.

Britain’s second longest reigning monarch, world’s most cruel Mom, Ekta Kapoor’s inspiration, will be giving up her dear throne to a half-blood prince!!! Great Britain will finally have a monarch with ancestral links to a country they colonized and exploited for over 300 years.

An irony so ironical that you could wipe the rust off it…


Her Majesty’s only consolation was from the fact that it came from William’s mother, Diana’s side. She had always liked her even less than the frumpy horse Camilla Parker BowledOut. And a very pregnant Kate breathed sigh of relief. She could now blame her hub’s early balding to his 0.3333% Indian genes.

Since the Brits don’t know when to stop, Prince Williams’s genes were further traced to the land of Om NaMo Shivaya, also known as Gujarat. A hunt has been launched to trace his satellite relatives in Surat.

Now we know where Big Ben derives its inspiration from!

Just as Pusspaben, Jigishaben, Kumodiniben and Kokilaben were having thepla and doing Garba in anticipation of an invite to the Grand Garba at Buckingham, came the awful news of the 3000 Pound bond for a UK Visa for high risk Indians.

Is this how you repay a nation that supplies all janitors for Heathrow; runs all 7-Eleven stores in your rainy cities; sends tourists by the drove- who shop till they drop and support your wobbly economy! It is our Poppadoms, samosas, dhal, Tandoori chicken and chutneys that have been setting fire to your bland palates! Had it been not for us, you would have resigned yourself to eating meat and potatoes all your life.

So what, if a few of us choose to stay back and suffer your terribly cold and wet weather! Southall is but a small price to pay for 300 years of misrule and burdening us with a colonial hangover and a language that even most of you don’t do too well at.
 

Thousands of Gujjus are now shedding copious tears and saying bye-bye to their dreams of shaking hands with mota bhai William and Kate Bhabhi. Jignesh bhai will now have to withdraw his proposal to Tesco and Sainsbury’s for a dhokla-khakra counter.

Indian tourists to UK are now dreading the Are-you-risky questionnaire from a nation that is very risqué. As if giving a date by date account of your arson and terror acts was not bad enough!

Meanwhile Prince Williams can take solace from the fact that despite his Indian genes, his jeans are still made in China.


Now on  IBN Live 


73 comments:

  1. Now we know where Bigben derives its inspiration from! Hahahaha!

    ReplyDelete
  2. LOL ! Nice nice super good concept ! :D

    ReplyDelete
  3. Sotheby - the world's most expensive kabadi house ... where do you dream these things up from? Still recovering from the royal aikthoo :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The subject was so inspiring. I couldn't help myself.

      Delete
  4. Hahaha..... I might die laughing! That was a hilarious read. And it actually looks like the Prince is about to go "Aikthoo" in the photograph.
    P.S. What were you drinking when you wrote this?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Darjeeling Tea. You want some?

      Delete
  5. Funny..really nice and fun read...

    ReplyDelete
  6. That was one hilarious read...

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oh witty witty witty !
    Loved it ! Adn absolutely is this how they repay a nation whose citizens sells their land just to settle in their rainy cold cities !

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I look at Indians driving cabs and cleaning toilets and I wonder WHY?

      Delete
  8. Modi responsible for William's receding hairline, Diana's accident, Charle's infidelity, and Camilla's grumpiness - Congress.
    LOL. Enjoyable read.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm sick of Modi and tired of Rahul Gandhi.

      Delete
  9. A delightful read right from the word go! I could not stop laughing :).

    ReplyDelete
  10. Great post Purba! Hilarious, rollicking and comical!!!

    ReplyDelete
  11. as far as the satellite search is concerned for the near near relatives of Willo Bhai,Hari bhai , Diana Ben all the big bens , small bens near and far are now guarding the factory where Eliza keawark " BEN" once used to work and lay the seeds of diana ben. day and night rubbing cleaning of all the pan stains is going on , bahgawan siva and krishna images are now in work on the walls so that Mota Bhai is absolutely denied of relieving there ...oops. so far so good. Reporting for Purba express ...ha ha . good one

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You gave me the idea to write about William bhai. Thanks.

      Delete
  12. well, it was bound to happen, all those Indian maids in their sensuous figures..something was bound to happen!!

    http://www.myunfinishedlife.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oooh...Purane zamane ka Mills and Boon.

      Delete
  13. One factor you missed Purba, was our temerity to lock horns in cricket Champions Trophy with the country where sun never set one time and come out victorious! Adding insult to an injury! So all budding cricket aspirants also to be included in the watch list for high risque when seeking the visa and ready to shell Pounds 3000:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I missed that and am not much of a cricket fan :/

      Delete
  14. hahahahahahahaha.... how how how on earth do you manage to write like this... this is a very serious koshchan????

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Credit goes to the inspiring subject :p

      Delete
  15. Wait,wait....let us see who takes the initiative to term him " COMMUNAL" as the origin is Gujarat

    ReplyDelete
  16. LOL @ Aikthoo..kabaadi house!!!

    You are the goddess of sarcasm. Loved it!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The sarcasm bit is mostly hibernating :-(

      Delete
  17. Superb. Enjoyed reading the humorous article

    ReplyDelete
  18. Awesome!Oh, I laughed so much...aikthoo?? Orrey Bapsss...:D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I now know a few Gujarati words :-)

      Delete
  19. Gosh, what a wonderful read. Heard only a one half of that woman (the maid with which the line started :-/) was Indian as her father was an Armenian :-p. Armenian in India?? Goodness me.
    Loved the last sentence :-p

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's such a ridiculous connection!

      Delete
  20. Hehheh....And given the royal family's unreal affinity with the Kohinoor, I betcha that this ancestry could be traced to a diamond traders out there in Surat!

    ReplyDelete
  21. This one is the best i've read ....really phunny :D

    ReplyDelete
  22. You said it!

    But one curious factor here is why nobody traced Harry's ancestry. I'm just waiting for the news that it went in the other direction and ended somewhere in Africa..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Harry shares the same genes. He is 1/200000000 Indian as well.

      Delete
  23. Gawdd....you are crazy..hehe..How much I laughed...giggled...:P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And I wrote this like a woman possessed.

      Delete
  24. What are you saying Purba! Daal mein kuch kaala, yaani kaali daal. Once the genes are discovered, will he sing the song "Phir bhi dil hai Hindustani...? A very hilarious write particularly the origins of Bigben. Keep rocking!

    ReplyDelete
  25. British Heir. Indian Roots. Chinese Clothes. Brilliant post!

    ReplyDelete
  26. Ha ha Big ben... that's a master stroke. And I am sick of all this Modi talk yaar.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Majja aawi giyo... still laughing :D
    super chhe Purba ;)

    ReplyDelete
  28. Hillarious. And the colonization of Britain is complete, they no longer need any more Indians with the future king already possessing Indian genes.. hence the 3K bond..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's a logic we can console ourselves with :D

      Delete
  29. I am having images of the Prince of UK milking a cow in a village of India. Is that not what we expect him to do now?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We expect him to get his photos clicked with Taj Mahal as the backdrop.

      Delete
  30. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Amazing piece. I read it immediately after u posted it, on phone itself, and have read it again so many times after, that I ended up quoting WIliam "the Gujju" jokes in a group of Gujjus only!! :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That must have made me extremely popular with them :/

      Delete
  32. Good one! Maybe should make a video from these and include some english music, haha.

    ReplyDelete

Psst... let me know what you are thinking.

LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...