Monday, July 15, 2013

The Big Mystery Unveiled

                
It’s big, shapeless and ugly and is always hanging-out with her. Yet, she clings as if her life depends on it. You wonder, what she sees in that monster that refuses to leave her side. You’ve often noticed her hands caressing its soft folds. Oh, how much it disgusts you! You’ve often wondered what it holds in its dark cavernous folds. Admit it! You’ve been tempted to take a peek inside, when it’s alone, on its own. But you dare not! What if its mistress finds out and swings it like a mace and fells you flat like a dehydrated tree!

Crrunnnchhh. You can almost hear the sound of your bones cracking.

Looks can be deceptive. How can a big, wobbly, soft thing be capable of such menace? Blame the possessive mistress, who guards it “the handbag” like a lioness guards her cub.

The lady has a symbiotic relationship with her bag. Right since she was a little girl, who loved draping herself in her Mom’s dupatta, trying to balance herself on high heels, peering at her image in the mirror, her lips smeared with lipstick, adjusting her pretty little purse on her shoulder, trying to look all ladylike. From school socials, to her college days, to her first date, her first interview, through the ups and downs of her life – her shoulder bag was her constant companion.


Her handbag is her blanket of comfort that protects her from the unknown and the unseen. It’s dark, cavernous folds crammed with her most intimate possessions, stuff she might have to use if she…..


1. Has onions in her salad – mint

2. Breaks her heel while running too fast – slip-ons

3. Someone falls into a pothole and is looking for tender loving and care – first aid pouch

4. She’s feeling ugly and the world’s most gorgeous man chooses that inappropriate moment to make an appearance in her life – makeup kit

5. The clouds have had enough and cannot hold the water any longer - umbrella

6. She gets stuck inside the metro for 4 hours – cereal bars and a bottle of water to keep her from perishing of hunger and thirst. 


7. To kill 99.9% germs on her hands - Hand sanitizer


8. What if her mobile dies just as she's updating her 345 friends with the latest antics of the new bitch in  office - Mobile charger

+ the mandatory wallet, mobile,  house-keys, box of cleansing wipes, nail filer, tampons, moisturizers, diapers, pens, pencils etc etc…

It’s not just a tote but her survival kit for daily life in the urban jungle.

She learnt her lessons while watching umpteen number of disaster movies, where a bunch of good-looking men and women get stuck in New York State Library, while the world outside looks like the Arctic Circle and hungry dogs are trying to break in for a snack of warm meat on the bone.

She wants to be prepared for any disaster that might strike – like floods on MG Road, her office doors auto-locking themselves for 6 days, Mishka wanting to do potty, Sameer complaining of headache….She wants to be their angel of mercy, the knight with her roomy handbag saving helpless souls in distress. She loathes being caught off guard. She shudders at the thought of getting stuck in a traffic snarl without a book to read.

She hugs it tight, when she feels distressed/ alone/ sad. She holds it against the man trying to get his cheap thrills inside a crowded bus. Sometimes when it gets unbearable, she pokes him with a safety pin from the outside pocket of her purse. He mumbles a few obscenities and moves on.

She hates feeling helpless. Why should she, when all she needs to do is pack her needs and wants inside her purse!

Yet, you wonder why she carries such a BIG handbag?

Now, will you stop staring at her big green bag! Swallow that snigger, sit back, heave a sigh of relief and ask her if she’s carrying mints. Chances are, she’ll have them in at least six different flavours. 




91 comments:

  1. You are really attached to the green bag aren't you? I remember meeting you and the bagwati at one of the Indiblogger meet

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    Replies
    1. I have them in all colours. The bigger the better :p

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  2. Cracked me up! But it doesn't have to be shapeless and ugly, does it? ;)

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    1. Naah, for women it's a thing of beauty!

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  3. the hand bag is true savior in those crowded buses . I love my bag too !
    nicely written Purba :)

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  4. hee hee very true. We really cant exist without the good old handbag(and the contents. Especially the lip gloss) !

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    1. Yep! Me and my lip balm are inseparable.

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  5. Can so relate to this one. My bags are huge and capacious and yes you would find everything but the bathroom sink in it !

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    1. Bathroom? Hahahaha! Wish mine could accommodate a shower stall!

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  6. I love that six flavors of mint in the bag :)

    Btw, the need for space just got bigger in India - you need to accommodate pepper spray and other such defensive armament too.

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    Replies
    1. Yep! Swissknife is a life saviour.

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  7. "Now, will you stop staring at her big green bag! Swallow that snigger, sit back, heave a sigh of relief and ask her if she’s carrying mints. Chances are, she’ll have them in at least six different flavours. " - :) A tribute to the hand bag - a saviour in many a circumstance. Enjoyed reading this!

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    1. Wondering why there's no song dedicated to it! Priyanka Chopra could do one in her brand new Amreekan accent.

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    2. Haven't you heard her latest song?
      "In my Handbag!" featuring Victoria Beckham with her knapsack sized handbag.
      :D

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    3. Oh God, let's not even go there. I wonder what I hate more - her singing voice duly modulated to suit human ears or the accent she has worked so hard to acquire. Purba ma'am, would be nice to keep her away from your brilliant blog, I'd say. :)

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  8. I knew this all along and traveled everywhere carefree as my wife kept the travel docs in her safe custody in the bag besides all those things,Purba. Only thing is when the going got tough the carrying of bag has to be done by the less fair sex:(

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    Replies
    1. Whoa! Really? You just earned my lifelong admiration, Rahul!

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  9. My favourite excuse to take panga with the missus: I call her handbag a 'godown'!

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    Replies
    1. How many bumps do you have on your head?

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  10. lolz.. I have so many things in my sack(I dont like purses) that I get terrified if I have to change bags, you know in case I miss something *imp* :-) A lot of people in my office act shell shocked when they look at my bag, and I am going to fwd the link to this post right away, to shut them up for ever!! :-)

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    1. If they still haven't stopped sniggering, I'm willing to write yet another post to justify our fascination for the "sack"!

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  11. Hey,
    I have read so many post on Bags...This one is by far the best one :) :) :)
    It totally explains the most precious relationship in our lives :) :)...loved it!!!!

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    Replies
    1. Delighted that you liked :-)

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  12. After reading this I had to open my big multicolured leather bag to see what actually I have in it.
    I have mobile charger, my MP3 charger (very important!), my lens lotion and its case (very very important, just in case I am kidnapped or there’s a hurricane or floods or an escaped rhinoceros from the zoo on the loose), sanitary napkins (in the safest of the safe pocket), hand cream, lip gel in one pocket and another lip gel in another pocket (my husband makes fun about my bag these days after discovering what and all I had in my bag. He makes fun that maybe I should keep one lip gel in tram station, another in main tram station and so on. He finds it higly amusing, men I say!)
    So to save my face, I am hatching a very clever plan to reduce the items (but the main idea is to buy one more new bag :-))

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    1. I love bags with many many many compartments to keep my towel, water bottle, boxing-gloves, hair-brush, moisturizer, mobile, iPad, mints, wallet,keys, lip balm etc etc... The say, you can tell a lot about a woman from what she keeps inside her bag!

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  13. Everyone keeps telling us to not lunge around SO much weight on our pretty shoulders...and then everyone looks at us when they needs the mints..no? ;-)

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    Replies
    1. Absolutely! It's we who are their knights in shining armour.

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  14. I say women are much better prepared to face any calamity with their handbags than men will ever be....
    real case in point..get stuck in metro underground line for an hour and we shal see who comes out in better shape(im sure we the women who have food, first aid and etc etc...ready in our hand bags!!)

    http://www.myunfinishedlife.com/

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    Replies
    1. Yo! woman power. With our handbags on our side, we are prepared to face any calamity that may befall us!

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  15. I don't have mint but chewing gum and Disprin is there. Loved the style of narration.

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  16. I am going minimalistic now...but, was this obsessed not so long ago.

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    Replies
    1. Puts her on a pedestal and looks at her respectfully.

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  17. Yeah...well..whatever. Batman's belt holds much more stuff. He even has a shark repellent. Beat that with your green bag.

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    Replies
    1. Batman. Is. An. Imaginary. Character.

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  18. Interesting.Though it might surprise some,I carry a sling bag.It has all that I could need during the day.One thing common I find is the Sanitiser

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    Replies
    1. A sling bag is a sensible choice. Can't imagine how men survive with just a wallet!

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  19. Hi...I really like your blog (saw it on IndiBloger).
    Well, I do not carry a bag at all. And if I do, it's got everything that's not needed! Can we follow each other? Following you:)

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    1. Sorry, I don't do follow-backs :/

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  20. Purba,

    Visiting after a long time. Read current two posts as I still am not in a position to catch up with all pending ones. Those were the times as stated by you in previous post. Wish those make a comeback. Now I know the secret of your carrying such a bigggggggg bag.

    Take care

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    Replies
    1. Great you see you after such a long time. Hope everything is okay?

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  21. enjoy ur green bag and I wondered whether there was a pound of gold and it's mint..I love mint and cleverly crafted post, Purba:)

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    Replies
    1. I have them in blue, yellow, carrot orange, beige, green.....

      Thank you :-)

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  22. Aah! lovely read...and what about the pepper spray, swiss army knife, a nail cutter, a little stuffed puppy/teddy/mickey, spare ear rings, dab on perfume...etc. etc. :)

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  23. I always wondered why girls don't get a purse of their own size. No matter they are 5 feet two or five feet ten, the bag seems to be like a big black hole which can contain anything (I remember Hermione's purse, it could carry a whole house I swear :D). Now that you've shed light on some dark corners of this mysterious chasm, I think I'll feel less intimidated.
    As for mints, I bet they always have it, some of my benevolent colleagues offer them without asking.

    Regards,
    Blasphemous Aesthete

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    Replies
    1. My bags are always bigger than me. Makes me feel like a superwoman.

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  24. good thing you listed it all out, 'coz I started wondering too! :D
    I'm a fan of small compact bags.

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    Replies
    1. Really? With two young boys, how do you manage!

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  25. Wow the mystery of what a women carries in her bag is revealed.Sara Jamana apne saath le kar chalti hai..Just wondering in how many days do you clean your bag?

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    Replies
    1. We don't clean it. We just buy another handbag.

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  26. I got over a big bag and junk by buying a small purse. Now I keep it organized and it still has my headache pills, hairbrush, mobile and lip gloss and of course, wallet. And I don't buy another bag till one is almost in tatters. Do I belong on this planet among decent women? ;-)

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  27. haha.. I have to make my husband read this so that he stops questioning me about my bags.. !!

    Wonderful!

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    1. And we are not happy with one. We want many of them.

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  28. Wow... I can find more than 50% of the stuff in my handbag put up here in your post. Lovely :)

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    Replies
    1. Damn! I thought I had covered 99.9%

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  29. Now, I know what a lady's handbag contains. It was still a Pandora's box to me.

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    Replies
    1. Now that you know, you better start treating it with respect.

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  30. even i carry a heavy bag with everything in it, which probably can support an entire civilization. so, i can totally understand why girls cannot live without those huge bags.

    it was a wonderful read!

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    1. Hear, hear! Spoken like a true man.

      And thank you.

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  31. It was a pleasure to read your article..its the first time I've visited your site and I think I'm your fan already!!
    You have great writing skills I must say!!
    Oh yeah my bag is equally filled with all kinds of stuff,name it and I'll get it out of my bag :p
    Best part is I know whats kept where so anything you need will be out in a sec :)

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    Replies
    1. Just like a magician's hat, that's full of delightful surprises!

      And thank you for visiting my blog :-)

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  32. Omg! That was such a big mystery :P
    Now everyone will know what is inside :-/
    You write magnificently!

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  33. But why are they so big?? You can practically put a dead body in them and no one will know.

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    1. Yes! especially for the dead body.

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  34. Yep..thats me..everyone asks why I need a handbag to even stroll down to a nearby shop and I say who knows when I need my survival kit :P!

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    1. There's something so comforting about a big handbag.

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  35. Purba you can make a post out of ANYTHING.
    I remember using my bag a a buffer during my college days.

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  36. Bags - the love of my life. :D The bigger, the better. ;)

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  37. Learnt more about "The Bag" here, than in all these years of marriage.

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  38. ha ha :D that's probably all of us women... The bags are the best companions.

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  39. Tee hee.... :D
    No wonder women all over the world are prepared to Bag, Borrow or Steal to get one! Preferably one with some stylish lettering on it!

    Do you realize that Bear Grylls won't even have a survival show if he just carried a hand bag?

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    1. It strikes me that Bear Grylls doesn't have a woman in his life, to knock some sense into him.

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  40. Wow.. so rightly captured.. I am gonna shove this post right in the face of all those people who have ever made fun of my huge bags.. Amazing effort Purba.. Kudos.. :)

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    1. Yea! this should shut them up forever :p

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  41. I dont care whether I use them or not, but I love loading my bag and keeping the things in that I think I might need! :) I also like those tiny ones just enough to hold my wallet and mobile phone while hurrying on quick errands ! :)

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    1. It's all about stocking up on everything that we might need but never using it :D

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  42. Now I know .. why do women carry those big bags .. they have a small world of their so called necessary things inside :D :D .. amazing secret revealed ... thank God ..for not giving them physical strength at par with men .. a brief case would have been small :)
    I am all giggling thanks to the secret revealed !! :D

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    1. You are not supposed to giggle, your jaw is expected to drop down with respect!

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  43. Lord Krishna showed whole universe in his mouth to his mother and in the same way women carry whole world in their bag....salute to the caring loving women ;)

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    1. What a beautiful analogy, Nishit!

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  44. Hi Purba,

    Wow, its been a loooong time since i visited this space. I'm in training and this is the best thing I've done all day. I've been missing out on a lot!

    I have a green bag too, and what a life saver it is! It even acts like my protecting shield when I'm too cold, in an auto.

    I'm back (again),
    Pzes

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    Replies
    1. In training for bigger and better things. All the best for a rosy future :-)

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