Monday, July 29, 2013

The Happy Prince – A Desi Adaptation


A secret survey was conducted by Her Majesty’s Services, also known as the Caged Parrots Inc. (CBI), to find out how many subjects of her Kingdom wanted Clown Prince as their Clown King.


It had been over nine years since the day she handed over the reins of her kingdom to the gentle-as-a-lamb Silent one. While he kept busy with his 1300 speeches, her council of wise men turned the flying Maharaja into a sitting Pauper, improved the education system and industry to generate more unemployment, introduced legislation to make rotten foodgrain even more scarce, gave the economy a Greek makeover and bestowed upon countrymen the right to be silent. She had assigned the wisest one, Sir Foot-in-Mouth to groom the Prince to become the king of beehives and Boss of small things. He had been sent to the homes of the poorest of the poor, made to lick their runny daal clean, sleep on their charpais and swat the same mosquitoes. He was made to give fiery speeches and convince his ignorant subjects that he was the right one. He rode far and wide, to sing the greatness of his Mom’s reign. Such were his convincing powers that his subjects promptly elected other corrupt leaders to steal their own money.

What greater way to greatness than letting him fumble and bumble, make a royal fool of himself and be applauded for it! The council of wise men sang the Prince’s praise, danced around him and stuck out their tongues at the Silent one.


Sadly, the path to greatness is also strewn with old farts who love walking out of the Parliament at every opportunity. The most painful thorn was the evil chieftain of G-State, Sir Finding NaMo. Like an annoying Puppy meant to be run over by a speeding BMW, he was always trying to snap at the Prince’s delicate bum.

The secret survey came up with such startling secret findings that it broke the Queen’s heart like a delicate porcelain vase falling from a great height. It stated that the number of her kingdom’s subjects who wanted the Prince as their Clown King were exactly equal to the number of people who thought that the Silent one was the greatest ruler of all.

She quietly walked into her secret chambers and started counting the gold coins she had accumulated, to make the greatest investment in her biggest investment – her Rising Son. Like any doting Mom, she wanted the best for him irrespective of what a billion people may say. So, she made a quick purchase online. She bought Samoa Islands, an idyllic getaway in the Pacific and declared him the King of Coconuts.

Coconuts make ideal subjects who mind their own business and don’t stress much about others, being hard nuts to crack, yet tender and sweet inside. An utopia where no man or woman goes hungry because there’s plenty of fish for all. And her Prince was terribly fond of Sushi. She sighed in relief – he could now spend the rest of his life in his Speedos and not worry about living up to any idiot’s expectations.

Later in the evening, she called her council of wise men, Sir Salmon Khushi, Sir Foot-in-Mouth, Sir Capslock Sibal and the Silent one, to her Royal Chambers. With tears in her eyes and a song in her heart, she shared her good news with them. As a token of her appreciation for their lifelong loyalty, she had especially handpicked them to accompany their suitable king to Samoa islands. The news was greeted with pin drop silence, followed by loud thuds as the heavyweights hit the floor. With a Monalisa smile playing on her lips she said – I know you are fainting with delirious joy. I have even more! Oscar will be greeting you at the airport with coconuts and garlands, dressed in a grass skirt. 





My Happy Prince is now happier on The Unreal Times


97 comments:

  1. "Greek makeover", huh! :) But, tell me, is this wishful thinking or is it all really going to happen? :)

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    1. As an Aam Aurat, I can only give suggestions.

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  2. Satire at its best!! I enjoyed reading it Purba. You have a real flair for this genre.

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    1. It's always fun to be wicked.

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  3. The entire entourage should be sent to Samoa islands to massage the delicate bum with olive oil.
    Absolute delight.

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    1. Hahahaha...that vision will haunt me for decades!

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  4. Have they issued a warrant for your arrest yet? Are you trying to seek political asylum in Australia? Who is Oscar?!
    But really, the Clown Prince, Sir Salmon Khushi, Sir Foot-in-Mouth, Sir Capslock Sibal and the Silent one.......what a lovely bunch of coconuts.

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    1. Wouldn't you love that!!
      They indeed are - hard from outside but so tender and sweet inside.

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  5. Ha Ha! Nice one. Good parody of the state of affairs in the country.

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  6. Only you can write like this, Purba ! Nice take on current affairs !

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  7. hahahha..ROFL!!!

    http://www.myunfinishedlife.com

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  8. LOL ! Nice post ...i've read this post twice ..:D

    -Pramod

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    1. Hopefully for the right reasons :-0

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  9. Oh how I wish it were true. But alas, such a lucid dream and it won't be true.

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  10. Superb one, Purba! Niw how do we make it all come true? :).

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    Replies
    1. What if we all wish for the same thing? Who knows!

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  11. Lèse-majesté! that too in a democratic country. Author shall be guillotined..

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    1. It will be awkward living without my head.

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  12. Claps for you for writing this and a slap on the delicate bum !! :D

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  13. Ma'am when it comes to satire no one can beat you....Capslock sibal, finding Namo n silent prince...I cudn't stop laughing ;)

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    1. It's fun playing with names :-)

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  14. Ma'am when it comes to satire no one can beat you....Capslock sibal, finding Namo n silent prince...I cudn't stop laughing ;)

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  15. I juggled work aside to read this post, and so worth it!!! Laughing out loud, and sharing this! You're a rockstar at satire!

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    1. It's a good excuse to unleash my inner biatch :p

      And thanks for sharing :-)

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  16. On seeing the title I thought it was a sequel to your previous post :),this was simply superb , you really are very good at this . Guess you must join the caged parrots group ;) hi hi

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  17. Hahhahha....Ok, I can imagine what must have happened to prompt this post! Did a Samoan couple cut in line ahead of you at the grocery store? Is that's why you have only the best wishes for their country?
    :D

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    Replies
    1. No, blame Australian Television for Samoan Tourism ads :/

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  18. If wishes were horses a billion would surely ride ! Alas, some dreams will remain a dream:(

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  19. Good gosh Purba, where in the world do you come up with such wonderful political satire? Awesome

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  20. Purba! Don't know about crown prince but you my friend are the satire queen. Tough I laughed at every juncture I also marvelled at your thought process. A wonderful read I must say :)

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    1. It's a sad state of affairs, Richa.

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  21. Ladies and gentlemen, Make way for the undisputed queen of satire !
    How do you come up with such gems Purba really. As usually a brilliant read !

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    Replies
    1. I think it's in my DNA :D I was born wicked.

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  22. This is one of your best, yet, Purba. Enjoyed it from start to finish.

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  23. Awesome read.

    Who is is Sir Foot-in-Mouth? Digvijay Singh?

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  24. You have described the condition of this country quite accurately and more so the condition of the royal family... ;)

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    1. Also the condition of her not so loyal subjects :/

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  25. Is there going to be a series on the Clown Prince? Would I love it! And why Samoa? Poor Samoans, they wouldn't know what hit them :)

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    1. See! I knew it. Everyone is more concerned about the poor Samoans than the Clown Prince himself!

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  26. A good one Purba, I wish the the Clowns do go to some remote island...

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  27. That's the best satire I ever read. My best compliments.

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  28. Hahaha.... great satire on the political scenario of our country ..gud one -www.freepaperbook.com

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  29. Purba you are TOPS.Delicate bum-aha.Another soul-mate of yours referred to him as the 'dimpled darling'!

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    1. I hope DD knows that no one but his Mom's cronies want him as the next PM.

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  30. Fantastic. You are the BEST when it comes to satire. And now let me have my "Hahahaha" moment :D

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  31. To an outsider, it would be a normal story. To a person who has seen enough drama for almost a decade, this is like a quick flashback. Awesome :-)

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  32. What a wonderful satire! "phool chandan" for your mouth...err fingers!

    Let's all wish together to make this dream come true!

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    Replies
    1. Yes! won't that be wonderful.

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  33. oof!! WHat a lovely vision you have presented us with!! :D

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    1. Hai naa! A happy ever after for all of us.

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  34. A smoking satire and a stinging depiction of the state of affairs. Sadly, we are all beyond shame now. We'll have our prince and be happy too!

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    1. No, we aren't! We still have the power to vote those fools out of power.

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  35. This is my first read on your blog and all I can say is "Amazing Post!"

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  36. I always knew you were a wonderful artist, but this is the first time I am reading one on politics. *respect*

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    1. I like writing political satire but don't get to do it so often these days.

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  37. Ahh! You made the satire equally interesting to read :)

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  38. Hahaha! Still laughing...it hurts, Purba! Love the names- the silent one, Footinmouth, Clown prince :P You mad(e) my day ;)

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  39. Hahaha. You have mastered the art of sarcasm. Though I do believe that there are a large no. of these coconuts here in this country itself to ensure that the clown prince gets his crown. Though I hope I'm wrong

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    1. I have deluded myself into believing that I write satire :-)

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  40. Amazing! I like everything you write, but your combination of politics and sarcasm is absolutely deadly!! :D

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  41. Hi,you seem to have done you Phd in sarcasism.
    A wonderful detailed take on the idiots

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    1. Sir, sarcasm is veiled insult. What I have attempted here is a mixture of irony and dark humour :-)

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  42. Ah! The perks of writing such a post without the fear of being arrested. :P
    I will pray hard that all this comes true.
    Loved the post.

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    1. Writing the truth will get me arrested?

      Thank you.

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  43. A very interesting read. funny. Wow! its a discovery of the day for me - this blog :)

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  44. :) :D giggles and a fear too .. what if yet again the ruling dynasty of opportunists headed by Prince Parrot and dicated by Queen comes to power ?
    personally I feel , the prince would have made a great place for himself had he not been guided by Queen and her wise-men :) for me He is still the only right man in the wrong party... and I am not willing to see him on the throne ( rather the thorn named NaMo be there) just because of the Queen and her wise-men :D
    BTW .. do u know the Queen actually got some Islands bought ? :D

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    1. He looks disinterested, clueless and doesn't seem too keen to play an active part in governance. But then it's my personal opinion.

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  45. Amazing satire ! You are awesome at sarcasm !!

    Now Sir Finding NaMo can become a ruler by virtue of his character... No worry about the Prince !!

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  46. This is really a wonderful piece of creative writing. I really liked it.
    You can read similar things on our website too.
    Just visit us at www.sureshotpost.com
    Yours
    Shashikant

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  47. u have ruined my dreams of retiring in south seas which i had ever since reading return to paradise ,moon & sixpence and others of that ilk. send clown prince to bukrina faso or antartica

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  48. While the clown prince gets a pat on his cherished posterior, u deserve a pat on your pack for writing this piece.Brilliant. When in Delhi, which police station wishes to host you ?

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  49. If I knew Her Majesty's email ID, I'd send her this, Purba. Oh my God, I better not ever get on your wrong side. :D

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