Sunday, March 30, 2014

Hari-cane Rakhi strikes Mumbai

Courtesy - Google images

In what is seen as the biggest blow to Modi’s 56 inch chest, Rakhi Sawant, superstar, world famous in Borivali, announced her candidature as an Independent from north-west Mumbai in the coming elections. She had earlier been offered the BJP ticket from West Bengal which she chose to reject. It was later given to evergold singing star and music composer, Bappi Lahiri whose Hindi can only be understood by Bengalis.

Ms Sawant, her own biggest fan, has always been vocal about her admiration for Modi and wishes to see him as India’s next PM. She sees a lot of similarities between her and BJP’s Prime Ministerial candidate. Both of us are devoted to our Mummy jees, love waving at our fans and are single and India’s most sought after virgins. What’s more, whenever I open my mouth – everybuddy starts chanting – Hurr hurr Rakhi!

If Modi Jee can run the country by selling tea, why can't I as an item girl?

When asked about her political agenda, Rakhi Sawant said that she will address only small problems since all bigger problems are already taken by other political parties. She also added that she was looking forward to die like Mahatma Gandhi so that people could observe 2 minutes silence for her and remember her good deeds. I want to be the change that people want to see and that’s why I change my clothes many times a day, unlike item number Kejriwal who coughed in the same muffler for six months.


Courtesy-Google Images
It is learnt that Ms Sawant is extremely upset that Kejriwal shamelessly copied her costume, a front slit gamccha from her hit number Chikna Badan, while bathing in the Ganges. Not to be outdone, Rakhi turned up dressed as Pakistan’s national flag while addressing her Press conference. When I heard Modi jee call AK 49 a Pakistani Agent, I wanted to show him that Rakhi can be a batter Pakistani agent. And to show my hard working, I even had sweaty armpits for the photo. The entire world knows what a hari-cane Rakhi is. 

The constituency of north-west Mumbai promises to be a war of the titans with Kamal R Khan, Samajwadi Party’s candidate and Mahesh Manjrekar from Maharashtra Apamaan Sena also jumping in the fray. An unfazed Ms Sawant was quick to dismiss them as made in China phuski bombs. I am the real bombshell missile. Even Airport security knows that and keeps checking me for explosives.

KRK India’s favourite 2 Rs superstar countered that Rakhi’s stint in Politics as a 2 Rs type publicity gimmick to get another reality show on TV. I have known Rakhi for quite sometime now. And I'm aware that poor Rakhi has to do such things to keep her chulha burning.

When asked for her reaction, poor Rakhi was quick to retort that no one takes KRK seriously but the man himself. He keeps telling the world that his rations come from Amrika and the milk for his household comes from London and his clothes come straight from Swijjerland. I know for sure that he buys his clothes and rations from Big Bazar, just like 2 Rs people.

Rakhi Sawant further added that she’s an abnormal candidate. Unlike others I was forced to stand in elections by the Junta. I am here because of their willpower. Uddhav Thackeray, my word of mouth brother, feels I can govern batter than Kejriwal.

I want to tell people of India, if Rakhi has shown more transparency than any other heroine in her films, she will show everything in politics. By Jeejjus kee kasam, I promise to be so entertaining that everybuddy will start taking me as seriously as that item boy Kejriwal.

Mumbaikars are grateful that Rakhi Sawant has put her non-existent career on hold to fight till her last breath for them. India is grateful that so many out-of-work stars have descended in electoral politics, hoping to win their votes and resurrect their careers with their faded star-appeal. Yes, India can finally claim to be shining.




57 comments:

  1. Yes I am really concerned about people of that constituency where Rakhi and evergreen dude KRK are contesting...I mean people are spoilt for choice! But unlike 'kaale-peele South Indians' as the famous KRK says it, the north Indians may not be brainless enough to vote for him. :D Wonder if he wins, what he may do for the 2Rs people...sell Fairness creams?

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    1. He made one movie and calls himself a superstar. God forbid if he gets elected, he'll start thinking of himself as India's Prime Minister.

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  2. Ha Ha. Trademark Purba style. Enjoyed the read.

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  3. Now THIS is going to become Rakhi's electioneering pamphlet - if she believes in the written word :)

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  4. She is the only glitter amongst the dull politicians...by jejjus ki kasam...I will stand by her.

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    1. I'm rooting for Gul Panag from Chandigarh.

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  5. The sweaty armpits :) One way, it is good, will help people realize they must be serious now.

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    1. It has become a free for all Tamasha. May the best person win.

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  6. Wonder why she was dressed the way she was! The lady does take drama to another level. And she has a suitable rival in KRK.
    Time for Mallika and Malaika to file their nomination. Baby Doll too!

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    1. In a country that worships its filmstars anything is possible :/

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  7. Rakhi will be better than many equally ignorant stars who join politics. At least she speak her heart out.

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    1. With Gurdas Kamat in the fray, I don't think she stands a chance. But then who knows!

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  8. Really why has she clothed herself like this literally from head to toe ?

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    1. Btw it was indeed an amusing read :D

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    2. Like a Broccoli in full bloom :D

      Thank you :-)

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  9. I guess Rakhi's naara will be, "Press ko bulao, media ko bulao." :D

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  10. They say many a true word is spoken in a jest and you've mastered the art. Wonder what she'd say if we asked her where Indian brains were located.

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    1. Elections have become the Great Indian Tamasha where everyone is intent on proving that they are the biggest fool. Actually, the joke is on us.

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  11. is it weird if I say I would still honestly vote for her rather than some of the more seasoned politicians?! Atleast with her, you know there's gonna not gonna be any violence... as far as nuttiness is concerned, she would pretty much be on par with some of the others anyway :D

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    1. Roshan, considering the exciting line of choices we have, Rakhi doesn't sound like a bad choice at all. If only she hadn't turned up looking like a participant in a Fancy Dress competition,we'd all have taken her more seriously.

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  12. Hari-cane....heheheh. My friend called her "Pea Soup" the other day.

    By the way, I have heard that Poonam Pandeyji has declared, with enough pathos to match Sushma Swaraj, that she will shave herself if Rakhiji gets elected to Parliament. I am trying to find out more details on the what, where and when of this offer.

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    1. You should have seen the names Twitter gave her - Peter Pan, Green Goblin...

      By the way, which shitty newspaper do you read? You always come up with the darnedest things :D

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  13. If nothing else she is promoting hariyali :). What all happens during elections! This was such a fun read, Purba. Alas, nothing funny about the candidates that finally get chosen.

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    1. No, Rachna. The joke is on us.

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  14. She reminds me of a hari mirchi in her costume. This was a fun read Purba !

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  15. Purba ,you have asked for trouble.
    I am just informed that Rakhi is looking for you all over.
    In you she finds a friend philosopher and guide to see her through elections.

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    1. Hahahaha...Rakhi Jee's PR. The first thing I'll ask her is to get rid of her ghastly green costume!

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  16. haha phuski bomb, coughing in the same muffler for six months...Oh God I cant stop laughing! how can these people take themselves seriously !!

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    1. Arre! If we can have criminals, rapists contesting in Elections, why not her?

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  17. Pista icecream must have been her inspiration! My God!!
    This was some hilarious writing Madamjee! Jejus ki kasam many pepuls be voting for her!
    After all like you said 'transparency' is what she believes in.

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    1. Politics seems to have become the next stepping stone for out-of-work actors :/

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  18. When I think of the future of our country I seriously don't know whether to laugh or cry. I just hope that people vote for the right candidate.

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    1. Yes, for that we need to do our homework and find out more about candidates from our constituency.

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  19. Rakhi ka swayamvar. But this time with politicians!! I am sure that Mumbaikars are not that bad in choosing their leader. Anyway almost all the film actors and makers are contesting elections this time. Then why not Rakhi too!!!

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    1. Of course, it's a free for all.

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  20. Ha ha ha ha! A very hilarious read Purba :) Politics is the last straw for Stars - cool pension plan :)

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    1. Power with no responsibility. Whatte fun!

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  21. Still laughing at " word of mouth brother" :P :P Btw given how the candidates we have in the system today, I am sure she can easily stand her ground and get along..

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    1. Compared to some of the candidates she's a paragon!

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  22. hahaha :D Seriously, why was she dressed that way? Your 'word of mouth brother' was amazing :P

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    1. Thanks for reading, Jyotsana :-)

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  23. Lol! I am still Laughing! Love the way you write!

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  24. With Rakhi, straight reporting can make for funny enough. When you take her on, it is a total riot.

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    1. If only she hadn't turned up at the Press Conference dressed as Green Goblin :/

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  25. New dramas keep unfolding with every passing day creating an entertainment overload on channels, Purba:)

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    1. Believe me, Rahul, there's no country like India,

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  26. Hahaha china phuski bomb Rofl ... that's absolutely hilarious :D awesome entertaining post

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  27. This is one of the posts that, though funny, still managed to send shivers down my spine! Purba ji, imagine, me enthusiastically clicking on your blog to read it one late night, ignoring the title, and finding not one, but two, pictures of Rakhi Sawant right on the top. That too Large!! And then a little scrolling showed me Tragedywaal ji topless! It will haunt me for a while !

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    1. Hahahaha...sweet dreams are made of these, who am I to disagree.....

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