Saturday, March 8, 2014

You know women still have a long way to go when you hear them say, 'my husband lets me do what I want to'


Women have come a long way, yet we have a long way to go.

On the occasion of Women's Day, read my article on IBN Live's Special Feature on Women's Day......

When I was young, my ambitions were many. Be on Doordarshan reading the news at 9, rose tucked behind my ear, be a saviour of helpless puppies, be a genius. Anything but a teacher. My mother influenced that. As a high school teacher, she would come back home stressed and tired, pour her heart out to Dad about bitchy colleagues and work-pressure as she sipped her evening tea. I would sit beside her later as she vanquished piles of exam papers with red ink, her brows furrowed, oblivious to my existence. I found it daunting to visualise me teaching from the same books year after year with undiminished passion.

Famous last words. A decade later I was unravelling the mystery of computer coding to school kids, a halo of chalk dust around my head. Another decade and a half of loving and then hating my job, I went back to my first love, writing. 


Click here to read more....



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36 comments:

  1. Nice article, but I don't completely agree with it. Although it raises a very strong point about women and their freedom to do what they want to do (society always comes in between na?) but I feel this is more so the case with the older generation. The current generation of couples share household responsibilities equally, be it cooking or chores or looking after kids. And what is it with only the husband "letting you do stuff"? There are a lot of things that you dont let your children do or you don't let your husband do. I think its a very generalized statement. Doesn't apply to 90% of the younger generation who don't stay with in-laws. I see absolutely nothing wrong in saying my husband let's me do whatever I want to do. I choose to look at it as "support" and not as "permission" because I KNOW that is what it is :)
    Anyway to each is own, and good attempt at writing the article!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I do not think that assertiveness and respect for each other is limited to a certain age group. It's very individualistic. However I can only write from what I have observed. Like you said, to each her own :-)

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  2. Very well written and i agree. But i feel indian husbands have changed for the better over the past few years. But yes we have a very very long way to go

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    Replies
    1. The change has to start with us, Jaish.

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  3. Nice article, Purba. Though, I am very skeptical whether women will ever gain the same independence as men in India.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But that shouldn't make us lose hope.

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  4. Independence is different for each person. For example If I want to cut my hair super short, I dont ask anyone for permission. I just do it to please myself. And nobody cares. But I know people who likes to keep their hair short but cant do so because their husband will not allow. Or vice versa, when the husband wants to show others that his wife is modern, he orders her to cut those long locks! This happens today, in this era among highly qualified people and I still dont believe we are an independent nation !
    Well I am a working mother, I dont feel guilty about not spending time with my son because I get to spend ample time with him thanks to the proximity of my office, home and his playgroup. But my neighbor is crying because I am sending my son to playgroup "so early" (my son is turning 3 already does she expect me to home school him? I am not Kate Middleton you see) ...and she sympathizes with me and how my life turned out to be..! Whereas I am just happy I am earning on my own and giving my son the best I can ! I may not be the best cook in the world, but no one ever died because they ate what I cooked and that makes me a reasonable cook , and I am not striving to be the best cook either :-) When we want to eat something nice, we just go to our favorite restaurant :-) Oh and by the way my husband makes the best beef curry in town - due to which some of my relatives think that I am a bossy female. Nice article Purba...all the way I thought it was about me !

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I took nearly 4 years off my job when our daughter was born. Yet, when I had to leave her behind after I resumed working, I heard my neighbour call me a heartless Mom. The trick is to believe in yourself and not what others are trying to tell you. And I think you're doing a perfect job of it.

      Glad you could relate to it :-)

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  5. Nice article. True dat women r weighed down by expectations of society..'not married yet?she must b #£@&-%##'...'no child yet?she Mst b &%#@%&*' and so on...women r sometimes worst enemies of women...unless v hold on to hypocrisy N stereotypes v can't progress!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I meant that till v hold on to hypocrisy n stereotypes v can't progress!

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  6. There are those whose husbands support their leanings,those who reluctantly allow them,and those whose husbands won't let them breathe the fresh air,who are no better than slaves :(

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    Replies
    1. Isn't it ironical that we let our happiness be dictated by the whims of a man!

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  7. A fitting tribute on Women's Day, Purba! I agree a long long way to go.... when one can really talk about women's liberation in India:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But we still hope that our daughters will have a better life.

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  8. A partnership works if both talk things over before making any major decision and if both are supportive of each other. Getting your life partner - male or female - to toe your line is inconsideration and arrogance. Getting them to toe the line taken by the majority is cowardice.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Agree. Mutual respect for each others' choices is what makes a relationship happy.

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  9. Very rightly said, every line. Sometimes I feel women lib, and equal rights is all a farce. The place from where it has to start actually is still very much beyond access.

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    Replies
    1. We have become more vocal about our rights and do not suffer silently. But yes, we still have a long way to go.

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  10. purba,
    Happy Womens'day to allthe lovely ladies.
    I agree,there is a long way to go,but,I do see a distinct change in the attitude of the men folk as women are getting educated are becoming economically independent.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Especially in small towns where daughters are encouraged to pursue vocational courses for the sake of their financial independence.

      Delete
  11. Like you said expectations are the cause of all problems.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But selfless love rarely exists.

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  12. Always found it jars - Husband permitting this and that :) Though, I'd also love it if a lack of ambition and ruthlessness did not make someone less of a man :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If you don't comply, you have to stop caring to survive,

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  13. beautiful blog and great writing...keep in touch...please join my blog....The Pink Dewdrops...Hope you like it.... :)
    http://9shonalimukherji9.blogspot.in/

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  14. Purba,

    Visiting after a long time. Read 2 posts. I agree with about not surprising the one you love. I second you on what you said in the closing lines of this post.

    Take care

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  15. Not just women, Purba, I feel everyone in this country is a prisoner of their image. Old people are supposed to behave a certain way, as are kids, teenagers, men. Why, we don't even want dogs and cats behaving any different than what is expected of them!
    But yes, no doubt that women always seem to get the short end of the stick when it comes to choosing between their dreams and everybody else's expectations.

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    Replies
    1. You're right, Rickie. None of us is free from expectations and that we're often expected to behave in a certain manner for the sake of others, isn't exactly edifying.

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  16. I think this line sums it all up for me 'Women's emancipation is freedom from expectations that weigh her down.'...!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The higher they put us on a pedestal, the harder we fall.

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  17. Love the article and wonder how many women can pursue their passion rather than a profession to earn or make the family happy. Guess, it suits patriarchy.

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  19. Women must aim for financial independence!! I ALWAYS advise everyone I know to get themselves equipped to provide for themselves and have the freedom to walk away from people who are in a position to ill treat them!

    Do read my latest post here It's on a very similar topic.

    ReplyDelete

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