Sunday, April 27, 2014

An open letter to screw it.


It's tough not to fall in love with Anshul Thakur's work.  He doesn't write, he paints the most vivid emotions with deft masterstrokes. His work is deeply philosophical, abstract and leaves you with a lingering sweetness.

Click here http://aestheticblasphemy.com/blog/heartbreak-warfare-hindi http://aestheticblasphemy.com/blog/elementless  and here
http://aestheticblasphemy.com/blog/incorrigible-girl-who-loves-sunflowers-and-butterflies    

to get a taste of Aesthetic Blasphemy

It appears my Mills and Boon post did not go well with Anshul and he dons his funny hat to defend his right to keep a moustache.

Says who women don't crave men with bristling upper lip hair?
                               
                                             To whosoever it may concern

Moustaches. Not all women like it. Most internet articles that I read report that they are not ‘turned on’ by it (as if they were some object or some switch), not to mention that majority of those articles are written by women. They give ultimatums to ‘shave or to crave’ and when men are at it, they put nifty codicils of doing the act in an effing running metro, adding to men’s WOES (Women Against Evening Stubble). Though a juxtaposition, women still seem to want macho men, which they often define as broad jawed men who exhibit prominent signs of growing a full and healthy beard but chose not to. But women! The above perception isn’t your fault except for the fault of ignorance that you all are just towing in line with the whims of a powerful dozen minds in the fashion industry. All I do is sigh saying “This too shall pass!”

Having spent the better half of my life’s first quarter in the obscurity of my moustaches and quite diligently so, I’ve earned a nick-name among my male compatriots, ‘Muchhi’, a benign spinoff from the grotesque sounding ‘Mucchad’. What people don’t know is that it was coined by a perceived (and hairless at the time, male) adversary as a tease. Since then, the moustache has kind of ‘grown on me’. So when Madame Purba offered me an opportunity of “defending men's right to keep a moustache”, my moustaches bristled up like a distressed porcupine and nose-picked me until I acquiesced and took up this herculean task of redeeming the staches.

But, if men have to look for reasons to keep a moustache, I’d rather have them shave it off. It doesn’t have to be about any other reason than that you feel good about it. I like my staches right now, so I keep ‘em, unencumbered by what goes on behind my back. Behind my back, because most people usually don’t dare confront the moustache openly, they are aware that usually, men, keep it. From being looked down as a ‘mark of revolutionary or an artist’ to being revered as being the the evolutionary next level to enlightenment (Oscar Wilde, allegedly), they’ve seen everything under the sun. Moustaches stand out as one of the expressions of living the life on own terms, a rebellion against the norms, the stereotype, the ordinary. Still, if you need more reasons for keeping one, I have a few ludicrous ones up my sleeve.

1. Natural Filter: In cities like Delhi where pollution is the rule, the day I trim down my moustaches barely from 4mm to 3, my nose is filled with black mucus by the end of the day. Other days, merely washing my face does the trick.

2. Lip Sweater: In places where I come from and in Delhi in the winters, the day of shave is the day my facial skin shudders out of cold. Other days, I can manage without a muffler.

3. Skin Tone Preserver: Admit it, your face will never be as fair as your scalp. This argument is not commutative. The scalp can be made less fair by exposure to the sun and heat.

4.


Salvador Dali had a book dedicated to his moustaches, what is wrong with posting mustached selfies over flickr, fb and instagram? Moreover, most of the badasses in history, both in the good and the bad way have sported moustaches – Einstein, Hitler, Stalin, Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr., Robert Downey Jr., Tolstoy, Tagore, Affleck, Hulk Hogan, you name it. Even nerd geniuses like Steve Jobs have had moustaches in their primes.




5. Harry loved it, and so much that he resisted his Granny’s, Her Majesty’s orders to have his hard earned fruit of labor in the Antarctic adventure shaved off for at least two weeks before he had to give in. His facial foliage almost started a revolution on twitter where men and women alike supported and swooned over Harry’s golden fur. Since masses have always taken style cues from the imperials, clergy and now that musicians and nerds have been added to that list, it is only fair that we give them their due respect. Women have been writing unashamed letters to, and men copying style from, Jared Letos, Ben Afflecks and George Clooneys to allow the girls to go wild with their buns and moes. Even the Harry Potter star tried to have one, but it isn’t just any kid’s prowess.






6. Because those who don’t have it feign it often with ‘cream moustaches’ or with their hair. They’re confused about what they seem to like, You Sir! Don’t be like them. Know what you want. They accuse you of ‘knowing something’ and concealing it behind the bushes. They are darn right. No wonder you look more mature than your age; women, not sissy girls, heart maturity. Besides, young girls tend to like older men, young women like prospective men.

7. Because women have their tresses to twirl when they’re bored. What do we roll when we’re bored? Some men start rolling joints and that isn’t what ladies like either, is it? Of course it is becoming more hip, but men, some things kill you, like really. Attitude determines the altitude, the mere twirling of the ‘stache into an upward facing katana leads to an increased sense of control and confidence.



8. Because not everybody can have it. Just because they find themselves lacking does not mean that you have to belittle your gait. Do not disparage them either, unless they provoke you. If they do, tell them that cocks have crowns, lions have manes, and men have moustaches. Infatuated by Shikhar Dhawan’s imperial twirls and his ravishingly hot wife Ayesha, a friend of mine tried made a few abortive attempts at cultivating one. He wasn’t the only one who was infatuated by them but makes an interesting case study. He gave up on moustaches later on, and stuck to making devious plans of sabotaging mine like dipping them in Kerosene or letting termites on my bed, oh and also gossiping about them in his body-builders gang which he affectionately refers to as my ‘fan club’ where he allegedly boasts ‘Moochein ho to Mucchi jaisi, warna na hon’. I have a modest set, by the way, nothing imperial. ‘Moustache maketh a man’, Milady, not meat; but you probably crave the company of a woman in a man.


9. They make you pick your fights well from early on, so that you may not someday gamble away your wives. A friend of mine (according to whom men should be shy and women outspoken) took offense when I ridiculed his braggadocio on having found a girl who was allegedly giving hints of likeability by telling him ‘tum rehne do, tumse na ho payega’; He challenged me to bet my moustaches against him winning her over. His challenge made me think that the terms of this challenge were infinitely tilted in his favor. There was nothing ’in’ for me, neither in his winning, nor in his losing and I did not gamble. (I also lost the bet BTW :P)


10. You see, thoughts are like things we can breathe in and out. So, the moe allows the words and thoughts to linger for a little while longer which allows me to be philosophical and introspective rather than outspoken and overtly eager; it also determines the snappiness of my comebacks when it comes to wit. I’m profounder when I’m dapper, outspoken when I’m trim, my fur hides the tiny emotions, my eyes reveal my grin. See?






11. It’s a trap: First they did it to man, now they’re doing it to man’s best friend too. My heart goes out to all of you pals!




12 Popularity: Moustached men tend to be fairly outgoing because they will invariably still be asked, why do you have a moustache? You’re a young guy — why do you wear a mo? It’s sort of like pregnant women, right? Everybody feels free to talk about the belly. [Taken verbatim]

Women, if you don’t like a man with his moustache, by all means, don’t like him, don’t even try to like him. For every such man, there will be another who doesn’t have facial hair and may you be blessed to have a more handsome face call you dear, but be wary that he’ll spend more time on himself than writing love songs for you. While moustaches and beards might not increase sex-appeal in most men, it works wonders on their self-esteem, especially when among the bros, and scores of women. There is no trespassing on self-esteem. We love ‘You’, not your ‘concept of you’, we love you with or without pyjamas (the churidaars and patialas do suit most of you though), we love you even when we aren’t the only reason you dress up for, we love you in your PMSes and we’d hate to see you in anything that makes you uncomfortable. We’re trying to break free from prejudices, not to fall from patriarchy into matriarchy. We expect reciprocation, suggestions are welcome, but dictum? We aren’t that level headed yet.

In a world where approximately 45% of men cannot have a proper beard and moustache, it is but a rarity to find someone who does exhibit these traits of the wild, and I trust quiet love stories isn’t what girls dream of, wild love is what we all want; after all, it all started with a big-bang! 



All images courtesy Google images


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38 comments:

  1. Just as I cannot imagine Anil Kapoor minus his mouch, I cannot imagine Clooney with thick twirls. In the same vein Shikhar Dhawan's imperial twirls look cool but Ranbir with a thick bush wouldn't get a thumbs up!
    Good to see your lighter side Anshul. This was a refreshing piece on my favorite blog.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It was a wild goose chase I was on ma'am, isn't the crankiness evident?

      Besides, not think twirls, but Clooney has been keeping himself busy, here's a sneak peek.[link] :P

      Many thanks,

      Blasphemous Aesthete

      Delete
    2. Wedding bells for him, I heard.
      And sometimes crankiness is fun. :)

      Delete
  2. Ahem! Now THIS is a post after my own heart. My reason, though, was based on the one time I did shave off my noustache - it looked more likely that my face would attract MEN rather than women, and I HATE making even tacit false promises :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL!
      So you were a cute and pretty boy, who had to hide his beauty from the predators lurking in men?

      Many thanks for reading and cheers,
      Blasphemous Aesthete

      Delete
  3. Never read Anshul before but I must say he is a treat to read. And regarding the moustache, I can't complain as my husband has a full grown one with a beard too... so you see, I am enamored by its presence.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm already overwhelmed with such response in favour of the moes, I am beginning to suspect that my research data set was conveniently skewed against the common notion :D

      Cheers,
      Blasphemous Aesthete

      Delete
  4. Something tells me the 'root' cause of this post is that 'Muchhi' epithet you have been given. ;) You know, nose hair keeps Delhi dust out of your lungs just as well, no point preserving skin tone on a lip that will never show, as a young girl just on to 31 I like younger men, men with Mo are out-going but words do seem a little muffled due to the 'filter' especially if the question is the one you mention, etc.
    But I do agree. Not all men can have it. Mine can't for 'You shall not keep a Mo' was included in our phera vows and sung by the pandit ji to which he nodded an aye. I promised him the same in return. :D
    Enjoyed your mooch tales. Now twirl it up proudly, and post us another selfie. :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't think it should be the case. I had had my moustaches for quite some years before the name was coined. Besides, there's no pleasure greater than to see your adversary disconcerted by the indifference, or rather content acceptance of an otherwise baiting appellation.
      I can understand the concern of muffled sounds, but trust me, even the royal sound of an enfield bike isn't a roaring symphony for long. :P
      OMG, did you have the phera-mantoccharan done in English? You not only bound your man to this non-facial agreement for a lifetime, but for the next seven too. To inspire you to take your relationship to the next level, here's a short love story for you [Youtube Link, Must watch]

      Many thanks Sakshi =)

      Cheers,
      Blasphemous Aesthete

      Delete
  5. Yeah, not all guys can carry a moush...the right kind of moush on the right kind of person creates the right kind of effect :D

    ReplyDelete
  6. Personally, I prefer my man to be clean shaven. But it is all about the mouch suiting you. Some just look too hot in it even a beard. This was a fun post :).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ultimately, it is all about the woman and his man, or man and his woman, you get the drift, right :)

      Cheers,
      Blasphemous Aesthete

      Delete
  7. I have also had a moush..and i am loving it, and i am keeping it. i dont need to find reasons ( including " acts as air filter" ). i truly believe that the more of my face i hide, the better i look..planning to grow by eyebrows next...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The reasons are for those who are scared to admit that they like it without any reason. Not for you, pal :-)

      Cheers,
      Blasphemous Aesthete

      Delete
  8. @Anshul:I think some men can carry that facial hair with such elan, it IS a turn on. And your reasons, thus, mentioned will make me respect mucchis more than I do! :P There's something in mo which makes you want to take that man seriously!! :D Great post!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not to mention until they prove it otherwise by the words they utter ;)

      Delete
  9. My daddy has a muccha...and thought I dont like the way how half of walk he drinks (eg-tea ki malai) gets stuck on his muccha...I cannot imagine him in any other way :D
    I don't like clean shaven men. Nothing sexy about it. A stubble is awesome :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's a walrus-mustache which Rudyard Kipling adored! He even said that Being kissed by a man who didn't wax his moustache was like eating an egg without salt. I don't eat egg, so I cannot tell the difference, but that he was an advocate of one, it must have been a steep metaphor.

      Cheers,
      Blasphemous Aesthete

      Delete
  10. That a man looks sexier without a mustache is a myth. Every man whom I ever liked, loved, had a crush on had mustache and thats my thing. I never thought Ranbir Kapoor and his pink lips and smooth face was cute. May be he was cute enough for Barbie. 98% of the men in my family has mustache and they have won over beautiful women too. My husband also has one and I cannot imagine him without it ! Amen to the post...I am sharing it!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 98% of the men in my family has mustache and they have won over beautiful women too.
      Oh, the hidden compliment, your confidence is as admirable as your writing, milady.

      Cheers,
      Blasphemous Aesthete

      Delete
    2. Nonono by 'beautiful women' I dint mean me. 98% of the men in MY family won over beautiful women (from other families of course ) :D Got it? hahaha

      Delete
  11. Right now this is so good.. I am again growing my moustache and beard.. :) maybe jsut maybe I WILL GET LUCKYYYY .... It seems I made the correct decision yayyyyyyyyy

    I need to start taking pics and posting them all over my blog ...


    Bikram

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can hear the pom-poms held by cheerleaders rise and fall in your support as you run through your victory lap, go go go!

      :D
      Blasphemous Aesthete

      Delete
    2. oooh yessssssss .. going going goinggggggggggggggggggg :)

      Delete
  12. I have been a proud owner of a lovely ,well maintained Mush all my life.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. As long as it is well groomed, it will always make you proud. :-)

      Regards,
      Blasphemous Aesthete

      Delete
  13. Quite a defense of moustache, Sir-jee and twice I tried sporting one but gave up on account that I cannot carry it well!!! I'd do with a pepper beard any day to hide my incapacity to sports a moustache. As you said, what matters is being comfy in one's skin. Cheerz

    ReplyDelete
  14. Loved reading the post! If everyone is flaunting a mooch in India these days, it would be a welcome change for me from the usual chikni-surats here :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Let's hope for the best, but trends indicate that the degree of attractiveness of any artifact is directly proportional to the dearth of it. :-)

      Cheers,
      Blasphemous Aesthete

      Delete
  15. Sometimes I wonder why all the fuss. Frankly, women would keep a moustache too if they could. After all, keeping it trimmed would give them another reason to visit the parlour, no? And we know they love doing that - trimming hair and visiting the parlour.
    The only body hair I draw the line at is back hair. Unless, of course, it's on Anil Kapoor. On him, even that is acceptable.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I presume you speak from experience. I don't understand women, so I cannot comment on that. :P

      Cheers,
      Blasphemous Aesthete

      Delete
  16. In Kerala, there is another use of moustache. While drinking country toddy, it acts as a sieve and keeps off dead flies and other impurities from entering the mouth :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What? Men and Flies drink from the same vessel? That's a great example of being in harmony with nature :D

      Blasphemous Aesthete

      Delete
  17. Ah, the good ol- mush debate. Whilst I am happily nodding away at all the brilliant reasons that you've established, a part of me remains sad for the fact that somewhere my mush and hormones had a bit of fall out, and hence everytime I try to sport one, it looks like the infamous Fu Manchu moustache. For now, a two-day old stubble will have to do. Thank goodness for the trimmer :)

    ReplyDelete
  18. hahaha hillarious points, especially about Delhi weather. I don't like Mo on my hubby... he tried doing Singham once... and my eyes had a really tough time :P stubble is fine ... most days. Enjoyed reading you post.

    ReplyDelete

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