Thursday, June 26, 2014

The case of the missing Humshakals

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This is a case that has robbed Delhi Police of its sleep. It all started with a phone call from Rajya Sabha MP Mahendra Prasad’s Number 4, Tughlaq Road bungalow to report the missing twins. They had been last spotted in his garden, nestled comfortably next to each other. But the next morning they were nowhere to be seen. It was as if they had disappeared into thin air.
 

They were a family of nine and now there were seven. Their happiness now in past tense. “It now raises serious questions about the security of the remaining seven,” said one of the officers on duty. “But we are Delhi Police, we will always be with you, for you, after our tea break.”

The Police has deployed its sharpest investigators to scour the crime scene. Fingerprints were lifted from the garden and the backyard to establish the path that kidnappers might have taken. The footprints, leading up the scene of crime were approximately six inches and seem to be of a person with childlike feet.

The fingerprints and footprints that were lifted from the spot have been sent to the forensics department for examination. CCTV footage from outside the MP’s bungalow and his backyard will also be examined, police said.

The investigating officers have been asked to be on their toes till the forensic report comes out. They have approached Baba Ramdev to achieve this ‘impossible feet’. An officer on condition of anonymity has confessed that they have reached a dead-end since the remaining family members who also happen to be eyewitnesses to the crime are refusing to talk with the investigating team. We now have reasons to suspect their involvement and might subject them to a polygraph test.

It has been learnt from credible sources that the Police conducted a midnight raid in the nearby sabzi mandi based on an anonymous tip-off only to return empty handed. MP Mahendra Prasad is in mourning and was last seen resting under the tree, wiping his tears.


It’s been over five days since his precious jackfruits were abducted. He now fears he’ll never see their faces again and refuses to believe that the remaining jackfruits have a hand in their disappearance.
 

Ex PM, Manmohan Singh has condemned this dastardly act and vowed to bring the culprits to book.

Despite the many hindrances caused by men and women getting wilfully assaulted, murdered and robbed, Delhi Police is focussing all its energies on this case. They are now seeking the help of UP Police that had successfully cracked the case of missing buffaloes. The similarities between the two cases are striking. Both are from influential families and were abducted in the dead of the night. Like the case of the missing jackfruits, UP Police had all but given up hope in tracing the missing buffaloes since all of them look the same. It was the steadfast threat of losing their jobs that had egged them on to achieve the impossible.

Delhi Police is also hoping to replicate the same feat and has sent a team of its officers to Vaishno Devi to pray for the mission’s success.

Posters of the missing jackfruits have been plastered all over the city and any person who can provide the police with useful clues will be rewarded with guavas from Nawaz Sharif’s bungalow. They may be far from fresh but they are certainly influential. It may be recalled that these are the same Guavas that had gotten two police officers sacked when they tried to act fresh with them.

In a fresh statement issued to the press, Delhi Police has vowed to work towards the safety of jackfruits especially the ones with political connections. Litchis will be excluded from this campaign. It is reported that litchis have been cavorting with unknown viruses and the police suspect their involvement in deaths of several children.

PETA has approached the Police Commissioner asking for permission to pose in the nude covered only with jackfruits.

Sajid Khan has announced his plans to make a sequel of his runaway hit Humshakals and will cast Ram Kapoor in the role of the missing jackfruits.


Courtesy - Deccanchronicle.com


46 comments:

  1. *Wipes her tears* Bravo. Only you could have got the depth of the characters and brought out their true story. Purba, you are the national heroine! Yes, I can get pretty high on you, and your words.

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    Replies
    1. May Ma Vaishno Devi give strength to Delhi Police to crack this case. My heart goes out to the missing Jackfruits. I hope they are doing okay :-(

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  2. Nice take, Purba:) Hope you will guide Sajid Khan before he plans the next venture( or disaster!)

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    Replies
    1. I shall willing script his next disaster.

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  3. ha ha...trying to act fresh....good one again Purba :)

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  4. Lol the negative reviews of this movie I read so far was downright amusing and this one, even though not a review has been the best! :D Hilarious read!

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    1. Hehe..Humshakals has to be one of those rare movies whose reviews were far more entertaining than the movie itself.

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  5. Ha ha... I wonder why Ram wore that sarong on top of his bikini. A little more and the film would have hit the hundred crore Jackfruit ....oops, I mean jackpot.

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    1. Hahahaha....hitting the jackfruit indeed! You are the queen of puns.

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  6. Well at least Delhi Police has woken up from it's slumber.
    Encourage them folks.

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    Replies
    1. Indeed! Jackfruit Ratna for Delhi Police.

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  7. Please Please God let Sajid Khan make more movies like Hamshakal, then we will all have the pleasure of reading such brilliant doses of humour from Purba again.
    Lady, this was very much needed to make us come to terms with the nonsense that is Hamshakals :P

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    Replies
    1. But...but...this is not the review of the movie!

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  8. You excel yourself every time, Purba!

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    Replies
    1. And you are always too kind.

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  9. hehehehe.. Nice post - full of sarcastic humour.. I recently started following your posts and lady, you have amazing talent.. :)

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  10. heheheheheh!! Now I feel like watching the movie and imagine him as a jackfruit. I dooooooooo!

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  11. Haaaa haaa, your humour has no match. .Bahut badhiya !!

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  12. hahaha This was outstanding. So much fun! Ram Kapoor as jackfruit feels just about right :).

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    1. Rachna, stop laughing and start praying for the missing Jackfruits :-(

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  13. I've also been following the news about those jackfruits and everyone making a jack ass of themselves. Hilarious :)

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    Replies
    1. I could have sworn it was a spoof! Hats off to our Netas for keeping us entertained with their antics.

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  14. My eyes! My eyes! You had to use that last photo, didn't you? Juntaa maaf nahi karegi!

    Anyway, Delhi Police and the missing jackfruits. We are living in a surreal comedy, apparently.

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  15. Purba at her best yet again.
    I hope after Bufallows and Jack Fruits,if time permis,we will also get some security

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    Replies
    1. Only if we are khet ki mooli :D

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  16. I haven't been reading blogs for a while and it was your blog that I missed reading the most ! This had tears of mirth running down my eyes !

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    Replies
    1. Waiting to read about your long vacation :-)

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  17. Pffft, couldn't stop laughing and grinning throughout the post. Dunno what is funnier, the UP Police and the buffalo story or Ram Kapoor in drag...

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    Replies
    1. The Great Indian Circus never ceases to amuse.

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  18. "Why a delhi politician grows jackfruits in his backyard ?"

    "It anagrams his message to voters with memorandums at his door step - JAR! FUCK IT"

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    Replies
    1. If Laloo can keep buffaloes and cows, why can't he grow Jackfruits in his garden!

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  19. ROFL :D ohh my jackfruits!! :D
    I needed rehabilitation after watching Humshakal!!!

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    Replies
    1. No, you deserve a bravery award for watching Humshakals.

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  20. Poor jackfruits! With the kind of riff- raff around, I hope nothing nasty has happened to them. One shudders to think of them hanging unceremoniously on a mango tree in Badayun!

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    1. Ouch! I'd prefer them to in a curry.

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  21. haha Purba Oh! Mere Nau lakh ka Jack fruits..one of your best that I enjoyed reading, adding more spice to writing:)

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    Replies
    1. All it needs is a tadka of chillies and spices.

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