The end of innocence is when you realize that your knight in shining armour was more fiction than reality. Where friendzoned is a stigma worse than a woman running after you with a Rakhi. Where men make you feel guilty for not falling in love with them.
Disclaimer: This is not a generalization, but rather an observation borne of some years of life experience, a few of which were spent in the dating circuit.
If I lost a brain cell for every time I’ve heard “nice guys always come last”, I’d be Rahul Gandhi. From whiny posts about the Friendzone to vitriolic rage in the YouTube comments section, females of the human species are frequently made to feel guilty for all the nice guys they reject in favour of apparent douchebags.
Let me clear up something before I’m accused of being a feminazi, or worse, an empowered woman who doesn’t need the validation of a man to live: douche-y people can come from all backgrounds, ethnicities, cultures and yes, genders. There may actually be guys out there who are genuinely nice, and got dumped for someone they perceived as undeserving. However, from overwhelming evidence based on personal experience, I have found the Nice Guy Hypothesis to be faulty. You may think you know a story, but you only know how it ends. So let me start at the beginning.
I grew up, like many girls, on a steady diet of fairy tales and in my naiveté, I “dated” my first boyfriend when I was in middle school. He was the archetypal “nice guy”. Expressive, attentive, given to great displays of generosity. He called every night and even got me flowers on Valentine’s Day. It ended with quite a bang, with yours-truly being declared a “slut” for breaking up with a guy who used guilt as a relationship tactic. I was shamed; a “bitch” that did not deserve him. I felt something was warped in this whole incident, but it took years of perspective to truly understand my first mistake.
Law A: Nice guys, under close observation, are not as nice as they think
Sure, he drove you home, he talked to you till the sun came up, he bought you a promise ring. But how “nice” is he if he threatens to kill you for daring to break up with him? And that’s the problem, right there. The most terrible people raise the most hue and cry when they think they are wronged.
Law B: Nice guys cannot be said to be nice, if they do so only to get into your pants
The Friendzone is the single shittiest invention since the nuclear bomb. So you’re really nice to someone, you help her with her homework, you’ve met her parents, she even begins sharing her biggest secrets with you and…oops, you’re in the Friendzone. Confused?
Do you want to know why you were friendzoned? It’s because you were friendly! Just because you pretended to be her friend, doesn’t mean she owes you anything. If she really likes you, she will say so.
Law C: Niceness cannot exist in a vacuum
Being nice is a big plus. Most girls don’t want to date a guy who treats them like trash. But be honest with yourself (guys and girls) – would you date someone who is really nice but has no other definable characteristic or anything in common with you? No, don’t give me that “opposites attract” nonsense. Paula Abdul isn’t the authority on relationships. How do you propose to sustain a relationship if you have nothing in common to talk about?
So, to all you nice guys who guilt women and treat them like lost trophies – please get over it. If you think she’s a bitch, move on and find someone else you can plague. If you think she dumped you for a grade-A asshole, move on and find a girl who believes she deserves to be loved as much as you love her. If you love her that much, fight for her, continue to be by her side, but be prepared for the fact that she can’t choose who she falls in love with. Love is bloody complicated and honestly, if you want to avoid heartbreak, I recommend moving to a monastery and take a vow of chastity.