Monday, November 10, 2014

Black Is The New White

Top post on IndiBlogger.in, the community of Indian Bloggers

Everyone has heard about her, engaged in salacious gossip about her existence but has yet to sight her. She’s like the mythical G-Spot that scores of men have fantasized and written about and have even embarked on expeditions to unearth, but have met with as much success as Christopher Columbus had with discovering India.

In fact, she’s is India’s B-spot.

It is rumoured that Bee vacations in exotic foreign lands like Mauritius, the Cayman Islands and Switzerland; her trips sponsored by her rich benefactors. When she exits the country, she leaves with a blackened reputation and spends months, sometimes years in dark dank chambers to get rid of her ugly tan. According to unnamed sources, B-Spot prefers flying Hawala Airlines.

Now that Indians are finally getting ready for achhe din, they are impatient to relieve Bee of her Non Resident status and want her to come back to her roots. After all she’s India’s wayward Diva whose return will be the much needed Viagra for our limp economy.

As she continues to slither away from the long hands of law, the common man does what he does best – express impotent rage. Surprisingly, she finds firm support from legal experts and leaders who in the recent past had much fun, mocking the previous government for allegedly shielding B-spot and her benefactors. Now that they have been elected, they are singing the same tune as the ones they mocked. With new found power they have transformed into the chivalrous who are now ensuring that Bee gets the Fair and Lovely treatment as they go around town claiming being black is not a criminal offence, holding the protective umbrella to shield her from prying eyes and further tanning.

It’s a not so well-known fact that the elusive B-spot’s desi counterpart Big B is the real McCoy who funds India’s great democracy, where all Political parties rely on her largesse to fund their mammoth rallies, publicity campaigns and chartered flights. If our Politicians expose them, they will end up exposing their doublespeak. After all, laws and taxes are only meant for fools and meant to be flouted by those who create them.


While the men in power continue to take U-turns and move around in circles, India’s B-spot has quietly gone ahead, shed her excess weight and has attained the enviable size zero balance. She’s now waiting to be cast as the main lead in Kale Dhande, Gorey Log and become the nation’s wet dream.

Meanwhile our netas are patiently waiting for our fickle attention span to move on to greener pastures and relegate this issue to the dustbins of history.


Source - http://blogs.economictimes.indiatimes.com/cursor/black-money-abroad-modis-pie-in-the-sky/





50 comments:

  1. It is the story of old wine in new bottles and except for creating some occassional headlines, little is achieved!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's like setting up an Inquiry Committee just to shut the public up.

      Delete
  2. Ah, the elusive B-spot. How about looking for her in Bollywood and real estate? But no, it seems the phoren one is more attractive even though she has shed weight and attained size zero after all the scrutiny.
    You hit the Right spot with your wit and imagination.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is the first post I wrote after my move back to Gurgaon, Alka. Was terrified that I'd have to give up on my blog :/

      Delete
    2. Ah, you need not worry. The pen is sharp as ever.

      Delete
  3. You dressed her up nicely. Almost wish I didn't know from fb what the topic was. This line says it all to me. "If our Politicians expose them, they will end up exposing their doublespeak." The Congress and BJP dare not expose one another. They hold the Damocles sword over each other.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aww...sorry about that!

      Agreed - it's all about, you protect my back and I'll protect yours.

      Delete
  4. Ahh the elusive B spot...If only we could find her!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Replies
    1. The blacker she is, the better.

      Delete
  6. Seriously the brouhaha is ridiculous. I wonder how long will they continue to fool the common person. Loved the wit in the post.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I want some B-spot for myself... ...if nothing else my share of taxes can be refunded once Miss B comes back to India... i.e. if she ever decides to leave the cool Swiss Alps and come to dust bowls of India

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What I want to know is, if Black money has so many chivalrous defenders, why the hell are we paying taxes?

      Delete
  8. B-Spot ! Lol ! B-Spot is indeed sitting pretty far beyond the reach of the common man, but well within the reach of those in power :) Very creatively penned.

    ReplyDelete
  9. We have our own Desi versions of the B-spot but then we Indians have always been enticed by phoren maal !
    Loved the last two paras Purba !

    ReplyDelete
  10. Very impressive Post. Thanks for sharing this.

    ReplyDelete
  11. She could very well be the all new Money LeAaoNee and I would like some pop-corn with it.

    Cheers,
    Blasphemous Aesthete

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can already imagine her doing her jhatkas and matkas to Baby Doll :p

      Delete
  12. wah..very nice post.........thanks for share it........

    http://www.alltopsecret.com/

    ReplyDelete
  13. I am an American man, and I have decided to boycott American women. In a nutshell, American women are the most likely to cheat on you, to divorce you, to get fat, to steal half of your money in the divorce courts, don’t know how to cook or clean, don’t want to have children, etc. Therefore, what intelligent man would want to get involved with American women?

    American women are generally immature, selfish, extremely arrogant and self-centered, mentally unstable, irresponsible, and highly unchaste. The behavior of most American women is utterly disgusting, to say the least.

    This blog is my attempt to explain why I feel American women are inferior to foreign women (non-American women), and why American men should boycott American women, and date/marry only foreign (non-American) women.

    BOYCOTT AMERICAN WOMEN!

    www.boycottamericanwomen.com

    ReplyDelete
  14. This is one of your best Purba! all I can say...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Awww...it feels great to hear that!

      Delete
  15. Awesome post! Love the analogy and the concluding remarks! Have yo say you outdid yourself after the amazing "Shut her up post"!

    Also, totally agree it is going to remain as everyone's wet dreams...given the parties involved.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Or you can claim that termites ate away all your wealth!

      Delete
  16. Shewont be ever found, They just know how to shut the people up !!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Naive are those who think that B is still lying around unutilized or hasn't taken another flight to some unknown (to you and me) destination.
    For another century,those in power will continue to make headlines only for political gains knowing very well that B doesnt need any Visa for travel

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. With black wealth, comes power and powerful friends who will go out of their way to protect you from public scrutiny.

      Delete
  18. Kabhi toh aayegi wo.....meri ban jayegi wo...
    Who are they trying to make fool of with all their promises!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. False hope, futile outrage - same story that plays again and again in a loop.

      Delete
  19. Although I do yearn to get some Swiss massages and chocolates myself, after reading through your comments, I've suddenly develop the urge to set up a new website called 'Boycott Male Chauvinist Pigs Who Think Women are the Problem'!! :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The oldest trick in the world - the poor me drama and blame her for all the ills. How convenient!

      When you start the website, I'll be the first one to join.

      Delete
  20. It is a rotten story through and through but your superb take on it lessens the pain for a while.We can only laugh and joke about it.
    Yes all thieves join together when it comes to exposure.Will they never be named and punished?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They'll name the small fish while the big fish continue to have a whale of a time.

      Delete
  21. Well, I knew this whole B-spot was a hoax the minute I saw Baba Ramdev talk about it while furiously winking his left eye!

    ReplyDelete
  22. Sigh! I guess we will go through all the eyewash in the next five years like always...but brilliant post and what an analogy Boss!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Had I simply ranted about black money, none of you would have bothered to read this post :p

      Delete
  23. They'll just keep looking for it, much like so many men the G all their lives. Of course, our 'wah's for the GoI for 'trying' to get B back might be as fake as the 'ah's which encourage the G men to try harder.
    Fun read!

    ReplyDelete
  24. Loved the post, Purba. It seems coming back to G-Town had its effects on you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. When one hasn't been able to write anything for over four weeks, one becomes desperate :p

      Delete
  25. The B-Spot is ruining India. Why Indian politicians indulge in an aphrodisiac of sort for the sake of telling stories clapped..ache din and B-Spot. Makes me wonder!!
    Another awesome post, Purba:)

    ReplyDelete

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