Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Why Plants Are Greener on Gadkari Jee’s Side of Fence




Goumutra - the elixir of youth and all things good, is under threat from another serious contender for its yellowed halo, Gadkari’s bladder. Union Minister, Nitin Gadkari, while addressing a gathering in Nagpur said that instead of wasting their precious pee on public walls, people should use it to water plants for their healthy growth. ‘Daily, I collect urine in a 50 ltr can, it is then used to water plants in my Delhi residence.’

Gadkari now has the unique distinction of being the proud owner of rows and rows of pissed off plants. Once he reveals what he uses as manure for his garden, he can stake his claim as BJP’s number 1 and number 2 minister.

This comes a huge relief to farmers in Maharashtra who have been waiting for over two years for Ajit Pawar’s urine to fill their dams. They can now rely on Gadkari’s brand new farming technology to irrigate their crops.

Gadkari further claimed that plants that got urine therapy showed better growth than those nurtured on plain water. Thanks to Gadkari’s revelation, women who were previously condemned as vindictive for pissing in their guests’ and MIL’s tea are now being hailed as ‘peelanthropists’. They are now being urged to mix pee in their family’s tea as well.


Aam Admi will no longer have to deal with pee-r pressure looking for public walls for a leak. They can now simply walk into any park and harness their inner urea to fertilize shrubs and trees.

Given our men’s passion for susu in public, the day is not far when India will turn into a lush Amazon forest and Delhi will turn from the world’s most polluted to world’s most stinky green city. 


According to reliable sources, Nitin Gadkari is now a serious contender for the Nobel Prize for Piss for leaking his novel farming technique. The mayor of Brussels will propose putting up his statue next to the famous Manneken Pis at the city square.

The only person not too happy with the secret behind Gadkari’s lush greens is Congress President Sonia Gandhi, his neighbour on the other side of the fence. She has been receiving ‘organically’ grown vegetables from his bungalow for months and is now painfully aware which organ was behind the salty cucumbers and lettuce in her salad.


Picture courtesy - post.jagran.com



37 comments:

  1. Well at least he doesn't advocate putting it in bottles and drinking it - Moarji Desai style !
    Hilarious as usual Purba !

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    Replies
    1. Maybe he does and is not telling :p

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  2. Well said!! But never people realize before they slip their tongue. It was fun to read this post but its thought provoking too...

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  3. well written and liked the subtle humour.However it is true that urine helps the plants grow healthier. simply because urine contains urea which is required by plants.I have experimented with cow urine and it worked.However for those who are uninitiated the idea of human urine used for plants could be indigestible. seen lot of videos on YouTube recommending that

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    Replies
    1. I am aware of it and also that it needs to be used in moderation.

      Just feeling sorry for Gadkari's gardener.

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  4. Congress will be happy that at least one from Shakha clan is in footstep of their party member late Morarji! But I am worried about the much hyped ' Toilets for all' slogan because Gadkari has given free hand to each of us to piss on plants for prosperity!

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    1. He has given the Saffron brigade an altogether different meaning.
      Looking forward to a hara-bhara Bharat.

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  5. And I was nibbling on a cucumber when I read this....Wonder what is with Maharashtra pollies and pee power. Loved the play of words.

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  6. Number 1 and Numbr 2 minister LOL! Always love reading your posts :)

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  7. LOL! Thats the news i read in the morning paper and was thinking of consequences. I am assuming the 50ltr can also travels with him. This can eliminate requirement of public showchalaya..just put in some greens and pee on them. Seriously ๐Ÿ˜Œ๐Ÿ˜Œ

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    1. Can you imagine the repercussions of his startling revelations! Urination in public will now be seen as public service :D

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  8. LOL! Thats the news i read in the morning paper and was thinking of consequences. I am assuming the 50ltr can also travels with him. This can eliminate requirement of public showchalaya..just put in some greens and pee on them. Seriously ๐Ÿ˜Œ๐Ÿ˜Œ

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  9. Your word play is amazing, Purba. An enjoyable post. Though, I must reiterate that as disgusting as it sounds, urine is a proven fertilizer in organic farming. Of course, cow dung as manure and cow urine as fertilizer seem much more palatable.

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    Replies
    1. I am aware of it, rachna. It's just that my heart goes out to his maali.

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  10. O my God Purba.I was laughing at every word.I then read it out to my sick hubs and he too smiled.It was all because of you.
    Thanks !

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    Replies
    1. You have no idea how happy you made me, Indu.

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  11. LOL Purba ! That was awesome. So Gomutra will soon be replaced by Gadmutra :)

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    Replies
    1. Someone said on Twitter - Samosa and susu are Gadkar's two passions :D

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  12. Love the humour, but..... in this case the great man may have a point:

    http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/human-urine-is-an-effective-fertilizer/
    http://modernfarmer.com/2014/01/human-pee-proven-fertilizer-future/

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    Replies
    1. Of course but wrong timing, considering government's clarion call for a Swachh Bharat that does not entail public peeing on plants.

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  13. This totally reminds me of Moraji Desai!! Seriously, every time I think that they couldn't make dumber statements than that, they prove me wrong!!

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    Replies
    1. Why do you think they call themselves BJPee :D

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  14. :) glad to be back to blogging and the article did not disappoint me at all:) oh boy my general knowledge GROWS in heaps and bounds each time i come here :) he he he

    Bikram's

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  15. Politicians have some fascination for human urine. Morarji drank it. Gadkari browns vegetables using it. I do not know why? Is it their affinity for ayurveda or naturopathy that makes them say things that becomes a laughing stock. One has to admit, Congressi politicians make less gaffe than others. Or is it that they do not get highlighted?

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    Replies
    1. Congis are a bunch of sycophants. They can only sing Royal Baby's praises.

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  16. express now i know the reason behind Madam'S evergreen organic health and Beta G 's trip to bangkok for detoxification.

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    Replies
    1. Guffaws...no wonder Royal baby was not keen to return!

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  17. My God! This was seriously hilarious

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    Replies
    1. Let me go and do a secret happy jig.

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  18. On reading the news my first thoughts went to his maali and the possible conversation. How constructively Gadkari is undoing what Modi has been doing i.e, his swachch bharat abhiyan! A pee-rfect post on our lunatic politicians! Loved the part where Mrs G is sulking having discovered the source organ to her extra crunchy and tastier organic veggies! Roll it on Purba!

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  19. I was overflowing with empathy for his hapless Maaali, forced to lug his employer's watery refuse.

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  20. Hello purba hilariously composed this one! Enjoyed it again and again๐Ÿ˜Š
    I just wonder what is story about samosa, I tried but couldn't find one

    ReplyDelete
  21. Hello purba hilariously composed this one! Enjoyed it again and again๐Ÿ˜Š
    I just wonder what is story about samosa, I tried but couldn't find one

    ReplyDelete

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