Goumutra - the elixir of youth and all things good, is under threat from another serious contender for its yellowed halo, Gadkari’s bladder. Union Minister, Nitin Gadkari, while addressing a gathering in Nagpur said that instead of wasting their precious pee on public walls, people should use it to water plants for their healthy growth. ‘Daily, I collect urine in a 50 ltr can, it is then used to water plants in my Delhi residence.’
Gadkari now has the unique distinction of being the proud owner of rows and rows of pissed off plants. Once he reveals what he uses as manure for his garden, he can stake his claim as BJP’s number 1 and number 2 minister.
This comes a huge relief to farmers in Maharashtra who have been waiting for over two years for Ajit Pawar’s urine to fill their dams. They can now rely on Gadkari’s brand new farming technology to irrigate their crops.
Gadkari further claimed that plants that got urine therapy showed better growth than those nurtured on plain water. Thanks to Gadkari’s revelation, women who were previously condemned as vindictive for pissing in their guests’ and MIL’s tea are now being hailed as ‘peelanthropists’. They are now being urged to mix pee in their family’s tea as well.
Aam Admi will no longer have to deal with pee-r pressure looking for public walls for a leak. They can now simply walk into any park and harness their inner urea to fertilize shrubs and trees.
Given our men’s passion for susu in public, the day is not far when India will turn into a lush Amazon forest and Delhi will turn from the world’s most polluted to world’s most stinky green city.
According to reliable sources, Nitin Gadkari is now a serious contender for the Nobel Prize for Piss for leaking his novel farming technique. The mayor of Brussels will propose putting up his statue next to the famous Manneken Pis at the city square.
The only person not too happy with the secret behind Gadkari’s lush greens is Congress President Sonia Gandhi, his neighbour on the other side of the fence. She has been receiving ‘organically’ grown vegetables from his bungalow for months and is now painfully aware which organ was behind the salty cucumbers and lettuce in her salad.