Monday, April 18, 2016

Gurgaon Gets a Behenjee Avatar – Gurugram

Image courtesy - Rapidleaks.com

For long Gurgaon was chhoree Gurgawan, a behenjee who loved spending time with buffaloes and her Jaat bhais. Once a year during winter, her glamorous cousins Dilli Billis would visit her and frolic away in her many picnic spots. She didn’t mind her uneventful life before fairy godfather DLF and her many cronies set their sight on her and decided she was their future bright. Thus began her grooming, intense sessions at the gym and shopping for a hip wardrobe. Before she could say ‘kay chal rahya se’, she had transformed into a glam diva with a BPO accent. She was now Ms Gurgaon who mwah mwahed with global Fortune 500 companies and sipped Chianti as she swayed to Yo Yo Honey Singh. Dilli Billis could not believe that their behen in two oily plaits was now being wooed by the rich and the famous. The same men who had sworn their undying love for Dilli a few moons back. And why not? Compared to the billis, she looked shiny, new and so full of life. She had willingly shed her rural past and turned up her snooty nose at her cousins Kaphasera, Dundhahera, Bhondsi and Jharsa. Her new friends had fancy names like Jacaranda, Veranda, Harmonica and Magnolia and looked like Victoria Secret’s willowy models from a distance.

Her mercurial rise took many by surprise. She was rich and powerful in no time.

Besotted by her good looks and flirtatious charms, many moved into her welcoming arms dreaming of a rosy happily ever after. Alas, the happily ever after lasted as long as a made in China product. It didn’t take long for them to realise, her glamour and sophistication was just skin deep. Beneath the layers of makeup and designer threads lay a pockmarked, misshapen, unruly, uncouth chhoree. Initially they dismissed her frequent blackouts, wild ways and almost non-existent hospitality as teething problems. They tried their best to ignore the heebie-jeebies she gave them when they were out alone late at night.

Like any loyal lover, they were not willing to give up so easily on her. She was after all their lugai who could not be ditched. They protested, fought relentlessly and demanded she be set right. They had after all lavished their love and riches on her and all they got was disappointment and stress.

It was difficult to come to terms with harsh reality. Was she was just a cauliflower pretending to be a flower?


Then came her Tau Khattar, her guardian angel, lover of cattle and said Tathastu! I shall set everything right. Before her lovers could say phew, he chuckled, if I can’t be a game changer, I can certainly be a name-changer. Gaon she was, gaon she will remain. It was you fellows who expected her to be a Mem. She is now your Behen Gurugram. Go dump your high expectations in the nearest open drain. Also, get ready to do yoga all day with Baba Ramdev. Behen Gurugram will now shop for Khadi. From a stylish diva, she has been upgraded to Sanskari.

Her lovers are wondering, was leaving Dilli Billi a big mistake?

Gurugram has just updated her Facebook status to ‘feeling bewildered’. Do I have no say in my future? Despite being the third richest in the country, these old men stuck in a past of their making are trying their best to ruin my future.



50 comments:

  1. :D Just a cauliflower trying to be a flower! Lol You never cease to amuse your readers, Purba !

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  2. What a lovely scathing piece. Even if it's appeasement, I just don't get the logic of this change. But just like Bangalore to Bengaluru, we will soon get used to it. And wait till Bhopal becomes Bhojpal and Shimla, Shyamla. Sigh!

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    Replies
    1. It's never just a name change. Look what happened to Bangalore and Bombay after they became luru and Mumbai!

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  3. what an utterly delightful post ! Now whenever someone says lets go and have dinner at Gurugram all I will be able to think of is organic food and baba ramdev noodles !
    I wonder if they think all problems get resolved by a mere name change. Kejriwal should simply change Delhi's name to Indraprasth or something .. then all our pollution and bijli paani problems will go away ...

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    Replies
    1. Considering everyday is a battlefield here, Kurukshetra would have been more suited to our Gaon.

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  4. This is good! Loved it Purba

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  5. Lol..what a description of modernization. I AM trying to think how they will pronounce it Gudugdam?

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    Replies
    1. We'll call ourselves Grammars.

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  6. Lol..what a description of modernization. I AM trying to think how they will pronounce it Gudugdam?

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  7. They say "a rose by any other name would smell as sweet". Well, not quite this one. Earlier they were trying to put lipstick on a pig. Now they are spraying ittar in it.
    Your piece expresses our collective benign frustration of the idiots who "rule" us. Thank you for writing it.

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    Replies
    1. We are the 'shutup and just pay your taxes' class.

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  8. Rollicking humor Purba,you do come out with excellent takes on any and everything.

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  9. Again a masterpiece...Loved reading it

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  10. Gurugram is a more layman-ish term and thus more useful as well. Useful in the sense that if I'm an ancient prodigy like Eklavya, I know where not to go seeking knowledge.

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    1. I hope you have a spare thumb?

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  11. This was hilarious and so very tragic too. Two cities I have loved and lived in Bombay and Bangalore have seen the same fate despite our protests and indignations. It is never ending this renaming business.

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    1. I feel the cities changed character after the change of name. I am fearing the same for our Gaon.

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    2. No, the cities' character has not changed just the name and most of us in Bangalore frankly use Bengaluru and Bangalore interchangeably. It may be silly the name change but I don't think it has any other impact at all.

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  12. Absolutely 'phunny' as always! Loved it..

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  13. What difference is the new name going to make? Perhaps it is easier to utter it compared with the older one which had various pronunciations.

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  14. The delightful account of transformation of a wayward country girl into a suave city belle, which eventually turned out to be just "skin deep", makes me wonder if everyone is missing the point and she should be renamed 'Gorigaon'. But that is the power of your satirical chariot cruising at full speed.

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    1. And you make me feel like Arjuna. I hope they rename our complex to Arjungarh.

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  15. haha... Tau Khattar is planning to change name of other things also, like all our Theka Sharab Desi will be called - Madiralay :) ....

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    1. I'm looking forward to having 'child beer' at government approved Thekalayas.

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  16. Words here express comedy as well as frustration, and so are my feelings at this name changing game of government. So much time and energy for useless activities and important issues remain unattended.

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    Replies
    1. There's so much to be done in Gurgaon, yet our administrators would rather indulge in tokenism.

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  17. I kept on laughing throughout, That was sarcasm at its best

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    Replies
    1. I am delighted that you enjoyed.

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  18. Modernisation indeed! Why ruin poor Gurugram's future? She had such a nice name…sigh!
    Awesome piece like always <3 :D.

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    Replies
    1. I wasn't particularly attached to Gurgaon. But considering there's so much that remains to be done, a name change was the last thing we needed.

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  19. This was a political move. Khattar has to do something to impress the locals. Anyways what to do in the end we as a middle class paying their bills.

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    Replies
    1. He didn't particularly impress the way he dealt with the Jat agitation.

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  20. Sad that after all the gloss added to Gurgaon, the rulers decided to take us back on a trip in Time Machine in the reverse. This is the best that they can contribute to change names if nothing else:(

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    Replies
    1. Easier to be a name-changer than a game-changer.

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  21. Just a ploitical move by Khattar, to show that he has done at-least something other than his anti-woman Views...

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  22. Don't worry Shyamali (erstwhile shimla) is going to like that status update soon... and probably share it too... Apparently Shimla is too anti national
    gaah
    www.aparnamudi.com

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    Replies
    1. I so looking forward to having Shyamali mirch ki sabzi!

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  23. I guess we can no longer say 'what's in a name'..because there is such a huge lot riding on it apparently :) Great satire as usual

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    Replies
    1. Unfortunately, we the people have no say in it.

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  24. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  25. Sadly so!! How they wanna make this newly hip into some old, distant cousin of the Gurus wrecking havoc everywhere.

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  26. ROFL
    Just today reading some status I thought , it would b so cool if gurugram joins Instagram
    As always hilarious. So did the good of gudgaon increase after it became gurugram :)?

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