Monday, February 6, 2017

Bhansali renames Padmavati to Mayawati and makes her great again

Bhansali bends backwards just like Ramdev.
Image courtesy - google.com

Protests over the movie “Padmavati” took a new turn with Rajput groups coming up with fresh demands of title change. It may be recalled that Karni Sena distressed over a script they had yet to read and a movie that’s yet to be made, beat up Sanjay Leela Bhansali, the director and vandalised the set. The incident drew sharp condemnations from the political community. Union Minister Giriraj Singh accused Bhansali of showing Rani Padma in a bad light just because she was a Hindu. BJP leader, Khandelwal went a step ahead and announced a reward of Rs 10,000 to anyone who hurls a shoe at the director. His fatwa is now being sponsored by Bata.

State President of Karni Sena, Mr Maarkaat Seeng expressing his displeasure said, “The film is deviating from facts about Padmavati presented in Amar Chitra Katha comics. In a WhatsApp rumour circulated in our community group, it has come to our notice that the honour of a queen who’s as fictitious as our outrage, is at stake. We as a community take our comics as seriously as we do rumours and will not tolerate any distortions. Since women can’t seem to make decisions for themselves and always need saving, the Karni Sena was just doing their duty.”

Sanjay Leela Bhansali wasted no time in appeasing the distressed sainiks who had thrashed him mercilessly. Sporting the same shirt lovingly torn by the protestors, he assured them that the romantic dream sequence will have Khilji touching Padmavati’s feet, after which he’ll scream Bharat Mata ki Jai.

The demand for title change was raised at a joint press conference convened by Rajput Sabha to announce that Bhansali needs to grovel some more to seek their permission to make the movie.

Bhansali, was quick to respond before they could take further offence and make his life hell. In a statement issued to the press he said “I’d like to assure the Rajput community, I am extremely sensitive to their sensitive feelings. I am trying my best to make my creative license die of natural causes. My team is in consultation with Salman Khan and his legal team. Mr Khan has assured me, he will run it over with his SUV and make his driver take the blame.”

He further went on to apologise for blatantly distorting the fictitious tale of Rani Padmini and Alauddin Khilji. Khilji, despite having considerable accomplishments to his credit, is only remembered for his unholy lust for someone else’s wife. Padmavati, instead of first bhai-zoning and then blocking him, chose to take her life and made sure her companions did the same. Bitch.


Mr Bhansali is now in talks with everybody who may have an objection to his script and is rewriting to make it objectionless.

It is reported the movie will now be called ‘Mayawati’ and she will be shot in Uttar Pradesh. Immolation is too last century.

The news was celebrated by Karni Sena by hurling shoes at passersby. Mr Khandelwal has yet to reward them.

"Unlike Padmawati, Mayawati will be a much feared queen not known for her beauty. Her only weakness is handbags and elephants. A fearless feminist, she makes her deputies clean her shoes while they are bending to touch her feet." 


" We are trying to present her courageous nature and will incorporate many wresting scenes.” Shobha Klaant, CEO of the Bhansali Productions said. 

“In the new, improved, 5 X stronger, 5688 X more sensitive to anyone’s sensitivity waiting to get offended, Mayawati will be called Behen by everyone including the hero. Khilji’s character will be portrayed as an anti-national who refuses to stand up for the national anthem. He gets beaten up by everyone, including himself. I assure you, our film will make the country proud of Behen Mayawati.”

“In fact, we are thinking of completely doing away with the script and will keep adding and deleting scenes depending on the feelings waiting to getting offended. It will be reviewed from time to time by those who claim to be custodians of our culture but have scant knowledge about it.”

The real Mayawati was unavailable for comments. But it is learnt from reliable sources that the Yadav community may get offended by the title.

“We are now expecting the movie to be never completed. But this is the least we can do for the sake of our culture.” Is what Mr Sanjay Lila Bhansali had to say.



24 comments:

  1. What made Bhansali think that a he can make a movie on Behenji without offending the Dalits and the downtrodden. BSP Sena will ensure that Bhansali isn't able to step in UP. He's right, the movie will never be completed.
    The director who wanted to make a biopic on Jayalalitha has dropped the idea after he was issued death threats. Why movies, even the book The Red Sari, on Sonia by a Spansih author was banned for ten years. Abhishek Manu Singhvi threatened the writer legally. A movie on her is unthinkable unless each and every scene is shown to the family. The point is, we are like this wonly.

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    1. We live in a fantasy world where no truth is allowed admittance and creative license can go to hell.

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  2. I BELIEVE ( FROM WHERE IT IS SOURCED ALSO I DONT REMEMBER ...) THERE IS ALSO GOING TO BE BANDIT QUEEN PART 2 . THE RETURN OF THE CHAMBAL KI RANI ( OH WE ALL THOUGHT SHE HAS BECOME " WAS "...NAAHHHH).PHOOLOH BEHEN GOING TO RISE AGAIN ( JEJUZZZZZ) ..WHAT YOU SAY EXPRESS.ITS GOING TO BOIL BOIL..WELL THEY BETTER HIT IT RIGHT ON THE CENTRE DOT OF THE 70MM BEFORE THE POLLS..

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    Replies
    1. Oh man, you are so excited about the movie that you typed your comment in caps.

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  3. I agree with Alka. There have been multiple instances when one just cannot show lives of certain people. Indira Gandhi, Sonia Gandhi etc. come to mind. We've all held the tale of Padmavati while growing up and when we last visited Rajasthan, I remember the guides there relating it with pride. So I guess they are a bit touchy about anyone distorting that. The fact that SLB was casting Deepika and Ranveer in those rules may have caused the speculation that they were going to show the characters they were playing in a romantic light. Whatever be it, it was unfortunate that this happened. I guess, these kind of incidents will just continue. I don't see things changing much in this context.

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    1. Doesn't mean we start accepting it as normal, Rachna. Sets a dangerous precedent.

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  4. "His fatwa is now being sponsored by Bata. " :D :D lol
    Excellent take on the subject Purba, on such an unfortunate incident, and how brilliantly you have worked the sarcasm.

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    1. Instances like this put me in a tizzy - should I laugh or cry at what's happening in our country!

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  5. The word 'tolerance' is slowly vanishing from the dictonary in India and 'my way or highway' seems to be the current credo. Sad:(

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    1. And look how our polity bends backward to appease them.

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  6. I am not sure of Padmavati's history-how much of it is fact-but name it Mayawati and there will be an avalanche of shoes again.

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    1. Hahahahaa...wouldn't that be lovely!

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  7. Hey, Purba! You run the risk of offending the Dalit Ki Beti and her billion swooning followers, a staggering number of whom are Bahubalis... Furthermore, anyone not snapping to attention at the mention of the scriptwriter of our constitution is more likely to be thrashed to pulp in her satrap rather than those ignoring the national anthem. By the way, I couldn't figure out the magic of 5688...

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    1. 5688 - a number as random as this post :D

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  8. Ha ha ........I like that ....... His fatwa is now being sponsored by Bata.
    Somehow I never liked Bansali's films and I always wondered how his films turn getting all the awards.

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    1. Doesn't matter whether we like his movies, but no filmmaker should be held at ransom, whether it is PILs, MNS or the Rajputs.

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  9. Soon a time will come the only movies we will make is animation unless somebody objects to them also...

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  10. Aha! Our tolerance is disappearing out of thin window just like OSP taking over Sasikala. How about SLB doing a historical take of Rajneet in Tamil Nad. Sad that Snajay Sir cowed down despite the support of the industry and our freedom of expression has to suffer due to fringe elements.

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    Replies
    1. Our state of politics is scripted to perfection with plenty of drama, deceit and last minute U turns.

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  11. hahaha hilarious . sanjay leela basnali is one of a kind... now really keen to watch the movie
    i know a good site http://www.jokesfair.com ehich post many goos jokes dity jokes funny joke must visit it also

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